All Women Cheat!!!

[StartingOver60 58]

All Women Cheat!!! True/False/Opinion….OK maybe I will take some heat from this, but I think it’s true.  I have lived in 3 different states and have made many friends (Lifestyle and Vanilla) in all those states.  In each of those states in discussion women they have told me, and my wife at different times that they cheated on their husbands.  I was shocked by some of them who I would never have guessed cheated based on how they carried themselves in their relationships.  So, to get to the point from my discussions they feel “all women cheat but those who love their husband never let him know”.  Some said don’t be surprised, have you asked your wife?  True/False/Opinion!

[WesternSwing 504]

Unfortunately anecdotal evidence is about as reliable as studies done regarding infidelity. I've seen studies claiming anywhere from 30% to 50% of women have cheated in long term relationships. I've also seen a study where men and women were asked if they would cheat if there was a 100% chance that they would never get caught, and 90% of both men and women said "yes". 

 

Overall, in my nearly 6 decades on this floating blue orb in space, I think that women cheat less than men. Women and men cheat for some similar, but also some different reasons. Men are horndogs and opportunists. We also get rather stupid around naked titties. Women tend to be more level headed about sex in general, and for the most part I don't think are as opportunistic as men. For the most part women have less opportunity to cheat as many are stay at home moms and have children with them 24/7. Most men don't have that obstacle to deal with.

 

Interestingly enough, a study a few years ago about sexual desire in long term relationships inadvertently found that women require sexual variety more than men. It's always been thought that "men will be men" and need sexual variety. Most men in the study responded that even after 10 years they desired their wife as much as when they first hooked up, even if they had or were currently having an affair. However, women's desire for their husband diminished as the years went on. We hear this over and over from men in long term relationships, that their wife never wants to have sex. But those women that were happy in their marriages in every other respect, and that admitted to having affairs, reported a greatly increased desire for sex with their husband again.

 

This seems to also hold with the old trope that men drag their wives into the Lifestyle, but the wives keep them in them in it. 

 

So overall my opinion is: Some women cheat, most don't. But women benefit from sexual variety more than men.

[Billygoat 405]

It is unfortunate and vastly troubling when someone cheats in a relationship.  

 

And it happens in every lifestyle, religious and even in the lifestyle.

 

It is far more destructive than most will admit.  The emotional, confidence, trust, acceptance…..the feeling of “safe” in a relationship is dramatically disrupted.  There is a huge difference between if the cheater steps forward and confesses all in full, as opposed to hiding, lying and denying at first or worst being caught.  The one who cheated has guilt to some level and a feeling of now what?  Also some angst of coming clean and having to answer multiple questions and rehashing over and over what, when, where, why, how to their SO/Wife/Husband.  Very disruptive, fracture, diminishes the feeling of Us.  It can ruin a relationship, will definitely change it….forever.  Even if it is worked through, forgiven and the relationship continues it will always remain in the shadows.  And the likelihood that it will happen again is very good.  Everyone, man or woman all have a multiple spread of reasons why.  The one that suffered the result will have various feelings of self doubt and inadequacy.

I came across this article that will shed some light.   https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/relationships/rates-divorce-adultery-infidelity
 

Men and women are very close to the same statistically.  And it is agreed that the percentage is lower then reality due to self reporting (most will not) and whom and what questions are and how they are asked.

 

 

 

[oldswinger64 86]

I would not say 100% of women cheat.  I would say, from your post, that 100% of women who want to talk about sex with a man may cheat.  Many people, men and women, would not consider it, but they would not talk to you about it either.

[AdamGunn2 187]

4 hours ago, Billygoat said:

I came across this article that will shed some light.   https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/relationships/rates-divorce-adultery-infidelity

 

Wow! Thanks so much for pointing to this article. There's so much to unpack here.

 

I'll concentrate on one statistic in the report here: "When you put the data together, about 15-20% of married couples cheat."

 

Now the article is clear that the actual numbers are likely higher because of self reporting. Let's say the incidence of cheating over a lifetime is 100% unreported. That makes the number of couples in which one or both partners cheated is around 35% (about 1/3.) Then let's include the number of couples that are participating or have participated in ENM at 8%. (Again to be fair, the article doesn't even mention ENM. So, according to the stats in the article, is ENM equivalent to cheating? We don't know. But for the sake of argument, let's assume they're separate.)

 

That means that over the course of a marriage, 43% of all couples have one or both partners who have had sex with one or more other people. 

 

That leaves us with the supposition that 57% - a majority - of couples have never cheated, never engaged in ENM. Monogamy is strong in our society.

