Is bareback sex frowned upon by swingers?

[HotCplUk3040 5]

Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion.

 

It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blacklisted or is there a place for this?

 

We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?

[bbarnsworth 2,575]

Whether or not bareback is possible depends on the couple. In my experience, condoms are a given in most circumstances. On your profile, you can indicate a preference for bareback. That might help you, and might dissuade couples that otherwise would play with you.

 

My wife dislikes condoms more than any other woman I've ever known (and talked with on the subject). We've always used condoms except with two long term boyfriends she had and a couple whom we were exclusive with and tested. The two long term boyfriends started out with condoms, but over time, a willingness on their part to be exclusive and testing, the condoms were no longer necessary.

 

 

 

[Numex 2,269]

27 minutes ago, bbarnsworth said:

over time, a willingness on their part to be exclusive and testing, the condoms were no longer necessary.

Perfect.  It is the path we traveled.  Started out regular swinging, but found like minded couples who also wanted to go bareback.  It took a while, but we all got tested several times while remaining bareback monogamous with our spouses and only playing within the group using condoms before the all clear.  If anyone wants to play outside the group, ok but let us know and leave the group.  No one has.  I also figure the odds of someone actually cheating is low because 1) the penalty is death, and 2) there is so much sexual variety and quantity within our group the desire to cheat is low, less than a non-swinging monogamous couple stuck with only themselves.

[bbarnsworth 2,575]

That's an excellent point Numex; a monogamous couple probably has a much higher chance of cheating that a non-monogamous couple. Placed into the context of a closed group, and yeah that works very well. From an STD perspective, assuming everyone is honest, the chances of getting an STD are probably lower than a vanilla couple, given how many vanilla couples cheat.

 

My wife and I are currently beginning down the road of potentially being part of a group like you describe, There's one other couple so far, and maybe 1 or 2 more in the future. We're both comfortable with feelings developing, which is to be expected after having sex with another partner many times. Sort of a natural progression. We'll see how it goes.

[Billygoat 434]

We have been part of this practice at most every level…..but most always with those we met and knew well…..rarely on a first or chance meeting.  Even more rare during themes, group, team, tag, multiple or gang activities where outside help or participants were recruited.

 

but for our semi private group, most gatherings and parties condom less sex was customary for most pull out to cum….all dependent on the ladies desires at the time.  Many times finishing inside….and having multiple partners finishing inside during a single session was fairly common and some receiving members expected it.  But again not open to the public.

 

from our experience it is more often the ladies preference.  Most assuredly a couple has discussed and crossed that road together.  If it is a trusted male and he has had a vasectomy he will see the most play that will end this way.

 

my personal experiences especially with younger women I am a safe choice having been snipped….no pregnancy worries.

 

this isn’t meant to be taken lightly.  We primarily play with those we know well.  We were never considered bed hoppers…..bed post notchers.

 

 

[MidwestHoneys 346]

Figure we will be called out on this. We leave it to our partners. 

[Curiouscouple2001 109]

On 11/27/2022 at 10:55 PM, HotCplUk3040 said:

Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion.

 

It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blcklisted or is there a place for this?

 

We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?

I recently posted something similar, my wife and I have fantasies conversations about having sex with someone usually it’s mentioned as a stranger but the wife also references that she would like to play with them bareback, and we also thought how we could make this happen as after I wondered about if it was just pillow talk or her been serious turns out she would like to make it happen but we would need the other to be willing to engage possibly without a condom 

[enhancer 1,565]

37 minutes ago, Curiouscouple2001 said:

I recently posted something similar, my wife and I have fantasies conversations about having sex with someone usually it’s mentioned as a stranger but the wife also references that she would like to play with them bareback, and we also thought how we could make this happen as after I wondered about if it was just pillow talk or her been serious turns out she would like to make it happen but we would need the other to be willing to engage possibly without a condom 

You would have a harder time finding guys that want to use condoms then guys that want to go bareback!  I am more then sure you will have no issue finding what you want.

