What makes you want to swing?

[PrtyinDuo 18]

Have to chalk another vote up for the "why not" response.And as stated earlier,we are both on 2nd time around and both had fantasies that hadn't been lived out yet.Older and wiser(not to be confused with smarter )  we're sure played a role in our decision also. It's one of those things that, if ya don't try it, you'll never know what you might have missed. Sure glad we took the step!! +

[mifligirl25 15]

I think you have to fulfill those fantasies in order to have a healthy sex life

[NYC_Cpl4Play 15]

We just love it... After being with each other for sixteen years why not try something new. She is one hot woman and lord knows why not share every now and then.

[AlaskaFunCpl 15]

We're still in the discussion stages as well, but here are a FEW of the reason's we're looking into it

 

~ Add some spice to our lives

~ Fulfill some fantasies

~ Meet other open minded couples

~ Make friends

~ New Experiences

~ Find new fantasies

~ To extend our sexuality

[AlaskaFunCpl 15]

Quote

Originally posted by Quin

I'm not going to debate this at all, but only bring up that you make love with your spouse...that's totally different than sex. Making love involves emotions, it appeases the emotional side and while sating the sexual need, it's a bit deeper than sex. Sex is more animalisitic, it's raw and emotion-less. And the feeling that you come away with after sex, is not the same feeling that you get when you've made love.

I think that's what shagfourr meant when they said 'The sex with others can be extremely good, but the love we make and have with each other is the best... '

[Brit_Pair 59]

Originally posted by AlaskaFunCpl

We're still in the discussion stages as well, but here are a FEW of the reason's we're looking into it

 

~ Add some spice to our lives

~ Fulfill some fantasies

~ Meet other open minded couples

~ Make friends

~ New Experiences

~ Find new fantasies

~ To extend our sexuality

Nice list. We'll subscribe to that one!

[mde 4764 15]

We enjoy sex. It is a physical pleasure. Swinging has opened our line of communication to another level and has hightened our trust in each other too.

[VegasLee 1,486]

In reading a lot of the threads here I see this hit on this now and then but I wanted to break it out and down to basics.

 

Why do you swing?

[fun_pairTX 26]

Everyone needs a hobby and in the Lifestyle, unlike bowling, you don't necessarily have to buy special shoes.

[biblonde 22]

We swing because it is a way to live out our fantasies together. We meet some very interesting people (some have become good friends) and at the same time explore our sexual fantasies in a safe setting. And makes for some GREAT conversation! Most of all it is way tooooo much fun!

 

my 2 cents for the day....

[J & K 16]

We say it is "FUN"!!!!

 

Isn't that why most of do it? If it wasn't nobody would swing right?

[C@YWMI 15]

We haven't found a compatible couple yet... But the inconvience of a second underground lifestyle seems intersting So Vegas why do you swing?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Originally posted by C@YWMI

We haven't found a compatible couple yet... But the inconvience of a second underground lifestyle seems intersting So Vegas why do you swing?

 

Fair Question.

 

At the start (over 25 years ago) it was to explore our sexuality. We felt there was more to it then what we where experiencing in our life. As with most we wanted more out of life.

 

The sex is great, both with each other and others. One of the best parts is our relationship though. No worrying about the other "cheating" and no game playing. We know why we are involved and do not kid ourself about it. The total trust that we experience between each other makes life great and keeps it so simple.

 

I have seen within the "lifestyle" as in life, many people try to make this all so hard. There is something to say about the simple life that we lead here.

 

Oh ya, it is fun too!

[Spoomonkey 418]

I've been reading a few threads lately and lots of people mention getting into the lifestyle for "variety" or because they are "bored" and want to "spice things up."

 

That sort of makes me scratch my head a bit...

 

Granted, Mrs Spoomonkey and myself started talking about swinging soon after we were married - and even now I still consider her vagina to be way cool - and the need for variety or a "little spice" never really entered the short list of "reasons we swing". In fact, I kind of think it would have bothered me if we had felt the need for a little variety; to be honest, I probably would have felt a little threatened by the idea.

