Is this your first marriage?

[missiondificult 15]

We're living together & will be married soon (I hope he reads this!!!!) When we do, it'll be a 1st marriage for both of us.

[jennandjamesinm 87]

This will be marriage number 2 for both James and I, on June 25th. I think with both of us being married before helps us see what went wrong with those relationships and makes ours much stronger.

 

Jenn

[knkyPAcpl 15]

Married 15 years and currently in the process of a divorce because she felt the need to be with men behind my back while I was out of town. She had done that once before and that is more or less what led us to the lifestyle. We both thought that if we wanted to be with others we should do it together so there would be no secrets. After long discussions we agreed to do nothing behind each other's back and she understood what it did to me to find out she had and what I would do if I found out she did it again. Well I found out. Now I will probably end up staying with the woman we had been sharing for the last 3 years

[JimWActg 15]

Both my wife and I are on our third marriage.

 

I was in the lifestyle with all three partners, she has only entered into it after meeting me.

 

Don't think the lifestyle made or broke any of the marriages.

[evulkitty 15]

I'll just say this, my first marriage was a swinger relationship too . . .

 

only somebody forgot to tell me and invite me.

 

Glad that while I was out serving my country . . . she was at home SERVICING it.

 

Kitty has helped to make my life SO much better!

[driveajeepnaked 26]

My cumulative stats:

 

Ex #1: Acquired two kids

 

Ex #2: Acquired two cats

 

Mr. Jeep: Loves the kids, loves the cats, loves me just for me!! I am SOOO lucky to have stumbled across him...

 

Valarie

[txduo2000 18]

This is the second marriage for me and the third for hubby. His first marriage was one of those "got the girlfriend pregnant and gotta marry her" deals and they were married for less than a year. The second one, he was married for 11 years til she left him for another man. They actually forayed into swinging a little, only went to a couple of lifestyle clubs. She liked the attention, but got furious if he got any attention at all.

 

My first marriage lasted almost 10 years and we were together since we were in high school. We never even considered venturing into the lifestyle and he also left me for someone else.

 

I have a lot more openness with my current husband in this marriage, though we have had many trials and tribulations throughout our 6 years together. But he is the love of my life and I believe I am his. Hopefully we have weathered the toughest of the storms and will be successful. Nothing I want more!

[dingdong69 15]

I know this is going to bring a new set of questions but here I go, second for me in my previous one we shared the lifestyle MFM,FMF,foursome,long sessions, great relationships the whole thing, it ended after 13 years for unrelated reasons, now on my second my current wife whom I love so much would not even want to hear about it so I have to burried my fantasies and desires deep inside and enjoy hearing from in this wonderful web page.

[JDApopka 53]

29 Years and counting

[angeel 15]

This is my second marriage. My hubbys first. I did not swing with the first. My ex went with out me and i did not like it. Tried to get him to include me. Did not work. The next one was not a marriage, but we were partners for 4 yrs. We did not swing, but he introduced me to some 3somes and my first BI experiences. My husband now, was into group sex before our marriage. We have invested 8yrs into our marriage. We built our friendship, trust, security, and love before we even decided this was right or wrong for us. That does not mean that newly married couple don't enjoy swinging right away. Or that new partners do not. I just don't think we could have handled before now. We had discussed swinging before now, but the opportunity never came. I found AFF and joined a group there that did greet n meets. I showed it to him and said we have the opportunity now. Do you want to explore this further. Thats how we got started and we are loving it!

[Daddy'sGirl 15]

Second marriage.We are newlyweds but have been together for 7 years.My firts marriage was to a minister 10 years older then me...very rigid and restrctive.We didnt even have oral sex.It is great to be with someone who you can feel so free with to express your darkes fantasies.

[lonesomedove341 15]

This is our first marriage going on 13 years been together for 17 years...

[Britcouple 15]

Married 30 years this year both been to hell and back on ocassions with each other but love her more than ever.

[nicecpl89511 15]

We were both married before and are divorced. We are an attached couple who have been living together for 4 1/2 years. We are truly a happy couple.

 

We had our first swinging experience 3 months after we began living together. Neither one of us had swung in our previous lives.

 

My ex-husband was the jealous type and did not like me flirting with others. I love to flirt. I am a flight attendant and he suspected that I was "carrying on" on my trips. I was not. We were married for almost 10 years. After the divorce I did have affairs.

