New With Questions: Self conscious about weight

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
And he has the advantage of being there at the pre-party get together and meeting all the couples...
Connie

This is definately true. While most couples don't want to be at a club over run by single males, any single guy who already has a leg into the lifestyle and has "references" from other swinging couples is definately going to have an advantage.... now that is one lucky single male.

I can see your point of going just for fun and friendship with other swinging couples even tho you might not be interested in playing with them. As you said, it's a great night out and you know at the end of the night you've got your fun waiting in the room. It's also cool that you can take him to the pre-party and get him acquainted with others and you are open about it so that if you do meet someone everyone knows up front what to expect. And I'd guess that even if you met someone not really interested in your extra, you could send him off to the room of another willing couple for the night..*EG*

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:


I'm puzzled by your statement you and Connie have had a lot of rejections the past several months. I've seen you two, you should both draw them like moths to a flame.

Dan

Hi Dan...

First..thank you.. and now... remember our first in depth debate we got into on here.. The one about muscular women? I think the original topic there was about how people judged others on their looks. Well my point in that post was that the "Fit" types get judged too. Maybe that's what is truly happening? Maybe we are being pre-judged soley on appearance?? I don't really know Dan..personally I don't think I look that great... I'm average at best. (An NO I'm not saying that looking for debate or a compliment..haha..I REALLY believe that. When I look in the mirror I don't see anything special at all..haha. Now Ron on the other hand..yes... he IS without a shadow of doubt the best looking guy there..haha..

Connie

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
I think the original topic there was about how people judged others on their looks. Well my point in that post was that the "Fit" types get judged too.

Maybe I can shed some light on that, from our own experiences.

I'll use our last meet and greet as an example. Since our last one we had attended before that, the couple running this club had purchased a new building in a different location, so we hadn't seen the interior layout. We were one of the first couples to arrive, and upon entering the building, we saw a very attractive woman sitting at the bar with what I assume was her husband. Shoulder length blonde hair, form-fitting dress, a real rocket on legs. She even smiled at us!

But Janette and I knew she was WAAAY out of our league. In swinging, as in most other venues of life it seems, you'll still find those separate and distinct classes of people. The elegant, affluent types hook up, your blue collar types hook up, and so on.

Just a thought, but in yours and Ron's case it may not be so much a case of being "judged", but others may feel you two are out of their league and why bother to set yourself up for yet another rejection? Many swingers suffer from lack of self confidence, and that's a killer trying to find partners.


Dan

[Stratecpl]

Dan,

Almost everyone there who had been a member for awhile had their own sets of playmates. The newbies all looked sad and forlorn. I can sympathize with them all.... They didn't look too anxious to SHARE them with anyone else!! Seems to me like 3 couples could have lots more fun than just TWO.... LOL

But I guess they don't see it THAT way....

Everyone we've talked with are also working-class people, just like we are. They just have preferences, I guess....

Oh, and Connie was wrong, I'm "butt-ugly".....

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
...But Janette and I knew she was WAAAY out of our league...Many swingers suffer from lack of self confidence...

The wife of one of the couples we swing with is a real knockout. But we had no problems getting together with them. We just knew that we could give them one hell of an incredible night and worked off of that basis.
Another of the couples that we have met have money. And again, we had no problem with them.

It sounds to me like you have already judged yourself and decided you are not good enough for the 'beautiful' people. If something about you is not what you want it to be, then change it. Our bodies are the easiest things to change in our lives.

CyberHusband

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
If something about you is not what you want it to be, then change it. Our bodies are the easiest things to change in our lives.

CyberHusband

There are good reasons for people to take care of their bodies, but pleasing strangers isn't one of them. We've entered into this lifestyle with the attitude that we are who we are, take us or leave us. We're friendly, very approachable, and I suppose in a perfect world, those are the attributes that should matter the most, not waist size.

Dan

I never said that there was anything wrong with you. You implied it by saying that this woman was way out of your league.

CyberHusband

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
There are good reasons for people to take care of their bodies, but pleasing strangers isn't one of them. We've entered into this lifestyle with the attitude that we are who we are, take us or leave us. We're friendly, very approachable, and I suppose in a perfect world, those are the attributes that should matter the most, not waist size.

Dan

And this is true, not having to "please someone else" to "better" your looks and so forth, but what is REALLY needed, is self-confidence!

And pleasing yourself and your spouse or significant other, is ALL that really matters!

Our feelings are mutual on this too, if you don't like what you see, then hit the road Jack! It's THEIR loss, and they weren't meant for you/us anyway!

We just have to be PATIENT and keep on "lookin'" till we find who we're looking for!


CyberWife

[CanadianCouple]

CyberHusband --

It's not that we feel there is something wrong with us, but we do know human nature.

