kissing

[couplers 4,140]

There are posts here about couples who have a "No Kissing" rule.  I've realized that I enjoy seeing kissing, as deep as they want.  Any others?  Kissing isn't sex, but it makes it more intense and passionate, something I like doing and seeing. 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Never have understood the no kissing rule. Doing everything except kiss? I know all the reasons why I just don't get it. 

[couplers 4,140]

The ability to kiss is one of the reasons I prefer missionary over doggy.  And although you can kiss during cowgirl, it's somehow not the same.  (If I'm going to bend over during cowgirl, it's usually so he can put his mouth on my tits.)

[PeterJ 826]

Decades ago, after an alfresco lunch and on the cusp of beginning an (ill-advised) relationship, my future lover and I shared a kiss — not a tonsil-hockey version but much more than a social buss. "Kissing is more intimate than sex," she said as our heads pulled back. The sex, which began a week or so later, turned out to be extremely hot, but the intimacy of of our brief romantic relationship began with that kiss.

 

Now in our 70s and together more than 35 years, my wife and I still have sex three or four times a week. Despite our familiarity (or because of it) the sex is still extremely satisfying. But even laying naked in bed, neither of us begins to get aroused until we start kissing.
 

In a different context I’ve had some ENM experiences with no-kissing partners that included orgasms and generally come away with the feeling that for me it would have been better if kissing would have been part of our engagement.

[Numex 2,175]

Daniela and I kiss other partners, but the most exciting thing is for one or both of us to be fucking someone else, but kissing one another.

 

We've also had situations where we fucking each other, but kissing someone else.  I don't like that as much. 

 

 

[Billygoat 405]

Everyone has their line in the sand and it varies greatly from couple to couple or solo/single.

 

Kissing is probably the second most often rule with condom use being first.

 

We have discussed this at gatherings often within our group/club with many questioning the reasoning and to me it made sense.

 

We all are wired the same seeking relationships with others from birth to death.  Connection, acceptance, admiration. As we get older/mature we can add self awareness, attraction, emotions, physical contact.  As we age we experience, explore emotions/desires and form what defines us in all these areas.  With experience we define a finer definition of who we are our desires emotional conditions, beliefs, acceptance and hard line no’s.

 

Those in ENM, LS, KINK etc (any lifestyle, relationship, love preference) have much broader definitions of them selves.   Love/devotion does not equal sex……sex does not equal love/devotion.  
 

We have been with couple/single that have few don’ts but kissing is one of them.   We have played with many that are all about sex play, open, willing, full oral, swallow, even (with consent and test) raw/unprotected sex/fluid share……..but no kissing not even a granny kiss.

 

This is where it makes sense to me.  Our first acts of love as children through our teen years; holding hands, hugging and as a first thoroughly intimate, kissing.  Kissing is the act the very definition of emotion/love/devotion expression.  It defines our relationships emotionally and physically.  So many define love/emotional connection by a kiss.

 

We have also met those who have a list where their idea is something else.  Oral, anal, solo/single, fluid etc etc.

 

But kissing equals emotional connection to many. 

[TeamCalgary 161]

Billygoat, very interesting last line in your post re: kissing=emotional connection.

 

So given this, is that the no kissing rule is simply an avoidance of any emotional connection?

Very interesting this, as for us, kissing is the act that signals to everyone involved that this "engagement"

is not of the ordinary, and that this act of kissing is a validation of that. 

[Billygoat 405]

Just a follow up.

 

We never had this rule and those that we are regular with it was a poly leaning relationship (very few rules at all) either one on one or group activities.

 

Just something we experienced with new to LS, new play partners usually experienced at other swinger parties.

 

If we choose to participate we accepted what ever rules were applied.  Or if not we would politely decline.

 

Just our opinion from those experiences

[cplnluv1 804]

Sex without kissing is silly. Somewhere someone came up with this rule that for me is crazy, it makes sex mechanical instead of sensual. We don’t have rules when it comes to enjoying others, others might have. We have met many new to swinging that have come to learn about or experience the joy of others and then worry about kissing. 

[couplers 4,140]

13 hours ago, Billygoat said:

kissing equals emotional connection to many

Perhaps.  From the polls that I have read here on "prohibited activities," however, anal sex is also high on the list and it's about as a non-intimate, raw sex as one can get.

 

3 hours ago, Billygoat said:

We never had this rule and those that we are regular with it was a poly leaning relationship (very few rules at all) either one on one or group activities.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you are saying.

 

I will say just as one data point that my poly family and I, when we have ventured to play outside of the family on rare occasions, haven’t placed any rules on one another.  

[enhancer 1,542]

Neither one of us would have sex with anyone without kissing involved!  A good kisser will get me hard faster than a blowjob and a bad kisser will make it really hard for me to be interested. We both absolutely love making out.  For us it is the best skill a lover can have and highly underrated.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,086]

You're not gonna score with my wife if you don't kiss her first 😘 

[AdamGunn2 187]

Mary and I had a kissing rule - we'd kiss others as often as possible.

