20/20 Special on Swinging

[TNT 1,155]

Totally sucks ...and not in the good way.

 

Teresa

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Maybe they will show it next Friday Alura, and we can all watch it at your house.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

 

Sex or murder??

I'll take sex anyday!!

 

 

Some peoples priorities?

 

Hopefully they will reschedule but it sounds like maybe they won't.

 

SLS's homepage said "We will give you an update, if we get one."

 

What is that suppose to mean? Do you think 20/20 will scrap it all together?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It's possible. My guess is that they will fit it in when they have an open slot, and depending on THEIR priorities.

[sepacouple 15]

If you have watched much TV at all you know that violence and murder is MUCH more acceptable than sex or even nudity. Can't for the life of me figure out why though.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Maybe they will show it next Friday Alura, and we can all watch it at your house.

 

 

That sounds like an AWESOME idea!

[Dave_kat 227]

Well, for some reason the country was interested in the trial, although the segment was poorly written and disjointed. And probably a bit premature as they haven't even sentenced Scott.

 

I looked around at some of John Stossel's previous reports, to include one on Gaydar. Well, perhaps ABC is going to put swinging in a new light, I guess we'll have to wait until next week or so.

[viper31631 15]

Please keep us posted if anyone hears when it will run

[annnalan 15]

Here is an interesting summary of what the show was supposed to be...

 

'The Lifestyle' -- Real-Life Wife Swap - ABC News

[nib 15]

There has never been positive press on swinging. I seriously doupt if 20/20 will start now, after all, ABC is owned by Disney. What then, mickey , minnie, donald and daisy all have a mfmf, lol

Hey Minnie is pretty hot! facelick

[TNT 1,155]

Thanks for the link annnalan...seems like they might have actually did a good job on the segment.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Hey, yeah, I'm impressed with that. I hope we'll hear when it's going to be on.

 

-B

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thanks for posting that link. From the pic it looks like they chose a good variety of people (looks wise) to interview. I hope they do air the episode, I have a feeling that that article probably covers the majority of it, but I'd still like to see it.

[intuition897 2,179]

I just read the article and sent my opinion to Dr. Haltzman, one of the marriage counsellors who was quoted. I'm so bloody frustrated with people calling us cheaters and insinuating that we're somehow pathological. This is what I wrote to him:

 

Now you knew you were going to get feedback after having been quoted by 20/20 so here are my two cents.

 

Hi there,

 

I'm a happily married woman of 29, with two kids, three pets, a nice house, a good job and a husband that I fall more in love with every day. We also swing. I must both agree and vehemently disagree with your opinion about the impact that the Lifestyle has on a marriage. You said, "There is a tremendous appeal about the idea of swinging. … But to sustain swinging as a lifestyle, it's going to pull at the fabric and the foundation of the marriage. And that foundation is being faithful, that's what standing up on the altar is all about"

 

I agree that swinging definitely has the potential to shred a marriage, and that part of the foundation of a marriage is fidelity, but here I must begin to object. Standing up at the altar is all about promising to be this person's very best friend, through thick and thin, being both a soft place to land and a pillar of strength. You promise to always take care of this person, to respect him or her, and enrich his or her life to its fullest. This even includes providing the proverbial kick-in-the-ass when he or she is making poor decisions. You're promising to really love this person. Love is a verb at this juncture, not a noun.

 

Think about this. Fidelity is the most universal of threats to a marriage, right? In every magazine you'll find '20 signs that your spouse is cheating'. And right next to that article you'll see '20 ways to drive a man/woman wild with lust'. It's a vicious world out there! Every pretty face is a potential threat to your marriage. Can we agree that sexual attraction is a normal natural function of the human body, and that, being human, our bodies are sometimes attracted to people other than our life-mate?

