Dealing with age gap

[alabamafuntonig]

Ok guys a little help!

I and Mrs. Bama have a semi get together date at our home tonight with a couple we have met online.
After several months we are finally going to sit back have a few drinks play some cards and have a great time (henry crosses fingers).
So what’s the problem?
Well the other women she is just 28 and her hubby is 45
The women’s age is very close to both of us so no problem, it’s the hubby.
He is a tad older than the age group we usually hang with.
Are there any suggestions from the elders of the board on what to avoid conversations about? And maybe what I could strike up conversation about... This gentle man is very sweet and his wife is to, I just want to have him fit in without making him feel uncomfortable.

[Perseus]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
Ok guys a little help!
He is a tad older than the age group we usually hang with.
Are there any suggestions from the elders of the board on what to avoid conversations about? And maybe what I could strike up conversation about... This gentle man is very sweet and his wife is to, I just want to have him fit in without making him feel uncomfortable.

Ummm Politics and religion? Always good topics to avoid. Oh, and no geritol jokes.... hehe J/k

Really though, I am sure you probably don't have to worry though. Just don't get into a three-way conversation about something that wouldn't be in his generation (uhhh like grunge music) and make him feel left him out because he doesn't have a frame of reference to join in.

Perseus

[naughty A]

IRA's? and retirement homes?

kidding

seriously... he's married to a 28 yr old... if she knows/likes grunge music... he will at least know what it is...

I wouldn't worry about it but I would avoid conversations that include "Oh my G*d you remind me so much of my DAD!" or you drive the same car as my parents or... get it...?

relax... while it is often easier to interact with people closer to your own age... their own age gap will probably make it easier for them to interact with YOU.

Have fun...

[M&B]

Forget his age and forget yours. I am willing to bet that he is going to enjoy your company.

I may have a few years on some. Other have some on me. I never forget one thing: I'm just a guy.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
... This gentle man is very sweet and his wife is to, I just want to have him fit in without making him feel uncomfortable.

I think you have pretty much answered your own question here. If you have already found that you like this couple, you've obviously spent some time talking with them and getting to know them. What have you talked with them about previously in order to come to that conclusion? Obviously they are as attracted to you as you are to them as they are coming to meet with you. Just relaxe and go with the flow of conversation, it will naturally lead you to comfortable topics. My hubby is 58 years old and can talk about darn near every subject in the world with anyone. (Well, he might not know who Eminem is though.) Don't let the age gap be a difference in how you respond or treat him.

Oh, I guess I do have one suggestion. When they ring the doorbell, don't open up the door with a drop jawed look and say something like "Good lord all mighty, are you sure you are only 45?" "Or how did an old man like you snare this fox?" That may not set a good tone for the rest of the evening.

[M&B]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
......................
Oh, I guess I do have one suggestion. When they ring the doorbell, don't open up the door with a drop jawed look and say something like ............. "Or how did an old man like you snare this fox?" That may not set a good tone for the rest of the evening.

Is that a bad thing to ask??? Should I have been offended?

[alabamafuntonig]

M&B
Thanks I'M sure we will do fine but I still want to be able to not make a fool of myself if I can avoid it.

Mrs. O

We talk a lot about computers and politics world events. As far as all 4 of us some of the subjects don’t fit into a group discussion so to speak. I just don’t want to make a assumption that he don’t understand or that he would not be comfy with some discussions ….oh I”M still confusing aren’t I

p.s.
So asking him to buy the beer because he can get the aarp discount is out of line.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

p.s.
So asking him to buy the beer because he can get the aarp discount is out of line.

See Bama, now your age is showing. Mr. "New Friend" is five years away from being eligible for the AARP discount. Definitely a mistake to ask that question.

Seriously, make an effort to alternate discussing things that interest each of you. Often time my guy and the other guy or girl go off in conversations that I have no interest in or no knowledge about and it doesn't bother me in the least. It is simply interaction. A few times I have actually learned to pick up an interest in something because I am hearing it from a different point of view and that in turn brings an interest to me.

