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Similar Content
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By HollySwinger
Hi friendly swingers of the internet! My husband and I are active swingers who go to events, have a good circle of swinger friends, and have been in the LS for a number of years. This is my first time turning to a more anonymous message board because I'm not sure how to talk about this with my swinger friends...at the risk of coming across as high maintenance :/
We were in a pretty intimate poly relationship with another couple for almost two years. Guy and I would spend the night together just the two of us, we all said I love you, got gifts for each other, spent holidays together, go on vacations together, things like that. They were not only great sexual partners, but also became our best friends. Throughout this time, we were all also swinging with other people. A number of issues arose between us, some having to do with jealousy due to outside swinging, but most significantly they moved a few hours away. So the relationship had to change.
I still feel invested. But I'm not sure how to make the adjustment from a more intimate, poly relationship to a regular swinger friendship again. Everyone else seems ready to do this, but I guess I'm not. I have plenty of great, fun, light swinger friendships...but it's hard for me to think about having this style of relationship with this particular couple. However, I don't want to be left with nothing!
Has anyone on this board dealt with "downgrading" ("reverting"?) a poly relationship back to a light, friendly swinger relationship, one where you can still play, attend parties, have group sex, etc...but not be poly anymore? Or is this just a case of pandora's box...since we went down that path, it's going to be all or nothing? Do I just enjoy the relationship for what it is now? Or do I be the drama queen who calls it quits on something I actually liked, just because it's not the same as what it once was?
In the "vanilla" world, when you break up with someone, you don't typically have sex with them again, and again, and again. So what's a swinger (and in this case, poly) girl to do?
TL; DR: It's hard for me to swing with my ex-poly bf. Can the "backwards" transition from poly bf/gf to lighthearted swinger friend work?
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By intuition897
Watched this and thought the coverage was pretty good in spite of the reporter's obvious disdain. The comments are always a riot. They were old comments, but I replied to some of them. Can't seem to help myself.
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By kikonkrome
This has happened to us more than once.
You meet a couple and things are moving forwards, until all of sudden one of the 'other' party gets cold feet, is not into it, etc.
What I have done in the past is call the whole thing off and, frankly, fuck the wife, ALWAYS a good time there!!
However, I got to thinking, well wtf maybe I should just enjoy the threesome!!
What do others who have had the same or similar experience do?
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By couple4FinOtt
Several reasons:
Conflict with my religion (resolved now)
Was hurt that my husband thought so little of me that he didn't care who else used me sexually (obviously a HUGE misunderstanding, thoroughly resolved now)
Guilt. Felt like I would be betraying my husband if I admitted that I had sexual feelings for other people.
I finally realized just how little it has to do with sex, and how much of it has to do with everything else that you and your spouse share. Indeed, the whole point of it seems to be to render sex impotent in its ability to dictate the success or failure of a relationship. It is put firmly in its place. It no longer has a name or a place at the family table so to speak. It's a tool. It's an inanimate object. It can be fun, it can be very dangerous and it must be respected and handled very responsibly, but that does not make it any more or less than what it is, and it is not worth putting on a pedestal to worship as the be-all-end-all of a relationship/marriage. You realize eventually the mistake of holding your relationship together with such a fickle glue as sex, and start really dove-tailing together the more solid, real aspects of your marriage...the real reasons you stay together besides sex.
EDIT>> After re-reading this post, I realized that I'm making it sound like we try to suck all the joy out of sex. NOT true at ALL! It's just that putting sex in proper perspective this way allows us to fully understand the difference between making love to our spouse vs. having fun, friendly sex with some good friends. The key is in learning to see the difference between love and sex, and how they can exist independent of one another without needing to deteriorate into something unhealthy. The result is a much richer sexual experience with each other. It's like the difference between chocolate pudding for dessert and triple chocolate cheesecake with raspberry glaze and brandy cream garnish. You become much much more aware of one another's uniqueness and sexiness, which sort of nicely combines the snap that you both felt when you first met, with the comfortable familarity that only comes with having known each other so long.
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