Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

It has been a while since we posted so this is gonna be a little long.

2 weeks ago we were invited to a party where it appeared that there were going to be more single bi women (unicorns). Mrs fun was a little reserved. One day well maybe, then we can't because of this or that. No big problem, I'm not a pusher . Of course, me being a guy I'm thinking (omg ).

So the day of Mrs. fun is ready, willing and already has decided what to wear, we were going We get a message that the party has been postponed till the next weekend because not enough people sent rsvps. So now 15 people send rsvps and we are really looking forward to going. My only reservations are it is mothers day weekend. Mrs.fun has no problem with this because she has made plans for our kids to stop by for an evening cookout the next evening.

HERE IS WHERE THE PROBLEM BEGINS. We planned on meeting a couple for a drink to maybe become possible playmates, they were in a hurry that day and so were we so we met halfway to the party at a convenient place, made small talk and had a drink, and we went our separate ways thinking we were all compatible. Except we couldn't invite them to the party without the owner's permission.

So off we go, we get to the party and one half of the hosts shows Mrs fun to our reserved room to put our overnight bag away while I go to the kitchen to put our drinks away in the frig and make us a drink. We make small talk, play a game of pool or two, and mingle a little. I felt a little buzzed, then it hits: BLACK OUT, very vague memories.

Mrs. fun was in the hot tub with a single guy that we (both think the world of) and I can remember while she is having what I think is a good time I leaned over and kissed her and said "I love you" to her. She can remember to that point that she went to our room and crashed out, that's the end of her recollection till morning. I have one memory of a girl tugging on my ponytail in a good way but that's it.

We wake the next morning in our room together and I'm really not feeling good at all. Mrs fun says shes gonna shower and I go down for some coffee. We make small talk with the owners and ask if we can take a couple pics before we leave and they said sure, so I snapped a couple of Mrs fun and the dance floor (no members) and off we go feeling like we're a little hung over.

On the way home our talk was mainly about we can't remember a thing, EITHER of us, and the drive is very long. We get home and Mrs.fun passes out in a way that off to the hospital I go. (We live close) Doctors tell us that we have rohyfnol (aka rooffies) in our systems and I shouldn't even be able to stand as much as I had in me and want to know if they should call the police.(well NO) We have to have our son come pick us up. What a thing on Mothers Day.

It has been a week now and we have talked a lot about this. My problem is I have always tried to be the guard in this lifestyle and I somehow failed. We have been through every emotion this week except anger at each other.

Now here's another strange thing, we have spoke to no one about this. We tried to contact the owners of the group\club when we got home and we were BANNED from the group, no mail, no nothing. Wouldn't ya think they would have at least been concerned about our well-being? When I asked to take a pic or 2 wouldn't ya think they would have said no? And then to be banned by the time we got home?

This has been a rough week, it is time to pull our heads out of the sand!

Wow, I think that is the worst thing I have heard to date and it makes me pretty angry thinking about it. You guys were drugged against your knowledge and who knows what happened....the word that comes to mind is rape. Even if nothing happened sexually your free will was raped.

I would be tempted to call the police, but I know you have to think this one out for yourselves. As far as being banned, maybe the hosts thought it was you slipping this in peoples drinks? Or maybe it was them but I would guess more than likely not. It would be nice to at least talk to the hosts...I hate it when people can't be upfront.

I'm so sorry this happened to you guys. I can't imagine the feelings you're going through right now. If this happened to us I've no doubt we'd call it quits for swinging. Hugs to you both...

Mrs LOL

This is a tough story to believe - I know I damn sure don't want to believe it. How could this have happened? Did anyone make/get you guys a drink? Did you leave your drinks open and alone at any point?

As a husband and a swinger this is one of the most frightening scenarios we can think of and we feel awful that it happened to you two. We are sick about it and wish you both a sense of peace about it - and a clear head about what to do with it.

I'll be reading this thread with interest because I am sure cooler heads will offer some great advice to this nightmare scenario that we are all potentially exposed to at some point.

Wow, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I don't really have any advise to give you. I'm just extremely sorry that this happened.

But don't feel bad that you are supposed to be the "guard" and this happened. People are evil bastards.

Hope you two are doing better and have recovered from this incident.

I'm a little puzzled. You seem to be reluctant to bring charges against these people, or even to get the police involved. This, in spite of the fact that you were both administered a debilitating drug against your will, and your wife was, in all likehood, raped by one or more individuals.

I guess my question is, "How bad would it have to be, to get you to DO something about this?

If she had "only" had an adverse reaction to this drug, and it left her brain-dead or bedridden and living on life-support for the next 30 years, then would you call the police?

What if she had died as a result of this? Would you be inclined to call the police, or would you just suffer in silence, without bringing the matter to the authorities?

Better yet...do you have kids? What action would you advise your daughter to take, if you suspected that she had fallen victim to something like this? What would you say to your son, if you suspected that he were doing this to his dates?

You can post your story on this message board and maybe 1 or 2 thousand people will read it, NONE of whom can DO a damn thing about it. Or you can call the local Police, Sheriff, or County Prosecutor, and just maybe STOP these low-life motherfuckers dead in their tracks.

At the very least, you'd be putting them on notice, which would reduce the chances that they'd try it again on somebody else.

It's your call...

