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You know that movie about the guys that are dying and make their "kick the bucket list", I have been thinking about the things I want to experience in my sexual life before I kick the bucket. 1. A pitch black party, the room is pitch black and no one knows who is who, it's all just about the bodies and the sex. (I am mentally trying to figure out how to work the mandatory condom issue. I imagine glow in the dark condoms bouncing around ). 2. I also fantasize about a very comfy house party where the expectation is for sex without the need for small talk. Upon arrival, there would be bathing and massages with exotic oils, donning small robes and then entrance into the orgy site. No chit chat, "where do you work", "have you been here before". Nothing but "let's see what our bodies feel like together". 3. I also imagine a blindfolded gang bang with someone watching over me for safety reasons. I think this one will stay in the imaginary realm, it doesn't quite make it to the "bucket list". (But I'll keep it handy if I get to fulfill the other two). So what's on your sexual bucket list?

Just had to say real quick... how about because they want to be? I am considered very attractive, and I am single...not because I can't get someone but because I dont want someone. Just because someone is single, doesn't mean they aren't "hot". end threadjack

We're brand new, but I hope you don't mind me adding to this. It's something that we gave thought to. We originally had a no-kissing rule. That was the thing we'd keep as our personal thing that wasn't shared with others. We were also same-room only. Well, over time we tried seperate room, and then we let the kissing thing go out the window. We've come to realize our walks in the woods and our conversations about life and things like that are the bond we have that we don't (can't!) share with others. Anything physical is pretty much fair game in play. Now, the cuddling thing... Back when we we had the no-kissing rule we were playhing in a room after a party and the guy and my wife finished up with what seemed like pretty spectacular mutual orgasms from the sounds of it. His wife and I were still busy, but I looked over and the guy and my wife were spooned together and he was just caressing her in the most "loving" way. I did get a sudden surge of jealousy from that. Then a couple things hit me. First, they had just had earth-shaking sex and both climaxed and they were doing what comes naturally. Second, my wife was in heaven. She was watching me do my thing, which she loves - AND she was getting a post-orgasm cuddle, which she also adores. How could I not be happy about that? Since then, we decided our rule is to do whatever comes naturally. I think if we ever do seperate room again we might have a time limit. The one time we did it, me and the other woman were sitting talking long enough that we debated going back in the room for another round. Afterwards I discovered it was because the other man liked long foreplay while his wife and I apparently like getting to immediate business.

As a single female, I think safety is my number one issue. I would love to act with more abandon, but I guess I am just a tad too paranoid.

I think you hit the nail on the head here... he knows you very well and probably saw that you would behave exactly the way you are behaving now. I don't mean to be rude, but really! Why is your nose so far out of joint because he never told you something that is frankly none of your business? Could this dear friend expect understanding from you? Apparently not. Your take on it: "The other thing that really hurt my feelings is that we have felt like they were blowing us off for months. Now we know why. They just wanted to get laid instead of nurturing a friendship. They blew us off so they could get off!" A real friend doesn't put down what another friend choses to do in such a contemptuos and demeaning way. Sure, he and his wife weren't seeing you because they were swinging. But if you read more than a couple of threads on the this board you would know that for many couples its about way more than just screwing other people. Hell, that's just meat and friction. And its not the "kids in the candy store" entranced by all the new "strange" that's come into their lives, either. If they are like my wife and I its about the sheer excitement and growth it has brought into their relationship as a couple. Regardless of how close you may be to him, if his marriage is worth a damn you are not even close to being as important to him as his relationship with his wife is.

If they are so hot why are they single in the first place? Most of the single fems I have encountered in the real world at clubs and parties etc would be considered mediocre at best in the vanilla world. A lot are downright not attractive at all and are probably invisable in the vanilla world but yet get dozens of hits a day on their profile and have couples and single guys falling all over themselves at lifetyle events. Many probably are after the attention and even with over the top comments like that they probably still get tons of responses and lots of attention and strokes. Some of them are probably popular for the fist time in their lives. I know i am making a pretty bold stab at the sacred cow but just calling it like I see it. I'm not even saying that is necessarily a bad thing. If they are having fun and not getting hurt and are not hurting anyone else, so what? Everyone needs to get some attention and some lovin' now and then.

Magemouse, The sad truth of this lifetyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it. (you've been trying for HOW long, and you've met HOW many people so far?) So in that sense, it's not "you" that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame. They're only out to get your money. Read that again. They're only out to get your money. That doesn't make them bad people. We all have to earn a living. But that does make them somewhat unethical when it comes to using "swinging" to promote their scams. Forget what you see and hear on swinger websites. Forget what some club owners tell you about meeting couples and "real swinging wives!" at their clubs. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective. If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because.....(say it together, class!)........ They're only out to get your money. Remember? Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent. That's not a slam against you, the fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) would't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone. OK, to answer your original question about "how not to get overlooked" in this. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman IMHO, if you can't find a woman to do this with, you're never going to find a couple.