Is this Swinging?

[cplnluv1 804]

I am reading this and figure you are young. Has your relationship changed with your partner? Maybe you just weren't ready to be monogamous after moving in together. You are lucky to figure that out. Have you asked him to be truthful about watching you with another man. You said he was hesitant going further. You seem to have pressured him. What were you thinking when he was with your friends?

[PSULioness 754]

I said we are younger than most on here. We are in our 20s. I think our relationship is fine. We don't argue or fight. We enjoy the same things. Even our sex life is great. We have plenty of sex at home. We are pretty compatible that way. I let him know and he can figure it out that I enjoy our sex. He did say it was hard to watch me have sex with the guy and I told him I had mixed feelings watching him even if it was me who initiated it.

[luvin eye full 140]

PSU - Your honesty between the two of you now is great - you have been thought the hard stuff together now it's time to explore all the thing you guys like together as you are doing.

 

I think you guys will be fine from now on and look if it's not what you both want then a least you guys gave it a go together - my wife and I have been together over 30 years now and yes we have ups and downs but the best thing is that we each have someone that was and always will be there.

 

To share your life with a person that can talk to you and you to them is something not every person gets in life.

 

To be able to explore yours and his sexuality together is very rare indeed, I think you guys will be fine from now on as long as there is love and respect as I believe there is.

 

Thank you for being honest and letting us all into your life though this message board, I think anyone young or old that is having the same or near same story as you have had will benefit from your whole story here.

 

Good work young one -

[EastInWest 1,508]

I think the evolution of all of this is very cool. If I had been more honest with myself in my 20s - not that things didn't turn out great - but it would have been less confusion and wasted time. It's good that you're figuring these things out for yourself.

[PSULioness 754]

I want to thank everyone who has answered so many questions. We are talking more and more about our feelings and more inner thoughts. Maybe I push him on his feelings more than I should. When we finally met with a couple I was prepared to watch him have sex with my friend, he already did before. Now it's some time after that weekend I am pushing him on his feelings. Maybe I should not press. I may be pulling deep fears out. Things he may have not brought up if not pushed. He said watching me that first time was very hard. He then told me that the sex after they left was not comfortable. He said he wasn't happy going where someone else was. Is this normal?

[luvin eye full 140]

Hey PSU - For some guys yes it's "normal" i would just give him some time to take it all in - does he watch porn ? perhaps this mind / thinking could be opened up a bit thought swingers porn lol

 

I think you have to give him some space on this lets face it he has had a lot to deal with and it may just be too much too soon, but don't give up just go at the slowest pace of both of you which is him now but latter it maybe you and i bet you would want him to the same for you.

 

Good work so far though for both of you.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Don't push, but don't stop talking either. Give him some time to figure out his feelings (not always the easiest thing for a man to do) and then return to this. Maybe he just isn't cut out for swinging, or maybe he just needs to process everything. Remember (as luvin pointed out) to only move at a pace the slowest person is comfortable with.

[PSULioness 754]

This weekend sort of brought me back to the weekend where it all began. Two years ago after a football game the weather was so bad I ended up sharing a room and a bed with my college roommate and her guy friend. So much has happened since that night. I got married, found a side of me I never knew existed and found a new lifestyle.

I am so happy that I found this board and had a sounding platform for some of my deepest thoughts and experiences.

Thank you all for helping me through some dark thoughts and directed me to a much brighter time. I look forward to sharing my experiences that might help others on their journey.

[couplers 4,140]

... I am so happy that I found this board and had a sounding platform for some of my deepest thoughts and experiences.

Thank you all for helping me through some dark thoughts and directed me to a much brighter time. I look forward to sharing my experiences that might help others on their journey.

I appreciate you being here and the insight that you have shared. Thanks.

[PSULioness 754]

I appreciate you being here and the insight that you have shared. Thanks.

 

It’s funny that someone who has been on this board when I was just first learning about sex is thanking me for my insights. I still have plenty to learn about life.

[couplers 4,140]

It’s funny that someone who has been on this board when I was just first learning about sex is thanking me for my insights. I still have plenty to learn about life.

It is the person new on the scene who can look at things with fresh eyes.

[PSULioness 754]

It is the person new on the scene who can look at things with fresh eyes.

 

It is the veterans that opened my mind to allow me to enjoy my life. I know I haven’t taken all the advice but at least you all are a sounding board for me.

[10thBadger 24]

On 11/23/2016 at 12:35 PM, Fundamental Law said:

Dear PSUL,

 

Welcome. You have come to good place for information and for reflection.

 

You are wrestling with two issues.

 

First, you expanded your sexual horizons beyond monogamy and, against what you were taught was "right" or "proper" , you found you liked it. It sounds as if you and the others had a good time and no one was hurt. Candidly, this is what is meant by consensual activity among adults. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Whether you want to sustain this sort of activity with your new friends, that's up to you. In the lifestyle, "no means no". More to the point, "yes means yes". It needs to be an affirmative decision on everyone's part. Otherwise, chalk it up to experience.

 

The second issue has to do with the guy you are dating. If it's a casual relationship, you are under no obligation to tell him about your entire life. If it's more than a casual relationship and in fact if you see your guy as a potential long term relationship (as in, you might want to get married), learning how to communicate about sensitive issues is part of what makes successful marriages last. The quest for variety in sex does not stop with exchange of rings and spoken vows. Lifestyle couples have simply found that being open and honest about it is far preferable to deception and cheating.

