Threesome boundries

[Ridgidsoul 3]

So my girlfriend and I have dabble in threesomes in previous relationships and now we want to add some fun to ours, but there seems to be different rules between a ffm and mmf. She has set high limits between myself and interaction with another female. I can only receive oral and that’s it. When it comes to a mmf there is no rules and she wants it all. Should I respect her wishes as I feel I’m getting the short end in the pleasure with the ffm? 

[enhancer 1,581]

The only way you should respect her wishes is if you are okay with them!  If you are not then you shouldn’t.  It will only cause issues if you are not on the same page when it comes to lifestyle activity.  There is no universal right or wrong way of doing things.  Only what is right or wrong for the people involved.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

It's better to not do something at all than to do something that you know going into it is going to cause resentment. If it were me, I would express my feelings to her, and why I feel that way, and maybe you two can work something out. If she holds firm, then I would just skip any FFM play since it will only lead to trouble long term.

[Ridgidsoul 3]

I really appreciate the input. I will add that I am excited to do a mmf with her and have no ill feelings about doing it. It’s something she really wants. I would never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Is it selfish of me to want it all in a ffm scenario? She has stated that she’s a little possessive and wouldn’t like sharing too much of me. I just think how can you want so much for yourself, but You put limits on me. She says I’m the only one who she’s ever felt that way about since this has been her best relationship ever. I treat her how you should treat your significant other, and we rarely have any issues with one another. We both agree that we’re in a good spot to consider extra fun. I make sure on a daily basis she’s my #1 and show my appreciation constantly. 
Do you think it’s possible she’ll warm up to the idea?

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

If you are having problems talking with her about this, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it at all. Why would she want limits for you and none for her unless there was other underlying issues (trust...?). When we have set limits in the past, gender had nothing to do with it. It was the same for us both until we were comfortable with how things went and we removed or changed the limit. This kind of points to something that you need to address with her.

[Anon321 519]

You have to figure out what you're comfortable with here and how you want to approach it.  If you're OK with being limited in a FFM and having the MFM completely open then you can go down that path.  If it's going to create a problem for you then I think you need to address it upfront.  However if you're OK with it I think there is always a likely chance that after she has a MFM she might be more open to lifting the restrictions on a FFM either immediately or over time but there is no guarantee so you really have to figure this out for yourself.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

I think it's possible she may warm up to it, but I'm not there to hear her side of the conversation either so sort of hard to judge that from where I sit.

 

It's sort of a Catch-22 here, and I realize sort of contrary to my earlier advice, but maybe sort of easing into it would work.  Have a few experiences under her rules, and she may find it doesn't bother her as much as she thought and will relax those rules.  Or, she may stick to them, but then your resentment will likely grow, so that's a risk.

 

I don't think it is selfish of you at all to want full participation in a FFM threesome.  What is more important than what people want or don't want, is how people react to not getting what they want.  It sounds like you are a reasonable person who deals with those situations in an adult way, so don't feel bad about your wants, they are what they are.

 

 

[Ridgidsoul 3]

@cplnuswing

 

again thank you for the advice….

Im not one to have a tantrum if things don’t go my way… I know I’ll be having fun and sharing the experience. You’re right by saying maybe after a couple of play times she might ease her fears a little. I’ll talk more about it with her when it comes up in conversation again. She has already found another female to join us and she did that all on her own. I was taken aback by it a little since we had just started talking about it.  This tells me she’s serious in taking the next steps to some fun. Communication is key, but talking about something too much can also cause issues. 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

I do not think it is reasonable for one person to have no limits but impose them on the other. If she is too hung up for you to play fully with the woman, but totally OK with playing fully with another man, things are out of balance. I do not think that is a long term successful stratagem.

[njbm 2,859]

I agree with the other posters. You can’t have a rule where one person limits the other person, but not themself. 

If you do go ahead with the threesome with the other woman, what are her desires? Maybe she will want intercourse with the male. Does she get deprived of this because the gf doesn’t want her bf banging women?

 

Can get tricky. We always have a vanilla dinner or drinks with a prospective couple before we get to play. If they have fugazy rules that we cannot abide, we wish them well and move on. 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I, too agree with the other posters. Unless you specifically ask her why she would want it too be one sided you don't have the communication necessary for this to have a happy ending. I have a feeling that this is going to develop into a bigger problem.

I strongly suggest you guys work this out first.  

[EastInWest 1,524]

Somebody on this forum once said rules don't need to be fair or equal, they need to be safe and fun.

 

In this case, though, I'd suggest that maybe the two of you could start off exploring soft swap. If intercourse is a sticking point for her with FMF, it might also be a little overwhelming to jump right in with it in MFM. Maybe agreeing to test the waters with consistent rules and see how you feel about expanding would be a better place to start.

[Ridgidsoul 3]

Thanks again to everyone who responded. 
we did talk about it some more and I explained my point of view easing into the conversation. It turns out that in one of her previous encounters that more attention was being paid to the other female than her. So this is where her boundries stem from. So We’re working on this together a little at a time. This still excites us both very much and just talking about it has really ramped up our fun in bed. The other side of this mff threesome is that my lady is not a giver to another woman, but just a receiver. So in my eyes that leaves the other woman out as far as receiving any pleasure from either of us. Boy this stuff can be a slippery slope. 

[EastInWest 1,524]

Sometimes it's the case that even people who are reluctant to try something don't actually know why they are reluctant until they've had an opportunity to talk it through. It's good you were able to communicate and figure out what is really the issue and start working from there.

[NC_Seniors 514]

6 hours ago, Ridgidsoul said:

So in my eyes that leaves the other woman out as far as receiving any pleasure from either of us. 

So the other woman can — apparently — please both of you manually and orally, but she isn’t to receive any pleasure from *either* of you?  Yeah, let us know how that works out …

[Thegreyarea 100]

It sounds like she needs to work on her insecurities before proceeding or this could go terribly wrong. Talk it out. 

[Thegreyarea 100]

FFM’s can be a beautiful thing when all parties have equal involvement. This situation sounds like you just want a sex toy. 

[Ridgidsoul 3]

On 12/18/2021 at 10:54 AM, Thegreyarea said:

FFM’s can be a beautiful thing when all parties have equal involvement. This situation sounds like you just want a sex toy. 

Apparently you didn’t read the whole thread. 

[Thegreyarea 100]

On 12/21/2021 at 7:30 AM, Ridgidsoul said:

Apparently you didn’t read the whole thread. 

I read it. Like I said, single ladies in the lifestyle are not just for your amusement. They’re putting themselves out there too. A mmf/mfm with so many restrictions sounds like you’d be better off hiring a sex worker. The transactional part of it would make more sense.