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eldiablo311

Does anyone else get turned on by the idea of wife getting hit on?

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I am just curious if anyone else feels the same way as me....

 

Some background info on our relationship, quick and dirty:

I am in a serious relationship, very happy, with my new Fiance who I have been with for over 4 years. We are both very much in love and love our sex life. We have never swung or even had sex in front of other people. I have tended to be more on the jealous side and she is more open and not the jealous type at all...she is bi-sexual (I am straight)...her last serious relationship was 4 years long with a girl.

 

Here is my question....my Fiance just went on a business trip for a few days and we both missed each other very much. The first reaction for me was that I didn't want her going out and having drinks at bars or anything, especially by herself....but once she got out there I was totally getting turned on by the idea of her getting drunk and going out to the hotel bar and other bars and flirting/getting hit on by other guys, hopefully what she would consider cute, or hot guys! I was totally encouraging her to go out by herself and get buzzed and have a good time and I was asking her if she was checking any hot guys out...she would say she wasn't.

 

Does anyone else get turned on by this? Letting their wife/girlfriend go out and get hit on and possibly flirt back with other guys?

 

Ever since she told me about going out and getting buzzed/drunk a little bit and telling me about guys that were coming up to her it really turned me on! And now I can't wait for her to get back and tell me more details and fuck her!!!

 

Any thoughts on this? Anybody else share this feeling or tried this with your wife/girlfriend?

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eldiablo311

Question for the newbies or people that havent swung yet

 

Trust your initial gut reaction because it’s usually dead-on. It is very common for men in relationships to have fantasies of their SO being a sexual being with others. You say that it would be a turn-on for your fiancé to get drunk, flirt, & get hit-on. What would your reaction be if she took one of the guys back to her room for additional play?

 

I personally would not be happy if my wife went out and did what you described. My personal opinion is that a couple should play together and never apart – even in the next room. The focus should be on each other with the additional actors being tools (pun intended) to build additional intimacy between the couple. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard and seen couples get into the lifestyle and end up finding their soul-mate because of the bonding chemicals flowing through one’s veins.

 

Mr PT

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To answer the overarching question is yes I do enjoy other men admiring, fawning over and having sex with my wife. It is a tremendous turn on as long as she is enjoying herself. If she is not enjoying herself then I am not turned on by it. I suspect that is true of most, but not all, men who swing.

 

Reading the undertones and reading into the words you chose, I urge caution. Be careful what you wish for because fantasy can be, and usually is, very different from reality. Jealousy seldom goes away over night and talking about "letting your wife/girlfriend" sounds possessive. I don't let my wife do anything, she chooses what she does, but we do discuss things and she knows where I stand. Getting buzzed is another small red flag.

 

By all means have fun, but be aware of the pitfalls that swinging can bring for some and plan/act accordingly. It sounds like you two need a good deal more discussion about what you are doing and potential outcomes.

 

Good luck.

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I'll also add that starting with one/both of you going out by yourself and meet people may not be the best beginning. Swinging is a tough thing for a couple even when you're there together experiencing something. I'd suggest doing a lot of talking and explore this when you're both there together. I wouldn't suggest trying it when she is on her own until you are both extremely comfortable with this together.

 

Also, when you think you've talked this over enough...keep talking it over :)

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Thanks for the replies!

 

I absolutely agree that if we continue to do anything like this in the future we need to work together to define our "boundaries" and how far we are willing to let the flirting go....in otherwords just talk, light touching (like putting an arm around someone or hand on the thigh or hand touching some other non-private part of the other person), dancing, kissing/making out, or maybe further depending on our comfort level.

 

I totally agree that if she is not into it or not turned on by it then it does not turn me on and does not interest me, and that applies to any activity we engage in sexually either just the 2 of us or with a potential other person. The turn on for me is to know that SHE first and foremost is enjoying what is happening! My feeling is that I want her to feel empowered, sensual/sexy and to see and feel the excitement of knowing that another person outside of our relationship finds her attractive and wants to be sexual with her. I think that is a nice thing for her to know...obviously she knows I find her very attractive and love her very much!