 

So - my question is - why did you start?

 

For us - it was because we enjoyed the freedom of expression we felt around sexually open people - and that led us to explore. It does, indeed, spice things up - but there hasn't been a hint of boredom with us - just this huge sense of adventure.

 

Why do you do it?

 

PS - this question is open to anyone, not just married, full swap folks. I really want to know what motivates people to seek the "lifestyle".

[biblonde 22]

hmmmm...good question. We got into this because of my curiousity about women. That was the main reason for us. And we also were curious about what it would be like with others involved. We have been together since high school and till we got into this he was my one and only!! Yea it has added spice to our life but more important it has allowed us to be sexualy free (well to a certant extent) I feel more comfy discussing fantasies and he does too. So after being together 22 years it has made sex a little more adventurous for us....not that it wasnt before!! We werent looking to spice it up so much but just fullfill fantasies we each had...so it is all good!!!

[littlebit54 16]

Ok, there's one misconception blown away. I thought most people really did/do get into it to "spice" things up. Or for other various reasons, like to make sure they don't miss out on everything life has to offer (variety). But, from someone on the outside looking in (only dabbled a bit once) there's always just for the sex of it...lol

 

I mean I read somewhere that "sex is the way adults play and have fun together"; and that's about all i know on the subject.

 

If adventure is the same thing as fun, then we're on the same page. If not, I'm totally lost, right, or maybe i have more misconceptions than i know about...

 

Me, if i had to pinpoint why I'm interested; i would have to say that it's all you guys on this board that keep me thinking about it. You all seem to have (for the most part) a real sense of all that is sexual and the openness to back it up. I always thought i did, too; but, now i realize i have so much to learn; or forget whatever works the best.

[rickpen 16]

My wife and I have the same sense of adventure we had when we were 12 and playing Dr. with the neighbor kids, and every morning when we wake up its a new adventure and this is just a part of that. We were just lucky enough to find a kindred spirit to take this ride called life with.

[lifestyles2004 15]

The liberation from monogamy which results in the sexual freedom and adventure mentioned above are the reasons we chose to participate in the lifestyle. The price of admission is to leave jealously behind and to find joy in your sexual partners mutual satisfaction.

[stoutgatte 25]

I'll be more than happy to be the first one to say we swing to spice things up and for the variety. We are both efficiency driven people, ie I found the easiest way to get her to orgasm and use slight varieties of it more often than not... She enjoys sex most in that way and we're both enjoying ourselves, not to mention that less effort == better after a hard day at the office...

 

That said, it does get a little bit boring to do things in a similar way everytime, but how do you get out of such a rut? Change something, ie say no oral for a month, no sex in the bedroom, etc, etc... That didn't quite appeal to us, since we were happy with our sexlife in general, but do want that excitement as well. Something easiest to attain when first dating, we just decided to date other couples. So we started swinging to spice things up and for the variety.

 

I agree with most that is said in the above posts to some extent, yes it shouldn't be like that, yes you could feel threatened by it, etc, etc. The fact remains that people get bored. Not everyone has an exciting sexlife that has a life of its own, some people (sadly) have to work at keeping it interesting...

 

Now, if you are really unhappy with your sexlife and want to use swinging to change it, that would leave me bothered...

[wildwife1010 15]

For us it is just a simple matter of variety. The more we are with other people, the more we want each other. It seems to add the spice back into our relationship.

[robnbarb 40]

The reason we decided to start - FUN

 

Nothing more or less. Fantasies were a big part of it and making those fantasies come true of course.

 

Our sex was great before and it still is, although I will admit the air seems more open than ever and the sex is improving because of it.

 

But never to "spice things up" cause we were bored. We have never been bored with one another.

[mysticmind 15]

For us, I think it's the variety. I am a very open minded person and I have always loved sex.

[Jester 15]

In hindsight many relationships I have had in my past teetered on the "lifestyle" without ever having the name applied to it, going back to even my teenage years. It just seemed like the right way to go through life.

