What the hell did I get my self into? Slept with step-son

[Elusive BiFem]

Man alive! I was just in the process of writing a smart-mouth reply when suddenly my board went down. First thought...Geez! Julie's worse than my mother - eyes in the back of her head - she knows I'm writing a smart response and just "took me out!"

Anyway, as I was saying...Julie, what was it in the original post that made you think these people (the couple) are swingers? I saw nothing there that would indicate that to me. Am I missing something?

And travelinglady...while it is certainly true that 18 year olds can and do go to war and die for their country, that doesn't necessarily make it right in my book. Additionally, before they go there, they are put through some tough training to "make men out of boys." In my book, an 18 year old is a child (no, not a baby...a child). An 18 year old was a child when I was 30 and still is. Somethings never change.

In my book he might be a man that that is inexperienced perhaps? There are lots people that are middle aged and lack good judgment and experience as well. So where is the gauge? I have known people at that age that have lived a lifetime comparatively speaking.

You are right about the living a lifetime thing for some, but that is unfortunate, too.

This post has shades of troll written on it, but life events are sometimes much stranger, so as I said earlier...I'll give the benefit of doubt. If this woman is serious, then I still contend it is an incestuous relationship. Most (many?) states define incest as a sexual relationship with a step-parent (as well as other types) and to me, the fact that the child was absent for 4 years doesn't negate the fact that it is still a stepchild.

But in the end, and as travelinglady alluded to...bad judgement at the least and family counseling is still the best avenue for these folks, I do believe.

- EBF

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Man alive! I was just in the process of writing a smart-mouth reply when suddenly my board went down. First thought...Geez! Julie's worse than my mother - eyes in the back of her head - she knows I'm writing a smart response and just "took me out!"
- EBF

!!!

I thought the same thing! I was in the process of really screwing up the "word association with a twist" thread. I clicked out of it for a few minutes, to compose myself, went back and I was unable to access the board.

I thought I was in trouble.

Glad I'm not the only paranoid person.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

!!!

I thought the same thing! I was in the process of really screwing up the "word association with a twist" thread. I clicked out of it for a few minutes, to compose myself, went back and I was unable to access the board.

I thought I was in trouble.

Glad I'm not the only paranoid person.

Thanks! Makes me feel better, too. I honestly thought...well, there I go. Looks like I'm finished around here. I kept trying to get back in and couldn't and that's when I got real paranoid. - EBF

[JustAskJulie]

Are you paranoid or are people really out to get you?


To answer your question EBF, I got the impression these folks were swingers just from the tone of teh original post and from the fact that they had talked so openly about the idea of her and the step-son. I don't see it as such a giant leap.

To the original Poster: If you are still reading, please feel free to reply. While you can not reply directly in this thread without registering, you may start a new thread to reply and note that it is a reply to this thread, I will then merge the two together.

[DanBridget]

Well I was thinking not in the line of the main post but of the post by traveling lady. EBF, I understand that you think the guy is a child. But I was wondering what the age of Traveling lady is. We are 25/26 and would consider a 18/19 year a younger person not a child. But you might a little older, maybe have children your self so I can see how you would think he is a child. So possible here that maybe a age difference in the posters can mean two different things. As in regards to the first post, I dont think anything else can be done to help here other then him leaving. But wouldn't there still be a small amount of lust/ need / regret between them if a total disconnection is not involved. You got holiday's etc that might some un-seen problems. Would you all think that a group family counselling would be good. The boy in question is a legal adult so no legal problems can come to the woman. I think it just might help get it out on the table with all three of them.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

To the original Poster: If you are still reading, please feel free to reply. While you can not reply directly in this thread without registering, you may start a new thread to reply and note that it is a reply to this thread, I will then merge the two together.

That's a good idea...and you might want to give us more information.

Why was the son out of communication with you and his father for the past 4 years and why did he suddenly come back with the intent of living with ya'll? And I'd be interested in knowing your age in relation to his. Why hasn't the father been open with him in terms of knowing what is going on between the two of you? Does your husband know about the condom accident? If you are pregant, is your husband willing to raise the child as his own? And do you have kids of your own?

If you had all of this to do over again, would you?

- EBF

[Vespertine]

Dito Inquiring minds want to know!

[Chicup]

I was really hoping it was a troll since the post was so unbelievable. Springer couldn't have come up with a better story.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by DanBridget

EBF, I understand that you think the guy is a child. But I was wondering what the age of Traveling lady is. We are 25/26 and would consider a 18/19 year a younger person not a child. But you might a little older, maybe have children your self so I can see how you would think he is a child.

No kids, DanBridget, but yes, many years separates us. However, as I was responding earlier, I was giving that age thing thought, and as I recall, even in my early 20's, I considered a fellow 18 years old to be nothing more than a kid. Generally speaking, (Note: I said generally...) most women in that age range prefer men their own age or a little older just simply because girls tend to mature more rapidly than boys. Now...a few years down the road and those age differences become far less apparent...a few years on either side makes no real difference. But here again, I'm thinking in terms of this woman being in her late to early 40's and that might be totally wrong.
The bottom line is that we all see things and respond from our own perspectives. To me, this is wrong. Pure and simple. I can't escape the fact that she is a parental figure to this boy, child, young man...however you might term him. But that doesn't mean it is everyone's feeling and they are as entitled to their thoughts as I am.

