Certifying couples on SLS

[Tia Vampire 167]

We don't like that the certs are made for all to read, seeing that you do have certs is alright though. We think that the cert should be made for the screen named person to read only. That way you can tell them that you enjoyed them:facelick: or you enjoyed their company. We do not give certs to people that we did not enjoy. Who would right? Nor do we write nasty certs if we did not like the person. Notes maybe for our own reminder.

[ShellyM 1]

Yeah, we recently went into this in another thread; we have certs. However, I think only 2 of them are from actual playmates, the vast majority are from friends that we partied and had a good time with. We do not look at certs in relation to how good a couple may or may not be in bed; however, we do look at them to get a "feel" of a couple. For instance, almost all of our certs say things like we are "fun, crazy," stuff like that; so you know that we are pretty fun. However, some of our friends are free members on sls and so we certified them but they cannot certify us back; that of course is cool. We accept them and give them, its all a personal preference in what you like.

[Spoomonkey 418]

We have certifications on our ad - but when we started out, we were a lot like the posters above. We didn't do them for the reasons that they stated. I guess the reason we started using them was because of the first one we ever got - it was from the SwingersBoard. We had gone to a MeetUp and one of the mods at the time sent us a certification.

 

Our thought process went like this:

 

1. We obviously didn't have sex with the SwingersBoard. Wanted to... But didn't. So the certification didn't mean that we had sex with the person, persons or (in this case) virtual entity giving us the certification.

 

2. SLS has never really worked for us as far as meeting people, so however people chose to interpret our certifications, it probably wouldn't matter much. We have much better experiences with other routes of meeting and making friends.

 

I guess the low priority that we put on SLS led us to basically say "meh - whatever" and go with certifications if people wanted to give them. And if they give them - we give them back... Unless, of course, we reject them, which has happened as well.

 

I wouldn't look at a lack of certifications as a bad thing. Based on the general opinion around here, which is pretty balanced, I think for and against, I would just assume that certifications - if you look for them - are a bonus. Some great folks just have very legitimate reasons for not having them.

 

And, in our case, you'd see the certifications - consider us a good bet - only to find out that we really don't use SLS much (except as yet another email tool). We are highly unlikely to meet anyone who contacts us on SLS, which would cause people to consider us fakes, I suppose - certs or not...

 

Personally, I like certifications because I can play a stylized version of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". The way I figure it, I am always about six clicks away from seeing a famous person getting naked, just by clicking the right certifications

 

"Come on, Kate Beckensale!"

[LFM2 1,481]

Agreed. We've been on SLS for a couple years now with no certs. We've played with others on SLS, but for discretion reasons, we don't tell and appreciate when others don't tell either. It's actually no one's beeswax who we play with or how great it was. We do have a couple certs on AFF, but it doesn't mention sex. We like those.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

rpu3 said:

We do not do certifications in either direction because it is nobody's business who we meet or have sex with.

 

Ditto.

 

Tia Vampire said:

We don't like that the certs are made for all to read, seeing that you do have certs is alright though. We think that the cert should be made for the screen named person to read only. That way you can tell them that you enjoyed them or you enjoyed their company. We do not give certs to people that we did not enjoy. Who would right? Nor do we write nasty certs if we did not like the person. Notes maybe for our own reminder.

 

If they were set up this way I wouldn't mind either. If someone just saw that I've been certified without it showing by whom or what they had to say.

[lovenestduo 74]

We don't have any experience with SLS certification due to it being a US-centric site but we do have some with AFF testimonials (mostly bad).

 

We met a few couples on AFF and had some wonderful evenings. We were also stupid enough to leave a few testimonials along the way. Twice we had couples getting possessive and quite frankly, scary. Another couple decided we were a booty call and would make plans then flake out with less than 10 minutes notice. These were all couples we previously gave glowing testimonials to.

 

So here we are, with our handle, a link to our profile and even a picture of us, recommending these people. It should be a simple matter of retracting the testimonial, no? Not a chance. AFF does not allow deletions. Even by contacting support and refusing to renew if they don't delete. Their only solution was for us to delete our account and start again under a different handle. But that would only get rid of the link and picture.

 

Add to all that the testimonial traders and collectors, you know, the people that leave "testimonials" such as "What a sexy couple, if you're ever in (some country 3000 miles away) look us up" just to increase their count.