I can empathize with you. As a lot of you remember from my first post, my wife and I had a similar situation. Even though we caught the couple messing with our glasses we did not want to make a scene. We could have been wrong. I am sure that you also feel a bit responsible for placing your wife and yourself in that situation.

NewAndScared said:

...I am sure that you also feel a bit responsible for placing your wife and yourself in that situation.

I don't think you should feel the least bit "responsible" for what happened to you. The person who slipped the drug in your drink should, and if it's at all possible without risking "outing" your swinging, I think you owe it to future victims to find out WHO is responsible and do whatever you can to protect others from having the same thing happen to them.

My heartfelt sympathies to you both.

MrsOttawaCuple

Here is a time line...

I get off work and wife closes store early, we meet our son and daughter in law at our local north end of town pub, where every body knows everybody. (They even have a women's club). I have a coke because I'm driving and wife has Malibu. We mingle a little and sign the books for weekly drawing. Yes our drinks were unattended for a bit, but we personally know tenders and owners, but still a Saturday crowd. We are there 1/2 hr.

We drive to Indy to meet possible friends, no problems, very hot couple. We seem to hit it off well. I'm having some margaritas now because we are close to our final destination, and Mrs fun had 2 Malibu, yes our drinks were unattended while we stepped out to talk and have a smoke.

They wanted to meet later at the vogue theater if the party didn't work out. So off we go for our full intentions of a great evening. We arrive at the party and maybe 2 hrs later black out... We didn't feel raped but we can't say for sure what we did... we would rather talk to swingers than the police. Our intentions were to invite the owners to our house because they seemed so busy attending to everyone else. Bringing this up to the board seems best for us now. We have our normal lives to deal with, and this issue also.

We're not hearing you say (or imply) this - but perhaps you are fearful that bringing in the police will expose this aspect of your life to public scrutiny? Rape victims receive a certain amount of privacy protection, but unless rape is suspected, you might find your story in the local news.

This may not be a good reason to not prosecute the suspected offenders, but it is certainly worthy of consideration.

Just so you know, I did a little google research and found that the effects of this drug kick in 15-20 minutes after it's taken....so it's pretty obvious it happened at the party.

I've been thinking about you two all day, it still ticks me off to no end.

Mrs LOL

Ok, LOL OMG just answered my question. I was wondering to myself if it could've happened before the party with the couple you were meeting. Obviously it happened at the party.

WOW! This is really scary. I can't even imagine what you guys are going through. I wonder WHY this would even happen. I mean, you were at a swing party...it's not like you were there to play monopoly or something. I have to assume you were there to have sex. Where was the need to dope you up? Unless someone wanted you out of the picture to have fun with your wife. That's an even scarier thought.

I am so sorry this happened to you. If I were in your situation, I would contact the hosts/owners again and let them know what exactly happened to you and let them know that if you don't hear a response from them that you will be contacting the police because that's obviously the only way you're going to get answers. I wish you luck and if you ever find out what happened, let us know. Good luck.

What sort of sick manipulative bastard gets off on screwing a human rag doll? I always say that cheating isn't swinging...and neither is rape! It says a lot about someone that they feel they need to incapacitate their prey in order to find an "agreeable" partner.

We have never had this happen, but have heard several stories about rohypnol in the swinging community, and it's scary as hell. Just one more reason to only play together as a team! I just did a little reading up on it, and one article (Brown University Health Ed.) stated that "The drug has been changed to leave telltale blue floating particles when mixed with liquids. If you see these in your drink, do not drink it. Get help and notify Police and Security immediately..."

I have no idea who made these "changes", how these changes are controlled, or what scale they're talking about (just locally?), but at least I'll know not to drink anything with blue floaters in it.

I have no idea why you two would've been banned, but it had to be a miscommunication. Or maybe it was something you did (that you don't remember) while you were on the drug. In any case, you were not given a choice. Definitely get in touch with the hosts and explain what happened. Do you have any documentation from your doctor? These folks are pointing the finger in the wrong direction, leaving the asshole(s) that did this to you free to do it again to someone else.

I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you and although you say you don't feel 'raped' in a way you were. You were both violated against your will by being given a drug without your knowledge. That aside you're still not really sure if you were raped after the drug took affect.

I have to agree with Jncc's post on this because when Spoo told me about it this morning I've been unable to think of much else. I would have let the hospital call the police and had them check me to see if in fact I had been raped especially since you don't remember anything and prior to the blackout from what you said nothing had happened yet.

I would be more more worried that someone gave me a drug without my knowledge and caused me to go to the hospital because of it. Plus, wonder if it had been a worse reaction? That is a greater concern then my "lifestyle" being made public over a police report. How many other people have they done this too or will do this too that because they may have reacted the same way you are (not reporting it) is why they were able to give you the drug.

Just my two cents on what I would do...I'd be pissed that someone risked my life or my health by slipping me a drug. We all have to do what we are comfortable with so I wish you luck in getting past this.

I would seriously want some answers if I were in your shoes.

1) who did this to you and possibly others there?

2) What happened after the last point you remember? Others saw, surely not everyone was drugged and they could provide some answers.

My advice would be to call or email the hosts and say that you really don't want to get the police involved but you want some answers. If you can't get them, then the police will. You already have the toxicology report from the hospital (i'm actually surprised they weren't legally obligated to report this) and could file a report...which gives you some leverage with the hosts.

