swyngtyme

When my wife and I were first discussing what our rules were going to be, I was nervous, and I suggested that I might want to make "no kissing" a rule. She said that immediately made her think of that movie, Pretty Woman, and made her feel like a whore. So, no such rule with us, quick decision.

I hear you, ONHArry. Things may be beginning to look up for me. It turns out that a couple my wife and I are friends with but haven't seen for a couple of years are swingers. They don't really do it any more due to finding too many undesireable people, but aren't closed ot the idea of an occasional foray with friends. I've talked to her about this but not him yet, just because of the way the conversation went, but I'm going to talk to him about it before proceeding in any way. I'm not her type apparently, but she's "not saying no"--considering that I wanted her from the first time I saw her, that's more than I could have hoped for. But more importantly, they were regulars at a club nearby and know the owners, as well as many other swingers. She says that once I broach the subject with him, he'd certainly be willing to introduce me around--that's going to make a BIG difference. Additionally, I have had one positive response to my ads. She's single, recently separated from her boyfriend with whom she swung. Unfortunately, she lives much too far away from me, but she'll be much nearer this coming weekend, and we're going to get together for coffee. Have I posted the latest version of my ads, my latest thoughts on how best to word all this? Using some of the tips I've seen around here for single guy profiles, and the knowledge that there's only so much I can do to convince people that I'm telling the truth, I've deiceded to keep the explanations to a minimum in the profile, and if they're willing to talk to me, I can explain more. Have a look: ********* Here I sit, trying to write my profile in some way that will let me stand out from the crowd, without sticking out like a sore thumb. Is that even possible? I'm in an open marriage, but my wife and I only play separately, at her choice (she already has her own playmates). My wife can and will vouch for my honesty on this. I'll consider solo females or couples (I've never had a threesome yet, but maybe we can teach each other some new things), but no cheaters--I won't be a part of that. I'm hoping to eventually find someone for a "friends with benefits" situation, but the first step isn't the benefits, it's the friends. Okay, let's be honest--this is a swinger site, we're all here looking for sex. But there's *so* much more to it than that. I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that I'm going to be the best you've ever had, or that I can offer something no one else can, or that I'm hung like a mule or anything like that. Rather, I will try to convince you that I'm a nice, safe, sane guy, who just wants a little adventure, with everyone's pleasure in mind. My wife says that I have a great butt and nice big, strong hands, but that's her opinion--maybe you won't agree, so I won't even try to sell myself on that. I'll just hope that an honest and decently-written profile catches your attention, and that you might want to find out more--then maybe you can decide those things for yourself. ********* What do you think?

Harsh and Socolais, thanks very much. Tom: Yes, love includes those things. But it includes much more, as well.

Not an intimate relationship... just exactly how do you fuck someone without being intimate? I'm a little tired of the lessons in semantics. I have relationships of one kind or another with my mother, my wife, my son, my friend, and at times in the past, my girlfriend and my friend with whom I sometimes had sex. It is this last which I seek. She and I cared about each other in that we were friends who knew each other pretty well, and either would be upset to hear the other one was unhappy or having a run of bad luck or whatever, and both would do their best not to upset, betray, or otherwise hurt the other. But we were not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, because we were not exclusive and were not in love. Is this finally clear enough? For that matter, is this really any different from what any of the rest of you seek, except that some seek only the sex with no friendship connection?

Huh? She and I say the same thing. No, you'd be meeting both of us, that's what I'm talking about. Well, not available for swinging, no--because that's the way she's chosen to operate in our open marriage. But she is available to talk to, because she'd be sitting right there in front of you at this first meeting. Well, how about these wedding photos I've brought along to the coffee shop (please don't spill on them)? Friends, that's all I'm talking about when I mean an attachment. Rather than random, anonymous sex, I'd be looking to have a situation where we know something about each other, care about each other's feelings and well-being, where we're less than boyfriend/girlfriend but far more than strangers who happen to be in the same bed. I should hope your husband would veto that setup, and I would too. That's becoming ployamory, which is not what I'm looking for nor what my wife has. Right you are, and thank you for giving them. I'm just rather surprised by some of them, that's all. I just think that, if one is the sort to pick someone out from an ad and want to meet them for a coffee on a separate occasion to see them face-to-face before falling between the sheets, then picking someone out from and ad and meeting them for a coffee on a separate occasion to see them face-to-face, and his wife is there to tell you that it really is okay with her that he plays without her, and oh look, here's our wedding photos in case you think I'm just a friend who owes him a favour--that doesn't seem to me like a whole lot of extra hassle or drama. It's just one more cup of coffee sitting on the table. Contrast that with the extra drama of picking someone out from an ad who says he's single, but one suspects maybe he's lying, but because he said so one just decides to believe him; get coffee, hit it off, get together another time to swing and *then* meet his wife, irate and throwing things when she catches him cheating.

I see what you mean now, Alura. No, I wouldn't do that, either. Even beyond the fact that it's just not who am I to prevaricate like that, once I've gone through so much hassle due to telling the truth about the rest of this, why would I start lying at that point? Yes, hassle. Not from you, Alura; I don't mean this paragraph as a personal response, but generally around the lifestyle community as I've experienced it so far. I used to find it mystifying and confounding that the general public, just because they understood it better, had more sympathy for sleeping with someone not your spouse without their knowedge than they had for sleeping with someone not your spouse with their knowledge and approval--they had more of a problem with swinging than with cheating. But now, I'm discovering another problem. It almost seems like some people, if they were looking for a man to add for a threesome, they'd rather choose a guy billed as single, even though they suspect him of being a cheater, than choose a guy billed as married but not cheating and with no secrets. It's almost like some don't care if he's actually cheating, they only care whether they can say "but he *said* he was single" if something goes wrong. *That* I totally don't understand.

