Swinging with a married man.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

As far as being like the first time, I think it is hard to explain. Yes the excitement, the anticipation, the butterflies are there, except you are sharing that with your partner. That seems to add even more to it all. Plus when your getting ready it is nice to have someone give you advice on how you look and present yourself. We take each others advice and truly feel sexy about each other. It is totally different in some ways.

 

No it hasn't gotten old by any means. each new couple we meet are uniquely different.

 

I have to be honest with you though, swinging has made me realize how special all of the times that I have spent with mrs.fun alone, are most cherishable. Just last night I looked across the table and couldn't help but think WOW I'm pretty fortunate indeed.

[Chicup 38]

Driven2please said:

Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhilaration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffee in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

 

It is fun, but after a few times it is nothing special. Its not a conquest, not that I ever understood the concept of 'conquesting' a woman in the first place. What your describing seems a lot more like losing your virginity. Its fun being with someone new, it help satisfy a primal urge I think, but its not like your first time.

[sereneiders 263]

Driven2please,

 

Don't lose your hope. I've been there years ago, even when it has nothing to do with religion, I got the same sort of answers from my wife when bringing up those topics.

 

It turned out to happen that indeed she had her fantasies, but it was more a matter of being self conscious about the way she'd be perceived by me or others what scared her to the point of not being able to admit them.

 

I just asked her once to discuss swinging, and she felt so hurt that I didn't talk about this anymore. By then, I gave up as you're doing now, but (later she told me) it was because she was aware that I was up to give up on my fantasies that she accepted to give it a second thought.

 

Much the same happened with toys... she was completely against toys. When I made up my mind about this, I bring this toy as a gift for her, I reached home, show her the gift, I open a drawer and leave the toy there. I didn't asked her to use it, nor mentioned the toy again, and about two months later she came back with a grin in her face, telling me "emmmm I wanted to tell you... well... that toy is nice". Finally, she was the one suggesting me to use the toy together, after she got used to it by herself. The same happened with swinging: she was the one bringing the subject back to life on her own. So... you never can tell.

 

I don't know how far you could go exploring fantasies with your wife, but I don't buy she doesn't have fantasies, instead, she lacks the trust on you, on the relationship, and even on herself, to admit them an let them grow and evolve. It'd be your attitude toward her when dealing with these issues what makes you part of the problem or part of the solution.

[intuition897 2,177]

Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhileration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffe in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

 

I like to say it's all the fun of being single without the loneliness.

 

Although we haven't been active in quite some time, I can still say that there is a novelty to it that eventually wears off. Your first experience - first good experience, that is, when things start to click and the gears start to turn - is a real revelation. After that you screw each others' brains out for a few weeks (you & your spouse) and look for every opportunity to get out and play. After you've burnt off the "sugar rush", while it's still fun, you notice that you're not nervous anymore. You've adapted. This is where you either learn about moderation or, like a junkie, keep looking for that ultimate high. You already had the "ultimate high". It's done. Once you've crossed off all the sex acts from your Positions To Do Before I Die list, it's just a matter of repeating them. The thing is, sex with other people does not enrich you the way your marital relationship does. You can repeat all these things with your spouse, and the sex just keeps getting better and better. With other people however, you get a little zip of adrenaline from exploring a new body, you find out that aside from a couple of cute quirks, it works much the same as every other body you've come into contact with, and you experience some pleasurable sensations. The rest is just a kind of temporary friendship. You can't repeat the same acts over and over with strangers and get the same kind of enrichment. You just get bored. Sounds harsh, but it's not. It's just honesty. We're all in this for the sexual variety, after all. If anyone is insulted at the notion that the novelty has worn off with them, they likely need to examine why they feel that way? What were they hoping for, another wedding ring? No, we all just try to respect one another's emotional personal space when it comes to relationships.

[Driven2please 15]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[inquisitivemale 15]

As a married couple, we try to only play with single females and couples because wife is bi. She has played with single males at parties and at swing clubs. We do keep it to a minimum though. Alot of the single males we came across is married or have a SO that is not in the lifestyle. I have also seen single guys who use single women as a way to get in. To me they are not bringing anything to the table. They are always at the table but never comes to share anything. The ones that come with a single female or a swing partner really has no connection with ther partner other than to get in. Then you see the single guys who see the lifestyle as free pussy and can sometimes be very disrespectfull. We attended a party this past weekend and came across a single guy. He was very respectfull though and he was a friend of the host couple where the wife wasnot bi. So it is just a rule that we don't go out looking for single males but maybe at a party it is a small possibility.

[TwoLittleBirds 23]

Hi Driven,

 

I know we don't swing with single guys because it would end up leaving me out! I mean, the single guy gets to have sex with my wife. What do I get? Yes, to see my wife feel nice, but I can already do that for her. Well, sometimes, I hope! Anyway, if there's a girl, all three of us can pleasure each other (assuming she's bi) and that's the sharing part. That's just our reason.

 

And there is hope. I'm sure a nice guy like Thrax gets plenty of play time!

[athena2910 17]

Do we have a tough time when it comes to "Special Events"? Yes. Thanks to a rigid Catholic background, it does make introducing new things difficult, if not impossible.

 

Well, I was raised Catholic, too, and in fact, still attend Mass, but I guess, unlike your wife, it hasn't slowed me down one bit when it comes to fully exploring my sexuality. (Maybe that makes me a bad Catholic...)

 

What difference is there, if a non-swing wife gives permission to the spouse vs. a participating wife?

 

I see what you mean... but you made your own point, which is in both the examples that you gave, married with permission with a non-swing wife, or a participating wife, in both of those scenarios, there is open communication and agreement about how your lives will be conducted.

 

But that doesn't mean you should necessarily give up on your wife. Maybe, over time, with some very gentle suggestions from you (along with introducing some techniques to spice up your sex life) she might, and that's a big might, come around. No pun intended.

 

Good luck!

 

Athena