Worried about cumming too soon.

[UncleOops 23]

I’ve been exclusively with my wife for 17 years and didn’t have much experience before her. The thought of being with someone else is very exciting and we’ve been talking about swapping for a few years. We’ve just started talking to other couples recently, but realistically, I worry about the new excitement and sensation being too much and causing an embarrassing moment. Is this common? Any advice/experiences to share? I can’t be the only one…Thank you in advance.

[ChristianSwinging 51]

2 hours ago, UncleOops said:

I’ve been exclusively with my wife for 17 years and didn’t have much experience before her. The thought of being with someone else is very exciting and we’ve been talking about swapping for a few years. We’ve just started talking to other couples recently, but realistically, I worry about the new excitement and sensation being too much and causing an embarrassing moment. Is this common? Any advice/experiences to share? I can’t be the only one…Thank you in advance.

Don't worry about it.

There are no moments that are embarrassing.
Especially not when you, as a couple, dare to have new intimate experiences with others.
It is much more important that you have found the right partner or partners and that you do not put pressure on yourself with high expectations or fears.

Your new partner will probably also excited in this situation.
It's also a nice sign when it excites you so much that you cum quickly.

When we first started, we had a new boyfriend who was also very excited at the time and cummed very quickly inside her shortly after penetration, but we both enjoyed it.
It also takes time and a little more routine.

It should be a relaxing and enjoyable experience and it's important that you simply devote yourself to the moment with your partner and give up control.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

How is your recovery time? I think cumming is just fine if you can recover relatively quickly.

 

I'm in my 50s and I take (generic) Viagra before I play. I noticed an added benefit, besides staying hard, is also increased stamina.   

[couplers 4,140]

6 hours ago, UncleOops said:

we’ve been talking about swapping for a few years.

My first thought is that starting in the lifestyle need not begin where you want to end up, in your case a couples swap or be symmetric.  Consider other scenarios which may be a good first step: same room non-swap sex, just one of you playing, MFM or FFM/FMF, etc. After "years" of talking, it's time for a first step.

 

6 hours ago, UncleOops said:

I worry about the new excitement and sensation being too much and causing an embarrassing moment.

If I know a man is going to cum quickly, I find it an exciting challenge to keep up and cum quickly myself.  Besides, you can always go down on her.

 

 

Edited March 23 by couplers

[let's do it again 379]

I have always had this problem whenever I am with a new woman, so much that I give her a warning that I may get too excited and cum too soon but if I do I want a round 2. No woman seems bother by this and some tell me they would rather me cum quick than not being able to get up.

[AdamGunn2 187]

There's a technique that I've used that works for me - think about something else when you start reaching your orgasm.  For me, it's how to play Pebble Beach: On number 1, hybrid to the dogleg, 8 iron into the green, number 2 -- you get the idea. It sounds weird, I know, but it worked.  Of course, you don't stop doing what you're doing, many times the woman I was with didn't know I wasn't 'with her' anymore. 

 

And then, maybe, you'll edge yourself - have a very small orgasm, just a couple of drops, and then you're good to go for a very long time. In fact, it's almost difficult to give yourself a good orgasm.  But that's okay, too, because the journey with a new woman is more important than the ending.

 

Best of luck.

[cplnluv1 804]

If and when you and your wife explore you will find not every guy is bigger, not every woman squirts, and more to your point, not every man goes on for hours. 
Quick or premature ejaculation is not uncommon especially with first timers, it happens with excitement and pleasure. There are men that are so afraid of not performing like a porn star that just can’t perform. Just don’t be a jerk with your partner, most likely you are not the first one if she has been with others. Even well experienced men have problems, if you worry too much you won’t enjoy. 
I never understand men saying they try not to think about sex while having sex, why worry about sports scores when you are about to have the greatest feeling biology gave you. 
I just thought of this, if a woman orgasms quickly I bet you would think you are the greatest lover, possibly your partner will think she just pleased a man. 
If you are with a partner who you feel wasn’t pleased remember there are other ways to have her enjoy. 
As a couple we have been with many first timers and found no two partners. Not every person will orgasm, not every man is able to perform. It is not surprising that some men will cum before penetration. 