 

With all that under our belts we now place no stock in certifications or testimonials and will never give out another one.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Ok, I looked and this topic hasn't come up in a while, but it's coming up for us now so ....

 

Our attitude towards certifications up to this point is that we did not give or receive them. We actually even have that posted in our profile that we have made this decision for reasons of discretion (we don't feel it's anyone's business who we've played with). If SLS was set up so that certs were anonymous, or even if they weren't anonymous but it was JUST "yes these people are real" and nothing more, we'd be more likely to accept them. But, when the comments become "yes we've played with these people" - which most of them do, it bothers us a bit.

 

Occasionally we see comments from people that they won't even look at an ad that doesn't have certs attached to it (and in some cases those certs must be from people who are also certified, etc), and it does make us wonder a bit are we missing out on some quality couples by not allowing the certs? Or is it really even worth bothering with? I was reading through this old thread: https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/13604-certifications-on-online-ads/ and it seemed pretty evenly split between those against them and those who didn't care. I wonder if any of those who were previously against them later changed their mind and said WTF, because it was less trouble than explaining why you declined them.

[des1re06 200]

When we were new, we had no idea that certifications made us look like "sluts", as some people believe. So, we accepted them, as we thought this was a message that we were real, not fakers. Most of our certs are from people we met at a Meet-n-Greet, not that we actually played with.

 

Do we look at certs? Yes. Does it turn us off? No

 

Our thought on this is that we'd rather know if a couple is actually a couple before we contact them. That's how we use the certs.

 

 

Mrs. D

[VegasLee 1,486]

Certs mean nothing to us at all.

 

We have been doing this for many, many years, we host at a very busy club, we have been to conventions for over 15 years, 1000's of people know us so I guess if we allowed it we could have 1000's of certs. I guess in some people's eyes that would make us very high risk and very slutty even though we have not partied with most of the people that do know us.

 

We also don't care if people have a cert or not. We only meet people at the club. If we click, we party, if we don't, we don't. Nothing more simple then that. I really don't care what peoples opinions of others are. Just because you like or dislike a person does not mean we are going to feel the same way.

[AdamInEve 28]

We are fairly new as well and also state in our profile that we will not give out certs or accept them. We have had people try to cert us and we do feel bad when we decline them but we thank them then remind them that this is stated on our profile. We do not accept them for much of the same reasons as Julie. We just think that who we get together with should be just between us. We do think some couples use the cert system as a badge of honor, trying to rack up as many as possible.

 

It is ironic though that when considering a couple we do check their certs to see who they have been with. It doesn't necessarily influence our decision but I think it is just more us being nosy. We must admit that if a couple isn't certed and doesn't state in their profile that they do not accept them we do have some thoughts as to whether they are real or not. But it still wouldn't stop us from giving them a go.

 

We too have read the profiles that state they will not contact people unless they have certs. It doesn't bother us. As far as we are concerned, if that's the case they can just move on.

[gatorvol64 216]

Gator and I have only given and received one certification. We had reasons for that and the basic ones are; we like single men and we've never had a problem with any of them. The good ones may be hard to find but we think most are just tarred and feathered with the bad brush before given a chance. At least for those we've met. We recommended SLS to one of our single playmates. We gave him a certification and stated how respectful he was with us. The only one we have ever done. I've never asked if he knew if it helped or not. We did accept one from him. Basically, for the same reason. Do we have single men contact us? Yes, but I doubt it is because of the certification. We don't have them blocked. Do not get any more contacts now than we did before.

 

Vol

[fun4Ds 1,097]

We know the reasons people want or have certs, because we did at one time.

 

Now days they aren't so important.

[Chicup 38]

Certs do help us make up our minds a bit.

 

They are not required, but they help.

[widowerman 55]

I stand corrected!

 

Certification, funny thought.

 

I misunderstood that wording. I now understand that it means a desirability to screw with them.

As in, “do you come with references?” Just like a black book idea. That reminds me of the Ken and Barbie syndrome mixed with the dependability factor. Hey, this swinging is just like a blind date. You can always say no to people who do not fit you expectations.

 

And they can say no to you. My partner and I do not engage in that game of references. If they, the potential playmates don’t like us, highly unlikely, they can say thanks, no thanks. And we never turn down anyone, it is just not right to do so. They are people too!

 

My first experiences with swinging were with my partner and the other couple who just started swinging. They were repeatedly turned down because they were “not the right type”, a.k.a. persons of girth. We still played with them. The wife of the male was very kind hearted. We all had a great time, if I went with the who you had sex with before, I would have missed out a lot.