 

And I also want to say she does not seek this attention out at all and does not crave or need it...I just feel it is just something that can be nice for her to see and feel and she agreed with that statement last night when we talked about this.

 

I just wanted to express to her the turn on I felt by knowing that she was out at a bar a possibly getting hit on by some attractive guys. I feel this made me miss and want her even more when she came back home! I feel that it is somewhat of a win/win for both of us in that she can have a little fun and we both can have a lot of fun when she gets back home and tells me about it! :) Generally though I absolutely agree that we should do any swinging or playing together and NEVER apart if we take this further.

 

 

So it sounds like you all agree that this is something we should do together starting out...in otherwords both of us go out to a bar or something together and I am by her side when she talks/flirts/dances or whatever with other guys or girls?

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^^^

That's a good idea. Go and hit a bar or club together. See how both of you feel in real-life when guys (or gals) start hitting/flirting with your fiancee. Who knows, you might want to tackle the other person or you might want to take them home. :)

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There is a difference in getting a thrill out of seeing your wife getting hit on by other guys and getting that confidence boost of other guys finding your wife attractive and knowing they are sexually intersted in her. We can see that any ole time in the "vanilla world" as they like to say around here. It awesome to have validation that your not the only one that thinks their hot! But in the back of your mind you know there is nothing to worry about because sex isn't on the table.

 

Be prepared for how it may affect you when sex is added. I know this all too well.

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Playtime4JnA - good point, I think we need to explore this more together, like you are saying, when I am there and can see it happening...like you said, I may not like it as much when I see it and may "want to tackle them" :lol:

 

shrevecouple -Yes I really can understand what you are saying when you say that it is kind of a different ball game when the possibility of sex is added to the situation! You say "Be prepared for how it may affect you when sex is added. I know this all too well." what do you mean if you don't mind me asking? What happened to you and how did it make you feel? How do you feel about it now?

 

Any other comments or advice is much appreciated!!!

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As shrevecouple said, it's one thing to be thrilled by the thought, but it's a whole other ball of wax when the other guy is in your bed on top of your fiancé. Be absolutely sure that you're ready for that. She might make different sounds than she makes with you, give him a different look or touch. You have to be ok with all of that before you go through with it.

 

I absolutely love it. It's a decision we made together and those sights and sounds are seared into my brain and they still turn me on when I think about them. I can't stress it enough though. Be sure you're ready. Talk to each other before it happens and talk after it's happened.

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As shrevecouple said, it's one thing to be thrilled by the thought, but it's a whole other ball of wax when the other guy is in your bed on top of your fiancé. Be absolutely sure that you're ready for that. She might make different sounds than she makes with you, give him a different look or touch. You have to be ok with all of that before you go through with it.

 

I absolutely love it. It's a decision we made together and those sights and sounds are seared into my brain and they still turn me on when I think about them. I can't stress it enough though. Be sure you're ready. Talk to each other before it happens and talk after it's happened.

 

This is why I want to do other things with my girl other than sex with other people...in order to kind of feel out how we both would feel about sex if that were to happen at some point.

 

That is why I was kind of liking the idea of just having her talk to guys at the bar that may be hitting on her...but she doesn't take it to the next level and sleep with them or anything...just talking and maybe some light flirting for now.

 

Believe me I realize that the fantasy of her having sex with someone else and the reality would be 2 totally different worlds and that is why I want to proceed with caution and make sure we both want it and would feel turned on by it.

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Then it sounds like you are going about it the right way. Take it slow, one step at a time, with the understanding that either of you can stop it at any point and you guys should be good to go.

 

Above all, have fun!

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Thanks for the advice. Yeah we definitely need to take it slow whatever we decide to do with other people...if we decide to include other people.

 

Maybe for now I should focus more on the fact that both of us would feel a lot more comfortable with her having sex with another girl. I know she loves that and I am 90% sure I would love to see her fuck/get fucked by another girl. She has said, hypothetically, if we were to ever do that, that she wouldn't want me doing anything with the other girl...she would be too jealous. I told her I was fine with that but I would need to touch myself or have sex with her at least...we both seem to agree on that.