 

My husband and I have found a way to completely remove the threat of infidelity from our marriage. Truly. Swinging is not some kind of 'bandaid' for an ailing relationship. It isn't a poorly thought out whim that we just wanted to give a try. It's a tough-as-nails workout for a relationship, a catalyst that will either strengthen your marriage or drive it into the ground. It puts to the test every one of the sacred vows that you spoke at the altar. It puts a marriage through its paces. It's like having a sports car with a speedometer that is gauged for 260 mph. It says it'll go that fast, but how do you know for sure unless you actually try it? If the engine under the hood isn't in great shape, or hasn't been regularly maintained, chances are you're going to ruin your car. But if it's been well maintained, and you reach 260 mph, from there on you will always know just what its limits are. A couple's swinging experience is only going to be as good as their relationship and intentions. Swinging doesn't ruin marriages: people do. All swinging does is force couples to ask themselves and each other the really dirty ugly questions that most people would rather not ask or know. Such as "Am I bisexual?", "Does he/she really love me?", "Will he/she be satisfied with just me after being intimate with someone else?", "What if he/she falls in love with someone else?", "Is he/she going to be more attracted to someone else than to me?", etc. We've found the answers to all these questions and then some. What we've found so far is that we do this BECAUSE we love each other and we each want nothing more than complete happiness and fulfillment for each other. Now, when some little tart with a gravity-defying body and angelic face steps up to me and boldly tells me that she could do things to my husband that I could never do, I can just laugh at her knowing for certain that my husband would be unattracted to her because of her disrespectful attitude toward me. Or I could smile and say, "Great! Let me grab the camera!" Either way, I'm not worried. What we've done is cancelled out the exclusivity of sex. Sexually monogamous couples will always worry that they will lose their spouse if the 'purity circle' is broken. They'll always wonder if he or she is only with them because they have really great sex... and what happens if sex starts to get a little less exciting?

 

Well you know what? There are lots of girls out there with better bodies than mine, with prettier faces and nicer smiles, with sharper wit, more intelligence, and with more keenly honed sexual prowess than myself (although one would be hard-pressed to find another girl with so many qualities in one place But even though these girls might be able to rock my hubby's world, he's still going to come straight back to me, face flushed, eyes sparkling with this big smile on his face to share his excitement with me. And I'll be there for him, full of happiness and love for him, thankful that I could be here to share it. Because anyone can offer him sex, but very few could offer him the kind of love that I have for him. Our definition of fidelity extends to honesty not only with each other, but with ourselves, and spills over into every other facet of life. When you live your life honestly, consciously doing the right thing every time, you never have to feel bad at the end of the day.

 

I could go on for miles here, but I'm sure you've heard plenty already. I just wanted to say that we've been doing this for about 4 1/2 years now and we feel that it should be taken seriously as a viable lifestyle for those whom it would suit. I simply disagree with the blanket statement that it "pull(s) at the fabric and foundation of marriage." It does for many perhaps, but certainly not all!

 

Thank you for your attention, and my apologies for the long-windedness of my letter.

 

Yours truly,

[DBL D 120]

We thought it was a pretty balanced report.

 

I thought it was interesting that the M.C.'s didn't pan it though they did say that swinging could strain an unhealthy marriage. Which is true.

 

Male D

[Spoomonkey 421]

This is what I wrote to him:

 

Awesome letter!

 

Thanks for taking the time to write such an elloquent defense of the lifestyle. What I like about this entire "20/20" phenomena is that folks are taking the time to talk about the "whys" of what they do. I realize that many who hear it will simply say "disgusting" but I think it is important for those of us involved to be able to qualify what we are doing and how it benefits our marriages.

 

Spoomonkey

[intuition897 2,179]

Believe it or not, I got a response from Dr. Haltzman! Here was his letter:

 

Hi E&J,

I was pleased to hear from you; as you can imagine, overarching

statements

such as mine are always prone to find exceptions. I wouldn't recommend

people drive cars at 260 MPH either, but there are those who do--and

wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I am confused as to how you got the quote from the segment; I thought

it was

preempted for the Scott Peterson verdict. Did it play somewhere--or is

the

transcript printed somewhere? I'd appreciate it if you could let me

know,

since I wasn't aware that ANYONE except the 20/20 producers had heard

my

comments.