 

One way to gauge his perspective is to start a conversation about each other's sexual fantasies. That provides a basis for talking about realizing those fantasies and then setting boundaries that work for you as a couple. What's important is that you move forward together at a pace that fits the slowest partner.

 

The labels might or might not matter, but yes you have just dipped a toe into the Lifestyle. It is swinging. What you are trying to do is prevent it from becoming cheating. That reflects honesty and honor, attributes that are key to just about every successful relationship. Good luck.

Yes she should tell her boyfriend what she did. She wouldn’t want him not to tell her if he did something.

[10thBadger 24]

On 12/1/2016 at 5:54 PM, M1F2KTJ said:

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. There was no harm done. By being honest with your boyfriend or telling someone else you risk consequences that far outweigh an innocent unplanned encounter.

 

Enjoy your memories and maybe you can bring up the subject of swinging and/or mmf's or ffm's with your boyfriend to see how he reacts. Maybe someday you can tell him about your adventure.

 

Beat Wisconsin!

So honesty is not the best policy. But everybody preaches honesty in a relationship. It seems like every time a woman does something wrong, she’s given a pass to keep a secret or to be given a break for her actions. But if it was a man, everybody’s up to crucify him for his actions. Only if the roles were reversed, this would be a whole different conversation about being honest

[10thBadger 24]

On 12/2/2016 at 11:47 AM, PSULioness said:

I think, thank you for advice. I guess I asked for advice because I posted here. So which advice should I listen to? I should tell my bf, I shouldn't tell him, discuss the possibility of ffm or mfm. At this point I am not telling him I cheated or had sex with a girl.

 

Spoke to my friend and asked her not to bring it up when we visit tomorrow. She assured me that the party is to watch the football game and that the others at the party have no idea and are just there to have a good time. We will all be rooting for our alma mater.

 

I did tell her I enjoyed what we did.

So now you brought your girlfriend on it so she can help you be deceitful to your boyfriend. Now I hope that he founds out Even more from someone else so that you are caught in your Web of lies. YOU know the right thing to do but you choose not to do it. Or maybe you deserve to be cheated on your boyfriend in the future. 

[10thBadger 24]

On 12/18/2016 at 12:53 PM, Scaredstiff said:

Maybe if you give your boyfriend a bit of time you can win him back? Only you know if you feel like you've missed out on the love of your life or if your just bummed out because of spending the holidays alone, if he's worth fighting for fight for him! Make him realize that although you did cheat you also couldn't keep it secret from him, and that should be worth something, show him how remorseful you are, guys like romance too, it's a magical time, don't give up so easy if he is what you really want.

I think your response is absolutely correct, I also think her boyfriend may have forgiven her if she would’ve told him right away but it took a lot of time for her to do so and I’m sure that he was thinking wow, I met this girl that is my girlfriends friend and she even kept it from me so he understands that there was a group of deceit that was against him and then it was only her guilt that finally let her tell me. I think the time difference was a big issue also. I could be wrong but I think her boyfriend was like wow, she did this and kept it for this long . What else has she done that she is keeping from me.

[10thBadger 24]

On 12/23/2016 at 7:53 PM, Scaredstiff said:

I think Sandra's idea is your best chance of winning him back, even up the score. Sounds immature I know but he's gonna be feeling a lot of jealousy and most of that jealousy will be because you had a threesome with someone other than him. If I was in that position I would be devastated, partly because my girl had done this behind my back and partly because this other guy got something I'd always fantasised about.

 

You say you don't know if you could handle seeing him with your room mate, that's the point where I started to lose sympathy because what you did to him is much worse, even the score and get him back, who knows if you'll become swingers, maybe not , but address the balance and you might get a second chance with him.

Badgers wife,

 

I don’t think that he would want to do anything with her girlfriend. Remember he met her at a party and she was in on the deceit of keeping her secrets away from him. The girlfriend was part of keeping this secret because his girlfriend told her not to speak about it. He was a one-man clown in a one-man circus and everybody was laughing at him without him even knowing about it. I’m sure he will not want to have anything to do with the girlfriend that she’s so heavenly craves to have sex with again.  But then again I could be wrong.

[10thBadger 24]

On 12/28/2016 at 1:26 PM, Bob250 said:

Lioness, I would pass on the Rose Bowl party if I were you. Lessee.... you will be there with your Boy Friend that you are trying to reconcile with.... the girl you are having sexual feelings about will be there...and possibly the guy you cheated on your bf with will be there...plus alcoholic beverages...... in an excited group setting........Gee.....what could possibly go wrong?

Maybe a better idea would be to go somewhere alone with your BF and do some communicating and bonding...and leave off the partying until AFTER you are on the same page> Maybe?

Badgers wife,

 

I totally totally totally agree with you. Can you imagine if there is drinking and this guy starts hitting on her because he had sex with her and her boyfriend is there with her now. That would start more trouble than she could ever handle and a boyfriend would feel like crap knowing that he is in the same room with the same guy that had sex with his girlfriend and the girlfriend that she also had sex with. That might be too much for him to handle. He will probably break it off again because this guy would be like hey what’s going on, do you remember me I was in the hotel with you . That would be absolutely crazy

[Thegreyarea 99]

You’re replying to posts that are years old and the op is probably long gone.