Once again, just my opinion but JnCC is right. Of course this is your own descision but most rape cases don't get reported. And it happens again.

Mrs Spoomonkey said:

That aside you're still not really sure if you were raped after the drug took affect......

 

{SNIPPED}

 

........concern then my "lifestyle" being made public over a police report.

I tend to agree. Although I have never been in this situation in any setting... and as we are new to the swinging lifestyle... I would like to think that I'd rather see these bastards fucked for their deeds. Remember, one of the most common effects of the drug is actually not being able to tell if anything at all had happened to you. In rare cases, the victim remembers 'something' happening, but not what, and remembers not being able to stop it. But in most cases, there is no memory of anything happening and often no 'feeling' of something happening. Second.... no one has to say to the police "I was there to f*ck other people as I'm a swinger and this was a swinger house party." All they need to know is that "a few couples who are friends were gathered for a weekend get-together."

I would hope that in your position, we would feel the police needed to be notified, and the lifestyle, or what others think of me for it, be damned.

I say definately go to the authorities on this matter.

About confidentiality. Officers have to deal with confidential matters all the time (for their safety, other people's safety, and legally) so I wouldn't be too worried about it unless you are someone really extraordinary. (political figure comes to mind). But with lafayette being a college town I can't imagine your story being incredibly noteworthy from an officer standpoint. Just another thing that happened.

But what happened was very serious. Law Enforcement treats Rohypnol cases very serious as the person that released it in your drink will likely attack more victims. You going to Law Enforcement could prevent future cases of rape, and that in itself is reason enough to come forward. I think they would show a lot of gratitude that you came forward and would treat the situation delicately and privately.

Victim information is always kept confidential, especially in these types of cases.

I will be following this thread and wish you the best.

My advice would be to call or email the hosts and say that you really don't want to get the police involved but you want some answers. If you can't get them, then the police will.

Better to let the cops have it from the outset. There's a little art and a good deal of science to be found in a successful interrogation. Plus...they can interview all the guests separately but concurrently, leaving them little opportunity to collaborate on their story. Not to mention the fact that they'll probably conduct the interview at the police station...an intimidating situation in and of itself. Trust the cops on this...more often than not, they know what they're doing.

Don't worry about revealing that you were there to meet other swingers, most cops could care less. When you consider the kinds of stuff they see on a daily basis, a few couples getting together to play a little grab-ass won't even phase them. They'll probably suggest that you have a full STD screen run as well, especially on the Mrs.

Gawd, if I ever found out some asshole did this to a woman I cared anything about, he'd be the one running and screaming for the cops...

Actually, after reading JnCC's post, I take back what I said. Don't go to the hosts first. Get the doctor you saw to send the report to the police and let them handle it. JnCC's right: going to your hosts with the threat of going to the cops sort of constitutes tampering with evidence in a way.

I have a habit of believing the best of everyone, and always hoping that every person has some decency in them, but that's not always useful or realistic. This is just such an occasion. My suggestion to sort things out between yourselves is my knee-jerk reaction, because my motto seems to be "Can't we all just...get along?" JnCC's suggestion is far more practical and realistic. While I might not always agree with the way he calls a spade a spade I can certainly appreciate it in this instance.

Actually I'm changing my opinion on this as well. Because of the fact that now you've been "banned" from the group page...I don't believe you will get any answers (let alone honest ones) from these people. My concern is for the both of you. You have been taken advantage of, someone there has totally taken your trust and taken a big dump on it. I'm afraid if you don't deal with it, you could hurt in the long run...

fun4Ds, we are so very sorry for what happened to you!!! It's tragic and so very sobering and scary to know that this practice exists around the lifestyle. By sharing what happened to you, you've given us all something to be wary and cautious about.

Best wishes to you - I hope you let us know the outcome of everything.

This happened at an event in our community. The person who was drugged reported it to the dance organizer and also to the police. The dance organizers informed everyone who was at the dance and also did a general "beware of the scary people" message to several areas of our community. I'm not sure what happened regarding the police...

It is a very scary thing for someone like this to be on the loose within a swinger community because so much of our lifestyle is based on trust.

I am very sorry that this happened to you and your wife. I can't imagine how violated you must feel - it really creeps me out!! Since the event in our community - hubby and I are very careful never to leave our drinks unattended.

Mrs WA

I am so sorry...this story brought tears to my eyes and anger in my heart.

This is very serious, the police should be informed. I would also be worried about outing myself as a swinger, but they should be able to handle it with care. They are trained to do so. I have come across quite a few people that are in some sort of law enforcement in the lifestyle.

I would have the std tests, along with the hiv tests that they suggest for rape victims, just in case. I would feel relief in knowing that most times your gonna know if someone was inside of you, except for the fact that they probably wore a condom. (my husband and I had sex after drinking A LOT and I knew we had had sex when I woke up that morning, even before he told me)

There is only ONE reason your going to be drugged. That is for someone to have their way with you. It is very brave to do(to drug you, for no reason. I also agree that maybe they banned you for something you did. If I didn't get anyone on the phone or by email, Id be making a trip to the house to get some answers.

You are in our prayers....

Good luck.

I know what you're talking about.

