Experienced Swingers: Would you swing with newbies?

[VanHlebar 187]

Mrs Van and I have been extremely lucky. Our first couple was extremely good to us and has since become great friends of ours. We have always been honest with them and they have been very patient with us and helped us work through some of our issues.

 

If we ever have the opportunity to return the favor to other newbies, I am sure we would, but like everyone else has already said, we would want to have lots and lots of chat time before we played. Just want to make sure that both parties are really into swinging and that they are in it for good reasons.

 

I wouldn't mind a little drama as issues do arise. As long as the other couple was honest and explained what was going on, no big deal.

 

But....since we are still newbies ourselves, we won't be breaking any in any time soon.

 

-Van

[meandher2go 17]

we love that newbie scent. and are pretty good at breaking in that newbie too..

[Swing*8701 885]

Simply put, we let Captain Kirk go where noone's gone before.

[CuriousInOregon 16]

Being quite new ourselves I dont know that I would have as much of an "issue" with another inexperienced couple as opposed to the idea only because if all parties are New and nervous NO ONES gonna make a first or second move so For me I would not go there at least not till i had a few more tries under my belt (so to speak)

[2jersey 15]

Quoted from an SLS profile (no, not ours):

 

"We have no prior experience to swinging or really anything. Anything which happens from this point on will be interesting for both of us, since we have not done anything as of yet."

 

This may be a yellow flag for certain experienced swingers.

[NandTfromCA 84]

We really don’t care how experienced a couple is. We are more concerned that everyone is excited to meet, interested in the potential of getting naked, and in a stable relationship.

 

If they are all of those, then game on!

[VanHlebar 187]

We really don’t care how experienced a couple is. We are more concerned that everyone is excited to meet

 

Check!

 

interested in the potential of getting naked

 

Check!

 

and in a stable relationship.

 

If they are all of those, then game on!

 

Check!!!

 

So when would you like to get together?

 

-Van

[Thron&Thor 117]

Hmmm...it is not the new thrill, but the genuine fun of "sharing & giving" the first time between any two couples. So being a newbie just means more attention is applied to all to ensure that all get the release they seek and feeling the expression of sheer freedom with new smiles around for everyone.

[VANudistcpl 109]

We were all new at one time or another. That being said we take it very slow when getting together with newbies for the majority of reasons listed here. Yes newbies are flighty and can bring all the drama of a soap opera, so being cautious is probably the best solution.

[kittyscave 125]

I had to chime in on this one! Our very first experience was this past weekend. The couple we were with have been in the lifestyle for over 4 years. From my perspective they did several things "right" in working with us.

 

First, we exchanged several e-mails through which we found many commonalities and which helped me decide that we likely would click. We also shared several photos that were not sexually explicit. There were other folks with whom we exchanged e-mails who did come across as a bit more aggressive - both in words and photos, and it did scare me away.

 

Second, we had a very nice dinner together with no explicit expectations of hooking up afterwards. We talked until we realized the restaurant was closing and we needed to go. At this point, we all seemed to really feel comfortable together.

 

Third, we went to a club a couple of weeks after our dinner. We all met at a hotel beforehand, the ladies got changed and had some "girl time" while the guys hung out in the lobby. By the time we made it to the club, we were all really relaxed and had a great time with one another. By the time we made it back to the room, none of us was nervous or anxious at all.

 

The entire first experience was great. Our new friends were perhaps a little more patient with us than some folks would be in setting the pace. But, we can't wait to get back together with them.

 

So, although many newbies, I am sure, are nervous and awkward a first, having a patient and understanding experienced couple can certainly result in an excellent outcome for all!

[socolais 696]

Kittyscave, I think it's great that the four of yall had such a good time together and I think you two deserve a lot of the credit for the success of the encounter. You read the posts on this board and asked thoughtful questions to prepare yourselves - in short, you did your homework. I also have respect for the other couple. It takes a lot of patience and constant attention to little details looking for early signs that someone is getting uncomfortable. So congratulations to all four of yall!!!

 

I suspect that most of the drama associated with newbies is a result of them jumping too quickly from hot pillow talk to the reality of sex with others (skipping too much of the homework).

 

Back to the subject of this thread, we see the potential for some really cool excitement in leading a new couple into swinging. And realistically, we also see many hazards scattered along the trail. WHEN we happen to encounter a couple wanting to give it a try (and we feel a good connection with them), we'll surely be taking it slowly and assessing their bumper stickers. Until then, we're enjoying the friends we've found and whose warranty has expired

[JustMrJ 178]

The advice that has been given about "lots and lots" of talking (communication) is an excellent point.

