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How does a Hotwife make time for her husband?

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It's up to the couple. You make the rules and as long as you are both communicating with each other and not violating those rules, you can have whatever limits you are both comfortable with.

 

What causes divorce? Usually a breakdown of communication and trust.

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18 hours ago, adamgunn said:

The things that cause divorce when the woman are a hotwife is the exact same things that cause a divorce when the woman is monogamous

I agree, so long as the couple goes into it with both agreeing that it is what they want to do and one isn't dragging a reluctant partner into it.

 

In our poly family there is plenty of opportunity for conflict that has nothing to do with sex.  (Actually, the sex is a thing that helps smooth out the disagreements, and not that the two fighting suddenly become lovey dovey and make love.  It's that we have others to turn to that give us solace, love, a dose of reason, and an orgasm to better the mood.  Then all is forgotten.)  We are fortunate that we all have the right temperament to deal with it and love one another enough to compromise, and therefore, have thrived as a family and individually.

 

When it all started and it was just my husband, my boyfriend and me, I was concerned that there would be times when I wouldn't give hubby enough intimate attention, so I was always sensitive to whenever he wanted to pull my pants down.  Now it's the opposite: with three women and two men in the family, the guys can't keep up so we women share a boyfriend.  We are all sensitive to the others sexual needs.

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21 hours ago, Alpha male 69 said:

How does a hotwife make time to have sex with her husband?  What causes divorce, when a couple starts doing this? 

there is no one set answer, some hotwifing things are about humiliation of the cucked man so she would probably deny him access to her. while other women do not do the humiliation things and let their husbands watch or even play along and other women have regular men that they see but their husbands don't come along. there are many, many different situations. as for divorce, that is always a possibility but it is lessened by have conversations, boundaries and a strong relationship but there is always the chance that a wife will bond with her bull and leave her husband.

the first step into hot wifing is to discuss things and be certain that both parties are willing, if she is forced into doing this, if she feels that she is only doing it to please her husband then things can go bad. it's all about communication

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9 hours ago, kort said:

there is always the chance that a wife will bond with her bull and leave her husband.

The reason it took me a couple of years before I was comfortable with hubby playing was just that - I was afraid that he would like someone better and leave me, and even if he didn't it made me jealous.

 

In reality it increased his appreciation of and love for me and built my confidence.  And brought out my Lesbian side.

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On 9/29/2020 at 4:30 PM, kort said:

there is always the chance that a wife will bond with her bull and leave her husband.

 

I don't think a woman (or "wife") will "bond with her bull and leave her husband"!  It is like saying a woman will bond with her dildo (the "bull") and leave her husband.  A woman bonds with a nice, caring, and loving person (can be a man) and might leave her husband for that.  We have to distinguish a cuckold arrangement where there is a bull whose purpose is to dominate the "wife" and humiliate the husband, and an open relationship, where a wife or woman voluntarily meets a man (not a "bull" and with honest communication with husband), in which case, it is possible to bond with him and leave her husband.  I think Couplers' experience is more of an open relationship among the parties involved that led to her poly family. Imho.

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4 minutes ago, kittyswinger said:

A woman bonds with a nice, caring, and loving person (can be a man) and might leave her husband for that.

Exactly. If you are the kind of husband who wants his wife to have sexual freedom and fulfilment then you are probably not the jealous controlling asshole type.  Why would she choose one man over another when nobody is making her choose and she can have both?  Even if feelings develop (and they may) a woman's heart has room for more love. All you need to do is give her love and encouragement and it can be a beautiful experience... a win/win/win!

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I guess I shouldn't comment because I have a hotgirlfriend instead of a hotwife but I think it all depends on what you are both comfortable with.  For us it was most comfortable and sexy when we just got rid of rules and expectations from one another.  She is free to fuck who she wants when she wants and she leaves plenty of time for me to get mine.

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My husband gets tons of sex, I generally fuck him pretty good while catching him up on all my latest naughty sexual proclivities.  Hearing about my slutty adventures gets him hard as a rock, and I'd hate to waste that.  We haven't divorced so I can't answer that part.  

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On 10/7/2020 at 6:36 PM, couplers said:

The common wisdom is that men want sex a lot more than women.  The reality is that women have both a greater capacity for sex and (especially as we collectively entered our thirties) a greater desire for sex.  I found the more I get, the more I want.  Opening up to my Lesbian side made that even more true.

