The Science of Sexual Fantasy and Desire

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

I happened across this study today, and it had some very interesting outcomes. The whole study bears reading. To tease you into reading it; "When asked whether they’d ever had various types of multipartner fantasies, just 5% of men and 13% of women had never done so" I.e., 95% of men and 87% of women in the 4k+ member study reported having fantasized about multipartner sexual relations. Wow! I expected it to be above 50%, but not that high.

 

More reading at: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy

[let's do it again 380]

I read the article and I am not surprised. If you really caught the truth of the survey was: how many people fantasized about sex with multi people which was high percent, but very few that has actually acted on it! Nothing surprised me much in the survey, just read the different threads on here and they pretty much followed what people fantasized about. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

It's right in our signature...most couples don't have as much trust and communication as they could or probably should

Edited January 25, 2023 by GoldCoCouple

[EastInWest 1,508]

I remember some study - I want to say it was done at a Canadian university, possibly McGill - where the gender mixes of multipartner fantasies were definitely surprising.

[TnA83 273]

Group sex is certainly my number one fantasy!

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

It makes me wonder; as open relationships become more documented, more discussed, it will begin to become more common I think. If that many people fantasize about it, it's definitely a growth market   Seriously, if people can only learn how to become truly emotionally intimate with someone, a lot more fantasies would come to the fore. It's sad how many couples never really communicate. I've seen it in quite a few marriages where I am friends with the husband. He'll tell me things he would never tell his wife.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

On 1/24/2023 at 8:50 PM, let's do it again said:

the truth of the survey was: how many people fantasized about sex with multi people which was high percent, but very few that has actually acted on it...

Yep. People assume just guys have these fantasies and impulses. My wife, who at 49 still enjoys mfm/mmfm, always says she's just living the life most wives only fantasize about. Ain't it the truth!

[couplers 4,140]

9 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

as open relationships become more documented, more discussed, it will begin to become more common

Agreed.  The socially accepted norm among vanilla people has progressed from virginity/marriage/monogamy to premarital sex/serial monogamy/non-marriage (i.e. a "partner") to relationships that have no expectation of monogamy like Tinder hookups, or have a nonmonogamous transition period between serial monogamy. 

[EastInWest 1,508]

I found it! University of Montreal, "What Exactly Is An Unusual Sexual Fantasy", Table 2: https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/What-exactly-is-an-unusual-sexual-fantasy-Joyal-Cossette/9e3de3d5e2bb45bb2e362878911b60b711168700/figure/2

 

56% of women reported fantasizing about two men, 17% with a couple that they know, 27% with a couple that they do not know, 28% more than three men, 31% with a gender-mixed group of three or more.

 

84% of men reported fantasizing about two women, 42% with a couple that they know, 39% with a couple that they do not know, 75% more than three women, 45% with a gender-mixed group of three or more.

 

I think I recall one of the surprising pieces being that women were so much more intrigued by swinging with strangers. However, i tmakes sense both with the intrigue and the social/reputational stress being off.

 

The numbers are much lower than the other survey, but "a third of women fantasize about gangbangs and foursomes+" is still a pretty interesting takeaway.

Edited January 26, 2023 by EastInWest

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

No matter who does the study, its always going to be difficult getting people to overcome their own fear that someone else will find out what their 'weird' sexual fantasies are as well as some people being willing to admit to themself that they even have a particular sexual fantasy fearing 'what is wrong with them' for having such a 'perverted' fantasy. Toss on that women all too often are afraid of being labeled a 'slut'. Makes getting hard, consistent numbers very difficult.

[couplers 4,140]

19 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

its always going to be difficult getting people to overcome their own fear that someone else will find out what their 'weird' sexual fantasies

I've never used one, but that's where dating apps help, I would think.  Put in your kink anonymously and you get matched with like-minded people. 

 

19 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

women all too often are afraid of being labeled a 'slut'.

I've been accused several times on this 'Board of not being a real swinger because I'm in a poly family.  Not slutty enough.   It hurt my feelings. 

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

15 hours ago, couplers said:

I've been accused several times on this 'Board of not being a real swinger because I'm in a poly family.  Not slutty enough.   It hurt my feelings. 

Such an accusation is just dumb. Please don't place any weight in it. It's a random person on the net who knows you not. I think I speak for many of us here that you are very, very welcome here. You provide a lot of positive advice, and have helped a great many people here. PLEASE don't stop!

[couplers 4,140]

Thank you for your encouragement.

 

8 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

PLEASE don't stop!

That is often what I say. 🙂

[MidwestHoneys 335]

Some have the fantasy of posting on here multiple times a day or being the first to post every morning. If that’s what excites you it is your fantasy. 

[couplers 4,140]

22 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

Some have the fantasy of... being the first to post every morning.

The early morning is when I have a sliver of time available to check in. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Couplers: We will always think of you as a slut. Of course, we wouldn't mind being in a poly-amorous relationship either.

[couplers 4,140]

20 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Couplers: We will always think of you as a slut.

Thank you for reinforcing my self-image among those here who matter.  

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

Ethical slut, yeah. Just a slut, no

[GoNatural 104]

Thanks for making this topic and the link to Dr. Lehmiller's work.  I listen to him on various podcast interviews a lot talking about cuckolding.  I have his book about the science of sexual fantasies, but I don't remember there being an easy to read table like the one at the link given here.

 

Also @EastInWest , thanks for that link too!    I came across that study in the past.  I think it's saved on one of my older laptops.

 

There's another university study in the US that surveyed asking about willingness or interest in various types of non-monogamy, meaning polyamory, just open, swinging, or one-sided open relationships.     The willingness to try the various types ranged from 12% to 19% for women depending on if it which type of non-monogamy, if I remember correctly. 

[marla&brian 29]

We joke that most women top 3 fantasies are...in no particular order....

 

group sex (or sex with random stranger(s)

bi sex

and for white females a black man

 

for men....

oral from 2 women

watch wife with other men

watch wife with other women 

 

only one of us has crossed some of these off our to-do list. (inside joke would have to see our profile to understand).

 

[couplers 4,140]

10 hours ago, marla&brian said:

We joke that most women top 3 fantasies are...in no particular order....

 

and for white females a black man

And then there's the joke told to me by Lora (who's black BTW), "How do you tell which black men have small dicks, without looking?"

 

"They're the ones dating white women."

 

 

Edited April 3, 2023 by couplers

[TricianMike 732]

18 hours ago, marla&brian said:

We joke that most women top 3 fantasies are...in no particular order....

 

group sex (or sex with random stranger(s)

bi sex

and for white females a black man

 

for men....

oral from 2 women

watch wife with other men

watch wife with other women 

 

only one of us has crossed some of these off our to-do list. (inside joke would have to see our profile to understand).

 

For me

Random sex

Some bi-sex, fun but not a top priority

I had the black man fantasy because of stories and porn. I had an Asian woman fantasy for the same reason. 
 

For Michael

watching me with man or woman

sex with me and another woman. 
He enjoys watching another man with me more than being involved even though he has been involved many times. 

[TeamCalgary 161]

On 1/27/2023 at 5:38 AM, couplers said:

I've never used one, but that's where dating apps help, I would think.  Put in your kink anonymously and you get matched with like-minded people. 

 

I've been accused several times on this 'Board of not being a real swinger because I'm in a poly family.  Not slutty enough.   It hurt my feelings. 

Couplers, you are one of us and your point of view is unique, and, valued. Thank you for being part of the "family".