 

Joe, my S/O, is very open-minded and not the jealous type. He was married for 20 years.

 

Our first swap was great and we really enjoy the lifestyle.

[sweetdelite 15]

Mrs. Sweetdelite...yum and I have been married for 23 years with our 24th Anniversary this cumming December.

For Mrs. Sweetdelite...her first marriage.

For Mr. Sweetdelite......2nd marriage........

For Mr. Sweetdelite 1st marriage was 7 years.........

 

What the heck....have I been married all my life???......as mentioned before...Henny Youngman declared after his 50th Anniversary that it was the best 2 years of his life.....what a joker was that Henny Youngman......!

 

Please////take my wife !!!....hehehe...sorry honey....

[rosybear 15]

29years and counting!! my first, his secound...

[pairbond 19]

Both of us were married once previously and both of us had several different sex partners between marriages before we met each other.

 

I do think those experiences made swinging much easier for us than for those who have been "one and only" for each other all their adult lives before contemplating swinging. When you have been married previously and had other sex partners between marriages, it is abundantly clear that sexual exclusivity, or being the only one to do a certain act with your spouse (such as anal sex, for example) is not a relevant issue. What IS relevant is your love for and commitment to each other. Obviously the fact that you've had other sex partners and already done everything is not a deterrent to that love and commitment.

 

I just think it's harder for the "one and only" couples to get beyond the upbringing most of us had about monogamy and sexual exlusivity.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

26 yrs more great than bad still learning. facelick

[cur_cpl_n_chey 15]

ok here we go....This is my first marraige and for MrCur its his 2nd. He was married for about 2 or 3 yrs I think. It was a starter marriage they both agreed they should have never gotten married. Even wanted to back out prior to walking down the aisle

however they were both very active in the lifestyle while married. they played together and apart.

 

We have been together for 13 yrs now and married for 6 ys. It has not been easy but we are overall happy. I have to say that our marriage has become way stronger and are way happier since we started in the lifestyle.

[Guest MrsVan]

Mr Van and I are both on our Second Marriage and going stronger than our first marriages... We both were young when we got married the first time (although we are still young to me ) and things were different in those marriages. We do not fight, our relationship is great and wow the sex is even better

 

I had tried to bring up this lifestyle to my first husband and his reaction was that I just wanted to cheat (although he was the cheater and not me)...MrVan was shocked that I even brought the lifestyle up and could not believe that his sweet and innocent wife would be willing but I am and hope to get the opportunity to prove this to him.

 

We sometimes make the comment to others that we feel everyone should get married and divorced to really learn from a relationship. The things we learned from our first marriages has helped us to see what we need to do in our marriage to make us as happy as we are now. There is no jealousy or any type of issue between the two of us going into this lifestyle as we both know that our hearts and our love belong to each other and hey "it's just sex, so have fun with it". I could not be any happier to go into this with MrVan.

 

MrsVan

[ff38dd 15]

We were high school sweethearts. Met in 1969, married in 1972 and been married for 33 years. We have only been in the lifestyle for one year. Until our very first, of many, swaps we were each others first and only sex partners.

[JaneAndJohnDoe 17]

This is a second marriage, for both John and I.

 

Oh, and I should also mention...it is our LAST marriage. LOL

[pacpl4funn 15]

2nd marriage for both.

 

His first was, "got the girl pregnant~do the right thing" lasted 22 years till he couldn't take it anymore, dirty house, no love, no attraction, and NO SEX.

 

My first was, fell inlove to young, (16 yo) thought I knew it all, yatta yatta, while I was busy making a home and raising our children, he was busy screwing anything he could nail (including my baby-sitter) finally after 20 years, enough was enough.

 

Met 2nd hubby while divorcing the first, said NOPE, NEVER AGAIN, and so did he, so we met in the middle. Lived together for 7 months before giving in. We'll be married 3 years the end of March and have been together 4.

 

I desired a more traditional marriage (less the cheating) 2nd hubby wanted to explore swinging, had I known he was serious, I'd still be SINGLE! However, all swinging aside, we have a pretty good relationship. And if I were to become single again, I'd be damn sure to make sure any potential mate was on the same page as me.