[Numex 2,269]

On 11/28/2022 at 4:52 PM, bbarnsworth said:

We're both comfortable with feelings developing, which is to be expected after having sex with another partner many times. Sort of a natural progression.

It has happened to varying degrees among all of the couples in our group, but sex is only one of the drivers.  The woman who I am most attached to, other than my wife, is not the one who I have sex with the most, although we do frequently get together; she is the one wth whom I share common interests that our spouses don't.  It is the woman who I have most often gone on overnights, long weekends, even a vacation by ourselves.  Even that, however, has made me appreciate my wife more.  The relationship with the woman who I am attached to is like two dimensional - our shared common interests and sex.  With my wife it has many more dimensions besides sex and common interests: family, house, our future dreams.  

Edited November 30, 2022 by Numex

[herpob 525]

On 11/27/2022 at 5:55 PM, HotCplUk3040 said:

We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?

We only use condoms for anal when there is a great deal of back to back. with that said, bareback anal happens more than you'd think because there is not a wife among us that doesn't get off watching our man take it anally and getting cum filled. It is how we clicked as a group. We masturbate to this more than anything else. Our husbands are 100% with us on this, they love to see us take it anally bareback getting cum filled. Everyone cleans well afterwards before any more goes on. We have extra showers to accommodate. Over time you will find modifying your home comes in extremely handy once you have a well established sex group. 

 

So we definitely prefer bareback. Everyone in our group is about the real deal, real feel, real cum.  We like the act, the visuals, and the cum play.  As for penises, a bare penis is the best feeling penis, no doubt. We trust everyone after getting to know them well so far no one has blown it, no stds. We have a few newer couples slowly integrating. We are keeping it fairly safe with them so the husbands use condoms. I know the wives well enough to see whatever they do with their men is most likely okay for the rest of us yet we still take the cautious road. 

 

Once we get to know people, see how they interact in a sexual setting, learn their tendencies, we are open to bareback sex.

 

I encourage building your own group of trusted sex friends. 

Edited November 30, 2022 by herpob

[AndyPlays 30]

I am a man that regularly goes bareback in the lifestyle.  I do discuss beforehand and I regulary get tested and ask for the same of my partners.  It is not perfect but I do think it is reasonable when you go bare.

 

The next question is do you risk pregnancy by not pulling out.  That is even more thrilling than playing bareback.  Yes, I pull out on her request.

[GoNatural 104]

Based on multiple polls here, and a survey I saw on Kasidie, it looks like the "we use condoms always" couples account for about 25%.

 

On 3 or so different surveys, the amount that say "we never use condoms" looks to be about 12%.   That's NEVER.

 

The remaining ~ 60% are situational.   Some of them being "most of the time", and some of them being "only when asked", or "once in a while if we feel we should", or "after we build trust we go bare", or "after we see test results we go bare".

 

My own life experiences as a young buck (back 13+ years ago) for couples was that only 30% were "we always require condoms".  10% (or 1 couple) switched by the second play date.   

 

60% wanted it bare on the 1st play date. 

 

I think my own experiences matches up with multiple different survey results quite well.

 

The guy that posts on reddit from swingers help dot com says that 50% require condoms always, based on a survey at his website.   I haven't seen how it was worded, but I have a hard time believing that. 

 

The absolutist of Always BARE or Always Condom are in the minority, while everyone else makes their decision for various reasons that vary from partner to partner, etc....

 

 

[hotwife70 585]

My wife prefers bareback (she enjoy dearly skin contacted) but more likely only to someone we knew over the concern of STDs.

[ConfusedHubby 110]

Condoms were always our default which we never really talked about or questioned until we  got together with one particular couple where the female half transitioned straight from going down on me to mounting me raw with no words or discussion--just a "you said you were fixed, right?" after she was already riding.   After that experience, we became far more open to it.  

[barefoot_so_goo 46]

When I first started swinging, I got read the riot act about condoms. At the same time, the hosts/organizers always averred "we aren't the condom police." Condoms were always available and encouraged.