It happens to us in a club that my wife suddenly felt a little dizzy. At least here, alcohol is something you learn to deal with since you're a teen as to recognize the effects and when something is wrong, and we're both aware of our tolerance to alcohol as to figure out when we drunk enough, which wasn't the case: we were drinking our second gin tonic, she got close to me and told me "let's go home, now!". We took a taxi to home, where she passed out. At the next day she told me that one in the taxi there were moments where her sight went black, but she was unable to let me know. It was obvious to me that someone put something in her drink and since then we pay attention to our drinks.

Six months later, we were in the club and a gal, friend of us, started getting wilder than usual. She was wild but this time she went way off the line, because at some point she disappeared and when coming back she told us she fulfilled a guy fantasy of peeing over him, which is gross for a swinger club. The guy is a married one from a well known couple, and they both endorsed the story: she had peed on him. We grab her and bring her home where she throw up and blacked out, and at the next day she was unable to recollect anything of what happened. When we told her she peed on this guy she was so embarrassed that she didn't went anymore to the club.

I googled the symptoms and reached the symptoms profile for Rohypnol. We warned the club owners, and they told us this happened before, that they're trying to catch the bastard who's doing this. In any case, it's something you may face anywhere, and because of this it's advised to avoid leaving your drinks unattended.

Rohypnol is forbidden in USA, but it isn't here, although it's hard to buy because it requires a double checked medical recipe. From the known use as a rape drug, Roche is artificially coloring the drug with a blue ink (previously it was transparent), so the target to put the drug would be pretty dark drinks or blue ones, where the ink wouldn't be seen.

About your story, you may be banned because of something you did while on Rohypnol during the party, that the hosts found out after you leave (someone else told them later on), and they may have been banning you since they doesn't know you were drugged. I would contact this people face to face to tell them about the drug, that if you don't have the chance to warn the remaining members about what happened you'd conclude they were the ones drugging you and you'll report them to the police. I bet this would be enough to be unbanned and give you the chance to talk about what happened with other members of that group.

EDIT: Regarding JnCC advice, Rohypnol is hardly used as a recreational drug (the ones using it this way would be heavy drugs users whose addictions would be easy to detect, and would combine it with other traceable stuff as to be able to recall something), and it's know to be used as a rape drug. The police wouldn't take it seriously if someone say you took it because you WANTED to when in the middle of a party: it turns you wild at first, mixed with alcohol may render you useless and unable to move, you risk to fall in a coma, you don't have ANY recollection, nor about any "pleasant" side effect (that could make it worth otherwise). No matter the fairy tale everyone involved may arrange, I doubt the police would blame on you because of being drug with Rohypnol. It is THE rape drug.

My God, my heart goes to you both. What a horrible thing to have happen. And a heartfelt thanks for posting it. So many terrible things happen that people are unaware of because others are afraid to talk about them. If one person learns to never let a drink out of their site, or never allow someone else to make it, then this post was worth it.

But my advice is to call the police. Even if your intentions were to have sex at this party, your choice of partners was taken when the drug entered your system, and your choice of changing your mind and saying no up to the last possible minute was taken away too. Its rape, plain and simple. I would also agree with others. Don't call the hosts and give them a heads up. Surprise is the best element when trying to conduct an investigation. (Or at least that is what my dad tells me.) The hosts may not be guilty, or they might. Unless you know for sure who did this shitty thing to you, I would let the police start banging on these peoples doors. Let them find the ones who did this, and string em up.

And do not blame yourselves. You didn't purchase the drug or put it in your drinks, so in no way should you feel like you are at fault. Nor do I believe you should beat yourself up over feelings that you should have prevented it. There are some sad ass fuckers out here who get off on screwing with people. Unless you have a crystal ball that works, and seen this was gonna happen, put the blame where it belongs. ON THEM.

I hope all works out for you.

Please seek victim counseling, even if you feel ok now. This will help minimize the impact on your daily life!

Odds are cops won't turn up anything (i.e. no arrests) however if you wanna turn up the heat, a police report with medical records will do just that. I guarantee there will be more than one poopy diaper in the crowd that was there!

If you ever want to just vent, my P.M. box is always open.

I'm very sorry this happened to you guys. Please call the police, your lives have been threatend. Who ever the dirtbag was, they had no way of knowing if you were taking any other medications and what the results would be mixing them. Since you were druged at the party, it gives the police a good place to start. The police are the only ones that have any chance of stoping these people. I don't think there's any doubt they'll do it again. When they get caught, they're the ones that will get thier names in the paper for drugs and rape, not you. Don't wait any longer, call now. You deserve better than what you got. Good Luck D. D.

My wife was drugged in the exact same way at an off-premises party in a South Beach night club once about three years ago. We didn't call the police because we didn't quite put the pieces together until a few days later. We did locate a photo of the couple who did it to her on the party's web site afterward and show it to the promoter and as many other people as possible as a warning.

Just watch your drinks in public. In a swinging context or any other. It happened to our Mrs beause she left her drink unattended, and it didn't happen to me because I clutched my drink all night even when I went to the restroom. If I hadn't then she would have ended up raped while I slept in a corner somewhere.

Our one redeeming factor was that the couple who drugged our Mrs gave us a ride home from the club (probably hoping something might happen) and our Mrs projectile vomited aaaaaaaaaaaall over their SUV on the way home. I was really embarrassed about that until we put all of the pieces together and realized that they had been asking for it. Our Mrs never pukes and those people were why and they got to clean it up, yay!!