So I've always had the higher libido, even in my twenties but I was an exotic dancer so I was surrounded by sex 8 to 10 hours a day, and the mind wants what you feed it.  My big change when I hit my 30s was more in what I wanted to do sexually started to evolve.  In my twenties I was all about Male/Female vaginal sex, I sucked cock but not a lot, and I did zero anal.  In my thirties I realized I loved sucking dick, and in the right circumstances I love anal.  I also got less uptight about societal norms and started being open about my bisexuality and openly put women on my dance card.  

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On 9/30/2020 at 12:06 PM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Exactly. If you are the kind of husband who wants his wife to have sexual freedom and fulfilment then you are probably not the jealous controlling asshole type.  Why would she choose one man over another when nobody is making her choose and she can have both?  Even if feelings develop (and they may) a woman's heart has room for more love. All you need to do is give her love and encouragement and it can be a beautiful experience... a win/win/win!

To play the devil's advocate of the wise words you wrote there, "why would she choose on man over another when nobody is making her choose"......

 

1.  She may get tired of some of the complexity of maintaining two deeper relationships over time.  Some guys are easier to do this with than others.

 

2.   She might get tired of being very different in a mainstream society and find it easiest to quit going against the grain and just be mono again, or just swing since it is discreet and sometimes infrequent.   I think this is why people that are eccentric in other years end up being the ones doing polyamory for the longest and are the most public.  They are used to be "different", or they actually like being different.

 

3.  Eventually, I see some people age out of polyamory, with a few notable exceptions of some of the founders of communities still being around.   It's certainly not that there's an age limit, it's that the extra complexity is sometimes not worth it for people around the age of 70 and beyond.   Of course there are some exceptions.  I know a  63 year old woman who is new to poly and really getting her groove on!     I guess this #3 is just a repeat of reason #1.   

 

4.   Something that is less common is that he new boyfriend will slowly ask her to leave her primary partner.   New poly women will be greatly apposed to this.  Some experienced ones too, but every now and then if the marriage is stressful, she will consider leaving her husband and polyamory, to be with the newer lover.    I don't think the first new lover causes this, but I've seen it happen down the road.

 

I often think the people that do poly or any 1 on 1 hotwifing long term, need to love the lifestyle and the freedom nearly as much as their spouse.  That is extra incentive for them not to deviate from the original plan, and keep the primary relationship in tact.

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On 9/28/2020 at 1:37 PM, Alpha male 69 said:

How does a hotwife make time to have sex with her husband?  What causes divorce, when a couple starts doing this? 

I'll answer this as honestly as possible. It's not that I'm making time to have sex with my husband, it's us making time for me/us to have fun. I never ever put my husband's needs on the back burner. If there is an opportunity to play when my hubby is not in the mood? I ask him if it's ok to go play or not. I never do anything outside of my husband and I discussing things first, along with my "date". I say date roughly because we're just in for fwb but if it happens, he enjoys hearing about what happens when I get back home. If I get the opportunity to play, but he's in the mood? My hubby is the one I choose first. Every single time. We started this journey with me being the one shared, still am, but yes, I can have fun while he's watching/involved/hears about it, but my intimacy with him is more important than having fun with my fwb. Touching on the divorce thing, that was a word that has never been brought up in our 15 years of marriage. We promised to never use that word at all cost. We also discovered a way to help alleviate my hyper sexual side without it causing issues, especially when he approved and even encouraged my first time with someone else, while he was present. It's different for everyone, but first and foremost, my intimacy with my husband is totally different than just fucking my fwb. He's my rock and best friend. I don't have to make time for him. He's my one I'll always turn to first. 

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On 9/28/2020 at 2:46 PM, adamgunn said:

My wife sees other men perhaps three to six times a month.

My wife sees other men/couples more like three to six times a week.  It is not for really long sessions, but she's young, sex is fun and recreation for her.

And yet ---

On 11/19/2020 at 8:56 PM, JessicaJamison said:

My husband gets tons of sex, I generally fuck him pretty good while catching him up on all my latest naughty sexual proclivities.  Hearing about my slutty adventures gets him hard as a rock, and I'd hate to waste that.

Same with us.  Talking about our past sexual experiences is what initially put us on the road to hotwifing and now swapping within a closed group of married couples.  (Before we married, Daniela liked having relationships with married men and always met their unknowing wives.  She likes it even more now that the men she plays with are married and the wives know, often most are involved.)

 

Even on those rare occasions where she seems temporarily sexually spent, I can come on to her and with the right kissing, licking and fingering, she is as ready as ever.

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