 

My experience agrees with the always/depends/never percentages given in the polls above. People will *say* they always use condoms, but off alone almost everyone would prefer bareback. At parties I always used condoms with couples/women I didn't know. After we knew each other better, it graduated to bareback. A few occasions I'd be invited to bareback by someone new. I just went with my gut whether I did or not. Maybe foolhardy, but never any bad outcomes.

 

After a few months of good behavior (and recommendations from hostesses), I was invited to closed pods. Two different groups of 3-6 couples, but they'd change up which pod they frequented from time to time. First time with them, I started to put on a condom and she laughed and made a face. No problems, always a good time. Did spread my seed a little. 🙂

 

Ironically, condoms rarely came up in straight dating. Only a couple women requested them, and only one consistently.

[kittyswinger 258]

On 11/29/2022 at 8:49 PM, Numex said:

It has happened to varying degrees among all of the couples in our group, but sex is only one of the drivers.  The woman who I am most attached to, other than my wife, is not the one who I have sex with the most, although we do frequently get together; she is the one wth whom I share common interests that our spouses don't.  It is the woman who I have most often gone on overnights, long weekends, even a vacation by ourselves.  Even that, however, has made me appreciate my wife more.  The relationship with the woman who I am attached to is like two dimensional - our shared common interests and sex.  With my wife it has many more dimensions besides sex and common interests: family, house, our future dreams.  

Just like you, I dont block the "natural progression" from happening, and it has happened several times. Good thing , S.O. is polyamorous too like myself. But usually, i wait until I'm satisfied that it is multi-dimensional before progressing it into a formal relationship.

 

Only after that time that I allow bareback sex under safe conditions. But the safe condition is not foolproof so there is fertility risks too so I need some form of commitment from a partner to assume that risk. Im not on a chemical-based bc, so condom is a must for me when swinging.

[couplers 4,319]

10 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

Im not on a chemical-based bc, so condom is a must for me when swinging.

Have you considered a sperm scarecrow, otherwise known as an IUD?  They come in hormonal and non-hormonal varieties.  Also the diaphragm, although I don't know of anyone using it currently. 

[kittyswinger 258]

7 hours ago, couplers said:

Have you considered a sperm scarecrow, otherwise known as an IUD?  They come in hormonal and non-hormonal varieties.  Also the diaphragm, although I don't know of anyone using it currently. 

I'm horrified by stories of patients lining up in ER due to penises getting stuck inside due to IUD! 🤣 But kidding aside, afaik, even the non-hormonal type, also use copper or some agents to block off sperms from entering the uterus. I just like the holistic approach to wellness. I know it somehow takes away some of the fun in the play by being constantly on guard with partners.

[ExploringOptions 180]

We are only exploring meeting others and now we need to talk about the obvious std problem if we go forward. I can’t remember the last time I was with a guy who used a condom since I started birth control so many years ago. I don’t remember my husband and I ever used them when we dated. Something more to think about when and if we meet the right people. 

[barefoot_so_goo 46]

On 5/26/2023 at 8:05 PM, kittyswinger said:

Only after that time that I allow bareback sex under safe conditions. But the safe condition is not foolproof so there is fertility risks too so I need some form of commitment from a partner to assume that risk. Im not on a chemical-based bc, so condom is a must for me when swinging.

There are a few other non-hormonal, non-condom BC methods I've used, but it's mostly been 'VCF' - vaginal contraceptive film. Comes in a box of 4-8 foil packets. It's a small square of semi-gel she inserts. You're supposed to wait 10-15 minutes before sex, and add a new one each time. I thought they worked great. Portable and discreet and little imposition. Maybe an idea.

 

I think the sponge is available again, but I've never used it. Only info I have about it is my ex's friend got pregnant using it. Apparently doesn't work so well if you've had kids, which she didn't know.

 

I really wish there was BC for men. I know there's a sperm-blocking injection that's being explored, and is in use in India. I'd go for that.

[ConfusedHubby 110]

I have noticed a correlation between singles (male and female) being more open to bare than couples.    Perhaps it's the fact that there is less gravity, i.e. making a choice for themselves rather than their family, but for whatever reason that has been my observation--especially with single males and my wife.

