No single males? Why not??

[Vjklander 136]

Geez. We must just run in different circles than y'all. We have never had a bad experience with a single guy, single girl, or couple. The only thing close is one guy didn't show up at the restaurant, but we had a good meal anyway. We like to get to know our playmates, and if we decide to meet we already have chatted a bit online. If we decide to meet for dinner, the expectation is sex is in the air. We prefer single guys who are in it for the sex. I mean come on, do you really want someone who is in it for the emotional attachment? No thanks. Same with the women. But that said, there is no reason we can't be friends in the bargain.

[cuzzeyesaidso 30]

Vjklander said:

We prefer single guys who are in it for the sex. I mean come on, do you really want someone who is in it for the emotional attachment? No thanks. Same with the women. But that said, there is no reason we can't be friends in the bargain.

 

Well you aren't as alone as you think. When it comes to single men, the wife prefers a "hit it and quit it" session. No need for conversation about the weather or where you grew up. If she decides she wants to fuck him, then he should just come over, beat it up, and be on his way. If she feels like he did a good enough job to be invited back then she will. If not, then hey, thanks for cumming

[shadylazyinmesa 15]

Geez. We must just run in different circles than y'all. We have never had a bad experience with a single guy, single girl, or couple. The only thing close is one guy didn't show up at the restaurant, but we had a good meal anyway. We like to get to know our playmates, and if we decide to meet we already have chatted a bit online. If we decide to meet for dinner, the expectation is sex is in the air. We prefer single guys who are in it for the sex. I mean come on, do you really want someone who is in it for the emotional attachment? No thanks. Same with the women. But that said, there is no reason we can't be friends in the bargain.

 

Thank you !!! I can't stand the hit and run crap - I feel like this, if I wouldn't fuck someone in my "real life" then why should I do it in this setting ?

I hate hate hate when I am approached online or in real time for that matter, with the hey baby do ya wanna ? attitude. I just usualy say well, yeah I did but not with you now

[Guest screaminggood]

I'm the F half of a couple...and single men....I WISH you could get into more clubs!!!! Not only that, but I wish you had "permission" to try to flirt with me, ask me to dance, etc. I love assertive men, and I'd love to be with a bunch of them, but the local clubs limit single men to a certain night and a certain number of them (I think it's their buddies) so I don't have the opportunity to "shop" for men nearly as often as I'd like, or the ones that are there are the wrong age, wrong something. And p.s., I don't really care if all you're out for is to get laid---that's all I'm out for, too!

[Cerberus 16]

I've seen a LOT of places that put great restrictions on the number of single males that can attend, plus a lot of personals that say "no single males, please". What is the problem with single males?

 

Because you bring nothing to the party. Horny dicks are a penny a dozen.

[tribbles 490]

I'm the F half of a couple...and single men....I WISH you could get into more clubs!!!! Not only that, but I wish you had "permission" to try to flirt with me, ask me to dance, etc. I love assertive men, and I'd love to be with a bunch of them, but the local clubs limit single men to a certain night and a certain number of them (I think it's their buddies) so I don't have the opportunity to "shop" for men nearly as often as I'd like, or the ones that are there are the wrong age, wrong something. And p.s., I don't really care if all you're out for is to get laid---that's all I'm out for, too!

 

Maybe you could start a Meet & Greet (No play) at a local bar? That lets you window shop. I know about a couple of just M&G's and one does a whole bar takeover (started at a small bar and grew to need a bigger place) and another just has an area of a bar they hang out at every Thursday.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Cerberus said:

Because you bring nothing to the party. Horny dicks are a penny a dozen.

I'll take a dollar's worth, and you can keep 1117 of the ones I have no use for

[interested-05 135]

nothing just not what we are looking for, be it at a party or simply face to face

[SamuiCouple 70]

We actually prefer single males, but they're hard to find. At least those that have an understanding and respect for WHY we swing...

 

As mentioned in this thread, the attitudes are mostly too egotistical and self-serving.

 

My wife REALLY doesn't need a better lover. They don't seem to be able to grasp this concept.

[Sico_tiko 17]

I dont hate anyone - its the "come fuck me baby - I dont care what you have to say or what you like" attitude that I despise

 

Am not talking mainly about what i like and what i dislike am just saying that not all of singles are rude or caring only about therselves, alot of them are very respectable and could satisfy a woman better 100 times than a married male

[pepino 15]

I think it boils down to some people like to f---, others want to f--- people they like. Now, where do we all meet to find that out?

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Thank you !!! I can't stand the hit and run crap - I feel like this, if I wouldn't fuck someone in my "real life" then why should I do it in this setting ?

I hate hate hate when I am approached online or in real time for that matter, with the hey baby do ya wanna ? attitude. I just usualy say well, yeah I did but not with you now

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your visit to the club, but I'm confused by your statement. Are you saying that guys are coming on to you like that in normal situations, or is this happening in adult chat rooms and swing clubs?

 

If it happens in a non-swinging setting, I agree it's rude. But we sort of expect people to come to the point pretty quickly at a club. The same applys on sites like AFF and Swappernet. We're all there for the same thing, so we don't beat around the bush much.