 

So no certs for us!

 

Hope this is more on topic. It’s been a long day!

[jjtrindc 142]

As a fairly new couple, if we are on the fence about meeting with a couple we do look at the certifications and guage the profiles of the people who gave the certifications. Sometimes it helps us make a decision. Sometimes it's just a gut feeling and instinct.

[2inVT 122]

We give and accept certs because in our opinion, it simply says, Yes, we met these people, their description of themselves is reasonably accurate, and they are indeed who they say they are.

 

No more, no less.

 

Not all our certs, given or received, are from people we've had sex with. And we've had sex with people who have not certed us.

 

For us, it's just part of the profile. Some people have certs, some don't. We tend to be a bit more skeptical of people who are unknown to us (it's a small swingers community here) who do not have certs - we're less certain they're actually going to show up, for instance. We'd still meet them - we'd just be sure to have a backup plan for what to do that night if they stood us up.

[tittietwister 126]

Absolutely we give and receive certifications. When you hire someone for a job don't you ask for references? Or if you're looking for a contractor don't you ask your friends about who they have done business with. It's like references - it helps.

 

Regarding advertising your activities, our experience is that like any other social clique, people talk, certs or not. We don't think it's a big deal and sometimes you can work it to your advantage. For example, a couple noticed we had a cert from another couple they knew and liked. They introduced themselves by saying since we both like couple X it's likely we'll like each other. So in that way the certs facilitate social networking.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

We give and receive certs, although we don't have a problem if someone said they preferred not to since it isn't that big of deal for us. We understand the reason why and we aren't interested in keeping score ourselves. Along those lines, we have played with people where no certs were exchanged simply because we met at a club and although both sides knew the other was on SLS, neither cared enough to get the user name just to be able to give a cert.

 

We do look at them, although just as part of the total package. Mainly to get a feel if they are a real couple, and to a much lesser degree, to help make an early guess on compatibility.

[sweet_tna 680]

We can take 'em or leave 'em. The certs we have are all from friends, mostly giving a shout-out to us. Doesn't necessarily mean we've played with them. And if we have, so what? Almost all the couples we know go to the same meet & greet, so it's pretty obvious who knows whom. So what? If someone looking at our profile is going to dismiss us based on our certs, then it's their loss.

 

Do we look at certs? Yes, but mostly out of curiosity. But it doesn't make or break our decision to contact anyone. Besides, we prefer to meet people at parties or meet & greets anyway.

 

=)

[two42lovers 273]

If we met people at clubs, certs would be pretty much useless. But meeting people via the internet is another story. We have used certs and consider them very helpful. The best certs are ones from people who have played - the "we've met" certs don't mean much. We would never even consider giving or recieving a cert from someone we did not know very well. Why would we want to attach our profile to someone we hardly knew, and had not even played with?

 

Yes, we do meet people without certs, but a profile without certs tends to go on our "B-list". We may get to them, after the "A-list" prospects run out. Of course, if the "A-list" prospects don't run out, we may not. It's kinda like a profile without pics...

 

The impression we have is a greater percentage of couples without certs tend to be more unsure about playing, and less skilled as play partners. Great profiles with good pics and glowing certs - glowing certs from great profiles with their own glowing certs - tend to be more fun. We have had AWSOME fun with couples who don't have certs, but in the big picture, profiles with certs tend to be a better bet, especially when there is limited time available to search.

[Guest MrsVan]

When MrVan and I first got into the LS, we thought that the certs were important because it allowed other couples who may be looking at our profile to know whether or not we were real. We were not really using them for anything other than that. We had many times over and over again when we first got into the LS where we would run into fakes and for that reason when a cert was given by another couple for us we would accept it thinking it would help others to want to contact us.

 

We have come to realize that certs either way really do not matter. We still have a couple certs I believe on our profile but would have never thought that it would stop someone from contacting us. When we look at profile's these days we really do not pay attention to the certs anymore.

 

MrsVan

[good times 990]

I would say that certs are moderately important to us. Normally, we will look at someones pictures and profile to see if we seem compatible. Then we will look at their certs to see if they are real. I have to admit, most folks we have tried to meet on SLS that didn't have certs never met us, and turned out to be a waste of time. So that has had a lot to do with how we view certs. Now days, someone would really have to seem hot to us for us to put out any effort if they had no certs. Which I guess is the bottom line, if someone has certs we would be more inclined to invest the effort to meet them than someone who doesn't have certs.