This is something hard to say, but it deserve to be said.

Folks, you two will have to test yourselves for STDs. Rohypnol renders your will so useless that is someone proposed you to have sex without condoms, the more likely is that you "agreed" and did it, no matter how strong is your will about condoms use otherwise.

If you believe that you didn't had bare sex just because you experience tells you that no matter how drunk or doped you were before, you managed to avoid doing it, such an experience cannot be correlated with your behavior under Rohypnol. Believe me, if someone tried to have bare sex with one of you, you either said "YES" with a wide smile in your face, or were unable to answer back and prevent it from happening.

Sorry for bringing bad news, but it's the raw truth. This alone worth to consider reporting this to the police.

BTW, in my previous posts I was against reporting this to the police, but because my opinion is biased towards what could happen in my country with the police. From the posts so far it seems to me you people trust them more than me in the police, and since you're there, I am changing my mind about this subject.

Having read all the posts here, I have to agree that taking this to the proper authorities is the right approach. If you have been banned from this hosts group list then for some reason or another they are hiding from you. They know something about what happened and don't want to face it. All you have to tell the authorities is that it was a party, period. They don't need to know anything past that. And even if they did they can't release names unless it is the person who is charged, and you're the victim.

I feel terrible for you, and I truly believe that every action has an opposite and at least equal reaction. Maybe not in the same way it was administered, but kharma calls collect.

Good luck, and our thoughts are with you.

Mr. WS

Having read all the posts here, I have to agree that taking this to the proper authorities is the right approach. If you have been banned from this hosts group list then for some reason or another they are hiding from you. They know something about what happened and don't want to face it. All you have to tell the authorities is that it was a party, period. They don't need to know anything past that. And even if they did they can't release names unless it is the person who is charged, and you're the victim.

 

I feel terrible for you, and I truly believe that every action has an opposite and at least equal reaction. Maybe not in the same way it was administered, but kharma calls collect.

 

Good luck, and our thoughts are with you.

 

Mr. WS

You know? Like many other's here, this thread has been on my mind so much since it was tarted. I just can't get over the anger I feel for someone doing this. For Heaven's sake, you were there to have sex. There was certainly no reason to drug anyone for the sex, since everyone was already there for that purpose. It makes me very angry because there can only be one reason for this to happen.... and that would be so that whoever did it could have their way with you and do to you, whatever they wanted without you having to agree. The truth is there is no telling what may have been done, including videos, photos, other people that may have shown up without anyone's knowledge and been involved, etc. After putting much more thought into this:

YES, ABSOLUTELY, you should go to the police. They DON'T CARE if you were there as swingers. They do not need to know that anyway. They only need to know how many people were there, their descriptions, and their names if you have them. To Hell with the hosts if they have banned you and won't let you find out what happened. It is possible it was them that did it, or it's possible you did something for a while before passing out, that they banned you for. Regardless of the reason you have been banned, whoever did it, certainly did violate your rights by drugging you. And they need to be caught and punished. Please PLEASE get a copy of the medical reports from the hospital, either ask the hospital to notify the police, or contact the authorities yourselves. You must do this. Really... in my opinion, you absolutely must. AND BY ALL MEANS GET TESTED FOR EVERY THING YOU CAN THINK OF....including, although expensive, get the HIV tests.

It really makes me very angry at them for you, and I feel for you as I put myself in your postion in my mind and cannot even begin to imagine how you must feel for it happening. Please don't let this action go unanswered. LAWFULLY.

Mr. C

From a moral ideological standpoint, we are in complete agreement with those who believe this apparent crime should be reported to the police.

If someone is charged with a crime, however, we would not assume that your privacy will be protected. Aside from a few exceptions (which vary by State), court records are open to the public (including the news media).

In this case (party because of the nature of the party you attended), we would assume that the news media will be interested in covering and sensationalizing the facts. This is particularly likely if you live in a small community.

If we did decide to report the crime, we would probably consult with an attorney first to see what, if anything, could be done to safeguard our privacy rights.

Quote

"You going to Law Enforcement could prevent future cases of rape, and that in itself is reason enough to come forward"

Truelove wrote that.

I think that's what you have to do.

what happened here is the worst case scenario for a swinger (beside catching STDS)

I feel for you guys. Hope you feel better.

If someone is charged with a crime, however, we would not assume that your privacy will be protected. Aside from a few exceptions (which vary by State), court records are open to the public (including the news media).

Everybody knows what Kobe Bryant was charged with. Very few remember the name of the woman who charged him, because her name was never revealed throughout the trial. And that was a high profile case.

In this case (party because of the nature of the party you attended), we would assume that the news media will be interested in covering and sensationalizing the facts. This is particularly likely if you live in a small community.

If we did decide to report the crime, we would probably consult with an attorney first to see what, if anything, could be done to safeguard our privacy rights.

(BTW, a note about lawyers. I'm not a litigious person, but I regard lawyers like I do handguns and trade unions...IF you need one, you might as well go with the biggest, nastiest, noisiest m**********r you can get your hands on. You want one that will get the job done the first time.)

For Heaven's sake, you were there to have sex. There was certainly no reason to drug anyone for the sex, since everyone was already there for that purpose.

YES, ABSOLUTELY, you should go to the police. They DON'T CARE if you were there as swingers. They do not need to know that anyway.

