Triumphs

We're wanna-be professional photogs, so it goes without saying that we would do it... Now all we need is the right couple and/or single(s) to experiment with...

Well, we were going to try to clearly define swinging and open relationships, and then compare and contrast them. However, we realized that, although we know they're different (we've done both), it's not that easy to do. If we had to give an answer at gun-point, it would be communication, communication, communication. Swingers communicate their intrest, desires, and feelings about everything. They communicate the rules/boundaries. They communicate what they've done, and what they would like to do in the future. Our "open relationship" nearly ended our marriage. The only thing open in that kind of lifestyle is your fly... From the beginning it was doomed to fail, and it took us over 10 years to build things back, and correct our mistakes.

We just found this, and after laughing our asses off, we thought of some new ones... 123. You know what SLS, SDC, D/DF, HWP, and 420 mean, and realize none of your vanilla friends do. 124. You can't wait for the kid(s) to go to sleep so you can both get on your favorite swingers chat. 125. Your budget includes annual membership to your favorite club and swinger sites. 125a. You start saving up to get a lifetime membership to your favorite swingers site, because it's cheaper. 126. Your "stay-at-home" SO starts working so you can go out more. We took all of the contributions, cleaned them up and we can send them to anyone that is interested. The Triumphs

The people we are talking about asking, are people we've met through the lifestyle. We, of course, would have to know them well enough to feel comfortable leaving our son in their care, and vice versa, but how much more can you get to know somebody? We are equally choosy about who watches our son, and who we swing with. We have met a few people in the lifestyle that we would _not_ want to watch our son, but then we don't want to swing with them either... SluttyWife: Thank you, that is an excellent idea, and I think we may just have to see if we can get one started. Thank you all for the replies. They have all helped us...

Like many we have met through the lifestyle, we are parents of a younger child. We agreed we would never have an encounter at our house, mostly because we don't want our son knowing our business. He's too young to stay by himself all night, so we are always looking for sitters and people to watch him while we go out. We don't have any family in the surrounding area, and there's other problems with that too... Hence, we're feeling a little aggravated; not at our son, but at the lack of availability of decent sitters... What we have found, is that the only people we feel meet our prerequisites, are other swingers. (The fact that they understand our situation is an added bonus, and might even help reduce the cost of the hotel if we split the same room.) So we're tempted to offer to watch their kid(s) one night if they will watch ours the next, and this would probably work well since we live closer to where the clubs are than many we have talked to. (It's a Texas thing...) But we still feel apprehensive about it... How would other parents feel about letting a couple you know swings watch your kids? It's a given, they would have to be decent people, but that's usually not a problem with swingers... Would you be willing to trade off nights, provided it was convenient for both couples, of course? Does anyone know of any alternative or have any suggestions for finding someone to watch the kiddo? Thanks,

Let me start off by saying, we don't condone this behavior. If this is how you feel, then we think that you should talk with your SO about it before you swing again. Who knows, you may find your SO finds it arousing too. You may even find someone else who feels the same, but please be honest with them. Not being honest and forthright about your desires, to the other person(s), is wrong. Particularly if your intent is extortion, which would make you a criminal. I believe that, for every vice, there are people who find that very thing arousing. As vices go, though, this one is rather exotic. We all know that breeding with the healthiest and most attractive mate we can is one of the core drives our bodies have. Therefore, I can see where a person would be tempted when they find a person, through swinging, that has a quality they feel their SO lacks. I can also see where someone would be tempted by the "naughty factor". We probably all know someone that craves attention and/or desires being the center of controversy. What would you do/think if you saw a white mother with a mixed child if you knew her husband, of many years, was white also? Look? Gossip? Both? Some people like that... I tried to not to be gender specific, since it could go either way, but I would suspect that women feel this way more. Some guys may get off on the thought too, though. Personally, we would never do anything like this while swinging. If we want to make babies, we can just go home and role play until the swelling starts. Is there any other factor/reason I missed? PS - I am not a psychoanalyst, but I play one on the internet...