 

As far as our certs are concerned. We find it is best to have a few good certs rather than a whole bunch of certs. We have also noticed that it seems to be important to have recent certs. So what we do is periodically go through our certs and ad a new one or two and drop some older ones. We almost never have more than about a half dozen or so. We also prefer the ones that do not include how fun we were in the sack, or any other direct confirmation that we actually had sex.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

The more I think about this, the more I think it's probably a wash.... damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

On the one hand, if we don't have certs there are obviously some couples who would pass us over. On the other hand, if we do have certs there are still some couples who would pass us over because we either have too many certs, or certs from someone they don't care for. The latter I find a bit retarded, just because you and they didn't get along but we got along with them, doesn't mean that you and we won't get along.

 

I'm thinking we will probably stick to our original decision and feeling that we just don't like the way the whole cert process goes against the concept of discretion. If they were anonymous, it would be a totally different story, but it's just no one else's business who we've played with... and as someone else pointed out, certs between people who have only MET but not played mean little, as they really don't prove anything about whether or not the couple is who they say they are lifestyle-wise.

[two4youinswva 3,067]

This may be an option to overcome the whole cert/no cert thing:

 

I've noticed that some couples on SLS have one cert, and it is from the hosts of the club they have attended.

 

The cert usually says something along the lines of "This great couple attended one of our social events and they are very nice".

 

Very neutral certification, definitely indicates they are real (real enough to go to a club), but doesn't reveal bedroom secrets.

 

Just a thought.

[two42lovers 273]

Interesting discussion. There is a site with a cool way of "certifying" couples. You have to send the webmaster a pic of the two of you, holding a sign saying "certify us".

 

It's a good thing to know if a couple is actually is in it together when they make a couple's profile, and it's good to know if they showed up at a gathering and seemed nice to the host (or one of the other attendees.)

 

If certs are years old, you know they have been playing for a long time. If they have recent certs, you get the idea they are active. People only post the certs they want, so you can get an idea about their involvement in the lifestyle, and how they want to be seen.

 

Depending on what certs say, and the people who gave them, we can learn a lot that makes us want to contact someone. For us, seeing people are certified is never a negative. We decide if we are intersted in someone by looking at their profile - not the profiles of people who certified them - but we can get an idea of the kind of people they like to play with by the certs they choose to post.

 

We totally agree with the idea if someone doesn't want to meet us because of who we've accepted certs from (or anything else in our profile) that's good. Just because we met someone, or if we played, we wouldn't give or accept a cert. There has to be a reason. Usually it's because we think they'd appreciate getting it.

[good times 990]

On the other hand, if we do have certs there are still some couples who would pass us over because we either have too many certs, or certs from someone they don't care for. The latter I find a bit retarded, just because you and they didn't get along but we got along with them, doesn't mean that you and we won't get along.

We actually thought about this a quite a bit and came to the conclusion that this was probably a good thing. The fact of the matter is, most of the folks we have actually accepted certs from are usually pretty good friends of ours. So, if a potential play partner is going to have a problem with it, it is better to get that out of the way before anything gets started, as far as we are concerned.

[Chicup 38]

I have to confess that at times I check the profiles of whoever did the certification and if those people seem like people we would definitely not be interested in, we pass over the profile.

 

Over all I'd say I like LL's basic certification system rather than 'what a wonderful and sexy couple' type.

[oakridgecouple 15]

For us, certifications kind of authenticate a male that we might be interested in. We have yet to meet someone from SLS yet but trying. The thought is that if they have some then they may understand what we are looking for.

[pervgeeks 119]

We have a couple of certs and both couples we're still friendly with, one we see regularly at parties and meet & greets, so it's obvious we're friends. We're comfortable with what we have, but not particularly seeking more (and respect those who choose not to do the cert thing). By no means do we want a long laundry list of everyone who we've met or played with on our profile.

[Jeepgurly 38]

We accept and give certifications. We accept them from whoever gives us one as long as its not crude or insinuating something that never took place. We however only give them to people that we felt like we connected with and would like to get to know better. And generally we like to keep it PG and stick to what kind of people we think they are.

