Is this your first marriage?

[JustAskJulie]

We discussed this idea here before (I think) that of how it seems so many couples who swing are in their second (or more) marriage.

I was having a conversation with a (divorced) friend of mine tonight and he made the comment that once you've been divorced it is much easier to see what makes a relationship work (whether it be yours or someone else's) and what is bad for a relationship.

So that got me back to the idea that often swinging couples are not on their first relationship so I thought I'd pose this thought/question to you and see what you think about it.

First off (see the poll above) is this your first, second, third marriage? Assuming you are even married, of course. And if you are not on your first marriage, do you think that having been married previously helped you to see why swinging may be a good thing in this relationship? Do you think going through a bad relationship helped improve your communication skills to the point where you could even discuss such ideas?

[Roxysbayou]

I am on my second marriage, but it's hubby first.

I was only 17 when I got married the first time. I can remember us being extremely jealous of each other. I think that when I finally broke free of him I told myself that I would never get into a relationship like that again.

Now that I am remarried I find that I am not very jealous at all, and I am a lot more laid back about things than I used to be. I also share a lot more with my husband sexually than I did the first time around. I guess that's why I was so open to trying out the lifestyle.

Roxy

[NorCal Nites]

I am working on marriage number 2... and it's hubby's first.

With the other marriage, I just wasn't comfortable in swinging with him... never even broached the subject, although he tried many times because he knew beforehand that I was bisexual.

It just didn't feel right, and the relationship dissolved. But we are very good friends now.

I sincerely thing that I would only be in this lifestyle with my current husband. He's been the only person that I could ever fully open up to sexually, and mentally.

[LadyCleo]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou
I am on my second marriage, but it's hubby first.

I was only 17 when I got married the first time. I can remember us being extremely jealous of each other. I think that when I finally broke free of him I told myself that I would never get into a relationship like that again.

Now that I am remarried I find that I am not very jealous at all, and I am a lot more laid back about things than I used to be. I also share a lot more with my husband sexually than I did the first time around. I guess that's why I was so open to trying out the lifestyle.

Roxy

Dito for everything...spooky...

LC

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie]

Married once, 22 years and counting

[TomF_22033]

Currently divorced from my 1st time. A good friend of mine calls the first marrage the starter one or trail one. The one you use to learn your skills for what she calls the "real" one.

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by TomF_22033
A good friend of mine calls the first marrage the starter one or trial one. The one you use to learn your skills for what she calls the "real" one.

Your friend's attitude doesn't seem overly complementary to those couples whose 'starter' marriages have lasted ten, twenty or more years.

Perhaps some of us are simply able to learn skills and apply them to the same relationship . . .

[lnk4u]

this is both of ours first marriage going on 20 yrs this march.

[Elusive BiFem]

What about some of us that have lost a spouse through death? Can you add that to the poll? Widowed but never remarried? It's really quite different than any of the single/divorced categories. Sort of an in-between land.

- EBF

[tbop]

Divorced twice and done with the whole marriage unless I find someone who is into the lifestyle. My ex's would never attempt the sharing concept and I always got the excuse "I could never have sex with someone else in front of you". The problem, they didn't seem to have any problem having sex behind my back. I was always upfront and honest, telling each of them, "if you want to screw someone, bring them home, let me know, we'll make arrangements". I can't deal with the sneakiness, lying, deceiving, etc. So alas, single again.

[sharp1]

I agree wtih Tbop-
I'm done with the marriage thing unless I find somene secure enough to be willing to participate in this lifestyle.
All the "behind the back" crap does not cut it with me- Trust is Everything

[Alura]

I stayed single (divorced) from age 26 until age forty and had the attitude, "Never again!" Then I met Mrs. Alura. She was going through a divorce at the time and also had the "Never again!" attitude. We decided to compromise...

Mr. Alura

[C@YWMI]

Well my wife and I consider ourselfs very lucky we just celebrated our 18 wedding anniversary. But just a couple of years ago we finally started to communicate about our sexuall desires and fantasie's

[Vjklander]

Married once, 26years and counting

[NotsoNew]

This is my second marriage and my husband's first. Got married the first time when I was 20 and too young. Also learned a valuable lesson with that one - can't change a person. No real jealously with that marraige, a lot of other issues though. But we are all friends now.

But, now I feel as though I am with the right person and know that when this poll comes around 20 years from now I will be able to say married 27 years.