[dinkydow4us 15]

Married once 35 yrs. First for both of us. When we got married, it wasn't with the idea, that if things got tuff, we would just say the hell with it, and take the easy way out. We knew there would be some hills to cilmb. What we didn't know is one child would die, another would be born with birth defects. There would be layoffs, breast cancer, depression, and diabetes. Through it all, one of us has always been there to pick up the other one. A good marriage takes two people who are willing to work hard toward a common goal. Our love today is stronger than it's ever been, because of the trust we have in each other. We know when the feathers hit the fan, we're not alone. Truth be known, she probably saved my life by marring me. It got me out of the bars and on the straight and narrow. Whata woman! facelick D.D.

[jazzyislookin 15]

Hubby and I are on marriage 1 of 1. Ninth anniversary this summer. Been in love since high school. This board has been great for us. It has made us talk a lot more. Some great talks some not so great. But we are talking and that is the key. We have been told that by so many people on the board. They are right. So a loud thank you to all.

Jazzy

[Guest clem]

I am entering matrimony for the third time (a charm, right?). We met two months ago on AFF and have been living together and adjusting to each other. We have enjoyed a single really-younger man together and may continue to play -just don't know, but in case we do we have a shared avatar on the Board. I am hoping it works out (swinging with her -she's a lot of fun), but considering the 23 year age difference, I'm really wanting the relationship and marriage to be successful, regardless.

[newandexcited 15]

1st and only marriage going on 8 years now.

 

A year ago I might not have been so sure but we luckily caught our relationship slipping. We then both independently thought about it and decided that we do love each other and needed to work on the relationship. Since that time things have got progressively better. Only a week ago did I finally confess to her some of my fantasies and hence the reason I'm now on this board gathering info and such. We may never get into the lifestyle but the fact that we've healed our relationship to the point that I felt comfortable really opening up and sharing desires, feelings and such with her is unbelieveable for it's own right. We've never felt as close as we do right now and the sex the last few nights has been outta this world! Anyhow, I rambled a bit past the point of the poll so I'll shut up now

[MarLau06 15]

1st Time for 19 years. Been together for 30 years.

 

Life is Good....

[discoandvyper 15]

Disco's second marriage, Vyper's third.

 

Disco was married for five years to a guy that turned out pot was more important to him than anything.

 

Vyper's first marriage was for eight days. The day after he turned 18 he married the woman his parents couldn't stand just to piss them off. Annulled 8 days later by a judge with more sense than Vyper has.

 

Vyper's second marriage was for two years to a woman who tried to murder him when he found out she had been sleeping around behind his back (and she was a swinger... why the hell she had to hide it is beyond us).

 

Disco and Vyper have been together for six years, married for four.

[LFM2 1,481]

I am on my second marriage, this is his first.

 

My first marriage lasted just over a year.

 

We've been together for 22 years, and can't even entertain the idea of divorce.

 

I think we're very lucky. We trust each other explicitly. That is something we don't see in very many couples around here.

[Rvrtas 15]

Tough poll - we fit in two categories. He is widowed and never divorced; she is divorced once. But neither of us intends to answer the poll other than married and committed in future.

[JnC05 15]

my wife and i are married now for 5 years and loving it. now that we both jumped on the "swing" our marrage has gotten much stronger. we love having "play" parties and making new friends. to us its like being single all over again with the butterflys and the awarkness when meeting new people but with that extra special togetherness feeling.

[kidcleveland 65]

although its my third go around i still think once should be the right number i think that trail route is bad for most people so please be honest with each other out there an have fun as you live till you die

[Karmickiss 28]

Wow, again I login to a poll asking a question to which the answer is something I've been thinking about alot lately.

I was married once when I was 18...we had two kids....attempted the sharing thing...but failed miserably...looking back I know for sure, that this relationship, and the last long-term one I was in (longer than my marriage) has definately prepared me and relaxed me in many ways.I learned loads of things about communication..and have long since been sad at the thought...I think my first marriage would have/could have survived if we had the proper communication.

Although, and it's a big although in that case,swinging wouldn't have been the best thing for our relationship, b/c it is not a part of his personal make-up..and I wasn't as educated, just had the heart/philosophy for the life-style, but not the skills of communication at the time(though I thought I did), and it was too late, in his heart/mind to salvage the relationship in it's former form...though I do think successful marriages that can overcome such a storm are admirable,and acheivable through sustained effort. and I think I now am much more able to even begin to find a person who is truly like-minded,and if I fall in love with someone totally and completely, who cannot handle swinging,and if it truly is the"one" for me, I will not try to ever push anyone's personal boundaries again...simply b/c I can see myself being able to, if that makes sense.

