LVHallPass

I've been where you are. After our first few swinging experiences my wife and I agreed that we enjoyed our experiences more when we were alone. We have been primarily doing dates this way for about a year and a half. The best luck I have had is with the female half of couples in the lifestyle that we already know. I see two women that are swingers in good, stable relationships. I see them alone as often as I am able. The sex is great, there's no pressure when one of us has to cancel a date, and we always leave the bedroom on good terms. My wife, on the other hand, has had great success with Ashley Madison. I have tried AFF and AM, but I just don't have the time to weed through all of the prostitutes and gold diggers, and I'm not just saying that off hand. My wife has met several men on AM and each of them has told her that it took a lot of effort (and a considerable amount of money to send messages) to find women that were actually normal people looking to date (as a side note she is not cheating with married men, but finds singles or swingers with hall passes). There are far more men on hookup sites than women. Women on those sites are bombarded by dick pics and "Hey there!" messages. Real women will have to weed through a lot of men before even finding your profile, and once you message them and they find out you're a swinger or in an open marriage most of them will lose interest. If you're looking for hookups outside of the swinger pool either don't tell them that you are married, or tell them that you are married, but cheating, and I have two subjective long term experiences to back this up. For about six months I dated a woman that knew I was in an open relationship. Every time we met she would bring up the fact that she just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that my wife knew what I was doing, was ok with it, and even wanted to meet her. She is single and I met her through mutual friends that we swing with, so she knew my situation. Because she knew I was married, but had a hall pass we had issues when I couldn't see her as often as she wanted me to. It fell apart. I have another friend that is divorced. We've always had a very close relationship and been attracted to one another. We went out for drinks soon after I began swinging. She was having trouble with her boyfriend, so I said, "I can offer you a booty call". She immediately said, "Where would we go?" We talked a little bit and then she asked about my wife. I opened up about our open marriage. She was a little shocked, then suddenly, no boom boom for me. We've stayed close, gone on many dates, been drunk numerous times, made out, held hands, etc. but when it comes to the good stuff she says, "I don't fuck around with married men.", which is bullshit, because she does. What she really means is, "Your open marriage thing freaks me out. I'd be ok if you were cheating on your wife, I was the other woman, and I thought I might have a shot at making you leave her for me, but since I know that's not going to happen...." So, like someone else said here, women either want an unattached man to settle down with, or a married man with the hopes of settling down with some day. I'm not saying it can't happen, because you may find that rare woman that is ok with your situation, but it's not likely. You'll have a lot more fun, and a lot less drama, if you find women who are either swingers or in an honest, open relationship.

Something like that is hard to bring up cold if you're not sure how she'll respond. I suggest you start bringing it up during sex as part of your dirty talk. Like ask her, "would you like to have someone else sucking your tits right now?" or "would you like to be sucking someone else's cock while I fuck you?" and see how she responds If she responds favorably then you can bring it up afterward. Ask her if she meant it. Let it simmer and be patient. At first she may feel awkward or ashamed after she climaxes or when you're done, but at least you'll know if she's open to the fantasy. Keep it up, discuss the fact that you'd love to bring another man into the bed while you're having sex and she'll know it's ok for her to fantasize and speak openly about it, first during sex, and then later in general conversation. That kind of talk is what allowed my wife and I to begin exploring the lifestyle.

We've been in the lifestyle for about a year and a half. We started out meeting a couple and had several great experiences with them and they have become close friends. We still play on occasion. Shortly after we attended a hotel room party and even though it was a "bucket list" experience we still cringe when we think about it. It was with some very experienced swingers, most of whom had played together before. The men all loved my wife, but I got stuck with a woman that I had no attraction to and had performance issues, which for a newbie was quite embarrassing. I kept in touch with one of the women I met there and have had several dates with her since. We have backed off of meeting couples and mostly play alone now, so I'm not sure if we are technically swingers, although we are still open to couple play if we meet the right people. She has had much better luck finding dates, but it's suprisingly hard for a married man to find a woman who's willing to date or even have sex with a man when she finds out his wife knows what he's doing.