 

If people asking you "hey baby do you wanna?" turns you off, you're probably not going to like those you meet in swing clubs and on adult websites. Have you considered Match.com? I have a friend who signed up on that a year ago and her sex life puts mine to shame, and yet we're supposed to be the "swingers"

 

Yes, singles (M or F) don't mix very well into this lifestyle, especally if they're straight. But considering all the possibilities that they have on sites like Match.com, I don't know why they would want to be a part of this anyway.

 

As for "real life" versis "this setting", we've had "fun" with people at swing clubs that we probably wouldn't "date" in real life, but that's what makes this fun - doing something we wouldn't normally do or experience.

[Magicstik 26]

Wait Wait just a minute! Who or whose god gave anyone in the lifestyle the right to define what is swinging and what it is not, I've heard it all in my 15 + years of being apart of this lifestyle. Some say it is only between couples, some are downright adamant about it too. Well, in my experiences, this lifestyle is made up of numerous demographics. Let's see....the couple who plays with only couples, the couple who plays with the straight single female, the couple who plays with the bisexual single female, the couple that plays with groups, the couple that plays with the bisexual couple (both bi), the couple that plays only girl-girl while the male only watches, the couple that only watches, the single female that plays with couples, the bisexual single female that plays with only bisexual females, the single female that plays with the single male, the single female that plays with groups, the single guy who plays couples, the single guy who plays with single females.

 

I can go on, but I hope you get the picture, this lifestyle is not anyone's to own, you have a choice to play with anyone of your choosing, if any of the above categories are not your cup of tea, so be it.

 

And by the way, I have met as many asshole couples in this lifestyle, as I have asshole single guys. I am not going to apologize for being a single male involved in this lifestyle, just as I dont expect any others to. This is my lifestyle, this is your lifestyle.

[Thrax 384]

Wooohooooo! Magicstik, be prepared to be pilloried for making sense.

 

Thanks for your post!

[NWAtlSwing 487]

We don't look for single males because he likes to have someone to fuck too.

 

Is it really that complicated to figure out?

[VegasLee 1,486]

This is a war that is going to go on until the last human walks the face of the earth.

 

The single men against some couples. Not all, some.

 

Years ago everyone was welcome as swingers.

 

Then the "lifestyle" came along and it became the world of couples against singles.

 

Truth be told, the oldest and busiest clubs in the country allow single men and is not because they get a greater number of single men or that the single men are the ones paying all the bills even though single men are always charged more.

 

I have been involved in one of those clubs for over ten years. 65% couples, 30% single men and 5% single women. More couples come there to play with single men then they do single women. Another fact, there has been more couples banned from the club in the 25 years it has been there then single men. Many couples feel they are the lifestyle, that their way is the only way and they cause much more problems then the singles do. Most of the singles also seem to have much more respect for people in general then couples show towards singles.

 

There are couples that say "single men bring nothing to the party." That is not totally a true statement. They may not bring anything to the party for a couple that does not want to party with a single man but they bring a lot to the party for those that do want to party with them.

 

Back in the Swinger Days before the "lifestyle" came along most of the people at the parties where singles. Both women and men. Couples came into the scene later. Anyone remember "Swinging singles" back in the 60's and 70's? Ok, some of us do. The ones of us that are more experienced. (older) and partied as Swingers back then.

 

Honestly, there is no need for this war or harsh words from either side. There are couples that don't want to party with single men, there are couples that don't want to party with couples and couples that don't want to party with single women. None if it is wrong! This lifestyle has become what you want it to be for you but that does not make anyone, single or couple less valuable in the "lifestyle" or on this earth. There are soft-swingers, hardcore swingers, voyeurs, exhibitions all in todays lifestyle. They all serve a purpose to someone in the lifestyle. What they do may or may not be your way of being in the lifestyle but that does not make it wrong.

 

It also means that all sides should have the respect for the others that they desire for their self.

 

Singles, if a profile says they don't want singles, stay away. Couples, just because someone is single, male or female does not make them any less part of this lifestyle than you are. There are no set in stone rules here and last I heard no one in the Lifestyle was elected president and put in charge.

 

This is supposed to be fun but it seems that way to many people want to make life, and the lifestyle to damn hard with all their rules and rudeness just because it is not the way they want to live their life.

 

Society feels we are all a bunch of misfit freaks that should be locked up so there is no need for the ones of us that do live and enjoy this lifestyle to be taking pot shots at each other over differences in our choices.

 

You all have chosen a different lifestyle or you would not be here. There are also many differences and choices within this lifestyle. You may not want to be involved in all of them but that does not mean others are wrong and you are right if live this lifestyle in a different manner.

 

As was said, Can't ya all just get along!

[Chicup 38]

VegasLee said:

This is a war that is going to go on until the last human walks the face of the earth.

 

The single men against some couples. Not all, some.

 

Years ago everyone was welcome as swingers.

 

Then the "lifestyle" came along and it became the world of couples against singles.