 

I have had girlfriends that expected total monogamous commitment and while I was with them I was able to give that to them. However, in the back of my mind I always had a feeling I couldn't marry them and live the rest of my life that way. So eventually the relationships faded away.

 

Then I had girlfriends that were not the "jealous types" and if I happened to fool around with another girl it didn't bother them as long as I didn't "fall in love" and was honest about what was going on. I was and probably still am a perpetual flirt, most times just making out with the other girl was enough for me. These relationships seemed much stronger, had better communication and after they had run their course ended in very civil manner with all parties walking away with "closure". So it started to become a no brainer to me as I started to define what I wanted from a relationship and in a lifetime partner.

 

Along comes my wife, a great woman who had always had monogamous relationships, but as we talked about what we wanted for a lifetime partner she was very receptive to my ideas, but had hesitation about actually practicing. Strangely I had no problem with that, because the relationship with her just felt right, even if we never practiced the lifestyle we had the communication that went along with it. That I think was the big part of eveything for me, the open communication such a relationship required.

[Spoomonkey 418]

Jester said:

Strangely I had no problem with that, because the relationship with her just felt right, even if we never practiced the lifestyle we had the communication that went along with it. That I think was the big part of everything for me, the open communication such a relationship required.

 

While this wasn't a reason for us - it has definitely been a wonderful benefit. Great post!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Most peoples' reasons have been light and fun, focusing on the variety and spice of sexual pleasure. I'm with you, but have to say those are secondary for me.

 

My main reason is more pragmatic . . .

 

I had a need to fully realize my sexual self.

 

I have never felt so attractive, confident and sexual as I do now. It is because I am attending to that part of myself that has never before been developed--my sexual side. It has always been there waiting to bloom.

 

It was now or never and thankfully Mr LM was in agreement.

 

I chose the right man to spend my life with. He had a rich sexual life before we met and I had none. He is a great lover and satisfies me in the most pleasurable and intimate ways. It is because of my confidence in the strength of our love, our marriage, and our sexual relationship that I felt I could bring up the idea of swinging to him.

 

He fully understands my need to experience sex with others.

 

I don't think I could have moved into this lifestyle any sooner. I am at a perfect point in my life to enjoy swinging.

[TNT 1,155]

Why??? We are sitting here discussing this trying to figure it out. We basically got started in swinging because of Ted’s desire to see me with another man. He asked and I said okay. However, it has evolved into so much more.

 

Swinging has given both of us confidence in ourselves as well as our sexuality. Our communication skills have improved not only with each other, but with others we encounter in our jobs. We enjoy the socializing and the openness that comes with the swinging lifestyle. The variety is nice and does help with spicing things up, but it was not the main focus of our journey, only an extension of the one we were already on with each other.

 

Swinging is definitely an avenue for fulfilling fantasies, but even when we are in a room full of naked people who are going at it, it’s still just the two of us in our own little world. Swinging to us is an adventure that we share, a hobby that we are passionate about, and a relaxing escape from the cares of the everyday world.

[good times 990]

While we have a great sexual relationship that could never be matched by an encounter with another couple, the best short answer is, we did it to live out some fantasies which in turn spiced up our sex life even more. We got into it after having some unplanned soft swing encounters with friends that got us talking to each other about "what ifs" that had never even entered our minds before. After much discussing and fantacizing about the "what ifs" we kind of decided "why not" and gave it a go. It turns out to have positively impacted our already good sex life and so we have continued. It is not that we thought their was something missing in our sex life that we needed to look outside our marriage to fullfill. I think if it didn't enhance our sex life in some way we wouldn't do it. But if we decided to quit swinging tommorow I don't think it would have any negative impact on our relationship because it was already good before we started so I'm sure it would be just as good if we decided to quit.

 

One aspect of this that I didn't consider before has been what I call the excitment of the pursuit. After 20 years together you don't realize that the part we hated when we were single, which is looking for and successfully making a date with someone, would be kind of exciting when you haven't done it for a while. Swinging has also had a very positive impact on both our self esteems to find that others still find us desirable and attractive. Another side benefit is it has made us real self concious about those few extra pounds we have put on over the years, and that inspired us both to lose those pounds and get in much better shape physically than we have been in a quite a while. So swinging can even be good for your health..... bonus.