What this really comes down to is self confidence, or a lack therof. Let me use Ron and Connie as an example, since Connie and I had a go around about this a few months ago. If we didn't know them from in here, or in any other capacity, and met them at a social for the first time, we'd be very reluctant to approach them to see if there were any interest on their parts. Again, we'd be afraid of another rejection. Of course, now we'd be delighted to meet them in person since we've had contact (and we would you two as well, and several others in here), and even if nothing sexual were to take place we'd be glad of having the opportunity. The difference is, they've had the chance to have some interaction with us already, and we wouldn't feel that our outward appearances were the sole impression they'd have of us, as would be the case if it weren't for this site.

It's getting late here and I'm probably rambling a bit, but it all boils down to one's self image and confidence. We're hoping that as we gain more experience in this, we'll be able to bolster our reserves somewhat.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
And this is true, not having to "please someone else" to "better" your looks and so forth, but what is REALLY needed, is self-confidence!

As I was writing the last post to your husband, you stole the words right outta my mouth.

Dan

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
As I was writing the last post to your husband, you stole the words right outta my mouth.

Dan

Ooppss....Sorry. *lol*

Goodnight & sweet WET dreams to both of you!


CyberWife

[anandjeff2]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

a very attractive woman , a real rocket on legs.

But Janette and I knew she was WAAAY out of our league.

Dan

I definately agree with the thought that people tend to hook up with people from the same class, but you should have at least given it a chance..you never know..we have a couple who are quite well off but were not always in that position.they don't judge people by what they have or whee they live..they've been there and know that it's the people who count..

as for the gorgeous gal..one of my girlfriends is a knockout that turns heads everywhere we go..onyl thing is the guys who check her out don't have a chance in the world of scoring..she's only into the lifestyle for her bisexual side..lucky moi!!

An

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by anandjeff2:
onyl thing is the guys who check her out don't have a chance in the world of scoring..she's only into the lifestyle for her bisexual side..lucky moi!!

An

This is another reason we probably won't be successful in finding a couple we click with at the parties...99% of the women there are Bi. And they are there to find other Bi women. Out of all the dances of the night..most of the time it's women dancing with women instead of men and women dancing together. The guys all sit on the sidelines and watch.. Ron and I danced with each other mostly and we danced with the partners of the other straight couples there all 2 or 3 of them....but they have their own little close knit clique for after party play and like I said when it was time to get into some serious sex..well the new guys got left behind while the established friends went to their rooms for the evening. And of the Bi-curious women who say they don't know if they are bi yet or they prefer men??? well they flirt, they dance, they tease..BUT when it comes to the REAL getting down to serious fun in the room?? They leave with a Bi woman and her spouse...Ron met a couple of nice women and their hubby's were nice too..we would have probably gotten along with them and considered going back to the rooms with them... But it turned out that Ron was the wrong sex for them...flirting was fine and dancing but for actual sex...nope..not what they were there for. Both of us are getting more and more bitter about this kind of thing. Contrary to popular belief...heterosexual women DO enjoy swinging and sex!!!

Ron and I are really getting more discouraged with swinging everyday. If it wasn't for our single male friends we wouldn't be swinging at all...Finding nice straight couples is like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack... It sucks and really is so unfair...

Connie


[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 07-23-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
This is another reason we probably won't be successful in finding a couple we click with at the parties...99% of the women there are Bi. And they are there to find other Bi women.

Question: Do you know for a fact that all of those bi women are only interested in hooking up with other women?

I say this because it seems like you jump to the conclusion that just because a woman is bi that she is only interested in other women. When we go to a club we are looking for compatible couples to swap with, if she's bi, cool, if not no biggy. I may be bi but I'd much rather find a couple that both hubby and I hit if off with than a couple that is only interested in me... and if that means finding a straight couple, that's perfectly ok (sometimes I'd prefer it were a straight couple).

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
Question: Do you know for a fact that all of those bi women are only interested in hooking up with other women?

I say this because it seems like you jump to the conclusion that just because a woman is bi that she is only interested in other women. When we go to a club we are looking for compatible couples to swap with, if she's bi, cool, if not no biggy. I may be bi but I'd much rather find a couple that both hubby and I hit if off with than a couple that is only interested in me... and if that means finding a straight couple, that's perfectly ok (sometimes I'd prefer it were a straight couple).

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Not jumping to conclusions when thats the way they come across to us... several have SAID thats why they are there..looking for other bi women. When they arrive at the party and walk in the door and immediatly seek out the other bi women to dance, and flirt and tease with all the rest of the night..uh...that's not exactly "Jumping to conclusions" is it???
And when the Woman comes over and ask ME to dance instead of Ron??? Her hubby is nowhere in sight?? Jumping there too??? I think not.

Connie

[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 07-23-2001).]