 

We also tend to look at certs when looking at people's profiles, if they are long time members and have no certs I wonder like a lot of other people if they are legitimate or just pic collectors, or some other kind of fakes. When people have certifications they help me to get an idea of what kind of people they are and who they tend to hang with and sometimes you can glean which couples they just made an impression on and which ones they've played with and based on that, if we are their type or if they are ours. I think we are attracted to a very specific type of couple, young trendy, cool, in good shape and if we notice a theme in the type of company they keep then we can pretty much decide wether or not we think we might hit it off. All of that plays into wether or not we're interested or wether we think we'll be compatiable. Maybe we're superficial, which is fine but we know what we like and we look at the profile pics, read the profile thoroughly and look at certifications to figure out what type of people they are and who they tend to hang with. We also look at the fact that while they may have made an impression on a lot of people and received lots of certs most people only return certs to the people that they've played with or connected with in some way and those are the certs that say the most to us the ones that they've returned. You'll also notice the people who try to rack up as many certs as possible by certifying everyone they meet and only a 1/8 of those people return the certs. We think the certs say a lot....

[des1re06 200]

I'm curious about this now that you've got me thinking.

 

Example: A good looking couple contact us. We check out their pics, profile and then certs.

 

We notice that all their certs are from "perfect body" types.

 

This goes through my head: Why are they contacting us? We're not perfect. We immediately think we won't meet their expectations because we aren't similar to the people they've played with.

 

Hmmm, does anyone else do that?

 

Mrs. D

[good times 990]

des1re06 said:

Hmmm, does anyone else do that?

Yep, we do that, but if they contacted us, and they are hot, it wouldn't stop us from writing them back.

[Bama0468 93]

How about this wrench... what is to stop someone from making another account and certifying themselves? As for us we don't care about certs, we prefer word of mouth ( pun intended)

 

In the begining we would try to meet up, if we go stood up ya better have had a good reason (good thing we never got stood up) we meet you, you meet us, we might have a party where more friends from each side are invited and expand the network... after all is that not the best way?

[des1re06 200]

where more friends from each side are invited and expand the network... after all is that not the best way?

 

I have to agree. Parties have been the best way.

 

Mrs. D

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

We were talking to some friends last night about how it seems like there are so many couples online who never have any intention of meeting. I mentioned that it's getting to a point where even tho we don't accept/give Certs, we are looking at them more and more and using them to guage whether or not someone is actually really likely to meet. So perhaps we have a bit of a double standard on certifications... we use them to gauge people's "realness" as swingers, but yet we don't have them to allow others to do the same.... and perhaps others are guaging us as "not real" for that reason.

 

They made a comment about how some couples will certify anyone and that they had gotten a cert from a couple that they had just met for dinner (with dinner ending early because one or the other ladies called a headache). They declined it with the feeling that Certs aren't there to show that they are real people but to show that they are real swingers.

 

My response: "Right and the only way to really prove that is to play with someone, and that's why we don't do certs, because it's no business who we've played with."

 

They responded that they had also given certs to people they hadn't played with but they knew they were swingers just perhaps a few rungs ahead of them on the swinging ladder at that point.

 

So my question is for those of you who do use the certs. At what point will you give a cert? Do you just have to meet them? Do they have to in some prove to you that they are real swingers? - ie. if you normally cert people after an initial meeting, would you cert a couple that you met for the first time that you know has never actually played? Or do you wait to cert someone until after you've played with them? And under what conditions would you decline a certification?

[VanHlebar 187]

JustAskJulie said:

They declined it with the feeling that Certs aren't there to show that they are real people but to show that they are real swingers.

 

Actually if you look at the description of the certs on SLS this is covered in there. They really are designed for both to certify that someone is a "real" person and that is how we take them unless someone says otherwise in the certification. Yea we figure that they have most likely played with those folks that they received the certification from, but we still think it could be just that they met for dinner or something.

 

So why not certify someone that you just met for dinner and had a good time with but haven't yet had a chance to hook up with? I guess I don't see any problem with that.

[Chicup 38]

Yeah I use them only as added proof they are real people, and even then we've run into fake ones.

[two4youinswva 3,067]

We only have to meet a couple to give them a cert. Actually we haven't played with quite a few of the couples we've certified. The majority of those we've certified have been people we've met at the clubs.

 

I guess you can say the people we've certified are real couples, and are at least interested enough in swinging to either meet someone, or go to a swingers' club. While not foolproof, it does cull the herd a little bit more.