Also, if you didn't do a rape kit and a toxicology test that night then there's no point going to the police days afterward. There would be nothing that they could do other than to take a report to humor you.

(BTW, a note about lawyers. I'm not a litigious person, but I regard lawyers like I do handguns and trade unions...IF you need one, you might as well go with the biggest, nastiest, noisiest m**********r you can get your hands on. You want one that will get the job done the first time.)

Exactly........Bruce Cutler comes to mind!!!!

Absolutely! But while "safeguarding your privacy" is important, the real advantage to consulting with an attorney is civil liability. Even if there is no criminal prosecution, you probably have grounds for a lawsuit based on the toxicology report alone. I don't think it's much of a case, but faced with the facts and the cost of defending themselves, you might just get them to offer you a settlement. Just a thought...

JnCC, we considered the civil lawsuit angle, but we purposely did not raise this as a reason to consult with an attorney. Consulting an attorney for a civil lawsuit (without first reporting the crime) can taint the criminal case and damage the accuser's credibility. A successful prosecution (or even an arrest) will provide a very positive backdrop for a civil lawsuit. Working the system in reverse (i.e. starting with a civil suit) may also put the victim in a position where they don't have the benefit of a proper criminal investigation.

Also, we are aware of the privacy protections regarding rape victims. But, rape has not been alleged in this case, and without an eye witness to a rape, prosecution is likely to be very difficult. The police will undoubtedly lean on alot of people and try to produce an eye witness to rape, if one exists. First course of action - get a search warrant and look for evidence of Rohypnol posession.

Ok. So the victims don't want a lawsuit, nor the hosts wants one. Even if the lawsuit were unsuccessful, the entire process this group will have to pass trough would be enough to split it apart.

In the other hand, it's hard to believe the ENTIRE group but the victims were aware of the Rohypnol use. The more likely is that some other guest did it to take advantage of the victim without the rest of the group concern, or perhaps that the host did this sort of things with newcomers just to spice up the scene, but the later case is hard to believe: someone would have been reporting them before, and after several reports the police would be able to build a case against them.

Also, it's likely that the hosts were getting a complain about the way the victims behave during the party. If they didn't threw up later on, it's likely that they did in in the host place. Most of the people doesn't know about the Rohypnol effect as to be able to notice when someone is on Rohypnol, or just drunk or stoned with a recreational drug, moreover if the victims wasn't known beforehand as to tell their behavior was odd for them, thus it's likely that people blamed the victim because of a misbehavior inside the party. If the abuser is a regular member of this group, leading others to complain about the victims behavior with the hosts as to ensure them to be banned would be a way to protect his/her actions. It wouldn't surprise me that members of this group were commenting how odd it is that so many newcomers misbehave, while being unaware that someone from inside the group is being drugging them.

Since no one would like to face a criminal process, I'd tell the hosts exactly what happened, that there are records of Rohypnol use in the hospital, that it is an illegal drug used to rape people, and that any misbehavior I may had was a consequence of being drug. So, they have the chance to unban me and let me tell everyone else in that group what happened to us in their party, or I will have to suppose they're protecting themselves or they know and are protecting the abuser, so I'll press charges against the hosts and not the entire group. This is like a poker game, and the victims has nothing to loose by raising the bet. In the worst case they will keep banned and wont file any report, which doesn't differ from the current situation, but if the hosts were unaware of the Rohypnol, for sure they will unban the victims and help isolate the abuser. In any case, after telling your story within this group it is likely that a lot of people will stop meeting, and it is possible that for some members this could explain other similar previous situations and even find out they were victimized as well, eventually, increasing the chances to prosecute the abuser.

In the case the hosts keeps banning you, I'd report what happened to the police to make them aware of the Rohypnol use within this group. Even if this isolated report were not enough to prosecute someone, it may be joined with other similar reports about the same people you're not aware of as to help such a prosecution.

..rape has not been alleged in this case, and without an eye witness to a rape, prosecution is likely to be very difficult. The police will undoubtedly lean on alot of people and try to produce an eye witness to rape, if one exists. First course of action - get a search warrant and look for evidence of Rohypnol posession.

As the husband of one of our favorite swinging couples (and a police detective of a large, mid-Ohio city) once told me..."Our department no longer usees rubber hoses to get a confession, because we don't need rubber hoses to get a confession."

Hey, I'm not trying to hijack this thread, or convince you to do something you're not comfortable doing. Just tossing out what I know about this stuff...

sereneiders said:

Ok. So the victims don't want a lawsuit, nor the hosts wants one. Even if the lawsuit were unsuccessful, the entire process this group will have to pass trough would be enough to split it apart.

 

In the other hand, it's hard to believe the ENTIRE group but the victims were aware of the Rohypnol use. The more likely is that some other guest did it to take advantage of the victim without the rest of the group concern, or perhaps that the host did this sort of things with newcomers just to spice up the scene, but the later case is hard to believe: someone would have been reporting them before, and after several reports the police would be able to build a case against them.