 

As far as my fantasy of her fucking another guy, maybe that would come later on down the road after she has been with another girl several times or something? I know right now, in real life, I feel a bit conflicted on the idea of her fucking another man. For instance sometimes when I know a guy is hitting on her or showing interest in her, it bothers me some. I feel that if it were to be another guy, it would have to be someone neither of us know. It could not be a friend of hers/ours or a co-worker of hers...I wouldn't like that they have some kind of regular interaction on a normal day to day basis.

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We fantasize of this all the time, but not traveling.. Just going to a bar together and having her go alone and guys hitting on her; maybe dance, then she just walks away to me :) at the end. We've played that a couple of times and it was great.

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We fantasize of this all the time, but not traveling.. Just going to a bar together and having her go alone and guys hitting on her; maybe dance, then she just walks away to me :) at the end. We've played that a couple of times and it was great.

 

 

Sounds great! Yeah I am pretty sure I want to try this more with her, as long as she is willing/wants to! Seems like a great thrill!

 

I have another question, something I have thought about lately. Has anyone here ever thought about the idea, or done this? I mentioned to her if we get a webcam that I would like to watch her expose herself to another guy on the internet and masturbate in front of him while he plays with himself also. I would want to watch her getting turned on by seeing this guy get hard and cum and would like to see this hypothetical guy get hard and cum watching her!

 

Only thing is I wouldn't know where we could go on the internet to meet people that would be down with that? I am sure there is a website, does anyone know where you can meet people for this online? Anybody else done this before with their partner?

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Well, there is this neat thing called google. Try searching exhibitionism, web cam, etc. I've heard there's lots of guys jerking off on Chat Roulette.

 

It is very common. I get unsolicited yahoo messenger requests for this type of thing all the time. They have a video chat function.

 

It's not my thing so I've never done it personally. i have concerns about it being taped and rebroadcast. Once something is on the internet it's always out there.

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Well, there is this neat thing called google. Try searching exhibitionism, web cam, etc. I've heard there's lots of guys jerking off on Chat Roulette.

 

It is very common. I get unsolicited yahoo messenger requests for this type of thing all the time. They have a video chat function.

 

It's not my thing so I've never done it personally. i have concerns about it being taped and rebroadcast. Once something is on the internet it's always out there.

 

Yeah that is a good point about the being taped and posted somewhere! I have thought about that too. Maybe it's just not a good idea, maybe if we ever do it, it should be face to face somewhere.

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Yeah I have thought about the possibility of someone recording and posting...and that would not be good. Maybe it's a bad idea, maybe it's better to try something like that face to face sometime somewhere if she is down for it.

 

I have never used SKYPE, but I was thinking that might be a good way? I hear it's pretty secure, but I don't know if that would stop someone from being able to record and post a SKYPE session?

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Here's the short answer.....NO You may be a 30 year couple, but... There's a good rule... thanks to google.. IF IT EVER IS ON THE INTERNET, IT WILL BE THERE FOREVER!! Remember, your computer is NOT hooked (wired) to another computer in your house.. everything you put on the internet goes everywhere in the world and is saved.. (check about "google history). The only way that you could do this safely is to be on a different internet connection (unrelated to you, such as a hotel) and then be sure nothing is in the background or foreground that identifies you or her. Would your family/friends/employers like to see the show.. would it effect your life, or your family's life if it got out? There are "revenge" sites that this type of stuff goes on all the time. In person, with no cameras, is the only safe way. It's a great "fantasy", but keep it there, go to a party and do it in person, but never, never, ever, put that type of personal stuff on the "net".

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Yeah I have thought about the possibility of someone recording and posting...and that would not be good. Maybe it's a bad idea, maybe it's better to try something like that face to face sometime somewhere if she is down for it.

 

I have never used SKYPE, but I was thinking that might be a good way? I hear it's pretty secure, but I don't know if that would stop someone from being able to record and post a SKYPE session?

 

If something shows up on my screen it is ALWAYS possible to record it in some fashion. A technical person can always find a way to capture audio or video on their screen. More practically, a non-technical person can just use a video camera to tape their screen ;)

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