[ALilOEverything 900]

We do it because we enjoy sharing our sexuality with others and we have the openess between the two of us to do that. It does add a certain amount of spice, a different kind of spice though. If our sex life was a cake, then it is a layered spice cake, with lots of rich frosting between the layers and all over the outside, very tasty just like that. Swinging is just the sprinkles on the top. It doesn't make it taste any better, it just adds a little enhancement to the overall presentation.

 

Over all I would say our sex life if very yummy, with our without swinging.

[jcbicouple 24]

When we first started, it was for both of us to explore our bisexual side. Niether of us had had a same sex experience before. That continues to be one of the reasons that we continue to play with others. Other than that? For us, it is an adventure we enjoy sharing. Being able to express our sexuality in an open environment can be very invigorating. Our adventures always start with fantasies that we are both enticed by and we eventually turn them into reality. If we like it, well...... Best way to sum it up is that it's just plain fun!

[mixedcouple3426 15]

As a couple new to the lifestyle, I hope the reasons why we might venture into this are good reasons. My gf is shy and inhibited when it comes to sex (although she's a social butterfly in everyday life) so she doesn't say much about it but when we are having sex and I mention different scenarios that we could encounter, she gets really turned on. Needless to say,I'm doing most of the homework and research and as I'm writing this, I'm just giving my input alone but when we do discuss our interest in swinging,we seem to be for the most part on the same page so far.

 

Speaking for myself, I think swinging could be good for us because:

 

1. We have been together for 7 years and although we aren't married yet, we consider ourselves married to each other in spirit and deeply love each other.Our sex life is wonderful already so I would think that if we do get into this, it could only enhance what we already have.

 

2. The expression "couples who play together stay together" comes to mind. We wouldn't have to go through any dishonesty and sneaking around because we are openly experiencing everything together (not that there are any jealousy or infidelity issues or concerns with us or anything). One of the first things I said to her was ,I don't care what we do as long as we do it together.

 

3. I've read quite a few testimonials where one if not both partners have sexual inhibitions and their experience in the lifestyle helped them shed most if not all inhibitions giving them a true sense of sexual freedom. Myself, I am a bonafide freak so that's not an issue for me but she is less sexually confident than myself. She is bi-curious but has cold feet when it comes to moving beyond just fantasizing and having dreams about being with women that leave her aroused and wet btw. I would love to see her with another woman, actually, I think it would be a turn-on to see her being pleasured by another person, male or female

 

4 .I think it would be fun just to be in an atmosphere with likeminded sexually free people wether or not sex happens at all.

 

I'm sure I could come up with more but what do my fellow board members think so far. Are we off to a good start mentality wise?

[EvilMJ 65]

We never even thought about it until we started having some fun with some friends and things started to get sexual. Then we discussed the "what ifs..and how do you feels" about it. It was a chance to live out some fantasies and do something different.

 

It has brought us closer together as a couple and if we stopped tomorrow neither of us would mind. I think we are just both very open sexually and wanted to explore this.

[WesternSwing 504]

We got in it mostly for my wife to explore her sexuality. I had a pretty wild life prior to meeting her, but she was raised in a very repressed, religious environment. In the past couple of years she has really come out of her shell and shirked-off much of the guilt feelings about sex instilled in her by her mother. Then one night at a party a woman asked if she could kiss her, which quickly turned into making out. She wanted to explore that further, and the couples route seemed the easiest way to do this. So here we are today. We've since added some other stuff to our wish list, too.

[BradAndJanet 69]

I guess we started because of J's desire to have more than one cock at a time. It was always a fantasy that we acted out with toys and swinging seemed like a good way to make it happen 'for real'.

 

We continue, however, because we've found that it's a fun adventure we can have together. Swinging makes us feel sexy and it's been good for our self-esteem to know people find us desirable. When we feel good about ourselves, we have more and better sex with each other too. We've also found that we enjoy talking and being around other sexy, open-minded people. Even that can get our libidos fired up!