 

For us, it was a way to establish familiarity. When I kissed another woman, the way she kissed me back told me quite a bit about her sexual personality. Was she reserved, or ravenous? Mary told me that she could tell how much a man desired her from the way he kissed. Plus, it's a form of foreplay.

 

If you won't kiss people other than your spouse because you feel it's too 'intimate,' that's fine - for you. For Mary and I, it was an intimate action leading (hopefully) to a lot more intimacy.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Back when we started, we had the 'no kissing' rule thinking sex was just sex but kissing was more 'intimate'. That rule lasted one night. We were worried since we were just starting out but quickly realized that, while we originally thought it was a necessary rule, it wasn't...there wasn't any jealousy or uncomfortable feelings. That rule probably would have ended even quicker, but one of the few remaining rules that the do have is to not chance rules while we are in a sexual situation. In looking back it really was a silly rule, but at the time we felt it was better to have than to not have it until we knew it wasn't going to be an issue. 

[AdamGunn2 187]

Great point, Gold. Come to think about it, most (if not all) the no-kissing couples we met were newbies. I wonder what percent of the people start out no-kissing, and what percentage still has that rule a year after they start.

[PJ&Lin 181]

Kissing a problem has to be a joke. I say kissing is the least sexual act we do. 

[lcmim 1,008]

It is odd kissing has never presented itself as an issue for anyone.

One time though my wife and her playmate returned from a shower to find Mrs playmate cuddled up and asleep on my chest.

 

 That did get a negative response.

She jumped up like a scalded cat and he looked shocked  and upset.

 

It is a pity . I rather like it when the lady relaxes enough to drift off after.

[AdamGunn2 187]

Crap! If I had a dime for every time my wife took a power nap with a lover . . . 

[AdamGunn2 187]

This thread brought back the memory of a very eventful kiss, so I wrote it up and posted it in the stories forum. If you're interested, it's at 

 

[ExploringOptions 179]

Breaking the ice with our first partners was the hardest part. Where do we start? My first thought was you can start with a kiss. Kissing was the ice breaker that always is the start of any sex. How can anyone have sex without starting with a kiss. I want the connection of a deep sensual kiss and letting the hands explore. Our home sex always starts with a kiss, something that never fails to further. 

[WesternSwing 504]

From experience I've come to see most rules as simply being some arbitrary boundary one puts on another to make themselves feel secure in some way or another. The problem with rules, especially too many rules, is that it makes it too easy for your partner or yourself to cross those lines (rules) in the heat of the moment. For us the "rules" are simple, so simple in fact I'd call them common courtesies, not rules:

• Open and honest communication between us and partners
• Practice safe sex

As far as kissing goes, that seems like such a silly rule as it's so common in a passionate situation. My wife doesn't like to kiss others, but it's not a rule, it's simply her personal preference.  Am I against it her kissing others? Not at all. But that is a boundary of hers that needs to be respected by the people she plays with. 

[Sophy 551]

We do avoid people with the No-kissing rule, kissing is a crucial part of the interaction, 

How can you have sex without foreplay?

How can you have foreplay without kissing?

[couplers 4,140]

4 hours ago, Sophy said:

How can you have sex without foreplay?

How can you have foreplay without kissing?

And if doing oral on each others genitals is ok, why not kissing? 

[Sophy 551]

11 hours ago, couplers said:

And if doing oral on each others genitals is ok, why not kissing? 

My Husband being a man may have a different take on this; but not me. 

I won't suck your dick or lick your pussy if I haven't been  "prepared enough" 

 

[couplers 4,140]

13 hours ago, Sophy said:

 

I won't suck your dick or lick your pussy if I haven't been  "prepared enough" 

???  Do you mean kissed?  Yeah, kissing makes me wet, although I will go down without it.

[MidLifeFun 143]

I remember a post Oral vs. Vaginal sex being intimate, I thought kissing was the most intimate. Neither of us have problems with intimacy with others yet I respect others especially in bed. 

[Sophy 551]

17 hours ago, couplers said:

???  Do you mean kissed?  Yeah, kissing makes me wet, although I will go down without it.

Like I said before:

 

How can you have sex without foreplay?

How can you have foreplay without kissing?

 

[NWAtlSwing 487]

Kissing does have an extra layer of intimacy. That is why we like to kiss partners. We both like to see each other kiss.

[ChristianSwinging 51]

For us, deep kissing is absolutely part of a nice date with another sexual partner. 
For her, it is an elementary part of preparing for his entry into her vagina and being able to let herself completely go. 

[lustylearning 705]

On 11/11/2023 at 12:57 AM, Sophy said:

Like I said before:

 

How can you have sex without foreplay?

How can you have foreplay without kissing?

 

For me, foreplay can be verbal/visual. Kissing is not a requirement.

[couplers 4,140]

17 hours ago, ChristianSwinging said:

being able to let herself completely go.

Yes, not kissing would make me feel like I was holding back, especially during orgasm.