[MrkLin 393]

We agree with VanHlebar an this one, and that's basically what we do. We're not there to certify their swinging status, the condition of their relationship, or anything else. SLS says you're 'certifying them as genuine.' Knowing that, we give a certification to people we've actually met, and believe are genuinely into the swing lifestyle. If we have any doubts, we don't certify.

 

On the other hand, we use certifications as a way to screen couples. We've met some good friends this way when we've discovered that we have mutual friends. For example, we have two new couples coming to our December house party. We were reading through the certifications of one of our friends and saw their names. Having that mutual friend was a great way to introduce ourselves to them, and we met both couples this weekend. We may have met them without having seen that they had certified our friend, but having that certification to refer to broke the ice.

 

We don't look at certifications as a scoreboard, or a 'who's nailing who' list. As was mentioned before, certifying someone doesn't mean you've played with them - sometimes you only have to read the certification to learn that. You can also mention the fact that you haven't played when you write up a certification, if it really bothers you that much. We see it as a way to let others know that the couple in question is really interested in swinging, and not just some picture collector or internet troll. We've actually met the couple, and this is our opinion of them.

 

Certifications are also in the Search criteria - meaning you can eliminate couples who haven't been certified as genuine from a search. How many times have you been eliminated from a search because you don't have any certs?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Chicup said:

Yeah I use them only as added proof they are real people, and even then we've run into fake ones.

 

Fake people or fake certs?

 

MrkLin said:

How many times have you been eliminated from a search because you don't have any certs?

 

That's an excellent question, and to some degree the point I was making in my original post. While I don't use certifications as a search criteria, I do find that when I'm looking at a profile and I am borderline on whether or not I feel it may be "real" (or from a couple that is really interested in swinging) I look for certs and if there are no certs I may not end up contacting them, deciding that it would probably be a waste of time.

 

Ok, I had to go and look and here is SLS' description of what certified means:

Quote

A certified member is one that another, trusted, member of the site has vouched for, indicating that they personally know this person and that the person is who they say they are. Only Paid members can certify other members.

 

What is listed as the purpose of the certs and what people think when they read certs - or more importantly what the cert actually says (as I'd say that most that I have read make it if not quite clear that they've played, make it very easy to assume that) are two different things.

[good times 990]

I pretty much take certs the way SLS defines it, and don't assume someone has played with the people that certified them. I guess the reason for that is that we will certify someone that we have met but haven't played with. Funny thing is, we rarely, if ever, certify someone unless they ask us to. We have met some folks that send a cert to anyone they meet. While we don't mind sending a cert at all, we don't send them automatically.

[dnmnms 55]

We have actually had someone make a rude remark concerning a cert we had. We had 4 certs and had never "played" with any of them just met them at a meet and greet or a club. Even though it is no one's business who we have met or played with we have actually heard people say that they would not email a couple due to a cert that they had listed.

 

People just assume that if you certify someone or vise versa, you have automatically played around.

 

Melody

[Chicup 38]

JustAskJulie said:

Fake people or fake certs?

 

Fake people.

 

There is a very odd fellow who was/is on LL who tries very hard to get to see your private pictures. 'They' are a certified couple who signs up for events and never shows up. Writes wonderful emails which seem to be designed to match your profile, but as soon as you open up your private pictures he ignores you 100%.

 

I talked to several couples and always the same MO.

 

For us it didn't matter our private pictures just showed our faces, so I don't feel too used as we never opened them up, he seemed a bit to eager

 

On another site I saw some fishing looking certs where the person doing the certing didn't seem to be a real one. Basically they had a fake account to give their 'real' account a cert.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Fake people.

 

There is a very odd fellow who was/is on LL who tries very hard to get to see your private pictures. 'They' are a certified couple who signs up for events and never shows up. Writes wonderful emails which seem to be designed to match your profile, but as soon as you open up your private pictures he ignores you 100%.

 

I talked to several couples and always the same MO.

 

For us it didn't matter our private pictures just showed our faces, so I don't feel too used as we never opened them up, he seemed a bit to eager

 

On another site I saw some fishing looking certs where the person doing the certing didn't seem to be a real one. Basically they had a fake account to give their 'real' account a cert.