 

Be Well,

 

Scott Haltzman, MD

[intuition897 2,179]

Awesome letter!

 

I realize that many who hear it will simply say "disgusting" but I think it is important for those of us involved to be able to qualify what we are doing and how it benefits our marriages.

 

Spoomonkey

 

Exactly. I actually wrote back to him again. I hope no one minds my including this correspondance on the forum, but I thought it would be of interest to others:

 

Hi Scott,

 

I'm registered on a swinging forum and one of the threads had this link. We were all anxious to see the show and find out what kind of spin they would put on the Lifestyle. Everyone seemed disappointed that it was cancelled. Here's the link:

 

'The Lifestyle' -- Real-Life Wife Swap - ABC News

 

It looks like someone's in the process of deleting it though, as I can't get more than the first page to load up anymore. The report was by John Stossel. If you have difficulty with the link, I'm saving it to my hard drive so let me know and I'll send it to you.

 

I appreciate your responding to my (rather lengthy) letter. I've tried emailing other professionals in your field and have never received a response. I understand that our lifestyle is a little unconventional, but that's the whole point. I also wanted to mention that I didn't mean to compare the risks of engaging in swinging as being comparable to the risks of driving a car at over 200 mph, which is dangerous, irresponsible and of course illegal. Swinging is none of these things Another term I've heard that I rather like was 'responsible non-monogamy'.

 

At any rate, I appreciate your interest and open-mindedness. Most professionals don't seem to take our lifestyle choice seriously and insist that our marriage is on the road ruin if we don't change our ways. I would never say that this is for everyone, because you need to have a very good relationship in order to be successful. And I don't mean a relationship without problems (because there's no such thing), but a relationship where both parties know how deal with problems when they arise.

 

I would encourage you to take a closer look at the 'Lifestyle' from a professional point of view; I know that there are millions of us out there and we can't all be wrong, right? I have no training or formal background in research, but I have a keen interest in knowing more about the current demographics and attitudes concerning the Lifestyle. Who are they, how many are there, why are they doing it, how did they get started, how long have they been involved, attitudes towards safe sex, incidences of STD's, etc. I'm considering going back to university and this sounds like meat and potatoes for a thesis to me. J (my husband) is actually a Six Sigma Blackbelt and crunches numbers for living, so how perfect is that?

 

Once again, I've gotten chatty My apologies.

 

Let me know if you need that page sent to you, ok?

 

Thanks again,

 

E & J

[Sexygirltina 15]

Just my 2 cents but I think it is kind of like the bell bottoms and platform shoes every 20 years or so everything gets recycled and everything old is new again. The sixties from what I have read were a time of free love. Now a little late on the 20 year time frame the idea is coming back. I have to say that in the two years that I have been in the lifestyle I have seen a steady growth in the number of swingers at organized events so I have to believe that it is growing in popularity. The interesting thing will be to see if 20 years from now swinging is main-stream and non-swingers are considered to be different.

[3ofus 15]

I was just looking at that link and was disconnected in mid-read!

If anyone finds out when this will air, please post it, I would love to watch this one.

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

It's definitely sweeps week! Another show out on swingers, this time it's the queen of daytime tv herself!

 

The Oprah show is presenting a show this Friday, November 19th entitled

 

Secret Sex In The Suburbs

PhD's, accountants, a Brownie leader, and a reverend -- they are all swingers. Oprah investigates as couples come forward and tell all. Plus, it's not just men anymore. Women tell why they cheat on Friday's Oprah.

[Spoomonkey 421]

they are all swingers... Plus, it's not just men anymore. Women tell why they cheat...

 

Not sure what these have to do with each other... Feels like a bad omen to me...

