Dealing with female insecurity

[VanillaNChocolate 7]

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post. As someone who is getting into this, it is very beneficial for me to talk to others. My situation has progressed somewhat after the time I posted that link and I would like to get everyone's opinion on an incident that I experienced. 

 

My wife and I met a couple. She had shown a certain unusual interest in my wife as both women had sort of "eyed" each other up and down in a clothing store. They started girl-chatting and became facebook friends. My wife is secretly bi and she is highly selective about who she thinks of that way and this woman was someone she confessed to me that she had started to fancy. It seemed  that they were into the lifestyle because she would be very bold in front of her husband and I found that to be unusual. My wife opened up to her about being with another woman and that is when she revealed something we had sort of guessed on our own. They were seeing other couples but were very selective. 

 

We decided to go on a double date, with no formal discussion that we are looking into each other as potential swing-mates. It was just something we all secretly knew. This double date went very well and seemed like a normal double date. We went to a bar where we played pool. My wife is very well developed in the chest area and when she took off her layer to play pool then she got a lot of attention. Those globes seemed like they were going to spill out of the low neckline every time she would bend over. The other woman was tall and athletic and very beautiful in her own way. To see two beautiful women kicking out rear ends on the pool table was an arousing experience for him and I both. The men played horribly, thanks to the distractions that were in front of us. 

 

When the pool was over, we sat down to eat and this other woman dropped salsa on my wife's chest and then apologized. After that she licked it off of her cleavage and said "Yummmm ... GOD that is so hot!" My cock was bursting out of my jeans and I could see the other guy was feeling very tense (in a positive way.) I felt like we had found the ideal couple but no one ever brought swinging up. My wife reached under me and felt my hardness. I thought we should go home and discuss the next step. Once it was over and we were driving back my wife asked me if I was aroused by the other woman or her?  

 

I was thinking in my mind "what the hell did I just get myself into?" If this one innocent date is causing this interrogation then where are we headed with this lifestyle? She wanted to know who aroused me more. I told her "you silly!" She said that if she was a man, she would find her more attractive. I told her as a bisexual woman what you find attractive in her and what I find attractive in her as a straight man is not the same thing. While the woman was definitely very attractive, the person that you appreciate as a "Swing mate" is really not a replacement for your lover. That is a relationship that needs to be valued and appreciated in its own capacity and not in comparison to your committed one. We talked about it and even though I was looking forward to some great sex in bed that night with my wife, I did not get any. I did get it later but that night was lonely. I was wondering if other couples had a similar attack of hesitancy, either on part of the man or the woman? If yes how did you deal with it? Or are truly happy swinging couples the ones who hit it off without overcoming this barrier? What is normal for people who pursue this lifestyle?

[TeamCalgary 161]

Comparisons never bear fruit in the LifeStyle.  You and your wife will come to accept that the two of you are going to potentially meet all sorts of people; taller, shorter, fatter, slimmer, whatever. You may even have sex with all kinds of people; it's a road to nowhere to start comparing your self or each other to any of these other people. Accept the fact that the people and these experiences you may have will be that; experiences and hopefully with experience gained.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

If you do not trust each other implicitly, then you are not ready to go forward. Any lack of trust is going to allow jealousy to rear its ugly head and that will bring everything crashing down. She has to KNOW that what you are doing together is just hot, sexy fun but you are going home with her. You are not looking for a replacement for her, you have already found your match in her. But until she is certain of that, do not go forward. Love/trust/communication...you cannot have too much of any of these, but you do need to have an abundance to be successful going forward.

[VanillaNChocolate 7]

On 10/19/2021 at 11:38 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

If you do not trust each other implicitly, then you are not ready to go forward. Any lack of trust is going to allow jealousy to rear its ugly head and that will bring everything crashing down. She has to KNOW that what you are doing together is just hot, sexy fun but you are going home with her. You are not looking for a replacement for her, you have already found your match in her. But until she is certain of that, do not go forward. Love/trust/communication...you cannot have too much of any of these, but you do need to have an abundance to be successful going forward.

 

Thanks so much for your help. After her reaction, I personally do not think she is ready. 

[AndrewandAnn 359]

On 10/18/2021 at 2:36 PM, VanillaNChocolate said:

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post. As someone who is getting into this, it is very beneficial for me to talk to others. My situation has progressed somewhat after the time I posted that link and I would like to get everyone's opinion on an incident that I experienced. 

 

My wife and I met a couple. She had shown a certain unusual interest in my wife as both women had sort of "eyed" each other up and down in a clothing store. They started girl-chatting and became facebook friends. My wife is secretly bi and she is highly selective about who she thinks of that way and this woman was someone she confessed to me that she had started to fancy. It seemed  that they were into the lifestyle because she would be very bold in front of her husband and I found that to be unusual. My wife opened up to her about being with another woman and that is when she revealed something we had sort of guessed on our own. They were seeing other couples but were very selective. 

 

We decided to go on a double date, with no formal discussion that we are looking into each other as potential swing-mates. It was just something we all secretly knew. This double date went very well and seemed like a normal double date. We went to a bar where we played pool. My wife is very well developed in the chest area and when she took off her layer to play pool then she got a lot of attention. Those globes seemed like they were going to spill out of the low neckline every time she would bend over. The other woman was tall and athletic and very beautiful in her own way. To see two beautiful women kicking out rear ends on the pool table was an arousing experience for him and I both. The men played horribly, thanks to the distractions that were in front of us. 

 

When the pool was over, we sat down to eat and this other woman dropped salsa on my wife's chest and then apologized. After that she licked it off of her cleavage and said "Yummmm ... GOD that is so hot!" My cock was bursting out of my jeans and I could see the other guy was feeling very tense (in a positive way.) I felt like we had found the ideal couple but no one ever brought swinging up. My wife reached under me and felt my hardness. I thought we should go home and discuss the next step. Once it was over and we were driving back my wife asked me if I was aroused by the other woman or her?  

 

I was thinking in my mind "what the hell did I just get myself into?" If this one innocent date is causing this interrogation then where are we headed with this lifestyle? She wanted to know who aroused me more. I told her "you silly!" She said that if she was a man, she would find her more attractive. I told her as a bisexual woman what you find attractive in her and what I find attractive in her as a straight man is not the same thing. While the woman was definitely very attractive, the person that you appreciate as a "Swing mate" is really not a replacement for your lover. That is a relationship that needs to be valued and appreciated in its own capacity and not in comparison to your committed one. We talked about it and even though I was looking forward to some great sex in bed that night with my wife, I did not get any. I did get it later but that night was lonely. I was wondering if other couples had a similar attack of hesitancy, either on part of the man or the woman? If yes how did you deal with it? Or are truly happy swinging couples the ones who hit it off without overcoming this barrier? What is normal for people who pursue this lifestyle?

Mark Twain probably summed it up best:

 

"Comparison is the death of joy."

 

Unfortunately, the impulse to compare and contrast ourselves to others is deeply ingrained in the human psyche. And today's popular culture, with all the superficial social media sites, only serves to exacerbate this impulse.

 

Relationship success in the lifestyle requires a high level of maturity, self-confidence and open communication.

 

To some extent, I imagine all people involved in the lifestyle deal with some level of insecurity at some time in their lives. Open communication and reassurances within strong relationships is usually enough to overcome it without too much difficulty. But, if she's struggling with you being in the presence of another attractive woman on a simple double-date, that's a very troubling omen. You're smart to pay close attention to it.