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My wife says about some of our swinging episodes that we should have stopped at dinner. We like many of our swinger friends, but some we would like to continue as friends, not sex partners. Few will accept this and we’ve lost many we considered to be good friends. 

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Just curious, the "people we never met before".  Were they swingers as well? If not, did they know that many of the people there were swingers?

 

Sounds like a fun time.

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Interesting topic. My observation is that within the greater Lifestyle/ENM community there’s a high degree of variability. Some folks are looking for purely anonymous sex with others who are seeking the same. Their liaisons are first name only (and that might be a nom du sex). The degree of social and emotional connection among sexual partners runs the gamut, with full polyamory and even joint residences (hi Petra) at the opposite pole. I’m not sure what the distribution looks like between the ends of the curve. Perhaps it’s a normal distribution, perhaps not.

 

Thinking about it, I’ve had my share of sex at parties with partnersnwhose first names I didn’t quite catch, and the sex was lots of fun. But mostly I tend to have some sort of emotional connection to people I fuck. And frequently they become social friends.  And I have a fair number of lifestyle friends  with whom I no longer have sex, whether because of geographic factors or the sex stop being worth the effort 😂. And others among my lifestyle friends with whom I’ve not had sex, and probably won’t ever. .

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We are in a closed group of married couples who get together for planned sex play. These planned events happen just about every weekend with two groups, and every month or so we all get together. The weekly subgroups usually split by location, those living nearest one another forming the groups. Interestingly, however, some couples split up to go to the group events with their favorite play partners. Couples split up as well for alone play at other times, for both sexual and social intercourse.

 

To the point, we also get together socially on an irregular basis with couples in our group.  There isn't an expectation of sex, but whether sex happens depends on how individuals feel. It doesn't have to be everyone who got together socially who ends up playing.

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We have swing friends that were vanilla friends first so we know how to have vanilla fun with them often. Over the years our frequency of swinging went from constant to special times meaning it was so new to us that we couldn’t wait to get the sex going and it became a big focus of our friendship. What we learned was our friendship is much more, sex doesn’t have to happen to have fun. 

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That's why we try to find swingers that we want to be friends with before we get naked with them. When we get together, it is usually not a foregone conclusion that anything will happen. It's just more fun getting together with another couple that you enjoy spending time with knowing that it may lead to more...or not. It's great fun just knowing that you can talk openly about sex (and just about anything else).   

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On 11/26/2023 at 9:56 AM, PeterJ said:

with full polyamory and even joint residences (hi Petra)

True, but what defines our family is having children - each of us women with both men, and raising them together.

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On 11/26/2023 at 11:34 AM, AdamGunn2 said:

Just curious, the "people we never met before".  Were they swingers as well? If not, did they know that many of the people there were swingers?

 

Sounds like a fun time.

Yes, all were in the lifestyle. They are friends of our friends. 
It was a great just laughing and eating and drinking. I told Alan on the way home how nice I thought they were and he said he was happy there wasn’t sex, he had no attraction to them. 

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We have many nights with friends with no sex involved. 
I think too many posts on here are to show who has the most sex or craziest sex. In reality don’t we all have friends we want to have fun with outside of sex. 

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13 minutes ago, MidwestHoneys said:

We have many nights with friends with no sex involved. 
I think too many posts on here are to show who has the most sex or craziest sex. In reality don’t we all have friends we want to have fun with outside of sex. 

I think that depends upon your age. When my ex and I were in our 20's and 30's we had sex with them every possible chance. Now in our 60's , much less sex.

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On 11/28/2023 at 4:20 PM, let's do it again said:

I think that depends upon your age. When my ex and I were in our 20's and 30's we had sex with them every possible chance. Now in our 60's , much less sex.

We are in the younger group but we have a life outside of sex. We enjoy being with friends, going out to sporting events, music events, travel, camping, hiking and life. We have plenty of sex at home that is very fulfilling while sex with others is not the primary thing in life. 

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On 12/2/2023 at 1:27 PM, MidwestHoneys said:

We are in the younger group but we have a life outside of sex. We enjoy being with friends, going out to sporting events, music events, travel, camping, hiking and life. We have plenty of sex at home that is very fulfilling while sex with others is not the primary thing in life. 

Perfect post! Too many of us go down a rabbit hole where sex is the main focus. Alan and I had a very vanilla life while sexually active most days with the one I love. What started as a fun experiment became what some have called an obsession looking for the next partners. This group is fun to post to and to read other’s experiences, whether real or what we call magazine worthy fantasy, it made us take a deep breath and ask are we living a risky life. 
You are correct, sex with others should not be a primary goal, live your life doing what you enjoy. 

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I’m guilty. Honey called me a liar. 
I told her I wrote an honest response to having fun without sex so what did she do? She said her friend wanted us to come over. How can a guy pass up a threesome? 

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