[PeterJ 826]

Uncle Oops, as others have noted, communication is important. Share with your partner that you find her so exciting that you are concerned you will reach orgasm too quickly to satisfy her. Particularly if she’s experienced in the lifestyle she may reassure you that it’s not important how long you last. (Trust me, most women will tell you they don’t really like it when I guy fucks them for 20 or 30 minutes and leaves them sore. And she may be a woman who doesn’t orgasm from PiV, but rather from oral or a vibe.)

 

But assuming you and she both desire a longer fuck there is a simple and reliable technique for delaying male orgasm that I learned about more than four decades ago when I studied sex therapy while a clinical psych grad student. (Note, you may want to practice this with your wife, even though I assume you don’t cum too quickly with her. It’s also possible that your partner won’t be interested in doing this with you.) Here’s a Mayo Clinic passage that describes it:

 

The pause-squeeze technique

1. Begin sexual activity, including stimulating the penis, until you feel almost ready to ejaculate.
2. Then you or your partner can squeeze the end of your penis where the head joins the shaft. Keep squeezing for several seconds until the urge to ejaculate passes.
3. Repeat the squeeze process as needed.
4. By repeating as many times as needed, you can reach the point of entering your partner without ejaculating. After some practice, delaying ejaculation might become a habit that no longer requires the pause-squeeze technique.
5. If the pause-squeeze technique causes pain or discomfort, you can try the stop-start technique. It involves stopping sexual stimulation just before ejaculation. Then waiting until the level of arousal has diminished and starting again.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20354905#:~:text=Begin sexual activity%2C including stimulating,the squeeze process as needed.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

UncleOops; while cumming fast might be a concern, there's a 180 flip of this that could happen as well. Quite a few men report that their first encounter in swinging resulted in Mr. Happy having a difficult time rising to the occasion. There's a misconception about men that we're all walking hormones, and just the tiniest bit of stimulation (which could be the sexy woman next door bending over in her garden to pluck some weeds) will result in rock hard erections. It just isn't so.

 

I was 41 on her first swinging encounter. I was in good shape, healthy, all good to go. No reason to believe I would have a problem with an erection. I'd never had a problem before. We played with another couple. The woman in question was rather sexy, and of a different body type than my wife which made it all the more exciting; something new! Mentally, I was really into it...like WOW this is awesome! My wife was making delightful sounds as the husband of the other couple was playing with her. Everything good to go, right? Nope. While I did get an erection, I had some difficulty with it. About a month later, we played with the same couple. Zero problems.

 

There's just no way to know how you will react in your first encounter, much less how Mr. Happy will react. He's got a mind of his own and cares not for the thoughts of the brain upstairs. Go into your first encounter with no expectations other than having a good time for the evening. Whatever happens (or doesn't) is good. And don't drink

[PJ&Lin 181]

As a teen many guys whacked off before going out thinking it would delay the getting lucky time. For me it didn’t work. Many times the foreplay was the main play then praying the second play would go better. 

[MrMrsswinger 184]

On 3/23/2024 at 1:19 AM, UncleOops said:

I worry about the new excitement and sensation being too much and causing an embarrassing moment

This is very common. More common though, as others have said, is the equipment not coming to play. 

 

To minimize the first one, you could masturbate before you go out. This would minimize that first time excitement. To address the second, you could try an ED medication. I know, this is a touchy subject for many people. There are members of this forum that chastise the suggestion and repeat (for the 100th time) how they eat perfect, exercise endlessly and maintain the ideal weight...and everyone should do that to ensure their equipment functions. The problem with that is the failure to get erect in a swinging atmosphere isn't a physical issue. It is almost always a mental issue. Having some assistance on board helps get past that mental issue that nearly all guys struggle with the first time or two when there is another (or a couple other) guys in the same room with them.