 

Truth be told, the oldest and busiest clubs in the country allow single men and is not because they get a greater number of single men or that the single men are the ones paying all the bills even though single men are always charged more.

 

I have been involved in one of those clubs for over ten years. 65% couples, 30% single men and 5% single women. More couples come there to play with single men then they do single women. Another fact, there has been more couples banned from the club in the 25 years it has been there then single men. Many couples feel they are the lifestyle, that their way is the only way and they cause much more problems then the singles do. Most of the singles also seem to have much more respect for people in general then couples show towards singles.

 

There are couples that say "single men bring nothing to the party." That is not totally a true statement. They may not bring anything to the party for a couple that does not want to party with a single man but they bring a lot to the party for those that do want to party with them.

 

Back in the Swinger Days before the "lifestyle" came along most of the people at the parties where singles. Both women and men. Couples came into the scene later. Anyone remember "Swinging singles" back in the 60's and 70's? Ok, some of us do. The ones of us that are more experienced. (older) and partied as Swingers back then.

 

Honestly, there is no need for this war or harsh words from either side. There are couples that don't want to party with single men, there are couples that don't want to party with couples and couples that don't want to party with single women. None if it is wrong! This lifestyle has become what you want it to be for you but that does not make anyone, single or couple less valuable in the "lifestyle" or on this earth. There are soft-swingers, hardcore swingers, voyeurs, exhibitions all in todays lifestyle. They all serve a purpose to someone in the lifestyle. What they do may or may not be your way of being in the lifestyle but that does not make it wrong.

 

It also means that all sides should have the respect for the others that they desire for their self.

 

Singles, if a profile says they don't want singles, stay away. Couples, just because someone is single, male or female does not make them any less part of this lifestyle than you are. There are no set in stone rules here and last I heard no one in the Lifestyle was elected president and put in charge.

 

This is supposed to be fun but it seems that way to many people want to make life, and the lifestyle to damn hard with all their rules and rudeness just because it is not the way they want to live their life.

 

Society feels we are all a bunch of misfit freaks that should be locked up so there is no need for the ones of us that do live and enjoy this lifestyle to be taking pot shots at each other over differences in our choices.

 

You all have chosen a different lifestyle or you would not be here. There are also many differences and choices within this lifestyle. You may not want to be involved in all of them but that does not mean others are wrong and you are right if live this lifestyle in a different manner.

 

As was said, Can't ya all just get along!

 

Vegas, I can see where you are coming from but this is not just a why can't we all get along question, there is exclusions, for good reasons, and once that happens people get snippy. Single men are in fact charged more for a reason and its not because they take up more space or eat more food.

 

The problem with single men are there to many creepy ones. One of those old Los Vegas lifestyle clubs were visited by friends of ours. They are veterans to about every club in the Midwest, far more into that scene than we are and their description was 'creepy with guys that would follow you around to watch you have sex, we left early'.

 

Hey I'm sure that floats some boats out there, and go for it, but that doesn't mean we want them in the clubs we go to and as such they will come here and bitch that they are not invited. Most of the clubs in Chicago are very limited in the numbers of single males allowed, if any.

 

Also you know why more people play with single guys in that club than single women. Who the hell goes to a club looking for single women when you know its flooded with single guys? Its like saying more people go to eat sushi at a Japaneses restaurant than steak and thinking it means something profound.

 

I have to wonder, in those 'swinging single' parties were everyone was single you speak of, was the sex ratio 80-20 male females, like single females to males at the club? Do you see where I'm going here?

 

We have a surfeit of single males in swinging, more males than couples who want them or single females for that matter. As such this is never going away as an issue until that ratio goes down.

 

It's not a war of singles vs couples or whatever, it's a war of supply out stripping demand several fold.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Chicup,

 

I agree in principle on some of your views.

 

We have traveled all over the country to party. Been to couples only and clubs that allow singles. What I stated is not just where we are.

 

I always do the same thing when people ask. If it is a couple that wants couples only, don't go where there are single men then complain about them. I also tell single men all the time, don't be begging to go to couples only clubs and the couples only area of clubs that do allow singes, the couples there are there for a reason and they don't want you.

 

The down grading of men by couples and the men bitching does not need to happen. To many people in life and this lifestyle feel their way is the only way it should be so bitch about anything that does not fit them.

 

After taking many polls, going to tons of clubs and talking to 1000's of couples over the years we have found there are honestly more couples out there partying and looking for single men then looking for single women. Many, Many women that play with women do it for the lifestyle, or to keep their man happy, not because they are bi and want a women.

 

You and I also both know that many men don't want "another" man around because they have that man/man thing in their mind. We see it in clubs and even here in this forum all the time. Even though women are in charge in this lifestyle many men run the way their ladies play and the ladies go along. I am not saying that is right but it happens more then most want to admit.

 

Back when it was mostly singles the ratio was not far off of the 50-50 mark most of the time. It has been a long time but I am betting it was say 60% men, 40% women.