 

Also, it's likely that the hosts were getting a complain about the way the victims behave during the party. If they didn't threw up later on, it's likely that they did in in the host place. Most of the people doesn't know about the Rohypnol effect as to be able to notice when someone is on Rohypnol, or just drunk or stoned with a recreational drug, moreover if the victims wasn't known beforehand as to tell their behavior was odd for them, thus it's likely that people blamed the victim because of a misbehavior inside the party. If the abuser is a regular member of this group, leading others to complain about the victims behavior with the hosts as to ensure them to be banned would be a way to protect his/her actions. It wouldn't surprise me that members of this group were commenting how odd it is that so many newcomers misbehave, while being unaware that someone from inside the group is being drugging them.

 

Since no one would like to face a criminal process, I'd tell the hosts exactly what happened, that there are records of Rohypnol use in the hospital, that it is an illegal drug used to rape people, and that any misbehavior I may had was a consequence of being drug. So, they have the chance to unban me and let me tell everyone else in that group what happened to us in their party, or I will have to suppose they're protecting themselves or they know and are protecting the abuser, so I'll press charges against the hosts and not the entire group. This is like a poker game, and the victims has nothing to loose by raising the bet. In the worst case they will keep banned and wont file any report, which doesn't differ from the current situation, but if the hosts were unaware of the Rohypnol, for sure they will unban the victims and help isolate the abuser. In any case, after telling your story within this group it is likely that a lot of people will stop meeting, and it is possible that for some members this could explain other similar previous situations and even find out they were victimized as well, eventually, increasing the chances to prosecute the abuser.

 

In the case the hosts keeps banning you, I'd report what happened to the police to make them aware of the Rohypnol use within this group. Even if this isolated report were not enough to prosecute someone, it may be joined with other similar reports about the same people you're not aware of as to help such a prosecution.

 

We think you have stumbled upon the reason why they were banned from the group. The Rohypnol probably caused heavy intoxication, and the victims may have been behaving badly prior to their passing out. Some/most of the partygoers probably thinks these people are total A-holes.

One point which is missing from this entire discussion (so far) is that Rohypnol is used (by certain people) as a recreational drug (i.e. it is often self-administered). The mere presence of this drug in one's blood/urine is not conclusive evidence that they are victims of a crime.

We (like everyone who has posted on this thread) believe in the validity of the the original poster's story - and we would like to see them contact the police. But the police and the courts will have to view the situation in an objective manner. This is not an open-and-shut case, and they are not facing an easy or painless process.

They have been drugged, humiliated and possibly sexually assaulted - and if they pursue legal action they face the possibility of being 'outed' as swingers and accused (by the defendants) of using an illegal drug to induce intoxication. They have not compiled any evidence which suggests that there was a sexual assault, and without eye witness testimony, they probably have little possibility of doing so.

We are still not sure what we would do if we were in their shoes - and we would not blame them if they chose to keep quiet (despite very valid concerns that others may fall victim to the same crime). If we knew a rape had been committed, and believed it could be proven, we would go to the police.

There's been some good advice given here and great discussions. I would like to hear from Fun4ds and see how they are doing, and what they are doing. You guys still there?

Mrs LOL

Everything you said prior to the above statement is very true. This is where an experienced investigator can help you. He (or she) will talk to everybody that was there. If ANY of them saw somebody having sex with your wife, they're more likely to say so than to risk a charge of "accessory after the fact." Most investigators will build their case by gathering information from people who are not at risk of criminal prosecution, such as other guests at the party. As I said, it's an art, and they know what they're doing. Have you ever noticed how many people are convicted of a crime with little or no physical evidence, other than their admission of guilt given during a police interrogation?

 

As the husband of one of our favorite swinging couples (and a police detective of a large, mid-Ohio city) once told me..."Our department no longer usees rubber hoses to get a confession, because we don't need rubber hoses to get a confession."

 

Hey, I'm not trying to hijack this thread, or convince you to do something you're not comfortable doing. Just tossing out what I know about this stuff...

True. There will be plenty of aggressive interrogation, and the police may in fact uncover a credible witness to a crime. (A bonafide confession will be much harder to come by.) Even if someone witnessed sexual activity involving this couple, it will be difficult for them to conclude that it was nonconsentual.

Consider the Duke Lacrosse Team rape case. Thus far - no eye witnesses to a rape (other than the alleged victim), no damming DNA evidence and no confessions - yet the prosecution is proceeding (to the surprise and dismay of many, including us).

Most investigators will build their case by gathering information from people who are not at risk of criminal prosecution, such as other guests at the party.

Within the swinging culture, we have societal rules that we agree on regarding what behavior is appropriate or not. From the outside looking in, it was a sex party where the guests consented to having sex with strangers and there was voluntary drug use. That's how the cops will see it, that's how the DA will see it, that's how the media will see it. There was also no rape kit, no toxicology tests, no witnesses.

if you didn't do a rape kit and a toxicology test that night then there's no point going to the police days afterward. There would be nothing that they could do other than to take a report to humor you.

I could be mistaken, but I thought I read that when they made it home, his wife had passed out to the point that he took her to the emergency room... where their "toxicology test" revealed the presence or rohypnol.

Mr C

I could be mistaken, but I thought I read that when they made it home, his wife had passed out to the point that he took her to the emergency room... where their "toxicology test" revealed the presence or rohypnol.

 

Also, if you didn't do a rape kit and a toxicology test that night then there's no point going to the police days afterward. There would be nothing that they could do other than to take a report to humor you.