 

A lot of couples, even those that have been married for years and years sometimes just don't communicate properly.

 

As my wife and I are true newbies (not even any meets and greets yet, and I've only been in an MFM years ago) we think this is good advice for BOTH those planning on breaking in the newbies and even more important for the newbies themselves!

 

Know what you are getting into, understand where others are coming from, LISTEN intelligently and respond with well thought out wisdom.

 

We are hoping to hook up with a couple from the SLS in our local area. But we have made it clear we would need a more 'vanilla' meeting for the first one, so we could ask questions and discuss things properly.

[tittietwister 126]

We think it is an HONOR to be picked by a newbie couple, particularly to be their first. Most of us were scared, anxious, afraid, etc. when new. Some were lucky enough to find a sensitive couple that helped introduce them to the lifestyle in a kind and gentle way and perhaps continued to serve as mentors or guides as they gained experience. If a newbie couple entrusts themselves to you that's a great complement.

[sweet_tna 680]

For us, it's the couple themselves, not their experience level that determines whether we'll play with them.

 

We "broke in" a newbie couple not long ago, and had a great time with no drama at all. We were honored to be their first experience, and are happy to have them as friends.

 

=)

[gzone 15]

I'm new so the response to this topic is interesting.

[twoready4fun 15]

We got lucky with our first time and got to be broke-in by another newbie couple. It was a little slow to get things going at first. But great once it did.

[hannah_mark 15]

Our first time was with a young but experience couple and we found they made it a fantastic and relaxing experience.

 

We like to do the same for newbies and both Rob and I really like newbies. Sometimes they can be a bit tricky to handle but to give them their first swap is great. Oh... and of course to give the female half her first time with a girl is a personal fave of mine lol

[Tia Vampire 167]

It does not matter one way or another for us. Newbies or not, we are going to have safe fun. We have had some great newbie break-ins and we have had one that he wishes he would have not spoken to the girl at all. We have also been with couple that say they have been swinging for a while, but they do not have any kind of personality, the sex was awful, and they don't have a clue what fun is. So what ever floats your boat, go with it.

[LICKADESPLIT 15]

I'm interested in the boards opinions about "soft swinging". If you "full swing" and meet a newbe couple that you clicked with would you be interested in "soft swinging" with them or would you move on?

 

Do experienced swingers shy away from couples who are new to the lifestyle or when it is their first experience? My boyfriend and I will be traveling within the next few months and plan on going to a club for our first experience and was wondering what you think about couples totally new to the lifestyle?

[Vjklander 136]

Newbies are good.

[realcplub2 513]

As a rule, newbie or no, we arent into the whole concept of soft swing.. We have the same arguement for it we always did.. If you are gonna get naked, play, and then jump back to your spouse for the finale, then why bother?

 

Now as far as the newbie question as written, Do expereinced swingers ever swing with new swingers?

 

Yes, Some do, We do.. We dont mind proceeding at the pace set by them, sure it can be a bit frustrating, but, then much like anything else in life, sometimes, Its often well worth the wait..

 

As I said, Some will, others, figure its not worth the time and effort and are looking for the "sure thing".. rather than grow the trust most newbies need to feel, before they can feel comfortable.

[Willing29 66]

We hope so.

[TravlParty 87]

We do, but we're a bit more cautious in making sure there's not going to be any jealousy issues. We'd spend more time talking to them, watching the eyes and facial expressions. If we get a hint of one or the other being uncomfortable, we back away.

 

As for soft swing, whatever works to everyone's satisfaction. Sometimes, just same room (staying with own partner) works too.

 

We're flexible.

[Brian and Jo 344]

Yes, we have played with new swingers several times while on vacation at nudist or clothing-optional resorts. When we have been in such a situation we have never tried to force things. It is our policy to encourage the newbies to enjoy themselves and not to lead them into doing anything they would be uncomfortable with. If that means restricting ourselves to soft swinging that is fine with us. Masturbating, watching and oral sex are all very pleaurable activities so far as we are concerned.

[socolais 696]

I think the question quickly becomes - what do experienced couples look for in newbie couples that would cause them to accept the risks of drama and complicated rules for the opportunity of an exciting playtime.

 

We haven't played with a newbie couple yet, we're still earning our experienced couple merit badge. I see a potential for a unique excitement in playing with a newbie couple, the freshness, the unpredictability, contributing toward and absorbing their sexual excitement and adventurous spirit.... The part about who's pussy invites who's cock, gets a lot of attention in the discussions, but the objective during the encounter is pure pleasure, tab A into slot B is just a trivial detail.