 

Funny part about many that come to our club. I hear people say the women are out numbered 5 to one. Honestly, we have never had more single men then couples in the club except for special parties that are set up to be that way. Example. Typical Saturday night. 120 couples, 40 single men and 12 single women. Problem is perception. When you have a couple that did not want to be around single men in the first place, they will see all the husbands and single men and their perception goes way off to try to prove their point.

 

To use one of your ideas. You don't go to McD's looking for a taco.

 

There is no reason for the battles honestly. There are rude, ignorant people in this world whether they are part of a couple, single male or single female.

 

It boils down to respect of people in general. No one is bringing anything better to the party then anyone else. It is all in what your looking for.

 

On line there are stupid rude people of all types. I hate to say in general Laura will get more stupid comments sent to her on Yahoo by married men then she does single guys. Seems that many married guys feel they can step over the line because they feel they are "bringing something to the party."

 

As far as the creepy guys following people around and watching them have sex. How many people even here on this board only have sex with their wife, they are exhibitionists and voyeurs? I see that all the time here. People that go to clubs to see and be seen. We have found that in a "group room" it is normally the couples making the rude comments about the couples that are playing, not the singles. Not just at our club but at other clubs also. If someone wants to play and not be seen, seems to me they would go into a private room and not have sex in a pubic area.

 

As far as charging more. The reason we do it is to keep the numbers down. We don't want the club over ran by to many guys. Common sense. We want to keep some balance to the party.

 

Personally, we feel that is the wrong attitude to live life by but to each their own. We give the same respect to everyone no matter who they are until they give us a reason to do otherwise.

[jojochawda 45]

Ok!! As I see it being a single male! i prefer the group scene more then a 1 on 1 scene, the reason behind my choice in swinging, I enjoy, but am not in a position to commit.most of all, that's where my fetish is, the 3some, and swinging being an expressive way to open up one's sexual horizon, in a fun and loving environment.

 

That being said. would sure fire be the reason why I am single at the moment. I mean why not have fun, why not, enjoy the company of a couple, who wishes me to be part and parcel of their bedroom (pardon the pun).

 

Yes, i know most are in it for a cheap thrill, or just plain out their to get an easy screw. But, most are out their because that's our way of fulfilling that need that doesn't come from a 1 on 1 scenario.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Wait Wait just a minute! Who or whose god gave anyone in the lifestyle the right to define what is swinging and what it is not,

 

Would you not agree that each couple (or person) involved in swinging has a right to define what swinging is for them? And set their own rules and boundaries for what they choose to do when it comes to swinging?

[pleasantinok 25]

This could go on forever.

 

In Oklahoma, there is a song with the lyrics "this land is my land, this land is your land". Swinging is who you are and what you make of it. We all have our wants and preferences. Can't we all get along, even if we don't agree with the next guy?

 

We wish there were Vegas style parties in this area. 35% single guys, that would be great. We are picky, she want's to have plenty to choose from. We have been fortunate in that most guys are polite. (Maybe something in our body language helps with that.)

 

Am I afraid that you will please her better than I? Hardly! I want her to shake thru a dozen Os with you. Because I will be there to experience it with her. Show her something new? Great, because she and I will both benefit from it later.

 

So, single guy, come introduce yourself. But remember, polite and charming always gets you farther, in everyday life and in swinging.

 

Ha! I think I addressed everything in this thread!

[NumbskullsX2 24]

One of those old Los Vegas lifestyle clubs were visited by friends of ours. They are veterans to about every club in the Midwest, far more into that scene than we are and their description was 'creepy with guys that would follow you around to watch you have sex, we left early'.

I wonder if it was the same club we went to when we were out there? If it was, it was "interesting" I guess you could say.

 

The night we were there were almost as many single guys as couples anad most of them were creepy as you have described. We talked with one for about 5 minutes (just trying to be nice) and couldn't get rid of him for the rest of the night! Oh well, so much for being friendly:eek:

There were only a few decent looking single women there and one of them was the wife of the owner. One of the couples we were talking to was telling us the owner used her to "bait" the single guys and that the other girls were supposedly "on the clock" which I guess meant they were available for a price.

 

It was like if you took every bad sterotype of a swinger club and rolled them all into one place, that would be IT. I'm glad we went though because now I appreciaite our own club so much more.

 

P.S. We don't mind a FEW single guys at a club so long as there polite and the club has some couples-only areas set aside for play. Whether their "swingers" or not I cannot say and do not care, but some couples DO appreciate having them there.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Unfortunately, from what I understand a couple of the well-known clubs that used to be really good swinger clubs have turned into sex clubs that are really just there to get single guys in (it's all about the money). If the club you visited is listed in our club listings, please make sure to post a review.

[VegasLee 1,486]

One of the couples we were talking to was telling us the owner used her to "bait" the single guys and that the other girls were supposedly "on the clock" which I guess meant they were available for a price.

 

At least I know you are not talking about the club we host at. The Owner is 75, his wife won't own up to her age and even though she is the greatest lady in the world she does not make good "bait" these days.

[Magicstik 26]

JustAskJulie said:

Would you not agree that each couple (or person) involved in swinging has a right to define what swinging is for them? And set their own rules and boundaries for what they choose to do when it comes to swinging?