[SheernylonCpl 36]

Helen here and all our swinging is totally bare back both at clubs and in our group

[ChristianSwinging 57]

We love the natural way of lovemaking with all the components that go with it.

If my wife wants a man she wants him normally bare.

This is a natural desire. We don't want to have contact with someone we have to protect ourselves from.

When she's about to open her legs wide for him, she wants feel him and normally wants to get his semen inside, like it is naturally intended.

 

[Curiouscouple2001 109]

9 hours ago, ChristianSwinging said:

We love the natural way of lovemaking with all the components that go with it.

If my wife wants a man she wants him normally bare.

This is a natural desire. We don't want to have contact with someone we have to protect ourselves from.

When she's about to open her legs wide for him, she wants feel him and normally wants to get his semen inside, like it is naturally intended.

 

This is exactly how we are and my wife wants it bare 

the first time she had sex with another guy they had a condom on for probably 5-10 mins then took it off and had a seriously dirty fuck for the remainder 

like you say how it’s intended 

[kittyswinger 258]

20 hours ago, ChristianSwinging said:

We love the natural way of lovemaking with all the components that go with it.

If my wife wants a man she wants him normally bare.

This is a natural desire. We don't want to have contact with someone we have to protect ourselves from.

When she's about to open her legs wide for him, she wants feel him and normally wants to get his semen inside, like it is naturally intended.

 

This is how I do it too with my bf on safe days. He has same privilege as my SO. The restrictions of wearing condom apply to uncommitted partners. At one point, i had 3 committed partners and i can open my legs for them and own me bare.

[ChristianSwinging 57]

4 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

This is how I do it too with my bf on safe days. He has same privilege as my SO. The restrictions of wearing condom apply to uncommitted partners.

It's so nice you give your close partners the same opportunities as your bf.
For us there are no harsh restrictions for uncommitted partners. It's also a question of sympathy and desire.
They usually wear a condom but there have been sweet little exceptions here too especially if she had a special heart for someone 😙

 

4 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

At one point, i had 3 committed partners and i can open my legs for them and own me bare.

I wish you always a good joyful time for love with them.

We enjoy these moments as a great gift for us and our relationship. At the moment we also have 3 committed male partners for whom she really loves to open her legs and she enjoys to own them bare between her legs for making love. 💗

[couplers 4,319]

On 6/2/2023 at 8:30 AM, ConfusedHubby said:

I have noticed a correlation between singles (male and female) being more open to bare than couples. 

When we were going through our phase (mid-twenties) of me setting up my husband with single female friends and acquaintances (after he let me keep my ex-fiiancé as a boyfriend and have one crazy fb for a while), no codoms were ever requested.  I think it was because as a married man, he was seen as safe.

[ChristianSwinging 57]

10 hours ago, couplers said:

I think it was because as a married man, he was seen as safe.

That's what many people think and I think, in principle this view is correct.

[ChristianSwinging 57]

I don't know how to put it but bareback is just a special way to have sex with each other. For some, it is now just a fetish that you can do without.

It is a Lot more. Actually the most natural and beautiful way to have sex with one another.

It certainly depends on what you want from sex.

If you only aim for orgasm on both sides, you certainly don't need the semen.

For us, orgasm would not be enough of a goal. We are also very concerned about the mental aspect and the bond for our relationship.

She likes the feel of more depth and dedication, even if he is somewhat of a stranger.

And every time we have bareback sex with someone, there is this very special bond with each other through the sperm that we don't want to miss.

[kcjones 58]

Reddit is the only place where bareback sex is treated like a swinger sin.  Otherwise, its conditional or situational for most couples.  

[ConfusedHubby 110]

2 hours ago, kcjones said:

Reddit is the only place where bareback sex is treated like a swinger sin.  Otherwise, its conditional or situational for most couples.  

Ehh, I think "bareback" is pretty much a trigger word on all LS platforms.  The mere utterance of it is a green light for others to begin virtue signaling...