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SimpIySexual

Wife gets swing partners easily, I don't. Is this normal?

By SimpIySexual, in Curious About Swinging?

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SimpIySexual    31

SimpIySexual
Posted

Okay so I feel like this is probably pretty common amongst new swingers but I need to discuss it with someone cause I feel kinda bad.

 

So me and my wife started swinging and have only had 2 experiences so far, both at the swing club near us.  Both times me and my wife went she (a social butterfly) found someone within a couple hours and completed one of her fantasies both times.

 

The first time I wasn't present with her I was just outside the room in the main play room. I did this to let her try it without any pressure or influence from me.

 

The second time we dvp/dped her and had a lot of fun. Like 30 people stood around watching her wanting to get involved

 

So my problem starts a few days ago when we got into a mild argument and she said "well it's kinda fucked. You have got to see me fuck another man. I've done it twice, but you have yet to do anything with another woman."

 

So personally I'm an extremely shy and introverted person. She always thought I was the catch cause when we met in highschool all the girls were falling over me and I only had eyes for her. Well she walks into the club and literally everyone is looking at her. I don't have "game" shit Idk how to even flirt. 

 

It's not because I feel bad or like I'm cheating, I could honestly give a fuck less about that sorta stuff. I just don't have the confidence to go to a woman I find attractive and shoot my shot. I grew up extremely abused and so rejection to me is something that crushes me. When you learn to never ask for anything being denied when you finally do just ends your confidence.

 

So really my question, is this normal for one partner to be the clear catch and able to go find partners where the other partner can't find anyone due to confidence? I dont want to make her mad because I don't ever do it but I also don't want to force myself to go fuck someone I don't even find attractive or something just to make her happy.

 

I am totally content in our swinging choice and everything else. This is really just one of those things I hadn't anticipated. I hate it cause I know I'm attractive. I just have 0 confidence to test it out. 

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FunCpl355    4

FunCpl355
Posted

There's nothing wrong with just letting the wife play. Opportunities for her will come without fail. But your question was is it normal. Yes, it is normal and preferred by many couples out there. It's called cuckolding. We are a mixture of stag vixen and a little cuckolding. I prefer watching her fuck and suck dick. She has told me many times to find a woman to play with but I hesitate. I'm not shy. I have game but I choose not to go there. My turn on is watching her be pleasured and joining in sometimes. Lately she's been telling me how much she thinks it would turn her on to watch me fuck another woman. Really, I'm just not interested....and that's okay and not weird or uncommon. Your fling will come along eventually. In the mean time enjoy watching the inner slut come out of your wife. No hurries in this lifestyle. Take your time and enjoy the sex.

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SimpIySexual    31

SimpIySexual
Posted (edited)

Honestly man that really helps. Maybe I should talk to her about it in that angle. I'm not for degradation towards myself from her partners. I just love when I can see her being treated like her inner slut. Ive always understood cuckolding was kinda like rp or something where they belittle and humiliate the male. I know she wouldn't like that happening to me, and I wouldn't fit the part because in every facet of our life I'm a very dominant and resilient type. I've always been her backbone in terms of protection and being "her man"

 

My curiosity and intellectual side is where my sexual preference and libido come from. When we were monogamous we were always trying new things, testing out new feelings and circumstances. I tend to just enjoy being a fly on the wall and seeing this woman who is an insanely strong sexual being. She never got to explore that side of her due to her upbringing. Now I get to be with someone who in my mind is fascinating and constantly adding new things to the table keeping me ever interested but being part of a sexual encounter with another woman seems kind of..... why do I feel like the best word for it would be "boring" like I'm not fascinated with any other girl. It's her I'm fascinated with.

 

Well anyways thank you for the reply. Talking about this is beyond helpful. Not having a soul but her I can talk to was making me feel overwhelmed and bummed out.

Edited by SimpIySexual
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njbm    2,728

njbm
Posted

Women do better at parties and clubs. Hot women need a swatter. Men not so much. 

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Fundamental Law    2,817

Fundamental Law
Posted

There is no one (right) way to swing; there are many right ways provided the couple is comfortable with their version. Understanding each others motivations, each other's excitement, each other's satisfaction, and ultimately each other's happiness is key to success, and underlies the foundational recommendations about wide open communication. 

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Numex    2,175

Numex
Posted (edited)
On 9/3/2022 at 2:54 AM, SimpIySexual said:

The first time I wasn't present with her I was just outside the room in the main play room. I did this to let her try it without any pressure or influence from me.

That is very generous, loving and mature of you.

On 9/3/2022 at 2:54 AM, SimpIySexual said:

I am totally content in our swinging choice and everything else.

Just tell your wife that.  She's enjoying herself and you're ok with the way it's going, so no need to fret.  Move at your own pace.

On 9/3/2022 at 6:01 AM, FunCpl355 said:

I prefer watching her fuck and suck dick.

I like fucking other women, but knowing & watching my wife enjoy herself is great too.  Nothing wrong with it.

On 9/3/2022 at 7:10 AM, SimpIySexual said:

Maybe I should talk to her about it in that angle.

You should.

On 9/3/2022 at 7:10 AM, SimpIySexual said:

I'm not for degradation towards myself from her partners. I just love when I can see her being treated like her inner slut.

In all our group everyone sees their wives fucking other guys and enjoying it.  There isn't one bit of degradation or humiliation in any of it.  I would say it is all a celebration of life.

20 hours ago, Fundamental Law said:

There is no one (right) way to swing; there are many right ways provided the couple is comfortable with their version. Understanding each others motivations, each other's excitement, each other's satisfaction, and ultimately each other's happiness is key to success, and underlies the foundational recommendations about wide open communication. 

And with agreement between spouses it may be that they both swing differently.  There is no need for spouses to be mirror images of each other in swinging or to expect reciprocity.  The best thing for us in starting in the lifestyle was for my wife to start (with ex-boyfriends) while I remained monogamous.

Edited by Numex
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