 

Yes Julie I agree, but define and set the boundaries for themselves and not me.

 

I've seen a lot of hypocrites in this lifestyle. Take for instance, I'm a member of a very popular swingers site, they have what they call Speed Dating, where you can post a request for a last minute date, or a request to meet you at an event. Every day I see members that are listed as couples, and are legit couples, where the male posts that he has permission to party sans partner, the wife has given him permission, or the wife is out of town, anybody want to hook up. I always get a chuckle when I read their profile, and there in bold letters NO Single Guys, or Single guys are a dime a dozen. And these are some of the same couples that disparage single guys at every chance.

 

If some of these guys that are a part of a couple that badmouths singles were truthful, they would come clean and admit, if she left me today, I would be at the swingers club tomorrow, partying as a single.

 

And I'm not speaking from ignorance, I see the guys around, where they show up at the clubs or parties as a couple, and complain about the single guys,then the next weekend, he is at the club as a single, seeking couples.

[Chicup 38]

NumbskullsX2 said:

I wonder if it was the same club we went to when we were out there? If it was, it was "interesting" I guess you could say.

 

I won't name the club since its second hand info and I don't want to slander a club I haven't been to myself.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

I won't name the club since its second hand info and I don't want to slander a club I haven't been to myself.

I don't either, because whatever was going on with them didn't concern us. One of the lessons we learned from being in the bar business was that when things got slow, we had to put out some food and feed the jukebox to get people to spend money at our bar. So as my husband said, maybe the manager was just doing the same thing, only he's putting his wife out instead of beans and weinies, :lol:

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Magicstik said:

I've seen a lot of hypocrites in this lifestyle. Take for instance, I'm a member of a very popular swingers site, they have what they call Speed Dating, where you can post a request for a last minute date, or a request to meet you at an event. Every day I see members that are listed as couples, and are legit couples, where the male posts that he has permission to party sans partner, the wife has given him permission, or the wife is out of town, anybody want to hook up. I always get a chuckle when I read their profile, and there in bold letters NO Single Guys, or Single guys are a dime a dozen. And these are some of the same couples that disparage single guys at every chance.

I don't see the hypocrisy in this. If the male is normally part of a couple I assume he already knows a lot of the couples at those events, and they know his wife. If somebody is just looking for a third (or a fifth or whatever) wouldn't it make sense to pick somebody you already knew (and maybe had played with as a couple) over a stranger?

 

I know we've been in a couple situations where we've been with only one or the other of a couple and it was no big deal because we've played with them both as a couple in the past.

 

"hypocrisy" is when a person says one thing but does another. That makes single males in the lifestyle the biggest hypocrites in the world, because they believe it's perfectly OK for them to have sex with other men's wives or girlfriends, but not for the other men to have sex with theirs. Why is it OK for you to go to a swing club alone, but not for all the other guys?

 

If you want to see what a real hypocrite looks like, maybe you should look in the mirror.

[VegasLee 1,486]

NumbskullsX2 said:

That makes single males in the lifestyle the biggest hypocrites in the world, because they believe it's perfectly OK for them to have sex with other men's wives or girlfriends, but not for the other men to have sex with theirs.

 

I would be very interested in where you get the idea that single men think the way you believe they think?

 

Single men, they are not married men, no wife to share and many of them do not have a girl friend or a girl friend in the lifestyle. Does not make them a hypocrite in any form or fashion.

 

Seems someone forgot the definition of "single."

[Magicstik 26]

You are a very astute man , Vegas Lee.

 

To answer numbskull,I have no problem with the single guy thats apart of a couple to party as a single,Live and Let Live,which is a term that obviously you cannot grasp.

 

And by the way, I have partied as a couple on numerous occasions,myself,so I have no insecurities about other men having sex with my partner at the time.

[Cin IN 15]

Single or not, if you're a jerk, you're not going to be welcomed into many circles.

 

On the other hand, if there is a single guy out there that is decent and not pushy, I'd invite him for a DP!

[Spoomonkey 418]

NumbskullsX2 said:

"hypocrisy" is when a person says one thing but does another.

 

Absolutely right!!! And a big f-ing "good show" for being someone who understands that word; a rarity in these parts.

 

NumbskullsX2 said:

That makes single males in the lifestyle the biggest hypocrites in the world, because they believe it's perfectly OK for them to have sex with other men's wives or girlfriends, but not for the other men to have sex with theirs.

 

I will admit that this is true. When we meet singles, we tend to bring this up - just a random passing question, but oh so telling. We had one guy tell us that "no. I'm looking for something more 'traditional'." Needless to say, he lasted one meeting for drinks and that was it.

 

But I do not think that all single men are this way. I think the "swinger mindset" is rare among singles, but it is there sometimes. Some single men are swingers because they have the right disposition for it. I have no idea that the single guy who I consider a friend would share his wife with me - if she wanted to be so shared.

 

Most single men are just looking to get laid - I'll admit. And their head is screwed up from the word go. But some have it in the right place. Just talking to people openly can reveal their motivations.

 

We've been lucky.

