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It's interesting to read the responses here and the circular reasoning some of you are using. "You're expecting too much", then "What do you want out of the lifestyle?". Well, we think JandCMI spelled it out fairly well in their profile what they "expect" from their partners. Like us, just because you're keen to the idea of forming some sort of regular swinging relationship with another couple or couples, doesn't automatically mean that you're poly. In our experience, we've found that we have much more fun being with others on a somewhat regular basis and getting to know what they like, what turns them on, etc. It has nothing to do with us wanting to "keep" another couple and we don't "expect" it either. It's a nice benefit. JandCMI aren't expecting that of their partners. Those of you who think they are need to re-read their profile - it says as much. So, what? JandCMI should just treat others and be treated themselves like dirt? We all have "other" lives and other commitments of our freetime and, if you're a well-mannered individual, you both give that to and expect that of others. Common social courtesy doesn't become obsolete with someone you're going to fuck. If you don't think that's true (whether in a swinging or non-swinging situation), then you might want to take a good look at your level of self-respect. It's almost certainly lacking. JandCMI - Don't worry about it. We've been in the exact same situation as you. Just try not to dwell on it. The vast majority of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you - most people in general just do not know what they want or are too afraid of the "what if...?". WildMiCouple has a good point. There are A LOT of ppl our age (late 20s/early 30s) who just like the idea of flirting and a good mindfuck and hide behind the anonymity of the internet to get what they want. Don't give up your wants because some people think it's too much of an "expectation". Those "expectations" are what YOU want out of the lifestyle and isn't that what we're all here for?

We started off like most folks, I guess and then graduated to full swap on the second party. Sometimes I wonder if the soft swingers are the ones having more fun. As a guy, I'm probably in the minority in that I think the foreplay is much more fun than the actual thrusting. At least from my observations, full swapping is very penetration oriented. It seems like sometimes I just barely get her good and wet before she asks me if I want a condom or pulls me up to some common position. I know anything that would be permissible in a soft swing could also be done in a full swap if all participants were interested, but I get a vibe that I interpret as a sense of urgency to get on with the thrusting (maybe I'm just reading it wrong). As a side note, loss of an erection with a playmate would be less significant. And I'm not necessarily talking about the soft swingers that don't go for full swap because they're unsure about something. I'm talking about people that are confidently aware of their options and consciously choose soft swinging as their preference. I'm talking about plenty of intense foreplay with that hot number you watched out of the corner of your eye at last month's party and then you get with your spouse for some GOOD after-party sex.....

Right off I'll acknowledge my "qualifications" for addressing this topic are extremely suspect. I'm a 51-y.o. single male who's never been married (although I had several short/medium relationships and one long-term relationship. Honest!). No kids. And no sperm-donation centers will be calling me either...I found out about that too late to profit from it. I own a 1996 four-door Honda Accord. It IS a stick, not an automatic; I learned stick 30+ years ago and I'm not changing...for a while. (Plus, it's helpful to know how to drive a manual transmission when traveling outside of the U.S. Renting an automatic transmission car outside of North America, I've found, can be very expensive, since manuals seemed to be the choice in the rest of the world. That could have changed by now. Driving a stick in France, Italy, and the rest of the European continent isn't so bad (although I'd love to try the Autobahn), but really, you haven't lived until you've driven a stick -- on the left side of the road, of course, on the right side of the car -- in England, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand. Fun! (SCARY, occasionally...not even counting the occasional kangaroo or yobbo.)) I have no fear of firearms but only have handled BB guns, .22s, and whatever shotguns we used during skeet-shooting during our company "retreats." I'm sort of stuck around an 80% hit-rate with the .22s (used them in summer biathlons: run a mile, shoot five targets prone, run a mile, shoot five targets standing, run a mile, collapse) and the skeet-shooting (only five opportunities at that, though). Maybe I should get a little more practice. I have not hunted, but I've fished. I know how to gut, clean, fillet, and cook fish. And for those of you who are coastal fishermen, I can also clean and prepare a pretty decent skate wing. (Had enough of them chew on hooks when I was just trying to catch some Virginia Spots or flounder, so I decided to learn why European fish companies buy the skates caught by US trawlers. The reason is that skate is pretty tasty.) Oh, and I have a dick. And balls. One ball's rather small, though. So, anyway, am I manly enough? Didn't think so. Well, regardless, I want to make a point, or get back to a point that I might have made if I actually posted what I was thinking awhile ago: In the vanilla bar/pick-up/dating/hooking-up scene the male is usually the aggressor. Yes, lots of women make themselves available in clubs, bars, and other venues, but the male is usually the pursuer. In the lifestyle, the male (single or coupled) has to rein-in his aggressiveness (his sexuality) to some extent. Why? I think because there might be a more level sexual playing field in the lifestyle. Whereas the vanilla world usually works on the men being expected to be more assertive/aggressive ("...because that's the way men are..."), in the lifestyle the situation is closer (it might not be equal, but it's closer) to parity. Women in the lifestyle tend to be more confident in their sexuality, so they can be more confident, and be accepted in that role, in being the "aggressor" in a sexual context. So, what I'm trying to say with the Psych 101 stuff is that the best strategy for getting laid in the vanilla world (most Western culture) is not necessarily the best way to get laid in the "lifestyle." Men are usually perceived as the sexual aggressors in Vanilla World, but in SwingWorld women have a certain level of assertiveness/aggressiveness that is recognized as being equal to, or almost equal to, the testosterone set. In the lifestyle, the WOMAN can ask the MAN to dance...she doesn't have to wait for Sadie Hawkins' Day. Maybe this slow shift to sexual equality is what the Original Poster is getting at; not necessarily that some men are being feminized, but that the lifestyle makes men realize that all men and women are sexual...and that's that way it should be, a level playing field that everyone can enjoy. Thrax /Btw, my bowling average is 182. Does that sound masculine? //I can swim a mile in open water in 30 minutes, can you do that? ///I shared a hospital room with Jamie Lee Curtis...sort of ////Oh...never mind /////Me mum said, "If'n you don't make yer posts useful, at least make 'em enjoyable."