 

Spoomonkey

[DBL D 120]

Me too, Spoo. Don't like the correlation there. Why doesn't she do something interesting like "Cheating UPS Drivers". Now there's a secret society for ya!

 

Male D

[SamIAm 15]

Does anybody know what happened to the summary of the show on the 20/20. The link doesn't work now.

 

Thanks, xoxox

 

Never mind, I got it to work now... Thanks all...

[Dave_kat 227]

just got next week's 20/20 line-up, and guess what.. Destiny's Child and an identical twin's sex change. Did we put too much wood in the fire?

[Belkin 15]

Look folks, it is better to keep a low profile.

 

The more swinging hits the airwaves the more it will catch the attention of those who may want to legislate roadblocks. We are the minority, remember, and anything that is not mainstream in America gets outlawed!

 

Hopefully 20/20 will *never* air it!!

 

-Belkin

[DBL D 120]

Hi Belkin,

 

Glad you've cum aboard! Welcome.

 

So you would only partake of the lifestyle if it was fully legal? If it got banned you'd leave?

 

I don't think we feel that way.

 

Male D

[Weezie 16]

I was told that 20/20 will air the segment on swinging this Friday night at 9pm.

Our friends, who were interviewed, say it's a very positive piece on the lifestyle.

[tracy1878 19]

thanks for the update... i'll have to watch!

[Rombi's Girl 15]

Oprah did a segment on swinging, she was netural. Then Dr. Phil did a segment on swinging, which had a very negative slant.

 

Since we are going to a local club this Friday night, I'll have to set the VCR for the 20/20 piece.

 

I hadn't heard about it, thanks for the heads up on this!

RG

[kandj 15]

thanks for posting. We had heard about it, but just didn't know when it was going to air.

[Cafe10s 7]

I saw the episode and thought it was a fair representation of the lifestyle. I also thought John Stosil asked very fair questions on morailty, jealosy and inquired about many of the myths. The swingers he interviewed were highly educated professionals and overall it was a positive for the lifestyle. This may recruit some couples that have been on the edge of exploring swining.

[midnight hour 16]

I knew it was going to be a hot topic again as soon as I seen SNL do a sketch on it I haven't watched it yet...Mr. Midnight was not that impressed, is on PVR guess I need to get around to watching it.

 

midnight hour

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I think it was a fair piece, but I also think that those who aren't going to believe that swinging is an acceptable form of recreation weren't going to be swayed by the quick, 15 minute story. The only thing that they kinda got wrong was the difference between soft swingers and full swappers. I say kinda because I don't think there's a dictionary somewhere that defines it. Basically, he said that soft swappers just watch at swing clubs, but that full swappers join in. Not quite true, although I can see where he may have gotten the idea that was the case. Fairly interesting, but not overly compelling...IMHO.....

 

Pepper

[EmpyreanPleasur 18]

Unfortunately I missed this by about 10 minutes that night. My husband saw it at work though. He felt it was done fairly well, but he didn't mention to me the part about the difference they described between soft and full swap.

 

The thing is that nothing done individually like this is going to "change" mainstream America's mind...but little by little, as we introduce the concept with this and other show's like Oprahs' show on swingers last fall, people will become more use to hearing it and then it will (hopefully) slowly become something that doesn't at least shock them anymore. Maybe, that will lead to acceptance someday!

[De and Ci 19]

I thought it was a pretty fair look at the lifestyle. I really liked the answer one of the women gave in response to the question about telling their kids. But the freakiest part of it for us was seeing good friends of ours that we lost contact with a few years back-before we were in the lifestyle, being interviewed by John Stossl. They were the couple who admitted to their son that they were swingers. We were thinking about them a few weeks ago, wondering how they were and even tried to look them up on the internet, then we see them on National TV! Wow!! Ray and Mary (they gave out their names) -if you read these posts, please send us a private msg.

You know who we are-you guys came and visited us a few times when we moved to Austin from Houston!! HA HA, we have a lot to tell you!