3rd experience - with a friend

[Starting late 74]

We just recently had our 3rd experience in the lifestyle. Totally unplanned, but a friend of ours is a designer, and she came over to help us with our remodel. She noticed my wife's anklet, and made a comment, and things just kinda happened.

This woman is single, and part of a large friend group we have. The funny thing is, she is very reserved, often judging our other single friends for being "too loose," or making poor choices for who to date. She just always seems so prim and proper, but in the bedroom she was kinda craven - "Fuck me in the ass. Fuck me in the ass. Oh God please fuck me in the ass!" or as we were just wrapping up the afternoon, she had me cum in her panties so she could wear them home.

We saw her the next day at the superbowl party, and while she wasn't indiscreet, she made a few comments that made us uncomfortable - pointing out my wife's nipples through her shirt, and whispering to me that she still had the same panties on. We realize now it was probably a mistake to fool around with her, and we're planning on having a talk with her to ensure our privacy.

But that brought about a larger question for us: How do you handle swinging with friends? We're not ashamed or anything like that about our newfound interest in the lifestyle, but at the same time we don't want the world to know. Does anyone else know you are swingers? There are a few in our friend group we've had fantasies about, but it seems like that is a bad idea. Would love to hear others' experiences.

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

Better  to have swingers become friends than friends become swingers. As you observe, the relationship becomes complex as the new person tries to figure out their fantasies, intentions, and boundaries even while maintaining the vanilla aspect of the relationship. 

[BiloxiBiMaleMMF 45]

It's ironic to me that your "uncomfortable" moment happened with another woman.  Not quite a Glenn Close encounter (ala "Fatal Attraction") butt nevertheless surprising.  Usually, it seems to me, it's we single men that are singled out as not worth the risk.  However, in my limited experience (using a SB "sponsor" site), I was selected bi a couple for my "bisexuality" but they wanted "proof" of my appearance first.

 

So I met the hubby in his "man cave" (Corvette garage, with a gas pump, etc) and we got naked so the wife "could see me naked."  We masturbated as hubby asked me to discuss what was on the menu should his wife agree to include me.  "What would she like?" I asked.

 

Her list of desires was quite specific and "sequential" such that if I did this and that MM, then we'd proceed further with MMF bisex.  I was happy with the MM list and the MMF desires as well, IF she'd be naked and watch us MM.

 

It turned out the wife "knew me" from work (revealed bi hubby at the end of my nude interview) and when asked if that concerned me, I replied, "not at all."  It was clear to me that they wanted me to be discreet and I think "there is a code of conduct" that requires mutual discretion.

 

When we met, it turned out that I "knew her" as well, as she asked me, "you still want to do this?"  My reaction was a BIG SMILE as I said "yes!  Let me get naked and give you a hug."  Like many women, she was concerned with her weight and fearful that I might walk out once I knew it was her.  IMHO, one's ATTITUDE and DESIRES far, FAR outweigh "physical appearance."

 

So we did EVERYTHING hubby had said they wanted to see and do.  It really was a VERY DELIGHTFUL bisexual MMF experience.  She had never had her pussy licked bi another man as her hubby fucked her NOR had her hubby licked her pussy with another man's cock in her pussy.

 

He and I gave her that experience more than just once!  IT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT of the threesome to "tag team her" the way we did AND to let her experience the joy of sucking a man's cock hard again for some additional fucking.  She was BEAMING with joy at the attention we paid to her.

 

The "fly in the ointment" came when I did NOT call her at work and tell her how much fun it was to have a bisexual 3some with her and her husband (even though it had been REQUESTED and DISCUSSED that such a conversation should "NOT be mentioned at work!"

 

Thus, it was (IMHO) her insecurity (?) that hubby told me later "she doesn't want to play again" when that was all we could all three agree we were each eager to do it ALL again and AGAIN "at least once a month."  Perhaps, more experienced SB members will "shoot me down" on this opinion and I do confess, it sill confuses me "what I did wrong."  The very last words I said before leaving them was how much FUN we had had and how eager I was to "do it ALL" over "again and again."

 

She was SMILING when I left; hugged and kissed me and even commented about how much fun it was for her to share sucking hubby's cock with me AND feeling both our tongues on her pussy.  Why it was "so good" at the scene (they chose a Friday afternoon) and so terrible the next Tue when hubby called me to say his wife was disappointed that I did not call her at work on Monday to say again how much fun we had?