Actually, certain signs of rape can be detected much later. In fact, if testing required same night tests, then I don't think anyone would get caught. Our local sexual assault treatment center does rape tests on subjects that report the rape within 96 hours even. Possibly longer. Thats just reporting it in that time.

I think DNA needs to be collected sooner, but I believe times are different depending on where the semen or fluids are, Anus, Mouth, or vaginal. I surely wouldn't accept forum members responses on that however, it doesn't cost anything to contact your local assault treatment center and that would ensure what the local response would be.

*********\\\ Note to original poster ///**********

In fact, if you are at all hesistant about going to the police, I would contact your local assault treatment center. "Victim Assistance Program 877-749-9111" I believe that would be your local number. They would likely assist you and keep confidentiality much more effectively if that is a major concern.

Edit: I just realized that it has been multiple weeks since the event. Still, I would not hesitate to call the Victim assistance program, as they could consult you. However, actual law enforcement remains professional opinion.

One point which is missing from this entire discussion (so far) is that Rohypnol is used (by certain people) as a recreational drug (i.e. it is often self-administered). The mere presence of this drug in one's blood/urine is not conclusive evidence that they are victims of a crime.

For as far as I know, Rohypnol wouldn't be used ALONE as a recreational drug, since you will forget everithing about the experience you had while using it. But, if the hospital records doesn't show other drugs in the tests they did, it could be supposed that other drugs were present, so in either case you're right.

This doesn't change the fact of being known as a rape drug, and that it's hard to believe an otherwise non drug user would start on recreational drugs chosing to use Rohypnol. Moreover, the FDA forbid Rohypnol in hte USA because of it use as a rape drug, and not because it could be used as recreational drug (if so, many, many drugs that alter the behavior or perception, requiring a recipe to be bought -as Rohypnol required when it was legal- would be forbidden as well).

I don't know enough the legal system in the USA, but I guess reporting this to the police, without further evidence, wouldn't trigger an investigation nor lead to prosecution, but several reports may help to build a case. We don't even know if the police is gathering information about this very abuser and they're waiting for more people to report something like this, and this will remain unknown until reporting what happend.

In any case, I believe that asking a lawyer about these issues is advisable.

In any case, I believe that asking a lawyer about these issues is advisable.

I agree with this. Right on the way to local law enforcement and after stopping at the hospital to pick up the toxicology reports. At the very least make a report to the police, including whatever information you may have about whoever was there.

Mr. C

For as far as I know, Rohypnol wouldn't be used ALONE as a recreational drug, since you will forget everithing about the experience you had while using it. But, if the hospital records doesn't show other drugs in the tests they did, it could be supposed that other drugs were present, so in either case you're right.

 

This doesn't change the fact of being known as a rape drug, and that it's hard to believe an otherwise non drug user would start on recreational drugs chosing to use Rohypnol. Moreover, the FDA forbid Rohypnol in hte USA because of it use as a rape drug, and not because it could be used as recreational drug (if so, many, many drugs that alter the behavior or perception, requiring a recipe to be bought -as Rohypnol required when it was legal- would be forbidden as well).

 

I don't know enough the legal system in the USA, but I guess reporting this to the police, without further evidence, wouldn't trigger an investigation nor lead to prosecution, but several reports may help to build a case. We don't even know if the police is gathering information about this very abuser and they're waiting for more people to report something like this, and this will remain unknown until reporting what happend.

 

In any case, I believe that asking a lawyer about these issues is advisable.

Although it has never been legal in the US, thiss drug is surprisingly inexpensive on the street - and some people are remarkably stupid as to what they will put in their bodies. Several years ago, we had a rock star (Kurt Cobain) overdose on this drug shortly before his death by suicide.

Recreational uses (from Wikipedia): To produce profound intoxication - To boost the high produced by heroin, or ease the anxiety and/or sleeplessness of withdrawal - To counteract the side effects of stimulants (e.g. insomnia, paranoia, jitteriness) -To "soften" the so-called "crash" which follows heavy usage of stimulants, such as cocaine or methamphetamine - To improve sex drive and appetite.

It is extremely likely that a police report would trigger an investigation in this case. The US laws regarding this drug are extremely stringent and the criminal sentencing guidelines are severe. There would be no reason for law enforcement to standby and wait for additional victims to surface.

We are still trying to deal with this, it has not been easy. A lot of people have wanted us to let the authorities handle this. We are not ready to risk the exposure; wouldn't that make us the bigger piece of shit in the swinging community? We would like to at least feel good that we can keep the people we have met identities confidential. It sucks. The investigating has been on our own so far. We are thankful to our friends and we are lucky... no... grateful to be alive. We were raped and brain fucked. It hurts on the inside more than we can show on the outside.

It is probably going to be a while before we get any closure to this in our personal lives. You can only imagine what it is like to not have any recollection. It has been an earth shaking kaboom. Who would have thought they needed to dope us? That's sick.

Some days we don't want to contact anyone and some days we want to contact everyone. Who do we point the finger at? The couple we met? The bartender who served us? The folks at the party?

I guess it is my fault. They say time heals all wounds. We are thinking to send the owners a letter of an apology but apologize for what? Were only guessing we were the worst. Our current swing partners tell us that if we were an ass at the party it would be way out of our character.

I guess we are going to have to take it as a team and put it behind us. Somehow take it as a learning experience.

It's NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!

MrsOttawaCuple