[bbarnsworth 2,543]

My wife and I do not like the idea of experienced swingers not playing with the inexperienced. I realize there can be potential problems with some newbies. But, from our perspective we both are happy to help people along in their self exploration. Maybe it means we play less and talk more. We're ok with that.

 

As another poster said, sometimes it is well worth the wait. There's one woman whom I soft swapped with who is not ready for full swap yet. Her husband is, but he isn't going to full swap until she's ready to full swap. Judging by various things she said and did, she's very close to being ready for full swap. She's never had another man but her husband. I'd love to be the second man. Patience will win the day, and all I have to do is wait

[Alura 2,766]

We have played with newbies and would again although "soft swap" has never been a part of our routine. We wouldn't rule it out but we prefer the full experience.

 

There are a lot more important aspects to consider in a Playcouple than the level of their experience.

 

Mr. Alura

[Chicup 38]

There are reasons to 'vet' newbie swingers to see if they are really interested or not, but there is nothing about newbies which equals 'dont' touch'.

 

We were all newbies once.

[good times 990]

While we often play with newbies, as someone else said, we tend to spend more time trying to determine that they are ready for swinging than we would with an experienced couple.

 

That said, one of the things that usually would put us off to a newbie couple is if they stated that they were only willing to soft swing. In our experience that usually means they have issues that we just don't want to deal with. That is not always the case, but more often than not.

 

As far as would we do soft swap with someone at all goes. That depends, if the couple is really hot, we might, but we prefer full swap, and when we have done the soft swap thing it usually resulted in a mediocre experience at best for the above mentioned reasons. The fact is, most couples we have met that were only into soft swap, were just not ready for swinging and were more drama than fun.

[mixtupcpl 169]

I would think if you went to a meet and greet at a club, you could get whatever kind of experience you want pretty quickly since just being there would be a sign to most folks that you are probably pretty ready to do something

 

Mrs Mix and I would have no interest in soft swap personally (even though we're new to swinging), but I'm sure there are plenty of couples who don't mind that for some casual fun. Especially at a club where lots of stuff is going on and will continue to go on throughout the night

[bbarnsworth 2,543]

The fact is, most couples we have met that were only into soft swap, were just not ready for swinging and were more drama than fun.

 

There's plenty of exceptions to that rule, our couple being one. Also, the esteemed founder and operator of this board is currently a soft swinger. Channeling Yoda again...

 

{yoda}

Judge her by her not full swapping do you?

{/yoda}

 

[Chicup 38]

{yoda}

Judge her by her not full swapping do you?

{/yoda}

 

 

I'm not sure where thats judging though.

 

Mrs. Chicup calls softswap 'anti-climatic' so we try to avoid those couples if we have a choice. Softswap can be a lot of fun, but its a bit confining too.

 

All things being equal if we could meet a soft swap or a full swap couple on a given night we will meet the full swap couple, but since rarely all things are equal its just another factor.

[bbarnsworth 2,543]

I'm not sure where thats judging though.

 

Mrs. Chicup calls softswap 'anti-climatic' so we try to avoid those couples if we have a choice. Softswap can be a lot of fun, but its a bit confining too.

 

All things being equal if we could meet a soft swap or a full swap couple on a given night we will meet the full swap couple, but since rarely all things are equal its just another factor.

 

Oh sure! I'm just saying that concluding that a soft swap couple has problems, aren't real swingers, etc. is problematic. There's plenty of exceptions to that rule.

 

We're all in this for what we want for us/our spouses. If what we want is full swap, we're probably reluctant to soft swap. That applies to us too.

 

We were recently contact by a wonderful couple that is venturing into the lifestyle and at this point is only interested in being watched and having same room sex...not even touching others. Very tame. We told them straight up that we're interested in full swap, and that our time for play dates is very limited so it's unlikely that we'd 'play' with them, since we're wanting full swap on our play dates. But, we're still interested in meeting them and will soon. I'm quite certain they are genuine. They're just new, and nervous. We're relatively new to the lifestyle too. We weren't ready for full swap at first either. That doesn't mean we weren't genuine. That's all I'm saying.

[good times 990]

There's plenty of exceptions to that rule, our couple being one.