 

YCMTSU  .....  

 

 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

Sorry to hear things didn't pan out for the long term @BiloxiBiMaleMMF it sounds like it could have been a wonderful regular thing.

 

@Starting late we have learned that while discretion is expected by most ppl in the LS it shouldn't be assumed.  We're discreet. Most swingers are. Yet some don't seem to care one bit who knows, so it's one of the points we always discuss in advance at meetups.

[NWAtlSwing 487]

We had one cross over where she has sex with one half of a friend couple after the other wife had gone to bed. It was not the best outcome. In our defense, we had permission from her.

 

Still friends but it was weird for a while.

[MidwestHoneys 335]

What came first? Friend or Fuck? 
Sometimes I ask Honey how do we know her or how did we meet them. 
We have fucked friends and friended those we fucked. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

This is why we try to make swingers into friends instead of friends into swingers. Most friends aren't ready for the emotions and mental preparedness needed to be swingers so they don't know how to handle it after everything has happened. Most likely, a good talk will help minimize the problem, but she could also take it as a rejection and could end up making her angry. Bottom line, it's just safer, easier, and less risk to turn swingers into friends...

[cplnluv1 804]

We grew over the years as to the why we play with others.  We didn’t care who as we were not looking for friends, we were looking for excitement. Unlike the first time I had sex being nervous and young, we were now going to be a first for couples. After meeting a the first few couples where my deep feeling was to make their first experience a memorable positive experience I found deep in my gut the I had joy over being a first.  Alan called it our conquest which is more important, physical less important. 
We evolved to enjoying companionship as well as physical satisfaction. Our swing partners are now our friends, great friends. Within our group are those that were friends before and remain closer friends. My feelings like others who post, it is safer to make new friends rather than risking losing good friends. 

[couplers 4,140]

On 2/13/2024 at 1:47 PM, BiloxiBiMaleMMF said:

 

It turned out the wife "knew me" from work (revealed bi hubby at the end of my nude interview) and when asked if that concerned me, I replied, "not at all."

Not surprising.  My guess is that most people, women particularly, have a heightened desire to have sex with people that they already know.  Even people who they don't know personally but are famous attract attention, like when celebrity nudes are "leaked."

[couplers 4,140]

On 2/13/2024 at 12:08 PM, Starting late said:

in the bedroom she was kinda craven 

.. We're not ashamed or anything like that about our newfound interest in the lifestyle,

Sounds like you should have a talk with her - during follow-up play session. 

 

On 2/13/2024 at 1:47 PM, BiloxiBiMaleMMF said:

it was "so good" at the scene (they chose a Friday afternoon) and so terrible the next Tue when hubby called me to say his wife was disappointed that I did not call her at work on Monday

Send her a dozen roses at work (anonymously), call and invite her and her husband to dinner, apologize and have make-up sex.  It's a dating game.

Edited February 17 by couplers

[AdamGunn2 188]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

Send her a dozen roses at work (anonymously), call and invite her and her husband to dinner, apologize and have make-up sex.  It's a dating game.

Sorry, Couplers, I simply can't agree with this idea.  "Who did the roses come from?" I can imagine someone asking, "If it was your husband, why didn't he include a card? Is it a special occasion?"

 

The first thing in your (non-sexual) interactions with your swing partners is to avoid any embarrassment or outing them to vanilla people.

[couplers 4,140]

21 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Couplers, I simply can't agree with this idea.

I was being flip and only half serious.  Sending flowers was the not-so-serious part, but I believe that there is an opportunity to make up and continue the play relationship.  The poster acknowledges:

 

On 2/13/2024 at 1:47 PM, BiloxiBiMaleMMF said:

it was (IMHO) her insecurity (?) that hubby told me later "she doesn't want to play again"

It seems that if BBM-MMF makes plans with her husband (who seems to have enjoyed the play session) to stroke her in the right way - flowers to her at home maybe, a whisper of gratitude in passing at work (she did expect some recognition at work), an invitation to dinner, things can be set right.

[couplers 4,140]

21 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

"Who did the roses come from?" I can imagine someone asking, "If it was your husband, why didn't he include a card? Is it a special occasion?"

I suspect that was exactly the reaction she wanted.  There's no obligation for her to explain anything.  I even know more than one woman who sent herself flowers at work to start that kind of buzz.