The other thing that is rattling through my head (but hasn't taken clear shape yet) is the fact that the male (I'll settle on that term) lived with them for 2 years, was then absent from their home from age 14 to 18 and, according to the poster, they were not even on speaking terms. To me, that indicates some serious discord in the family/home life to begin with...then throw a sexual relationship on top of the mix...what is happening here? When do we stop to consider this might be a *male* with some pre-exisiting emotional issues going on? The basic scenario presented doesn't seem like an ideal home life.

- EBF

[Vespertine]

On the age thing I have to concur that 18 is still a kid- too young.
I consider anyone under the age of 21 a kid.
If I were to play with anyone that age I would feel like I was doing something horribly wrong. Kids that age are still trying to find their niche in life. They are often impulsive and act without clearly thinking something out. I wouldn't want to be responsible for their mental well-being. Often they are too impressionable and easily influenced. I'd hate to distort their image of a loving relationship.

We're 30 and 32. Not ancient compared to 21 chronologically but worlds away mentally.

[jcbicouple]

We have a child that is almost 18 and frankly this is appauling to say the least. If he moved out at 18 and in with his father, and this sort of thing happened: That woman would have one hell of a mad real mom on her hands, as would his father. The father is wrong for allowing this to happen and then letting the son believe he doesn't know (what kind of guilt trip do you suppose is going on there?) and the woman was totally out of line as a parent figure and is definelty pushing the line of incest. Does this man have other children? Do they visit? Where's his Mom in this picture? Where has this kid been? With his Mom, or maybe a foster home? You ALL need counseling immediately.
More questions: If you're pregnant; Are you going to tell the world that this baby is his, or are you going to pass it off as your husbands? Are your expecting step son to lie to everyone for the rest of his life, including his own future girlfriends and someday a spouse? What if he doesn't want to hide it, or lie to protect you? Again: Counseling! Soon!

[sensuality]

When I said "baby"...I meant a child.Not an actual infant Good Lord.And, when I said child molester? Depending on when a child is considered of legal age and what state you live in?That very well could be the case.Incest? Well, given that they aren't blood related,I'll throw that one out...It's still disgusting...and I have a child real close to this age group.If I had a husband who wasn't related to my child, come up to me,whether we were swingers or not and tell me he felt my daughter was attracted to him and wanted to know if I'd be okay with him sleeping with her,..I'd knock him on his a**,throw him out and recommend he see a shrink :rollseyes .Then, I'd have a seriously loooooooooooonnngggg talk with my child. There is NO excuse for any of this.A lot of boundaries have been crossed,and forget about respect...It ain't there either! However, I digress! To each his own, and thou shalt not judge...yada yada.Now that this has all happened...as I said,all you can do is go from here and for heaven's sake...DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!

[2neophytes]

I don't know, I've heard much, much worse. Though this is stranger than fiction, as most of life is.

I don't know what kind of advice to give you, if you're still reading, but this would be the time I seriously reconsider my entire life relationships. Things like this happen. We're human; we do stupid shit.

To everyone else, I wonder if this is any different from a woman doing her husband's brother, or her husband's dad. I know these things happen, and I know age is often overlooked or overly scrutinized. Plenty of 18 year-old girls marry men--much older men--all the time. And personally, even though I'm 31, I particularly like 18-22 year-old men. And I have other girlfriends that do too. I suppose it's a power issue, but it's something I enjoy, and 18 is consensual.

Girl, I'm sorry you got yourself knocked up in this situation. Many of your decisions are completely up to you. Introspection through journal-writing may help you through this.

2N

[travelinglady]

Let’s not get our panties in a bunch.
For those of us wearing G-strings need not apply. LOL

I concur with Dan and Bridgett that your perspective could differ depending on your age.
Swinging isn’t for intellectual enlightenment.(Or is it?) MENSA would be great organization for that. Oh, sure there must be perks to the lifestyle. Surly having something in common with perspective swingers would set the mood. But let’s be real not totally necessary.

I also second what 2neophytes expressing.

To the unfortunate love triangle, good luck to you all.

[Allison1973]

Shhh--it's not that bad. 80% of the guys who approach me are 19, 20 and 23--and I am THIRTY-ONE. My saving grace, thanks to the very fair skin, is that I look their age rather than mine. He's 18; he's not your son, and your husband gave you the ok. I CAN understand though, how it does get embarassing in public; three weeks ago, when I walking in this very safe little neighborhood at night, a black truck coming opposite of the direction I was walking slowed down drastically, then turned around and picked me up. I went up the window and looked in. "Ahhh, you are such a cute little boy--how old are you?" I said. Then he told me 21, and then asked my age. When I told him it was 31, he started laughing and said, "No way in hell are you older than me." Of course I got mad at him, but shut up when he took to the store and bought me some beer.