 

And because of that I don't think that single men are "hypocrites" simply because they don't have a woman to share...

[Chicup 38]

Single men, they are not married men, no wife to share and many of them do not have a girl friend or a girl friend in the lifestyle. Does not make them a hypocrite in any form or fashion.

 

I think the point was those that do have a gf of some kind are not willing to swing with her and wouldn't be comfortable with his gf as a swinger.

 

Personally my bias is that if I were single the only reason I'd think about going to a club or the like would be if I was utterly desperate for sex. Otherwise I'd be happily in the vanilla world where I don't have to worry about being thought of as 'second class'. I really question the motives of a male in these situations.

[Spoomonkey 418]

Chicup said:

Personally my bias is that if I were single the only reason I'd think about going to a club or the like would be if I was utterly desperate for sex. Otherwise I'd be happily in the vanilla world where I don't have to worry about being thought of as 'second class'.

 

I get this.

 

I mean - not to be arrogant, but I am convinced that I could go to a bar right now and get laid. Any confident guy could.

 

But I also believe that there are men out there who simply like group sex. Not just the "easy pussy" they assume swinging to be...

 

I could be wrong and duped beyond my usual stupidity, but I really think that some guys are swingers just as us married guys are. I mean, I enjoy swinging/group sex. I am not eager to have sex with another woman and don't "play separate" from my wife. It is about the fantasy to me - not just getting laid.

 

Is it possible that there are at least a rare few single men with a similar mindset?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Many moons ago when I was single I never felt treated as "second class."

 

I guess it is all in the attitude and manners of the person.

 

I will admit there are some couples that treat some of the singles at the club as second class, some of the guys deserve it and some of the couples have no class so it seems to work out pretty well.

[Spoomonkey 418]

VegasLee said:

some of the guys deserve it and some of the couples have no class so it seems to work out pretty well.

 

A better example of karma I have never seen...

 

[curiousagain 326]

Chicup said:

I think the point was those that do have a gf of some kind are not willing to swing with her and wouldn't be comfortable with his gf as a swinger.

 

Personally my bias is that if I were single the only reason I'd think about going to a club or the like would be if I was utterly desperate for sex. Otherwise I'd be happily in the vanilla world where I don't have to worry about being thought of as 'second class'. I really question the motives of a male in these situations.

 

A problem I see over and over is some of the husbands thinking that all single men think like them. Because of so many disparaging remarks against SM I sometimes feel like just quitting swing, but I always come back to it. But, I certainly don't feel I fit the "asshole SM" label so I remember it's their problem. Anyway, just because someone knows they would be a jerk if single again (and anybody can be one heartbeat/phone call/email away from it for many reasons) they shouldn't label every SM with that attitude.

 

I've broke up with a couple of good girlfriends because they didn't want to swing. I wouldn't swing without them, being in a relationship with them, so it was either decide on a life without group sex or break up. Maybe it was stupid of me to break up with them over that. I still sometimes question those decisions. Maybe next time, I'll give it more time or meet someone that's more important to me than swinging. And, yes I have thought about the fact that someone I marry should be more important to me than swinging. I just haven't met them yet, this time around.

 

As far as the comment about SM going to swingers club only if desperate for sex made me laugh and is the reason I quoted you, Chicup. I hear if you have any mojo at all you have a much, much better chances of hooking up at a vanilla club or even the supermarket than a swingers club. Your chances of group sex, now that's a different ball game all together. I've been "picked up" by swinger couples in vanilla bars a few times. So, maybe the chances are better at vanilla clubs than swinger clubs. I don't know, I've only been to a swingers club once so I don't think I have enough personal experience there to give a personal opinion on it. I do know I've had much more group sex with swingers than with vanilla people.

 

I know many couples don't play with SM, I respect that. It doesn't mean I should say disparaging things about those couples. We're just into different things. No harm, no foul, hope they find what they are looking for and I wish them health, wealth, and happiness. If you're not into playing with SM, fine. But why would you go out of your way at every opportunity as some people do to disrespect and name call ALL SM. If an individual is a jerk call them on it but good grief, why use such a broad brush unless you're dealing with some of your own issues by doing so. One thing I have noticed on the board also is just as there are some couples who seem to have problems with all single males, some couples state they've never had a problem with single males. The majority have had a problem with some single males as a majority have had a problem with some couples. But, nobody is going to say ALL couples are jerks/crazy/problems whatever because.......they are part of a couple themselves and if they said ALL that would include them and that can't be right, can it? If a couple finds EVERY single man they meet to be a jerk, I hope I never meet them.

 

The motives of a single man in the lifestyle? Likes group sex, thinks the woman is hot and doesn't mind group sex, friends with the couple and helps them live out a fantasy while living one of his own without trying to backdoor the guy, break up the couple etc. etc. There are many many reasons for it, but I don't think easy sex is any of them. There are many reasons for a couple to want or not want to include a SM in their swinging and everybody's desires, needs, wants, wishes should be respected by all.

 

I think what often causes so much dislike, misunderstandings, and/or strong feelings in and out of swinging is a perception of lack of respect by someone.

