The meaning of a handshake and a wink?

[Dkcurious 0]

I was at a party recently with a group of neighbors. One of the women looked at me on and off all night, even when she was next to her husband. I shared some friendly conversation with both of them. At the end of the evening, the husband shook my hand and gave me a quick wink. I am not too experienced in swinging. Is this a know, explicit sign to let me know they are interested in me? Thanks in advance for any input 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

Did you look for any outward signs suggesting they are swingers? Black rings on the ring finger of their right hand, anklets ot necklaces with certain charms on them?

 

As the husband in a couple who has picked up single men at parties, I can assure you we're out there. But then again, sometimes a smile and a wink is just a smile and a wink.

[AdamGunn2 187]

As far as I know, this was not an explicit sign of wanting to swing of you. A little tenuous, I think.

 

But it might indicate interest. Give them a call or text, letting them know you enjoyed talking to them at the party, and that you'd love to get together with them soon. 

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

There are at least two differences between the vanilla world and the LS world. 

 

1. "Handshake and wink..."  In the vanilla world, people like ambiguity and leading others on.  In the LS world, authenticity and candor are prized.  At an LS gathering, the response could well be, "Why thank you! Would you like to {find somewhere quieter to continue this conversation?|have us call you?|plan to get together later this week?| etc.}  Still, there is a possibility of miscommunication or misinterpretation that might lead to...

 

2. "No, thank you." In the vanilla world, this rejection would taken personally and internalized. In the LS world, rejection is accepted and even embraced as endorsement of autonomy. It is as if the expression of interest had never occurred, and is never taken as a referendum on worthiness, attractiveness, and so on. Giving or receiving "no, thank you" is seen as intrinsic to the environment.  It doesn't matter whether the "no, thank you" is in response to a bid for conversation, an offer to fetch a beverage, or an invitation to intimacy, it's just an expression of preference. 

 

 

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

4 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Did you look for any outward signs suggesting they are swingers? Black rings on the ring finger of their right hand, anklets or necklaces with certain charms on them?

 

We seem to neither look for nor notice these things unless we are at an LS gathering. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

2 hours ago, Fundamental Law said:

We seem to neither look for nor notice these things unless we are at an LS gathering. 

But when you're at a LS gathering isn't it safe to assume everyone is in the LS?

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

1 hour ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

But when you're at a LS gathering isn't it safe to assume everyone is in the LS?

Yes, and perhaps that's the point: they are messaging themselves more than they are messaging those around them. It may be a way of granting themselves permission to act differently than they would act in a vanilla setting ("assuming their secret identities" as it were). Sometimes the jewelry might be talismans, carrying some mystical power.  Where there are his'n'her objects (both have black rings, for example) , they may serve as a reminder that they are going to reconnect and go home with each other. We do not look at the jewelry as a signal that "yes, we are LS at an LS event". Rather, we look at the jewelry (and the textiles etc.) as part of the projected personae. 

 

 

[TeamCalgary 161]

Context, context, context. 

The OP has not given us any idea of the context here; from the information provided, I don't believe that this was an LS oriented gathering. 

So, we make some assumptions, such as assuming that this was not an LS event. 

Assuming this, as FL stated, all bets are off at this point. The husband of the couple could have meant a myriad of things with his behaviour;

or simply nothing outside of a simple acknowledgement. 

 

Dkcurious; if you are interested in these folks, reach out to them, discreetly. As suggested, don't assume anything but simply offer

the opportunity for a coffee, drink etc. If they are interested, is should become apparent if /when you meet again. Swingers are 

known for their "goal directed behaviour", with the goal usually being of a sexual nature. 

[AdamGunn2 187]

20 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

But when you're at a LS gathering isn't it safe to assume everyone is in the LS?

There are many couples at swing clubs who are there for the vibe, but don't plan to hook up with anyone.  They are completely accepted.  If you go to a club, house party, etc., don't assume that everyone there is ready to play, and especially don't believe that they are ready to play with you.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

1 hour ago, AdamGunn2 said:

There are many couples at swing clubs who are there for the vibe, but don't plan to hook up with anyone...

We get it. My wife has an array of Lifestyle wear. She will break out the slutty dresses for LS events, but wears the more subtle jewelry charms (pineapples, spades etc) in mixed company mostly bc we both find it thrilling to see who picks up on it while "in the wild" -  such as at the kinds of parties described by @Dkcurious

 

Just part of our twisted sense of fun I guess 😛