[Numex 2,175]

On 3/23/2024 at 8:13 AM, AdamGunn2 said:

think about something else when you start reaching your orgasm.  For me, it's how to play Pebble Beach

Does your partner wonder why you keep yelling "FORE!" ?

[Anon321 481]

On 3/23/2024 at 5:00 AM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

How is your recovery time? I think cumming is just fine if you can recover relatively quickly.

That's a key question.  My GF was blowing a guy and he wasn't getting hard and she asked why.  He told her that he had just jerked off in the car before he came in so that he would last longer.  She was like "what the fuck? Why didn't you let me have that first load and then we go for round 2?"  Even afterwards  when we were talking she was saying how it makes no sense to her why a guy would jerk off right before having sex when he can just cum from sex and then go again.  Although I agree with her thinking, as a guy, I can also understand why he jerked off right before.

[discreetplay 218]

I don't understand the jerking off before going in. However, Anon321's GF is unique. The common reaction to a quick orgasm isn't excitement, rather it is a woman who is  disappointed that she isn't going to get dick while her husband is doing quick-draw's wife.

 

A guy who cums quick in a group setting, where the other guy (s) are going to town, will feel bad about themselves. This will hinder a quick encore. I'd go with MrMrsSwinger's suggestion of the ED medication. It will (1) usually keep you up after you cum (2) sometimes make you last longer so #1 doesn't come into play or (3) give you the confidence that you'll show up to play in such an environment.

 

[Anon321 481]

26 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

I don't understand the jerking off before going in. However, Anon321's GF is unique. The common reaction to a quick orgasm isn't excitement, rather it is a woman who is  disappointed that she isn't going to get dick while her husband is doing quick-draw's wife.

 

A guy who cums quick in a group setting, where the other guy (s) are going to town, will feel bad about themselves. This will hinder a quick encore. I'd go with MrMrsSwinger's suggestion of the ED medication. It will (1) usually keep you up after you cum (2) sometimes make you last longer so #1 doesn't come into play or (3) give you the confidence that you'll show up to play in such an environment.

 

It was just a three of us.  And I think she was more disappointed with the fact that he couldn't get hard.  She would have rather have had him enjoy cumming twice with her, regardless of how quick the first one was, than have to struggle to get hard just to cum once.  I kind of understand where she is coming from.  Like just say that you're going to cum fast the first time and do it.  I also kind of understand where he is coming from in that he doesn't want to cum really quick and feel embarrassed.

[discreetplay 218]

52 minutes ago, Anon321 said:

I also kind of understand where he is coming from in that he doesn't want to cum really quick and feel embarrassed.

I hear that. 

 

The equipment is so temperamental. One night you're a stallion, making a woman waive the white flag before you reach even the halfway point. The next it blows in 2 minutes of intermittent half thrusts. And that's when it shows up to play. And if during the stallion session you get a little tired from sending a woman to the moon, it may leave and not come back. Then you go down the metal spiral of death where your mind starts to panic that you've lost it. Frustration. Embarrassment. Excitement. Everything working against a solid erection.

[NWAtlSwing 487]

2 hours ago, discreetplay said:

I hear that. 

 

The equipment is so temperamental. One night you're a stallion, making a woman waive the white flag before you reach even the halfway point. The next it blows in 2 minutes of intermittent half thrusts. And that's when it shows up to play. And if during the stallion session you get a little tired from sending a woman to the moon, it may leave and not come back. Then you go down the metal spiral of death where your mind starts to panic that you've lost it. Frustration. Embarrassment. Excitement. Everything working against a solid erection.

This is so true! The wrong thoughts and bam!

 

Of course, sometimes for women, the wrong thoughts and no cum.

 

As we get older, we find neither thing is as important as the fun.

[Numex 2,175]

My problem is the opposite, it takes me a while to cum. I get hard easily, pump out a good load, but it takes a while for me to orgasm and shoot. Actually, if I concentrate on cumming, I can do it somewhat quickly, but I just enjoy it too much and want to make it last. I've been accused of backing off, and it's true.