Same room or try seperate room again?

[CountryMrs 6]

I have seen my husband have sex with 2 women before, once in a threesome & once in an attempt at cuckqueaning, and I didn't like it either time. We have also full swapped with a couple in seperate rooms. The male in the other couple pressured me to watch my husband, knowing I didn't want to, I got upset and it turned into a really bad experience.

We want to move forward. My husband says we should try a full swap in the same room next time, and attempt to feel as connected as we can with eye contact and touching so I can try to feel better when seeing him with the other woman. Also having a safe word so we can stop at anytime. But I STILL know I'm NOT going to like it and it's just setting us up for failure. I feel it's going to take away from my experience with the other male and I won't have fun at all.  I suggested we should try seperate rooms again, with a couple who won't pressure me to watch when I don't want to.

What do you guys think? Try same room or try seperate again?

If we do choose seperate rooms, is it going to be hard to find seperate room couples?

Thanks for all your help!

[PeterJ 826]

5 minutes ago, CountryMrs said:

 I suggested we should try seperate rooms again, with a couple who won't pressure me to watch when I don't want to.

What do you guys think? Try same room or try seperate again?
 

Same room doesn’t work for you, at least at this point in your ENM journey. Your desires and limits may change with the passage of time and the accumulation of positive experiences. But you are where you are now. I suggest you try again, but only separate room. 
 

In my opinion when planning a casual sexual experience with others, particularly with a new couple, it’s good to have a discussion that addresses in appropriate specificity each person/couple’s expectations of what they would like to have happen and whatever limits they have. Does this preclude spontaneity? To some degree it does. But you are firm in your wish to have separate-room only and to not be asked to deviate from that scenario.

 

In your profile on whatever platform you use to find prospective partners you should state that you are a separate-room couple. When you get to a vanilla face-to-face meeting (if that’s how you proceed) mention that requirement again. You might say to the other man "If we get together I want to be able to focus completely on what we are doing together. I want to make sure we both have a great time. But I should let you know that I had an experience where my partner pressured me to go the other room and watch my husband and his wife play. It was quite upsetting and spoiled what could have been a really nice time. Are you comfortable with this boundary of mine, and confident you can have a good time with me with that potential limitation?" 

[CountryMrs 6]

32 minutes ago, PeterJ said:

But you are firm in your wish to have separate-room only and to not be asked to deviate from that scenario.

I had told the other guy I defintely didn't want to watch my husband. I thought he was ok with that but I don't think he was honest that he was OK with seperate rooms. I will just have to be firmer and make sure we are all on the same page next time. 

 

Thank you for your advice, I truly appreciate it! 

[couplers 4,140]

Your husband is being rude, pushy, and inconsiderate to you.  He is taking a good situation, you both enjoy having sex with other people, and ruining it.  You need to have a polite but firm talk with him about your limits on swapping. 

 

My guess is that your husband loves watching his spouse having sex with others and assumes that you feel likewise.  Be clear that you don't and if he doesn't respect that then you need to pause your activities. 

[CountryMrs 6]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

 

My guess is that your husband loves watching his spouse having sex with others and assumes that you feel likewise.

You are exactly right. And I think since we had such a bad seperate room swap he was thinking same room could be better if we kept a connection and interacted with each other. I'm just not sure if that will make any difference in how I feel seeing him. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it! 

[AdamGunn2 187]

Okay, I'll pop in my two cents here. You're not comfortable with separate rooms. And you don't want to do same room. You don't want to see your husband with other women. Does that mean you don't want your husband to be with other women?

 

Have you considered that swinging might not be the best path for you, or for you two as a couple?

[CountryMrs 6]

4 minutes ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Okay, I'll pop in my two cents here. You're not comfortable with separate rooms. And you don't want to do same room. You don't want to see your husband with other women. Does that mean you don't want your husband to be with other women?

 

Have you considered that swinging might not be the best path for you, or for you two as a couple?

Im hoping if we are with a couple that doesnt pressure me to watch, seperate rooms WILL be comfortable. 

 

I am OK with my husband being with other woman (yes, just ok, it's been a struggle, ill admit it!). I just don't enjoy seeing it so I was wondering if staying connected and involved might help that feeling if we tried same room. Or it might not make a dang difference 🤷‍♀️

 

I have defintely considered it might not be for me or us, we are currently in couples counseling and trying to figure that all out, along with how to proceed if we do.  Thanks for your 2 cents though! 

[Shore2Please 533]

We enjoy separate rooms for a number of reasons including the freedom of being myself. I was extremely jealous and never wanted to watch my husband, happier to just know he was having fun. It took time to be able to watch and be watched, he knows of my jealous streak which has lessened not disappeared. 

[CountryMrs 6]

1 hour ago, Shore2Please said:

I was extremely jealous and never wanted to watch my husband, happier to just know he was having fun

I think that's where I'm at - I know I won't enjoy seeing him, I'm happy he's having fun, and I can have my own fun. Maybe eventually I'll be ready for same room. Thank you! 

[TnA83 273]

How about a same room, no touch between couples, do your own partner and watch the other couple kind of thing.  Might be too tame for a lot of folks, but that may be what you're comfortable with at this point.

Edited November 13, 2023 by TnA83

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

When we first read your post, we thought was that there is some other reason that you are not comfortable with watching him.

 

Quote

I have defintely considered it might not be for me or us, we are currently in couples counseling and trying to figure that all out, along with how to proceed if we do.

This confirms what we originally thought. It doesn't sound like you should be swinging...same or separate room. Swinging is a magnifying glass and will make any problems in a relationship just that much larger. Being in couples counseling sounds like there are issues that are becoming larger. We swing because I ENJOY seeing her with others and she feels the same about me. We ENJOY being able to share each other without fear or jealousy (and I used to be EXTREMELY jealous in the past). Now I have a relationship that is so strong, that jealousy has never been a problem and watching her enjoy herself with someone else is not just exciting, but has me loving her even more...it's hard to describe but having that absolute trust in each other is just amazing.

 

Until you are feeling better about him being with others, you should probably take a break.