What are your swinging rules?

[Hippiegirlie 276]

1. No means no.

 

2. The purpose of having sex is to have pleasure. If there is any part of it that is not pleasurable, then it stops.

 

3. I NEVER play alone with a married person.

 

4. Condoms always (unless you are one of the very few who I have known for a long time and I know your history and you know mine – mind you there are only 2 people in this category).

 

5. When sex begins to be anything other than just sex (infatuation, love, jealousy, etc.) it stops.

 

6. Play in my home is reserved for the very few who I have a long term personal friendship with. All others may either host or share a neutral location.

 

7. There is no crossing over of personal information into the vanilla world. I would never jeopardize anyone’s life and I expect mine to be held with the same level of respect.

 

8. Communication. I see everyone talking about communication between the married partners, but communication is just as important between swinging partners. I am not a mind reader. If you have boundaries, I expect to be told them up front and I expect openness and honesty between us.

[jassummer 15]

We have a predominantly poly set of rules in which an emotional relationship is the expected norm. Having stated that, the rules mostly apply to our swinging experience also. We call it our terms of relationship. The unspoken rules are: Come home to each other, and we reserve the right to put our foot down for any reason at any time.

 

Terms of Relationship

 

1. The goal is to experience compersion for each other and to further develop our own personalities while maintaining multiple emotionally and physically significant relationships.

 

2. Jealousy and envy are issues that will occasionally need to be dealt with. Honest two-way communication, compassion and compromise should be the emotional tools used for dealing with these negative feelings.

 

3. Other partners are not allowed into the home until a mutual agreement and acceptance is reached between all parties.

 

4. We will openly inform each other about advances and setbacks in our relationships.

 

5. Physical expression is a natural part of any romantic relationship. It should develop at a normal and respectful pace.

 

6. The first sexual encounters should not happen too early. And should be discussed prior to fulfillment. If the first sexual encounter is spontaneous then we will discuss it with each other within forty-eight hours.

 

7. Absolutely, under no circumstance is fluid bonding or barrier-free sex allowed with other partners.

 

8. Short-term relationships will be any relationship lasting less than three months.

 

9. Long-term relationships will inevitably develop out of healthy and honest short-term relationships. They will be defined by a significant commitment between all parties and may require a renegotiation of the terms-of-relationship.

 

10. Persistent-long-term relationships may develop to the point that we wish to include the partner in our primary relationship. This decision is akin to marriage and all parties must be equally enthusiastic and share a commitment to the primary family goals.

[jassummer 15]

So I just posted the rules of our open marriage (The Terms of Relationship), but then realized that they don't mean much to playing, so the Mrs. and I decided to write down our play rules do we had a go-to list....

 

Play Rules

 

1. No means no.

 

2. No partner in a committed, monogamous relationship can be considered for play.

 

3. Respect your playmate's rules. If a conflict exist follow the most conservative rule.

 

4. Ask permission in group settings. "May I?"

 

5. Condoms are mandatory for vaginal and anal intercourse.

 

6. Any partner has an unconditional right to stop playtime for any reason.

 

7. No rules may be negotiated after playtime starts.

 

8. If at anytime an emotional bond develops all parties must be informed and consenting. If this condition is met then The Terms of Relationship becomes effective. If this condition is not met then the relationship must be severed.

[Lisa's 15]

We usually approach each time as it presents itself just let it happen. You can tell if someone is going to be respectful and that is the most important. No real rules - be safe - if it feels good - - - do it. Each situation is always different. There have things that I swore I would never do. But in good company some situations can be quite nice and surprisingly exciting.

 

Forgot to mention we have been married for 25+ years and been in this lifestyle for the majority of that time.

[carebear 90]

Mine so far are:

 

Condoms

 

No mean No

 

No/very light cologne (I have a sensitive nose and can't stand it when someone bathes in scent. blech!)

 

I won't play with someone who's been drinking. Too many people use alcohol as an excuse to push boundaries and act like overall asses.

 

I don't like pushy/aggressive men. My pushy could be someone else's 'interested' so that's a hard one to define.

 

Hubs and I stay within sight of each other, and play in the same room, because it's a turn on for him, although I think I'd be fine with separate rooms.

 

We must talk about any communication with possible play partners. Any sneaking around is cheating.

 

And most of all, listen to my gut.

[Fours Company 169]

The first time we began all this we had quite a bit that eventually fell by the way (no intercourse, no kissing, always a condom, etc.) as we think the LS has a natural progression for those who don't jump both feet first into all-or-nothing hard core right away. After we came back into the LS recently, only four remained:

1. No single guys

2. Same-room only

3. No anal, BDSM or kink

4. Protection for intercourse most of the time

 

We've already bent the first one due to the last place we went to where we were the only couple there. We agreed to suspend that rule just for the one time with one of the guys who chatted us up and let him get blown by the wife while I fucked her. But as we said, he was the exception to the rule.

 

The second is due in part of the excitement of watching each other with someone else and we're just not at that comfort level yet to be out of sight of the other while playing, but could see that changing with the right people and follow-up sessions with them but not with the first play.

 

The third is non-negotiable as we only tried anal once with each other and neither cared for it and have never been turned on by anything kink.

 

The last as stated is the supending of protection with the right couple which basically means those we met at thier house and feel comfortable with or follow-ups for those we meet at the club, but never first-time at a club.

[D&D 362]

Three rules:

 

1. Always communicate our feelings with each other. Hard to deal with stuff that comes up if we don't communicate!

 

2. No means no... Not just in the heat of the moment. But also with whom we each play with. Both of us have veto... No questions asked.

 

3. When we go out together we also come home together. This isn't that we always go out together... But when we do go out together we make it an evening with each other. There is a time for separate play and a time for tag team fun!

 

We had a bunch of other rules when we started, but we found ourselves consistently coming up against the rules. We also noticed that in our case most of the rules seemed to be centered around preventing jealousy/handling insecurity. We found it was better to just deal with the issues

directly rather than make rules intended to avoid facing the issue. As we became better at communicating and frankly more trusting of each other's judgements we found ourselves discarding rules.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

We used to have rules but found that they were constantly changing depending on the situation/people involved. As a result, the current rules are that the women make the rules since (at least with most of our playmates) the men are open to whatever the women want. Still, one no means no for everyone with no repercussions. While the Ms. doesn't mind kissing, she is still leery of passionate deep kissing.

[junglecouple 127]

we only have a couple of rules, by her request. once in a while something will pop up (no pun intended) that is new and we can tell with a glance if we're both okay. It's almost always "yes", and then we can talk about it later without a problem to see if (whatever "it" was) is a potential problem for either of us. So far there's never been anything that has caused us to debate, or quarrel. The standard stuff (at least for us) no anal, no pain, blood, etc..

In our case, the wife is much more adventurous than the hubby.... and that's okay too.

[BiCaliGirl777 48]

It's not a porn so please no spitting! Disgusting. No choking, cutting, etc.

 

No anal. No drugs. NO means NO. No hair pulling. No name calling I am not your b or slut.

 

Condoms are mandatory.

 

I hate aggressive men and women! Don't just come up to me and start feeling me up. Don't just walk up to me and say, "Hey, wanna screw?" A polite "Hello, my name ___" or say "Wow, you have nice eyes." And mean it!

 

Couples, leave your drama at home.