 

So I guess really it's both... fake people AND fake certs.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Julie,

 

I look at certs also, not so much as a qualifier, nor do I assume that a cert means that they played with them. But it does give me a reality check. If I don't recognize the username of the person certifying a couple, I look at their profile. I can honestly say that I have never seen a cert from a garbage profile. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but I have been lucky so far. Someone not having certs, and they clearly state in their profile that they do not give or receive certs, is not a problem because I understand their point of view.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We will certify anyone that we spend time with and enjoy their company. We don't have to have sex with them at all. For those couples that we do have exotic sex with, great communication, and the chemistry is just right, we with certify with recommidations.

[dodgechevy 149]

We tend to be extremely skeptical about profiles that are only certified from 1 profile. And that same profile only has 1 cert from the 1st profile.

[twoforone100 45]

Well Richmond is a small town really. So a cert from someone we know matters a lot..

 

We read the cert and see what it says and what it does not say. We might even ask the person who sent it ( only if we know them).

 

We do sent them.. We do have to meet. Most times we do have to have played. We try to make it clear on it what we think of the couple. It is something that we feel they earn.. not from sex but from the whole package.

 

We will not accept on that is not real... that is not true. or one that implies something that did or did not happen.

 

In our town they are pretty trust worthy with that main circle of people who all seem to know each other and on sls we often track the certs back..... i.e. who cert'ed the person who we are looking at.

 

In the end we think they are a good thing.. but that could cut both ways.

[Pensacolapair 394]

IMO the entire concept of certifications, validations, or whatever a particular site calls them has limited value. See, it's like any system - it works best when everyone uses it the way it was intended. There are soooo many inferences drawn from certifications that it gets seriously twisted. We have kicked this around with quite a few people, and have been seriously dumfounded by some of the views people have expressed and the paths said views led them down:

 

"They don't have any certs, so they are by default, either fakes or looky-loos, so we won't waste time on them"

"They have too many certs, we don't want to play with someone who has been around that much"

"They have a certification from so-and-so.. and so-and-so is an asshole so we wouldn't get along with them"

"They have a certification from a (insert anything you don't like .. bi-male, age, race etc here)...ewwww!"

 

The inference we draw from seeing a certification is that, in a Lifestyle full of 'Internet Swingers', these are people who actually meet others with a similar interest in the Lifestyle. Unless the wording of the certification is such that it's obvious that they played, we don't make any assumption that they did - really don't care. How 'play or no play' would be the basis for certifying someone is beyond me - what is it supposed to mean - "Hey Everyone, they played with us so they are gonna play with you too?" Personally, I feel the whole 'are they real swingers' thing is a bad mindset to even approach: as we know, some people don't consider soft-swingers to be 'real swingers'..and face it, there are many out there who figure the only 'real' swinger is one whose only prerequiste for playing is for you to have a pulse! How many bad experiences have began with the phrase, "You ain't a real man unless you __________"?

 

Of course, people are free to interpret things any way they want - but my point is that what one person thinks they are saying isn't necessarily going to be what another person thinks they are saying. I have never come across a site whose guidelines (what their intent is) for the certification process said anything about actually playing as a qualifier - as a matter of fact, most sites allow you to be certified by the Webmaster via webcam!

 

Sorry, but yes - if you enjoy the ability to factor in certs when making your decisions and don't allow others the same ability, it's a double standard... and arguably isn't much different a situation than those many people with no pictures on their profile that are glad to view someone else's when determining who they might be interested in. But just like pictureless profiles, it's up to the individual member as to what they are comfortable with.... so the band plays on.

[spamcatcher 36]

When we first started, we had quite a bit of trouble with people who didn't respond or wouldn't show up after we'd set up a meeting. At that point, I looked at certs as just being an indicator that others were "real" and wouldn't leave us sitting alone, wondering if we had a particularly serious strain of cooties. I've never relied on them to gauge the "quality" of a prospective sexual contact, because people are different. What may have been the greatest experience of the person who left the cert might be bland or ho-hum to me. I just wanted to make certain that people we were going to meet were courteous, decent, fun to be with, and had at least 3 teeth.

 

We generally leave certs as a courtesy to those who accept them. And I retracted one once, too. We had an MFM twice with the male half of a couple, and I immediately wrote a cert for him after the first time. He didn't reciprocate. Some months later, as we were setting up the second meeting, I casually mentioned that he hadn't certed us. His response was that we hadn't played with the female half and she writes all of their certs.

 

Well, he's played with my wife twice now, and hasn't bothered to take the hint. So I retracted the cert and don't think he'll be playing with us anymore.