 

If someone says all SM are jerks and a SM male replys that all couples who don't want to play with SM are jerks then everybody is pissed and nothing is accomplished and everybody feels disrespected and mad. If a couple says they don't play with SM because they just aren't into that and the SM says "cool". Then everybody ought to be happy.

 

I have friends in the lifestyle that do not play with SM. We're all cool with it. I see them at meet-ups, get-togethers, parties, group trips etc. We talk about a lot of different subjects, share drinks, and bitch about having to fly under the radar as swingers because society as a rule doesn't accept us. I do not pressure them to play with me nor do they pressure the hosts to leave me out of the get-togethers because we respect each as people and not just as the tags "swinging couple" or "single male".

 

If you can't show love, show respect. You might gain a friend and you might avoid a bad situation. I wish health, wealth, and happiness to everybody no matter what your kink might be.

 

I'm sure this could have been said better and probably has at some point, but I checked the board before turning in and saw this and had to comment. It's too late and I'm too tired to check for spelling much less edit it.

[crazycatz 17]

In my experience, 99% of the single males who make contact ARE the stereotypical arsehole! They have no understanding of the swinging lifestyle and are just horny ignoramuses looking to get laid.

 

Now having said that, there is that genuine 1% who really do understand and appreciate the lifestyle. And you can spot them a mile off! They fill out their profiles with thought, effort, and contact you in a respectful manner. Sadly...these men are few and far between...hence the reason why we all generally say no or bad things about single males!

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

crazycatz said:

In my experience, 99% of the single males who make contact ARE the stereotypical arsehole! They have no understanding of the swinging lifestyle and are just horny ignoramuses looking to get laid.

 

Now having said that, there is that genuine 1% who really do understand and appreciate the lifestyle. And you can spot them a mile off! They fill out their profiles with thought, effort, and contact you in a respectful manner. Sadly...these men are few and far between...hence the reason why we all generally say no or bad things about single males!

 

I think that goes back to what was said in another thread about how the internet brings out the asshole in many. People can and will say anything when they are hiding behind a keyboard - things they would never in a million years say IRL. And 99% of those 99% that are assholes online wouldn't even show up if they were given the invitation. Why? Because they don't get it. They aren't swingers and they've never even tried to be beyond the replies to occasional personal ads or posts online.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

I would be very interested in where you get the idea that single men think the way you believe they think?

 

Single men, they are not married men, no wife to share and many of them do not have a girl friend or a girl friend in the lifestyle. Does not make them a hypocrite in any form or fashion.

 

Seems someone forgot the definition of "single."

MOst of the men who IM us are maried or have a G/F at home. Saying there "only interested in the women's pleasure" but leaving theirs home alone is what makes them hypocrites. Telling us that they know all about the rules of swinging (for single males) and that they totally respect "our" relationship but breaking the rules of their own is what makes them hypocrites. Just because they go to a club without their wives or G/F does not make them "single" (But their money spends just as well as everybody elses I guess)

 

Thats only MY feeling on the subject. YMMV

[VegasLee 1,486]

"MOst of the men who IM us are maried or have a G/F at home."

 

 

A married man is not a single man, a man with a live in girl friend is not a single man even if they don't have the paper to prove it. Those mostly are cheaters, not swingers.

 

Cheating me are not a good thing to judge single men by. Big difference. Judging men, or anyone by the way they act on the Internet is not really a good idea. People are not who they really are most of the time on the Internet. There are even people in these forums that I have met, if I had gone by "who" they are on the Internet I would say I would not want to meet them but once meeting them they are much different.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Most single men are just looking to get laid - I'll admit. And their head is screwed up from the word go. But some have it in the right place. Just talking to people openly can reveal their motivations.

 

We've been lucky.

 

And because of that I don't think that single men are "hypocrites" simply because they don't have a woman to share...

"Just" being single doesn't mean their also being hypocrites, otherwise we'd all be hypocrites at some time or another. Some of my best friends are single. And we DO talk to people online at at the club. But why is it that the single women we chat with usaully ARE "single," but the "single" men are almost always cheaters? If they are truely single, their the kinds of guys who will always be single. trying to "make nice" and chat with every one of them is like reading every piece of junk mail we get, and we just don't have enuf time or interest for that.

[curiousagain 326]

I don't think you would have to "make nice" just be nice. "Thanks but no thanks, we don't chat with SM" If the AH comes out in them block them. I've got quite a few couples and SFs blocked on SLS. Jerks and cheaters come in all guises. I don't argue with them, just tell them I am going to block them and then do it. No long drawn out drama and grinding of nerves that way. Kind of like closing the door on a door to door salesman. You say "no thanks" and close the door without slamming it. But, you close it. Which is more productive and less time consuming and wearing on your nerves, blocking AHs or complaining on a forum? But, then again an occasional vent might make some stop doing that, but since we seem to be discussing cheaters and not single males I doubt it will do much good. They're hardly playing by the rules anyway. As far as all SF usually being single on swinger sites or vanilla sites or the bar or the grocery store for that matter. Thanks, I needed a good laugh. Someone said on here once that as long as they had a face pic up they weren't cheaters. Well, not in my world. But, those are long stories and my time is short right now.