I am still not gonna take an interest in hunting, fishing or golf. I find that is a good time to take a mental nap. But, they can talk about it all they want, that is until I turn the conversation to sex! Which they usually lose interest in their topic and wanna fool around.

[alabamafuntonig]

thanks mrs o
(you know the aarp thing was a joke)

[wrnakedru]

On the one hand, I do think it is considerate of you to think about being "good hosts".
And the rewards for your consideration are above and beyond what most "hosts" are seeking, so the topic is certainly worthy of concern.
But the flip side of the coin is that you have already in your mind "isolated" the gentleman by feeling you need to consider him in any manner varying from the norm.
I have been in and around the lifestyle for a good number of years. Long enough to remember having made some remarks along the way [to folks I really liked and admired, both male and female] that I am now embarassed recollecting the remarks. I meant them as compliments, praise, even flattery. I now recognize just how patronizing the so-called compliments must have sounded to those I had bestowed them upon.
The proper "turn of a phrase" CAN make all the difference in the world though, it's just a matter of taking the time [as you are wanting to do] to think before you speak.
I am old enough that we frequently get emails saying "Do you like younger guys? I LOVE older women!"
Here's the deal: I recognize that the email is meant as to be a compliment. But hey, I can read the ages - I see he's younger, I know I'm older - so the isolation of that fact alone is not necessary.
What would really come across as a compliment? An email that said something along the lines of "I am weary of the lack of depth evident in most GIRLS and seek the far more sensual advantage of being with a WOMAN."
Both emails mean the same thing, but which do you think has a higher chance to be answered?
I am NOT however suggesting you spend the day constructing the correct turnings of every phrase and memorizing them.
You have already gone through the process of contact, and agreed upon mutual attraction. He is aware of the "numbers" as well. If it were a negative feature, I don't believe he'd be married to someone of "your age group".
The evenings success is NOT going to hinge on where was everyone when man first walked on the moon, or who was alive when Kennedy was shot?
Relax! Accept the guy, appreciate who he is [without mentally stamping a number on his forehead] and go with the flow. He'll know how to deal with it quite easily, or he wouldn't be where he is. You have things in common, use them as your foundation.

If he needs a glass of prune juice, he'll ask for it!

[alabamafuntonig]

So I was worried last night about meeting the couple that the man was older than us right? Well let me tell you that’s not all I had too worry about!
Not only was he older than he said he was his wife was younger than she said she was it was not by much a few years here a few years there. (As they jokingly said to us with a straight face at my kitchen table). I and Mrs. Bama almost dropped dead there was 25 years between them. That not being the major problem. After 2 hours with them we started doing the math in our head (on there 8 year old child they have together) lets see

The couple’s wife just turned 26 he is 51

26 -8.5 (kid) = 17.5(age of wife at her child birth)
Take in mind it takes 9 months to have a baby on average
17.5 -9 months= 16.9 or so (wifes age at conception)
That means he got her pregnant at 16(wife still a minor) when he was 41(hubby)

Oh my head what the hell do I do. Oh ya and there married only 2 years, he had to wait for his divorce to finalize before they could get married.

[wrnakedru]

I think you deserve big points if you didn't ask the guy "So, was it a big problem avoiding that statutory rape charge?"

Guessing that we don't need to bother asking your Mrs. if the guy was fun in the sack!

[alabamafuntonig]

nope we did not eeven go ther! kept it cordial and felt a little for the wife. how can i say this with out any one taken affense to it .(she was a little nieve)

[BiloxiCouple]

Well if all else fails, get naked and give him a BJ. Probably won't be able to say anything wrong then!!! And you definitely won't have to carry the conversation.

[OhioCouple]

Doesn't it just yank your chain when people mis-represent themselves. I'd have to say that I would most definitely taken issue with that situation myself. I don't know how cordial I could have been. I think they would have seen a real early night.

I'd have been VERY tempted to ask wrnakedru's question. I don't think even my hubby could have stopped me.