I agree, that is why I said that it was not always the case. Unfortunately though, in our experience, newbies that are soft swap only, are usually not ready and are drama. Not always, but most of the time.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

This may not be diplomatic or fair, but newbies scare the crap outta me. Most of our 'this-was-so-bad-that-it-will-make-a-great-story-to-tell-at-swinger-parties-without-naming-names' situations have been with newbies. I'm uncomfortable because I'm wondering if they're going too far too fast. I worry about whether there will be jealousy between them, and whether a fight will break out during play. I worry that they don't understand the concept of swinger discretion. I'm apprehensive that the guy will have performance anxiety and will freak out about it because it's never happened before.

 

For the most part, I'm not interested in playing with newbies, just because it's too much to worry about. Just like I'd rather not ride with a 16 year old that just got their license last week, there's a confidence, comfort level, and improved "swing skills" that evolve when a couple has had some experience under their belt. It's nothing personal, and while we wouldn't totally rule it out, it's not on the top of the list of things to do. And yes, I know that we were newbies once too.

 

Pepper

[mixtupcpl 169]

The reasons for avoiding newbies do make sense and, of course, its a personal decision. BUT, its good that some folks are willing to "break people in" otherwise there would never be any new additions!

[bbarnsworth 2,543]

The reasons for avoiding newbies do make sense and, of course, its a personal decision. BUT, its good that some folks are willing to "break people in" otherwise there would never be any new additions!

 

We're only breaking them in for you old whipper snappers

 

We had a date with another couple recently and nothing happened. They're newbies, and all we did was have dinner, some drinks, and talked forever. It was wonderful!

 

As another couple we're in contact with said early on, "It doesn't have to be all about sex ya know!"

 

PS: The ad above my editing window here is for SLS and good lord the woman in the picture is a dead ringer for Nicole Kidman!

[Swingercast 91]

Yes. I see it all the time in clubs...ALL the time!

 

Although I'm not full swap couple, I think I can say I'm pretty experienced. We have played with new couples quite a few times. I have never experienced drama with first time couples we have played with at clubs or resorts. In fact, I would say at times I have been surprised that they were new. I think the drama potential is decreased when a couple makes it to a club/resort together. I think it is pretty easy to tell in a club setting the difference between new couples that have done their homework, communicate well, love and respect each other and just have few first time club jitters and a new couples that are not on the same page, one pushy spouse, jealous, and just aren't both ready to be there.

 

I think you two have done your homework, communicate well, respect each other, and will have a blast at the club! Don't worry so much about not finding a couple to play with on your first club outing-that just adds unnecessary pressure. Just go and have FUN with each other!

 

Allie

[CPL4XTCY 36]

We have found that beginners have a bunch of rules that end up getting broken so we generally have no issue swinging with rookies.

 

What we do shy away from are those who are completely unwilling to share - same room sex does not do it for us - we like contact. Intercourse does not have to happen.

 

We also refuse to do the whole email, web-chat, texting, IM'ing, web-cam for 6-months before we get a date. And no 5-dates before we play either. We know if we are comfortable enough to play with another couple in about 15-minutes.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

Newbies you say

 

Come on in, the waters fine

[LICKADESPLIT 15]

I appreciate everyone sharing their feelings and thoughts on the topic. As far as the "drama" with newbies it appears from what I've read on the board their are a number of couples that are attempting to be swingers to please the other and if that is the case it would be way too much "drama" for even a newbie like me............ My partner and I look at swinging as an equal decision and an experience that we want to share together.........an exploration of another part of us. We have no set expectations for our first experience at the Club other then taking in the experience and meeting new people. If we meet a couple we click with it will just be as they say "the icing on the cake"

[ourrockstarlife 15]

We are not opposed to playing with n00bs, we were n00bs once ourselves .

 

But it is a little harder. More preparation, more conversation, stress over "who makes the move" not trying to be pushy or predatory, knowing limits and rules.....it's difficult

 

.

[SexyLilThing 15]

Ok, so here's a question from a newbie

 

Say you are married, and have already had numerous play dates with the hubby of couple number 2 ... truthfully making the wife really the only newbie in the situation ... willing to have fun, but a newbie none the less ... would that make it easier? Or more complicated??

[socolais 696]

Ok, so here's a question from a newbie

 

Say you are married, and have already had numerous play dates with the hubby of couple number 2 ... truthfully making the wife really the only newbie in the situation ... willing to have fun, but a newbie none the less ... would that make it easier? Or more complicated??