[NakedInSeattle 158]

Here's our three cents worth.

 

M and I have spent much time discussing what we are doing and why. We love each other very much and are both secure in our trust that nothing or nobody will endanger our relationship. That said, we asked ourselves whether we would like to include intimacy in our relationship with friends. We are very sensual people that love physical contact with the opposite sex.

 

We feel that it is society's hang up that says that a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a hand shake between friends is OK but a blow job isn't. Pardon me if that sounds crude, but that's what society's view boils down to.

 

Our feelings for each other WILL NOT be altered because we enjoyed the physical pleasures of another (in the presence and with full knowledge of each other, I might add). If someone (one of another couple, say) gets feelings that they can not control, that is their problem, not ours. What can they do? Threaten to tell our parents?

 

Certainly we have talked with more people than we have "been with" in our short time swinging ("in the lifestyle" as they say) and they all say that both parties have blossomed into more happy, sensual beings than they were before. I'm sure there are cases where one partner pressures the other into swinging but these are few because they don't do it for long and we haven't met any of these.

 

I don’t know what feeling other couples have had but I can tell you that just last night, after being with another couple, M and I stayed awake in bed for 2 hours holding each other and going over each detail of what we did and what they did and how it felt and glowing in the pleasure that we had both received and given and how it was done. THAT was more important, more meaningful, and more sensual than the acts that were done.

 

Sorry if this went on a little long but felt like saying it.

[DBL D 120]

I guess I hate stereotypes. I felt the need to be different and this was one of my fantasies and I felt time was slipping away from us.

 

I may be a stereotypical swinger but the same thing makes me not a stereotypical person. Confusing?

 

Male D

[EUcpl 19]

For fun my dear. First of all we have met us 4 years ago in a club. We have had a great time and afterwards he asked me at the bar if I need this style of life. I said yes and he said yes. 5 month later we married. Our wedding night we have had in a club but without sharing partners. It was great. Than we have had a break for three month because we want a baby. Now we are swingers again and we have fun. I love him because he knows that women wants to have sex like men. Or let me say: Are you sure that you want to fuck your whole life only with one man? Bore! What about your sexual fantasies? Only fantasies or should your fantasies become reality?

 

Maggie

 

Sex is wonderful. The mistake of the nature: After 4 cums men are empty!

[curiousduo30 30]

This is a very loaded question... I think you will find a variety of answers and a lot of the same theme!

 

We personally decided to swing because the fantasies were outrageous and just talking about them became out of control! When it became something we were both comfortable discussing without sex involved (which took a while), we decided to check out the online sites and get some info. We went to a party and observed and then went to another party with some of the same people we were comfortable with and it just kinda happened. I can honestly say (as the female half) there have been many BENEFITS to my marriage!

 

1) Better and more honest communication.

 

2) Better quality time and sex with my husband alone.

 

3) Being able to fulfill fantasies I never even would have considered before.

 

4) Watching my husband have his fantasies fulfilled and knowing that I played a big part in the fantasy.

 

These are really only some of the reasons we started, but by far not the only ones.

 

I would also like to say that we have met some fantastic people that we don't swing with that we would definitely consider friends! Both here on the board and also from SLS and the parties we attended. So I guess that would be my answer to your question (plus some )

[BiloxiCouple 694]

1. We swing because of the type of people that it attracts.

 

2. The atmosphere of the people that gather.

 

3. The sex.

[txduo2000 18]

We swing because we like variety in our sex lives.

 

Another poster on this board said basically that when you face your fears and jump headlong into them, they aren't that threatening anymore. I think, ultimately, every married or involved couple's basest fear is losing their partner to someone else. When you separate the sex from the love, all the other things that bind you as partners become much more evident and that fear is somewhat minimized. Another poster said that much in the way that a loss of one sensory function heightens others, swinging takes the sex out of the equation thereby strengthening non-sexual aspects of one's primary relationship.

