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Sounds like the problem stems from drinking in both cases. I agree that a pause in swinging is in order, at least until you two get the booze issue under control. There is a certain unsexyness in a partner that is wasted and praying to the porcelain god.

First thing I would do is put a hold on swinging until you two can get back on track with communication! Not sure why if you had a problem with what happened with this guy you chose to play again with him so soon? Taking a break should not be an issue if you two truly love each other and are committed to your life together. As far as rules being broken that is not cool, but at the same time some rules are pretty hard not to break. No kissing is one I will never understand. Without it there is no sex for the two of us. Don’t believe it is any more intimate then putting your mouth on someone’s sex organs. If people are not aloud to fully enjoy their sexual experience’s with others what is the point of doing it? Insisting on condom use is legit and should be followed. It is both of you that have a chance of a lifelong STI if one of you is careless. As already said drinking can be a problem and makes people do stupid things. Maybe best to avoid it if you can’t control it. Do you need to have sex with others atm or do you need to be in a stable loving relationship?

You probably shouldn’t swing together if one of you has no problem continuing fucking someone while their own spouse is drunk, by themselves and vomiting.

You say this is new to you after several years. Is this divergence manifest in other areas of your life? It might be a good time to do an in depth assessment both individual and as a couple. Somehow this looks more like a symptom than the problem.

Instead of trying to make swingers out of friends, we also make friends out of swingers. Nothing like having friends that you can talk about anything to...and clothing is always optional!

Me and my wife have been swingers on off for years no issues. We met a guy other week they were drinking and she got to drunk and started sex without condom 5 mins in put one on. I asked her why she didn't use one politely after wards got a rude response on don't judge her. Next morning I asked her sober and she tried to blame him and and then said she got carried away. Through the session I seen a complete different side of her the way she was with him. Ie the difference between the way she is with us both separately. Which I have never seen in the 10 years of swinging. We met the guy a week later and I don't know why I got drunk which I don't do normally very stupid. I ended up sick in toilet. Afterwards I was laying on landing and could hear them still going on. But I could hear them kissing. Which we have 2 rules condom and no kissing on lips. In morning I asked her I could hear kissing. She said yes but not on lips. Now because I seen rule 1 broken week before and the situation week 2 I'm now paranoid and confused Now I don't know what to think I need to get my thoughts correct any help and thoughts please would be appreciated.