chocvanillaswrl, like you, Nancy and I are exhibitionists and voyeurs and nothing more at this point, and like you, we find it tough to feel as if we fit into the swinging community. It commonly feels as if we're the only couple of our kind in the whole Washington/Baltimore area, although we know that can't be the case.
On top of that, Nancy and I also don't feel comfortable meeting people privately. We're relatively new in the lifestyle and we're pretty shy (especially Nancy), so we feel more comfortable in a situation that allows us to remain anonymous...which explains why we opt to play in local adult theaters, rather than posting and answering ads online. (We did make one visit to a local on-premise swingers club and had a good time, so we may do more of that in the future as well).
Wanting only to be watched and watch others, combined with our need for anonymity, leaves us little in the way of options, so we generally never find a couple to enjoy our level of swinging with. On rare occasions, another couple will show up at the adult theater who isn't there just to see the movie...but 97% of the time, it's just Nancy and I letting our hair down and having our fun while the single guys gather around to enjoy the show. It's still a lot of fun, but we always wish we could find another couple who matches our unique preferences.