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I could share a lot about myself in the Introductions section (which I'll likely do soon), but I've signed up here mainly to get a different perspective on how I should deal with my sexual feelings. I've done some reading about swinging, polyamory, and alternative lifestyles in the past week, and found TSB site tonight. I'M MARRIED, BUT WE'VE BEEN SEPARATED FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE I HAD PHONE SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP MY WIFE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT. WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT? My wife and I have been seeing a Christian counselor since March, but he believes in monogamy. He is also highly involved with Sexaholics Anonymous (based on Alcoholics Anonymous), so he recommended I join it right away. While we were both virgins before getting married, I have never been very happy with our sex life. She wants to have sex every day, often even more. For some reason, I'm just not interested most of the time. Ever since I hit puberty, though, I've masturbated to pornography. I feel like I've been numbed to real sexuality. The Sex. Anon. group has been helpful in finding a group of supportive people that understand how I feel, but I'm not sure if their solution of monogamous sex only in all situations is healthy for me. My wife and I entered our marriage with a "strong", traditional, Christian foundation. However, due to several factors, I've been agnostic for the past couple of months. My wife is still a Christian, so it's difficult to try to honestly share why I had phone sex - she'd rather not talk to me at all than deal with that pain. There's a lot more to the story, but my three main questions are, "What kind of counseling should we seek?", "Does anyone have any opinions about Sexaholics Anonymous?", and "Is there a 1-800 number (or regular number) I can call that can direct my questions about open relationships?" --- Someone at Liberated Christians responded with the suggestion that we have sex every day at a set time, or even several times a day. My response: Unfortunately, she's almost fed up with me right now. I'm having to dig myself out of a hole. It'll be a while before I can even see her every day, much less have sex every day. Fortunately, we've arranged a meeting this Wednesday with one of these Christian counselors, so that will be the first time she's let me talk with her since Nov26. She's been in our house since then and I'm living out of a suitcase at a friend's temporarily. Yes, it would definitely be hard for me to have sex every day; sometimes I even lose my erection because I don't feel a strong enough attraction anymore. I guess it's just because I'm (1) lazy so solo is easy for me, and (2) I'm interested in the challenge of connecting with other women. I've taken my wife for granted, and I don't want to bother trying to spice things up; I'm sure that if we get to that point and I actually put some creative effort into our sex life, it can improve. I'm just lazy and indecisive, and depressed for several years without realizing it, too (say my psych and GP). Sad state! Thanks so much for such an excellent, honest, supportive forum...