Just place an ad in a singles dating forum, or even a swappers forum. It doesn't have to be a video. Be honest and say you're a single guy, but you would like to be in a swinging relationship. Try not to be overly exuberant about it, though. (We hope that's not the most important criteria you have...) I think you will find more than enough women are interested, but are afraid of breaching the subject, since it's still somewhat taboo. Finding a couple that you can go to swing clubs with, may be a little more difficult. With the right attitude/personality, though, you should be able to find one good couple. There are dozens just in the subdivision we live in, so I would have to think that there are even more in RI. What both of these options will do is 1) get you into the clubs and possibly more, and 2) you will be able to show that you are socially competent (ie - not a looser). Even if you don't stay with the same person/couple, it speaks volumes to others about your personality. Which will make it easier in the future to find more couples or single (bi-)fems... It's all gonna boil down to you and your personality. If you have the right personality, you'll have no problems. I highly recommend you check out some of the dating and NLP resources on the web. I don't know how you look, but we feel that looks _help_ open the door. So if you need to tone up or get some style (clothes, hair and skincare), you might wanna start working on that too, ASAP. The right combination of charm and looks will get you everything, maybe even more than you would like... I don't envy your position, but we wish you the best of luck,

When we separated in '93, TriumphGirl had a few encounters and developed what we were told was genital warts, and later had abnormal results on her PAP smear. She then had her cervix frozen, the symptoms went away, and she hasn't had any in 10 years. I never had any symptoms. As for the HSV (herpes), we both get cold sores every couple of years or less. This is the most common STD on the planet (>90%), so unless swingers constitute a very unique group, at least about 45% or more should have it. That's a good point. There isn't any way to test for HPV and the herpes test is expensive, so we're asking for people to be honest. As someone put it in another thread, it seems to him like it's a nasty little secret in this lifestyle, which we hope others will come forward about. Neither is entirely debilitating, but we understand the obvious turn-off it can be. I (TGuy) feel that what most people are doing, are saying they are D/D free just because 1) they don't know they have HPV or HSV or 2) they choose not to be entirely honest (because of the stigma and they can because they are not symptomatic). I just find it hard to believe that so many people in this lifestyle claim to be D/D free. People don't even need to engage in sex to contract either, so how is it possible for so many to be D/D free. As for the others that can be tested for, we would expect anyone to be honest there as well, and get tested regularly. We might not get intimate with them if they are positive until they are completely cured, but their honesty will go a long way with us. Look folks, we all understand the stigma about having an STD, but you don't have to go running around wearing a shirt that says "I have an STD". What we want is, if you have something, be honest. You never know if the other couple might have the same thing (especially these) and it's not going to hurt one way or the other. Basically what we are saying is, "we'll show you our medical history if you show us yours". Can you all live with that?

Ok, we've been reading these STD related discussions, and trying to decide what we should do. We know we might be HSV and HPV carriers just like 80-90% of the population. We are not symptomatic and haven't been active outside of our relationship for 10 years, but we are still going to be tested for all other possibilities before we go any further. What bothers me, is that given the number of people that visit this site, there aren't more that admit to being carriers of the more common infections. We couldn't find any couple in our area that doesn't say D/D free. As far as we're concerned, it's the symptoms that are the real turn-off. If we found another couple that is not symptomatic, but is honest that they may have contracted something we already have, we would not have a problem swinging with them. I mean, what's the harm? Hell, we feel that our mutual honesty would help to alleviate our own misgivings, and might help everyone relax. What we're getting at is, we realize there's a negative stigma about having an STD, but if we're all carriers and not symptomatic then why not be honest. Oh sure you can lie just so you can get that tasty virgin couple into bed, but at what cost? I thought we were all beyond the player tactics. I would like to hear from the rest of you about this. Do you feel that if a couple/person is non-symptomatic, but admits that they may have an STD you already have, that you would still be turned off? How many here have been tested recently? We plan on being tested within 3 months of any sexual contact. We don't suspect we'll find anything more, but we'd rather know than spread something. Come on people, most of us should know that the majority of the population has HPV and HSV, so why is it such a threat? In many cases, you don't even have to be sexually active to contract either. Thanks Julie for the site. I don't know if that's you in your avatar, but it reminds me (TriumphGuy) of an old girlfriend.