 

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Oldswinger64 hit this one out of the park. I think in your case, almost 100% of the women you know (subset one), who are willing to talk to you about sex and cheating (subset two), may or may not be cheaters. Because you are already opperating from a greatly reduced data set, you cannot draw the conclusion that ALL women are cheater...just the small group of women who are willing to talk to you about it. Statistics can be strange things and it is possible to draw incorrect conclusions from the data...

 

The following comes from discussions me and my sister (a vegetarian) have had in the past.

 

Example: 100% of all convicted murderers have eaten vegetables.

 

Sorry, but this is a hard fact that cannot be disproved as they all have, at some time in their lives, eaten vegetables.

 

So, the conclusion can be made that eating vegetables is what causes convicted murders to kill. Personally, I'm not willing to take that chance so I steer clear of most veggies. Better safe than sorry.

[StartingOver60 58]

SWINGERS BOARD DIRECTORS:  Great responses but I don’t think the true numbers of Women cheating are identified.  I know from experience that all the Women I have been with or who I have a close friendship with have told me they cheated without exception.  Some told me so I would sleep with them and not feel guilty.  I wonder if the Swingers Board Directors could set up a survey where you cannot be identified by truly and securely answering the question.  That would give some true incite.  It could be very interesting.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

With apologies to StartingOver60, I don't think that a survey here would be very illuminating. The participants on this board are people who have engaged or are engaging in ethical non-monogamy (ENM). As such, the idea of cheating is likely very remote. My wife could cheat on me. Why? She knows I'll be happy for her to have sex with another man. Outside of some twisted desire (which she absolutely does not have) to cause damage, strife, angst, etc. etc. etc., there is no motivation to cheat. Same goes for me. Why would I want to cheat? Why would I want to do that to my wife? To our relationship? To me? It's stupid in the extreme. If I find a woman whom I want to sleep with who is willing, I'll talk it over with my wife first. So, no a survey here would almost certainly not be indicative of the wider public :)

 

My wife has never cheated on me. Even before we got into ENM, this just wasn't a thing either of us would do. To my knowledge, my wife has never cheated on anyone she's ever been with. I'm sure we've discussed it before. I'll ask her again. I've never cheated on my wife, nor would I even begin to consider it...even before ENM. I did cheat on a long term relationship ~30 years ago. Once. The damage it caused was enormous, and still bothers me to this day from time to time. It is one of many motivating factors for me to not cheat ever again. I think I'd rather cut Mr. Happy off with a chainsaw than do that again.

 

I dated quite a few women before finding my wife. I'm not going to paraphrase Billy Crystal's character in When Harry Met Sally and say if any of them had cheated I would have known. But, there was one young lady whom I'm absolutely certain never cheated on me, and we were together more than three years. A different young lady definitely did cheat on me. That was a bizarre experience. I _felt_ it when it happened. She was more than a thousand miles away when it happened and I had no reason to suspect anything. Yet, I felt it.

[NoAngels 303]

I the man cheated which caused her to cheat which strangely brought our relationship closer. If I hadn’t cheated first I don’t believe I could have accepted her being with other men. Ironically most of her partners are married  cheaters looking for affairs. 

[WesternSwing 504]

2 hours ago, StartingOver60 said:

SWINGERS BOARD DIRECTORS:  Great responses but I don’t think the true numbers of Women cheating are identified.  I know from experience that all the Women I have been with or who I have a close friendship with have told me they cheated without exception.  Some told me so I would sleep with them and not feel guilty.  I wonder if the Swingers Board Directors could set up a survey where you cannot be identified by truly and securely answering the question.  That would give some true incite.  It could be very interesting.

I need to ask, as a former Swingersboard moderator, why this would be relevant to the discussion of swinging? True incite to what? What is the Also, why are we only addressing women cheating and not men? 

 

I think - and this is totally acceptable and okay - that you might have a bias here in that you are turned-on by the cheating wife scenario. Maybe a bit of cuckold or stag/vixen fantasies and this discussion is feeding into building that fantasy. And that's okay too. Just trying to get to the bottom of why the question was asked as there are existing topics on this board about cheating within swinging and if cheating brought a couple into the Lifestyle. 

[Numex 2,175]

On 2/1/2024 at 10:42 AM, StartingOver60 said:

“all women cheat but those who love their husband never let him know”

I doubt that all women cheat, but even those who don't most would like to at least dabble in the lifestyle.  To turn the above around, husbands who love their wives encourage her to have sexual adventures. 

 

To repeat myself, a guy is better off with an over sexed wife who cheats, comes home and fucks his brains out than a wife who's faithful because she's lost interest in sex.  Just let her know it's ok and get in on the game.