 

I agree with both assessments. (Thank you Intuition and Mr. SpooMonkey)

[two4youinswva 3,067]

I am wondering why people decide to swing????

 

Because we like screwing around, together

 

I believe it was TNT that posted recently on a similar thread, "Because it makes it easier to do a DP".

[Dolphins524 15]

We have not yet, but what has attracted us to the lifestyle are as follows, in order.

 

1) We want to watch each other get naughty.

 

2) We like seeing each other happy and at the height of ecstasy.

 

3) We like sex.

 

4) To spice things up in an already spicy sex life.

 

5) It's something we can do together, w/out the kids, that's ours to enjoy.

 

6) Make new friends that we have something in common with.

 

7) Anything else I may have forgotten .

[WesternSwing 504]

Because some fantasies require more then just two people.

 

That is the short answer.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

I/we swing first and foremost is the SEX. We enjoy sex, just like we enjoy music, reading, sports and other activities. This statement may cause an a few eye browes to stand up, but I enjoy sex just like I enjoy a good meal or a good baseball game i.e. REDSOX vs yankees or a good hockey game BRUINS vs canadiens.

 

I/we believe there is a difference between sex and love. I enjoy the variety of sex with multiple partners along with having group sex with various partners and yes, sex with another female.

 

PS ... Yup there is a little voyerism in us all as I enjoy watching my husband having sex with others!

 

Well those are my husband's and mine reasons!!

[tncinmd 55]

Sorry, nothing deep from us. We like it, we find it fun. We enjoy the sexual and social intercourse. Don't really think there's a need for any other explanation.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

You might also want to take a look at this motivations section in the archives, about 100 threads about why people swing.

 

Also these two threads have a lot of good comments:

 

Men, Why do you swing?

 

Women, Why do you swing?

[interested-05 135]

We are still in the process of checking out the lifestyle. Being able to be honest with the person I Love, and tell her the things I had hidden from the rest of the world, w/o fear of rejection, allows me to feel free, accepted and appreciated for who I am. Not merely the image I was trying to be.

 

I appreciate this thread and the ones directed to men and women. What I noticed with the women's responses, were mostly from bi women, which is ok and helps me understand what they think. I would like to hear from more of the straight women, and their opinions on the subject.

 

There is no better way to understand your partner, than to listen and accept them, for who they are.

 

Men and women have a different perspective on life, Love and, sex. And yes men would like to understand you better. Keep us informed, and let us know what you think and feel.

[SweetNSpicy 15]

Because all of our vanilla friends were so... boring.

 

Besides, life is just too short not to have fun. We recognize that love and sex can be completely separate. Oh, and we're perverts (meant in the best possible sense, of course! ).

 

In all seriousness - we have such fun together, such a wonderful life and were lacking nothing in our relationship. Swinging offers us another way to enjoy that life together, living out each other's fantasies, dreaming up new ones, adding a little spice. And it's just so darn fun!

 

We've also been impressed with the kinds of people we've met so far. We are flirts and have open minds about sex and relationships. We always found we had to sort of censor what we said to our vanilla friends in an effort not to offend or seem 'abnormal.' It's such a relief to be able to meet people who hold similar views to ours, who we can be our uninhibited selves around.

 

__________________________

 

Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...What a Ride!"

[mfmyeahbaby 19]

wow. took the words out of my mouth

[SluttyWife 17]

Four main reasons (two bad, two good), and I know there undoubtedly many...

 

They want to keep things honest, ala "..if you can't beat 'em, join 'em..."

 

They want to save a failing relationship.

 

They love each other and they love sex.

 

They love sharing and they love sharing sex even more.

 

Can you tell the good from the bad?

[Alex 15]

OK this is the million dollar thing Why?

 

First of all not necessarily for a reason. We love to have sex and we believe that humans are multisexual beings. On the other hand being so long together we desire the different. We try to use it for our own benefit. Improve our relation find a way to leave back all the routine of our life. And have the opportunity to explore our selves and our limits. What better way to know as many things you can for your self and the woman you love...