Desire Resort for newbies: What’s it like?

[kc081878 12]

My wife had a conservative upbringing… you didn’t talk about sex and intimacy. The subject was taboo. Myself, always hesitant to share my fantasies for fear of judgement. I’m happy to say we have been able to address all those insecurities and we can be free to learn from each other fearlessly. 

 

We are still newbies in the lifestyle role-play stage, agreeing that flirting is OK, we have even talked light “hotwife” challenges. For now, we totally at ease with simply sharing our naughty impulses and deepest longings. For example, while dancing she whispers in my ear, “I’d like to fuck that guy.” 
I reply, “Well, I’d like to look in your eyes while he is pounding from behind.” No pressure to make it real, just enjoying the banter. 
 

Actually, we are interested in going to Desire Resort at some point and wanted to hear from couples that were at a similar stage of exploring the LS when they went to a LS resort.
 

For example, we are interested in the tantric massage seminar, but the group setting my be a little intimidating. What was it like for first timers? 
 

I look forward to hearing from you. 

[njbm 2,728]

We went to Desire RM before we had any swinging experience. We really had no idea what swinging was about, but we were ready to try. If you just want to have an experience where you do not swing, but observe and learn, that is a good place for it. 
 

Note that the preferred dress code at the pool (5 years ago) was naked. Are you comfortable as a nudist? It’s not required, but it was common. 

We did have our first swinging experience there. If you search my recent posts, it was a funny story. Don’t want to bore everyone again. 

 

Also, at the bar at 3am, they serve personal pizzas and BLTs. I told my wife that may be better than sex. 

[kc081878 12]

We did go to a nude beach a couple years ago when we were in Spain and it seemed pretty relaxed and normal. We didn’t take our bottoms off. However,  free relaxed vibe was quite appealing. We had a lot of hang ups, so it was a good glimpse to see the culture and how beautifully comfortable everyone was with their bodies. And we didn’t notice any creepers leering. It was a good first experience. 
 

Thanks for the reply NJBM

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

If you think you might want to go, then you HAVE to go. Everything is up to the two of you, nobody will try and make you do anything you don't want to do. We were both new swingers when we went the first time, but were concerned at the wickedness that we imagined went on there. Once we got there, it wasn't wicked, it was heaven. Of course, you need to have your limits and boundaries discussed before you arrive, but I promise you that you will be leaving before you are ready to go home. We did the couples massage (non-sexual one) and met lots of people but we only 'experienced' one other couple and that's what we wanted to do. Everyone usually (we've never had a problem, but there is always a chance that you might run across the exception) asks permission before they do or touch anything. Nothing is assumed or expected since some of the people who go there are just nudists and some are not a nudist or a swinger. Swingers, however, really are the nicest people (probably because they are trying to get you into their bed...lol).

 

Our first visit to a nudist resort, we were being given the tour that all nubies get and they explained that we didn't have to be nude, but usually you will feel out of place with everyone else nude. They were right and we were nude within the hour (it's funny how when everyone else is naked, you can feel self-conscious wearing anything). You don't HAVE to be nude at Desire, but  it was fun (for us) to watch the couples that came to the beach and pool with bathing suits on...first day, fully clothed. Usually by the afternoon the women would take their tops off, at least for a little while. Second day, no tops. Third day (at the latest), they were usually nude.

 

The late night pizza is amazing! You must have some at least once for your trip to be complete. The people you will meet are pretty amazing as well. One word of warning, the rooftop hot tub (Desire RM) should come with a warning sign as you will see and experience things there...just be ready for anything if you go.

 

Every time we have gone, we always have to leave before we are ready to go home and immediately look forward to going back.

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

Every person and couple posting on this board has had a "first time" for one or more activities, the most obvious being posting anything at a lifestyle site. 

 

The first trip to a nude beach or resort is usually memorable for the "aha!" moment.  Precisely as others have written, you arrive at your destination (ours was Club Orient almost a quarter-century ago) reminding yourself why you went in the first place. Perhaps you (like us) choose (chose) a "clothing-optional" destination because you "wanted that option". You go to the beach or pool or whatever. There are several dozen, or a few hundred, or a few thousand (Cap d'Agde) naked people who are utterly relaxed and pay you no mind. They are chatting, laughing, sunning, swimming, having a drink or a snack, and so on. Someone might come over to you and strike up a conversation. They actually look you in the eyes when speaking with you. Perhaps you suddenly feel awkward because you are the only ones who are wearing textiles. 

 

Then it dawns on you. The only person uncomfortable with the situation is you. They are perfectly happy to accept you as you are, textiles or not. Unlike the vanilla world where clothes signify some sort of rank, or are used as "look at me!", or used to "camouflage" one's "imperfections", they have simply left all of that at the gate, or at least in their rooms. You look around and realize that they are comfortable in their own skins. And they seem to be nice, gregarious folks. Just like you. And you realize that the textiles that you were fretting about are utterly irrelevant. They have parts that don't quite match, scars, imperfect skin, sags, and lines. No one is wearing makeup--just smiles. 

 

You shrug your shoulders, think "when in Rome", and go bare. 

 

Within a few minutes, it all feels natural. Which it is. 

 

Fair warning here. What happens next is predictable. You will wonder why you waited so long. And you will start thinking about textiled versus nude destinations. And the idea of putting on some "suit" to bathe, sun, and relax seems quaint. Welcome to the club. 