 

People are as unique as fingerprints and that makes applying any "formula" to any situation simply unpredictable. The mood of the people at the play opportunity is a BIG factor. Every person and every playtime is unique - that's part of the fun and a big part of the adventure. That being said, I think the situation you describe here and in your other thread would make things a bit easier. It we were the other couple already knowing your husband from previous encounters, we would quite likely feel comfortable with you too. There's nothing wrong with being a newbie, it's just that newbies are sometimes not fully prepared. You are not the typical newbie. Your husband's experience is likely to help make things go much smoother for you - consider yourself very lucky.

 

You feel the excitement of uncertainty and the thrill of adventure? That's the buzz we all enjoy with fresh encounters. Muster the courage to charge into the adventure with well placed confidence the other folks simple want to share sexual pleasures with you. After your first encounter, you are almost certain to look back and wonder why you felt the need to worry.

[SexyLilThing 15]

People are as unique as fingerprints and that makes applying any "formula" to any situation simply unpredictable. The mood of the people at the play opportunity is a BIG factor. Every person and every playtime is unique - that's part of the fun and a big part of the adventure. That being said, I think the situation you describe here and in your other thread would make things a bit easier. It we were the other couple already knowing your husband from previous encounters, we would quite likely feel comfortable with you too. There's nothing wrong with being a newbie, it's just that newbies are sometimes not fully prepared. You are not the typical newbie. Your husband's experience is likely to help make things go much smoother for you - consider yourself very lucky.

 

You feel the excitement of uncertainty and the thrill of adventure? That's the buzz we all enjoy with fresh encounters. Muster the courage to charge into the adventure with well placed confidence the other folks simple want to share sexual pleasures with you. After your first encounter, you are almost certain to look back and wonder why you felt the need to worry.

 

Thank You!!!

[LOL_OMG 130]

I'm a bit surprised at a lot of the answers from experienced couples. I do realize some people just dive into the liifestyle pool but we all were newbies at one time. The first two couples we met in the lifestyle had about 7 years each going for them and both let us proceed at our own pace. We did not go beyond 'soft' for quite some time and neither of them made a fuss. To this day one couple is our best friends and we look forward to seeing the other couple when we can get back to their area. Having said that it would be very rude for us to snub newbies. As long as there are no red flags at the first meeting we will let a new couple move at their own pace.

 

Lol_Omg

[prettylady 221]

How does a newbie become experienced if no one will swing with them.

I was a newbie once apon a time. Now because of some pretty spectacular people Dog and I learnt our lessons the easy way rather then the hard.

Why not help a newbie into the lifestyle?

Seems a little cold to just dismiss them on that fact alone.

Having said that....I remember the problems and drama I went through in my trials and errors and I don't turn my nose up at anyone who is prone to shy away from newbies.

Just try and be more understanding towards what they (and at one time you) are going through.

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface:

[JustAskJulie 2,589]

There's plenty of exceptions to that rule, our couple being one. Also, the esteemed founder and operator of this board is currently a soft swinger. Channeling Yoda again...

 

{yoda}

Judge her by her not full swapping do you?

{/yoda}

 

 

Actually, I wouldn't call us softswap only. We are open to full swap if the stars align and the right situation presents itself.

 

And as far as that goes, if you've been here long enough you know that I was full swap long before I was softswap. But, when you start over with something sometimes the rules change and we chose to start slow and work our way up as our comfort level (together as a couple) progressed.

 

That said, everyone has to make their own choices as to what works for them. And everyone else has a right to choose to not to swing with a couple whose boundaries don't fit with their own, whether those boundaries are too tight or too loose.

[xyzzy07 15]

We don't quite understand the restriction to soft swap. It's a very odd rule. As newbies we just wanted to have sex, just like with each other! Our experienced first couple was afraid we'd go dramatic on them. They were going very slowly until my wife practically tore the guy's shirt off. LOL.

 

The only newbies we've played with (soft swap) were a disappointment. She was very tentative, so we spent the whole time worried about her. Frankly, it was too awkward. We'd do it again with newbies, but only after getting a better feel for whether both parties were eager to play.

[KatrinaandDriverX 88]

Well, I've had one friend say,"I let Captain Kirk go where no man's gone before." 

 

For me, with the two new couples we've been with, we simply were the catalyst they needed. I kissed one woman and she purely melted into my arms. It was everything she had wanted. In another case, the man was so responsive to me, it opened his wife to the idea there could be more for them,

 

My husband has fucked a girl or two to new heights. Yet, when handled correctly, it's not a jealous moment for the husband, he becomes aware of new potentials.

 

My husband can be slowly sensual and fuck a woman into next week. It's great and I'm happy that it doesn't always have to be with me.