I never cheated in any relationship behind anyone's back, and wouldn't start that now, either...and I am not pushy, or malicious, I didn't see it as pushing personal boundaries before...instead I saw it as, if there is enough love/closeness than anyone could come around to the idea.WOW...is that ever humbling to read.. .and I'm not proud of that, but I am very grateful to know what I know today, and it was hard-won experience, and the ability to love and expand on what that means to me...that changes everything.

Congradulations to everyone who has stayed married against all odds, and goodluck to those who have found their soul-mates, what a gift. I feel much more confident today about future relationships b/c of my past, certainly....and think everything happens for reasons we don't always understand at the time

[Mrs. Truelove 16]

We just had our 8th wedding anniversary yesterday! We have been together for over 11 years. This is our 1st and only marriage.

[fun4two 15]

only married once and its been a happy 9 years and together 11 and it gets better every year.....

[mssquirtgun 16]

31 years and counting Marriage is not easy.. Takes a lot of work to stay with it.

[deanncat 25]

Hello, This is my 2 marriage and my hubby 1st, I have learned alot from being married once before, open communication is important and we have been successful at that and it ok to have different ideas and we don't have to have everything in common, just enjoy each other and be open to each other ideas and if one doesn't agree thats ok too. I havn't done the swinging thing yet but we are talking about and I think the reason we can talk about it is because we have open communciation, and I know if I say no, he will be cool with that, and if I say yes we will have fun. No pressure in second marriage.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

Hi Everybody,

It will be 19 years on December 18th. I hear all the people in the world talk about marriage like it's some kind or ordeal to be endured. I've never found being with my sweetie to be like that. Monogamy on the other hand, that sucked! Laurie felt the same so we got rid of it. Now were just as happy with each other as we have ever been and WAY happier with our sex life.

[flkeyscouple 20]

I'm on my second marriage, my husband is on his first - and only. We've been together 25 years, married 20 of them. We feel like we are soul mates.

 

I know that my first marriage lacked communication and although I was very into sex, sex was boring with my husband. I went elsewhere for sex, and that contributed to the end of our short marriage.

 

After a few years of many relationships, my hubby and I found each other. We joke about the fact that we never dated, we just started having sex. And that sex - a lot of it - kept us together. We didn't start sharing, sexually, (or swinging, I guess) until after 5 years of marriage. And we didn't get into sexual sharing strong at that point.

 

A few years ago on a cross country driving trip we started sharing stories of our past - when was the first time we had sex, when was your first blow job, when was your first voyeur experience, etc. That trip seems to have opened the flood gates. We've started swinging (again?) and have been completely obsessed with sex. And although we've never felt like we weren't close, we seem much closer now.

 

We are new to this site - and I'm constantly amazed at how long these threads last and stay current! THANKS for such a great site.

 

Sarah & Roger

[hotnsexy1 15]

I was married once for 25 years..my boyfriend was married for 12 years, we are both divorced. We plan on getting married at some point we just want to make sure that we are compatible in all areas and that it's something that we know without a doubt that we both want. ( marriage)

ok back to my post..I know that everyone has their own way of swinging and some have rules and some don't. My view is that if you swing as a commited couple, you are trying to enhance your already good sex life. So for me, swinging only as a couple is what I want..he likes occassionally to swing alone. This bothers me, to me it defeats the purpose of why you swing as a couple, but he doesn't look at it that way..just wonder if anyone else has dealt with this and what have they come up with? We love each other dearly..and there isn't any jealousy on his part but there is a bit on mine but only because twice I caught him in a lie, he swung without me and hid it from me. To me that's the same as cheating..we worked thru it ..but my findings has always been you can see someones future behavior by looking at their past behavior..sometimes trust is an issue with me because of his past behavior..anyways..would like some input..I think that a lot of marriages fail because of communication and the inability to be honest and be able to discuss anything without feeling like you will be judged..we seem to be more relaxed because we know where we went wrong or things we would have done differently when we start a LTR with someone after a divorce...

Denise

[Cloud9Social 15]

This our first and its been 20 years. We met in high school and been together ever since.

 

A lot of the members of our club are on their second marriage

[wifes_sex_slave 16]

We are both on our second and final.