[twohots4u2 187]

Guess we have been lucky. The single males that we have played with were real princes. They were not pushy, respectful, and worked with Bob to make it a great event. BUT, we screened them very carefully.

 

Anytime read a single male's profile or receive a message from one, we turn on the BS meter and look for any of the indicators that he is not the type of person we enjoy. Married guys looking to get some on the side are out. Guys who come on strong as the saviour of all women are out. Guys with just dick photos are out. Any reference the to word "cockold" gets the guy canned. Any indication of arrogance is fatal. And the list goes on.

 

The bottom line is that to be successful, a single guy has to realize that he is being invited to join a couple in the most intimate way and that is the ultimate privilege. He has to be attractive (physically, intellectually, and sexually) to the wife, and a non-threat to the husband. His job, should he be invited, is to help the husband give the wife all the pleasure she desires, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Perhaps the above should be part of the introduction any single guy has to read and agree to before he is allowed to join a swing web site.

 

So now do you understand? We are not against single guys on the swing sites. We just want the right type of single guys.

[lovinher 505]

Sico_tiko said:

Am not talking mainly about what i like and what i dislike am just saying that not all of singles are rude or caring only about therselves, alot of them are very respectable and could satisfy a woman better 100 times than a married male

 

Well, that helps the cause.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

I've seen a LOT of places that put great restrictions on the number of single males that can attend, plus a lot of personals that say "no single males, please". What is the problem with single males?

This tread has certainly branched off into many different directions, but we will try to simplify things by giving a direct answer to the original poster's questions (although he's likely no longer around to see them).

 

Regarding the restrictions on the attendance of single males, that is a supply and demand issue. Far more single men want to participate in this activity than there are couples and single women to accommodate them, so the restrictions are necessary to maintain a reasonable gender balance.

 

There is no single reason why so many personals say, "no single males." You might receive five different answers if you asked five different couples why they don't want single men. It's not that there is a "problem" with single men; it's just a personal preference on the part of those couples, so don't let it bruise your ego. Just appreciate the fact that they saved you from wasting your time contacting them.

[BCinIN 52]

The "internet brings out the asshole in many" point reminded me of something funny. There has been one (thankfully only one) SM we've had a problem with. This was on SLS, which recently added some sort of chat feature we never use. One day, browsing the profiles, a window pops up and says "'suchandsuchSM' wants to chat, will you accept?" I clicked "yes" and the following ensued.

 

SM: hey how r u i have big dik

 

Me: Uh huh.

 

SM: i hav big dik pleez ur women good

 

Me: All of them? That's funny, I didn't know I had more than one womAn. Well, I did come home drunk that one night and saw two in my bed side by side, but they both looked suspiciously like my wife.

 

SM: wut wrong wit u?

 

Me: I seem to be having a problem satisfying all of my many women, apparently, and desperately need YOUR help...does that about sum it up?

 

SM: y u hab many woman and cant pleez?

 

Me: Well, according to my recently hired internet psychologist/problem solver...actually I'm not quite sure. What is your expert opinion on this conundrum, doctor?

 

SM: u r a dik bye

(end transmission)

 

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

[Pepper & Drew 384]

The "internet brings out the asshole in many" point reminded me of something funny. There has been one (thankfully only one) SM we've had a problem with. This was on SLS, which recently added some sort of chat feature we never use. One day, browsing the profiles, a window pops up and says "'suchandsuchSM' wants to chat, will you accept?" I clicked "yes" and the following ensued.

 

SM: hey how r u i have big dik

 

Me: Uh huh.

 

SM: i hav big dik pleez ur women good

 

Me: All of them? That's funny, I didn't know I had more than one womAn. Well, I did come home drunk that one night and saw two in my bed side by side, but they both looked suspiciously like my wife.

 

SM: wut wrong wit u?

 

Me: I seem to be having a problem satisfying all of my many women, apparently, and desperately need YOUR help...does that about sum it up?

 

SM: y u hab many woman and cant pleez?

 

Me: Well, according to my recently hired internet psychologist/problem solver...actually I'm not quite sure. What is your expert opinion on this conundrum, doctor?

 

SM: u r a dik bye

(end transmission)

 

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

 

Oh, that's so wrong! Sounds like something I would do......

 

Pepper

[sexcupid 809]

BCinIN said:

SM: u r a dik bye

(end transmission)

 

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

 

rotflmao....no kidding!

 

At least be able to spell dick when you are calling a person one...

 

We aren't currently looking for SM to play with and as such it is stated in our profile. Do we get messages from them? From time to time. And I always politely respond that we are not currently looking to add a SM. If I like their profile, then I will add that we will keep them in mind if that ever changes.

 

Maria

[mrbondvn 15]

I do not have any problem with single males. In fact, I and my gf love them. We don't care they respect me or not. The important thing is how can they serve my lady. We do swing with single males all the time. Actually, we enjoy long term buddy rather than random guy in club.