So don't. Maybe there are others who won't find it such a chore to meet someone before they fuck their husband. Based on the people I've met and the things I've read, I'd say that the only cardinal rule of swinging is to respect everyone's rules, and this particular way of playing is one of ours. Perhaps when you say "emotional attachments" you mean :falling in love." That's a very different thing. I consider "emotional attachments" to include caring about one another, and I'd hope to have that with anyone I chose to swing with. Swinging is not, by definition, anonymous or random sex, is it? You're allowed to give a damn about someone before you fall into bed with them? You run your swinging based on your rules (and the rules of those you're with), we'll run ours based on our rules (and the rules of those we're with). Thanks for the input.

Hey Tybee, how about this: "I'm in an open marriage, but my wife and I only play separately, at her choice (she already has her own playmates). My wife can and will vouch for my honesty on this."

Hi, Tybee. I see your point, and I agree. I'll still have to do it in half a dozen words or less, though--I really think that all my previous attemtps belabour the point so much that it might end up seeming *more* like I've got something to hide. Thanks, Graygo. Yes, all my ads have a picture of me, face included. I haven't got a variety to use yet, so that's the only one. I'm always the one behind the camera, os I haven't much lying around, and as for deliberately posing one or two, I can't think of what to create. Sure, activities--what if I don't do anything like those things? A picture of me reading, watching a movie or playing Scrabble just isn't going to impress. ;-) But yes, I don't intend to have any naked pics on my ads. Perhaps if someone asks for one, after having provided one of their own, but then I have to figure out what to take for that, too. I don't think I close-up of my junk is the right idea--I've seen so many say that it's a turn off, or that "we've seen all that, they don't look so much different from each other", plus it kind of creeps me out. I think showing off my butt in a full-body shot when the time comes might be a better idea, but I *still* have to figure out how to pose that well. And yeah, I'm looking for either a solo female or a couple to play with. I didn't want to get too far into specifics in this particular piece of text because, a) many of the places I'll be posting the ad, you already specify those things in another place, so you don't need to type them into your ad, and b) I'm hoping that this text will just catch the interest, and then someone can find out more. In many places there's a second section somewhere for further details, where I can get down to brass tacks. This is intended to be just the teaser.

For one of my ads, that's fine, and I understand why it's good. For another place that I tried to put this up, it was already more than 150 characters too much, and I had to cut it down--there's no room for more. Doesn't it already say that we play separately, therefore saying that she does play? Perhaps I can acheive the same effect with just a couple more words, like saying that my loving wife and I only play separately, each with our own playmates, at her choice, which I support.

I've taken a new stab at writing my profile for a couple of sites, part of which addresses my unique situation. I re-wrote it several times to shorten it, and realized in the end, partly from the helpful replies in this thread, that (when it comes to words on the screen) there's only so much I can do--they'll either believe me, or not believe me, or perhaps reserve judgement and give me the chance to prove it--but a whole lot of explaining won't make it any better than just laying it out simply. Let me know what you think of this new profile. I've used only two simple sentences of it to describe my situation. ***** Here I sit, trying to write my profile in some way that will let me stand out from the crowd, without sticking out like a sore thumb. Is that even possible? I'm in an open marriage, but my wife and I only play separately, at her choice. My wife can and will vouch for my honesty on this. I'll consider solo females or couples (I've never had a threesome yet, but maybe we can teach each other some new things), but no cheaters--I won't be a part of that. I'm hoping to eventually find someone for a "friends with benefits" situation, but the first step isn't the benefits, it's the friends. Okay, let's be honest--this is a swinger site, we're all here looking for sex. But there's *so* much more to it than that. I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that I'm going to be the best you've ever had, or that I can offer something no one else can, or that I'm hung like a mule or anything like that. Rather, I will try to convince you that I'm a nice, safe, sane guy, who just wants a little adventure, with everyone's pleasure in mind. My wife says that I have a great butt and nice big, strong hands, but that's her opinion--maybe you won't agree, so I won't even try to sell myself on that. I'll just hope that an honest and decently-written profile catches your attention, and that you might want to find out more--then maybe you can decide those things for yourself. ***** What do you think?

Yes, a regular--that's actually what I'm trying to find. I hope you're not suggesting above that I'm pretending to be married. It would be rather hard to follow up on my promise to let people meet my wife, and have her tell them herself that I'm allowed to go and play. If they think it's a friend I've coerced into saying that, I'll let them look at our wedding photos! :-)

Oh, and about meet & greets--except clubs, people around here don't seem to do that. The BDSM community is very active, and the do meet-ups they call "munches"--in a public restaurant, low-pressure, ways to get to know people to maybe invite them to parties, or just to see each other socially. Within casual driving distance, I could go to at least four regular monthly ones. But I can't find that the swingers community does any such thing, at least around here.

Yeah, I've tried the club thing a few times. Even got special permission last Saturday to be solo on a couples only night. Never felt so much like a leper in my whole life. On the nights when singles are allowed, there are too many of us. On that night when we normally wouldn't be, the people who go on couples only nights do so partly because they don't want to deal with singles, so I'm even more of an outsider. Frankly, with the odds as they are, although the clubs make a personal impression easier, the number of times on average that I'd have to go to the clubs and spend the night bored and lonely for it to work out even once--I just can't afford that kind of coin.

In my marriage, we have a particular way of putting it: I don't let my wife fuck other men. I don't give my wife permission to fuck other men. I give her my blessing to fuck other men. The first two imply control, posession. The third implies understanding and happy acceptance.