 

I was married young with an immediate family and stayed for 11 years. We both made our mistakes and I have learned a great deal from them.

 

She was married also too young but to an abusive man for 4 years.

 

When we got together, it was totally unexpected. I was her boss and she could not stand me. I was going through a rough divorce and had my self esteem beaten to a pulp, therefore was beginning to be unkemp.

Soon after she had been beaten by her spouse and when she came into work the next morning and I saw the aftermath - I encouraged her to report it and helped her through it.

We began becoming very close friends and had discovered that we had so much in common it was almost terrifying.

Soon after, we moved in, got married, had a son and have been happily married for almost 8 years. We have always been very open and honest with each other about absolutely everything. We have had a couple of good arguments but all that did was give us a reason to make up twice as hard

For the last year we had discussed and decided to get into the lifestyle and it is working for us very well. There are no green monsters and we have both kicked the hell out of our closet skeletons - we hid nothing and the communication is tremendous. She is the best! After all the greif and turmoil that brought us together - I'd go through it all again if I had to just to be with her again.

[Guest Rhonda45]

This is my second marriage, swinging had nothing to do with my first break up now my second marriage is so strong me and hubby have been in the lifestyle almost 5 years and we are open and honest with each other. I see this marriage lasting for a long time to come.

[rllycurious 15]

I am on my first marriage, and new to this lifestyle - something I have always wanted to try. My husband believes this lifestyle is cheating - he doesn't know about my promiscuity. What do you all think?

[rpu3 630]

My first marriage, his third, and we are coming up on our 11 year anniversary. Third time is a charm, he says. It will have to be - I'm not a big marriage as an institution kind of gal - but I did want to marry him, so it's my first and last marriage.

 

Oh, and as to rllycurious - I don't think those in the lifestyle are cheating - unless you are doing this behind your husband's or partner's back.

[clutch 27]

My wife and I are both in our second marriage... our first being as many described, just a mess. As many have said, too young, not having a clue of who we were or who our spouses were. As the song says, "There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys, there's only you and me and we just disagree."

 

So my current wife and I met (face-to-face) post-divorce, at which point she moved to NH, and continued to actually "date" (screw) other people while we began dating long distance. (Nothing hidden here, we'd talk about our other partners on phone conversations which would invariably end up in some pretty massive and/or kinky phone sex.)

 

We decided that we were perfect for each other and, in fact, this has proven out to be true for 11 years. We've been through several different phases of swinging including some extended periods of non-swinging.

[hotboat204 15]

My wife and I are both on first marriages...24 years coming up! Not sure how we made it this far, but we've managed. We didn't get into the lifestyle until 2 years ago, which is about the time we really started feeling comfortable opening up and really talking to each other.

At whatever point your relationship is today...it must be strong enough to survive the initial feelings of jealousy and inadequacy that a vast majority of us have felt when first partaking of this lifestyle.

Communication is the key to everything. I went down the road of infidelity many years ago...with all the lies and deceptions it brings...I can honestly tell you I'd much rather be up front and honest with the wife as she readily accepted the lifestyle once the opportunity came up. No pun intended!

[ohash01 20]

J. and I have been together a little less than 4 years and are currently co-habitating. We just aren't willing to rush into getting married only because "it makes sense". We're happy here. We have a great relationship, tons of fun, a pretty house, and a good amount of comfort...we're just not sure if getting married would make that any better than it is. Probably someday. Just not now.

[MrsJAM 15]

We discussed this idea here before (I think) that of how it seems so many couples who swing are in their second (or more) marriage.

 

I was having a conversation with a (divorced) friend of mine tonight and he made the comment that once you've been divorced it is much easier to see what makes a relationship work (whether it be yours or someone else's) and what is bad for a relationship.

 

So that got me back to the idea that often swinging couples are not on their first relationship so I thought I'd pose this thought/question to you and see what you think about it.

 

First off (see the poll above) is this your first, second, third marriage? Assuming you are even married, of course. And if you are not on your first marriage, do you think that having been married previously helped you to see why swinging may be a good thing in this relationship? Do you think going through a bad relationship helped improve your communication skills to the point where you could even discuss such ideas?

 

 

this is my second marriage but my hubbys first. i definitely view things differently now. i am a lot more open with my current hubby and have definitely done things with him that i have never done with anyone else. but i think that has to do with the person and not the marriage itself. i hope that makes sense.