How do you compromise

[NatandRay 1]

Hubby and I have been married for over 20 yrs. We are in our early 40’s. Hubby travels overseas a lot with his business and kids have grown up. Since I turned 40, my sex drive has gone insane. I told hubby about it and he suggested opening up our marriage. I was very confused and a bit upset in the beginning, but now open to the idea. However, I am not comfortable being with another man by myself as I feel threatened by men for some reason. I have always been bi curious and wouldn’t mind trying with another woman, ideally who is similar age to me and similar circumstances. We are classy, educated, clean and disease free and prefer someone like me.

 

What would be the best starting point to look for someone like that as I tried a few sites and found out that there are a lot of men who pretend to be a lady or a couple? We haven’t tried any clubs as we don’t want to be seen in public.

[NC_Seniors 492]

1. Join SLS, SDC, and Kasidie (sp?) as a free member. Search them all for single bi or bi-curious females within half of whatever distance you’d be willing to drive to meet. (Half because the other woman should drive the other half.) Look for those who have paid for a membership because that’s the most obvious sign that someone is serious.
2. Once you decide which site has the most potential, buy a membership for the reason I cited in point 1.
3. Compose a profile that puts you in the best possible light and post it.
4. Reach out via messaging to anyone who looks attractive to you based on THEIR profile.
5. If someone you contact expresses interest in return, set up a video — or least phone — chat to verify that the person is real and who they claim to be. On this chat, let them know you’re brand new to the LifeStyle, and ask them any questions you have about their experience and how they feel about playing with “newbies”.
6. If it all sounds good, arrange a face-to-face for drinks … or maybe lunch/dinner if you’re both so inclined. Try to make it someplace quiet enough that you can talk softly and hear each other.
7. Go back home and, depending on how the meeting went, decide if you want to get into bed with this person. (Of course, they’ll be making that same decision.) Once you make your decision, let them know what it is.
8. Take it from there! 😉

Finally, don’t worry about being seen at a club. EVERYBODY there is there for the exact same reason you are, and there’s a Code of Honor amongst people in the LifeStyle.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

I agree w @NC_Seniors to not worry about bumping into some one you may know. They will have nothing on you that you don't have on them, and swingers are generally very good with discretion.

Finding single women online who are willing to play with a couple may be challenging, thus the term "unicorn". However, if you state clearly on your profile that you are only interested in F2F fun you may well find other couples who are also into the same - as long as you don't mind the other hubby watching.

When we were starting out we noticed it was somewhat standard protocol (among new couples) for the ladies to play, followed by pairing back up with your respective spouses.

I feel like you'll likely find couples who are agreeable to that arrangement.

[couplers 4,140]

On 11/29/2023 at 7:47 PM, NatandRay said:

Since I turned 40, my sex drive has gone insane.

OMG!  We (Clair, Lora, and I) are in our thirties and already have a hyper sex drives.  Literally, not a half hour goes by that I don't think about "it" in some fashion.  Even when I'm concentrating at work, it runs like background music in my mind.  And it is going to require more attention in my forties?

 

 

[MidwestHoneys 334]

7 hours ago, couplers said:

OMG!  We (Clair, Lora, and I) are in our thirties and already have a hyper sex drives.

If I can ask how old were you when you married? 

[couplers 4,140]

19 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

If I can ask how old were you when you married? 

I was twenty-three when David and I were married. 

 

As background, I was fifteen and in high school when I met Red, who was in college.  I started college when I was sixteen, started having full-on sex with Red at seventeen, got engaged and moved in with him at nineteen. I called off the wedding, moved out, met David, kept seeing/confiding in/sleeping with Red, started sleeping with David at twenty-one. (A big year.)  Started MFMing with them at twenty-two, and David asked me to marry him. (A bigger year.)  I married David at twenty-three all the while still involved with Red.

 

My biggest year came when our girlfriend Clair became pregnant, I decided to as well and our poly family was created.

 

 

Edited December 3, 2023 by couplers