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

Of course, a nude destination is not (necessarily) a swinger destination, although most nude destinations do have at least a moderate swinger contingent. Regardless of whether your swinger destination is an established resort, a cruise, or some other facility "takeover", there will also be "aha" moments to replace the same types of apprehensions that you had going to the nude destination the first time. 

 

People--and it's essentially always couples--who are going to the swinger destination are going primarily to be around like-minded people. It's the same as for any other affinity group. The book club gets together because they like to read, the garden club gets together because they like to garden, and so on. But they don't spend their time together reading in silence or in the garden. They get together because they like each other's company outside of the shared activity. Those who are waiting in the check-in line at the resort, or getting ready to board the cruise are people just like you--looking forward to the shared experiences. 

 

Swinger destinations stay in business because people like the environment. The transaction is essentially the following: you want to suspend some of the restrictions of the vanilla world, and in order to do so you (and everyone else) agree to a different set of restrictions. In particular, you agree to respect others' confidences ("What happens on the boat stays on the boat" etc) and you agree to respect others' boundaries. Regarding the latter, "no means no", and in fact anything other than "yes" means "no".

 

These two principles--confidentiality and autonomy--can only be relaxed by you. Once you realize that you are--truly--in absolute control of what you do, and others are in absolute control of what they do, and that no one is advantaged or disadvantaged in this regard, you are free to be yourselves. Assume nothing, be candid about interests, ask permission, and above all realize that "no" is intrinsically a rejection but never a value judgement.  

 

Here, then, are the "aha's!"

 

1. Swinger destinations have their own social norms. They are fairly simple and mostly echo the vanilla world, with a few specific exceptions. 

2. Basic social skills --respect, attentiveness, curiosity, compliments--continue to be effective.

3. Self-control matters more. Abrasive, abusive, confrontational, and especially intoxicated behaviors are not well received. Swinger destinations are not "frat parties".  

4. Because swingers voluntarily agree to enter destinations, and rarely are these inexpensive, they nearly always respect the norms and the rules; equally, they will rapidly eject those who cannot or will not follow the norms. There is zero tolerance for violating "no means no", which makes everyone feel paradoxically safer than if they were at a vanilla destination. 

5. You will have opportunities for intimacy--with your partner and with others. The decisions really are yours to make, and no one other than yourself and your partner is going to judge you.  You will learn about others at the swinger destination. But you'll learn a lot more about yourselves.

6. This should not be an "aha", but so often it is the greatest aha--swingers seem much more likely to be gracious, respectful, and sociable than the average vanilla couple. They do not get to the point of going to a swinger destination without communicating with each other and looking forward to the experience. As a consequence, there is a very high level of "repeat business" at swinger destinations, and it's by no means uncommon for durable friendships to evolve. 

 

Once again, fair warning. You will find destinations you like, people you like, and you will find yourself wondering whether you can schedule your next travel time to match. 

 

[kc081878 12]

This is so encouraging, thank you all so much! 

[AndrewandAnn 359]

Few things you may want to consider:

 

Desire is not a dedicated lifestyle resort. It is resort that, under normal conditions, is simply an adult-oriented venue that allows, and often encourages, nudity, and promotes a sexually charged, provocative atmosphere. True, it is often frequented by people in the lifestyle, but they are by no means the exclusive population.

 

However, that changes during "lifestyle takeovers". These are organized events when nearly everyone at the resort, or a large percentage of guests, are engaged in the lifestyle in some form. The formats and venues range from all-inclusive, land-based resorts like Desire to cruise ships.

 

If you are looking to have access to a lot of people in the lifestyle while visiting Desire (or any other adult-oriented resorts frequented by lifestylers), you probably want to coordinate your visit to occur during a lifestyle takeover.

 

Where to start your planning? There are travel companies that specialize in lifestyle travel and often organize various lifestyle travel events and takeovers. These can range from being relatively small affairs, involving only a few dozen people, to large events involving hundreds of travelers. Without wanting to promote one lifestyle travel company over the other, a quick Internet search will reward you with plenty of results.

 

Ann and I have participated some smaller, upscale group activities with one particular lifestyle travel company in the past (pre-COVID-19) and we always enjoyed ourselves. The events were fairly well organized, and our fellow guests were welcoming and friendly.

 

Lastly, if you've never experienced nudism before, you may want to visit a nude beach before you make the leap to Desire. Nude beaches are NOT sexually provocative venues, but they will definitely help you feel comfortable shedding your clothes in front of other people. And, as a bonus, you'll rid yourselves of those tell-tale tan lines 😉

 

 

 

 

 

[kc081878 12]

Nude beach… Yes, we have been. We were in Spain. We were enamored with the culture and looked forward to the beach. Yet, we forgot the beaches were nude. It was a great experience. It was so relaxed and simply normal. Children playing, families picnicking normal, no worries sun bathing. 
 

My wife did give me a nudge when I took a few too many glances at the nude women showering  in public. Yet, when the 6’4” Spanish Adonis emerged from the water to drop his speedos right in front of her. I caught her a bit frozen in the moment. I whispered, “would you like to keep walking or stay and watch?” She scoffed and then laughed ourselves as we continued walking. 
 

We didn’t go nude ourselves. It’s no big deal for us to go nude in our pool as it’s secluded. It may be an adjustment but we are open to it. 

 

Edited October 20, 2021 by kc081878