Rejection by first couple

[CoupleInSC34 2]

Hi! My husband and I (34/36) just started trying out the lifestyle. We met a couple on Reddit, got drinks, then played. We got together again for dinner then another time to play. We felt like we had really hit the jackpot with them because we hit it off right away. We all got along great together as friends, and had a great time together. After the second time playing, though, the wife of the other couple told us she didn’t want to play with us anymore because of my husband’s group sex anxiety ED. We were totally blindsided and really disappointed and upset as we saw this couple as lifelong friends. My husband has been trying to deal with his issues through medication and using psychological strategies, but he was unable to get a boner. However, he did make sure she was pleased and she even commented about how enthusiastic he was. We just feel like the rug was pulled out from under us and are really upset about losing friends. We also think we were just too emotionally invested and they obviously weren’t, which just makes it worse. I guess I’m asking for any advice on the best way to handle this as we’re feeling pretty down right now. TIA!

[NC_Seniors 492]

You say you just started in the lifestyle, so (maybe) you haven’t been in it long enough to know this … but some couples want — or at least are willing — to be good friends and others just want to have great sex! I have no idea whether the other wife’s stated reason for breaking it off is true or not, but assuming for the moment that it is, the fact that your husband managed to be attentive to her physical needs, perhaps even getting her off with his hands and his mouth, still might not be enough for her if what she *really* wants is a hard dick in her pussy! We know of a couple on this board who will play with another couple twice and then they’re ready to move on. We ourselves had a couple that we THOUGHT we were getting along great with. We went out to dinner with them twice and played with them three times. Then they ghosted us … just completely stopped replying to our emails. We’re still at a loss to understand it. I’m sorry this happened to you, but I have no words of advice for you except to tell you that this happens in the LifeStyle, and all you can do is accept that it happens, suck it up, and go on to the next adventure. 

[njbm 2,728]

You need a thick skin to play this sport. Bad news: you will be rejected up the ying yang and you will not know why. Good news: there is an almost unlimited supply of new recruits for you to play with. 

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

Foundational to the LS is the notion of consent. Consent is never 'forever'; rather it is an ongoing negotiation. 

Foundational to the LS is the notion that no explanation is required. Anyone can say "no thank you" and the conversation is closed. 

 

Never take "no thank you", "we have decided to move on", "good luck in your journey" as a personal rebuke. It's not. It is an expression of their preference, not a referendum on whether you are intrinsically good, attractive, or whatever. 

 

Our advice, let go of "play" as your core  reason to explore relationships and interactions with others in the LS; look at play as a benefit of the journey. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Been here, done this, still don't know why but it's okay. Look at it as they have saved you time by telling you now instead of waiting and eventually ghosting you. "Group ED" is a real thing, especially if you were raised with a religious background. It can get better as time goes on and your husband gets more comfortable with being naked in a sexual situation with others being present. It can also get worse as the man beats himself up for not being able to perform and he just keeps dwelling on the problem (if only there was a pill for this...wait, there is!). In the mean time, he is doing the right thing by doing what he can to satisfy the woman. It will be okay and move on to the next couple.

[lovefest04 685]

One way to handle it is to have sex with each other, Lots of crazy sex. Another way is to get back on that horse. Maybe do so in a less public way. Hang out on a nude beach, go to a club and just 'check it out, no expectations'. Have sex together at a club, in public but without the stress of performing for a NEW partner. Get used to it. Oh and alcohol is not helpful, pot might not be as well so if that was part of your play, cut it off or cut back.

 

We have been landscaping our front yard (not not her pussy,  you all have such dirty minds...) actually the yard. We love it. It's a bit of an expression of us, thinking of the yard as a canvas. Another person saw what we had done and just stared and shook her head. Hmmm. Never said why, but something, GOD knows what was a miss for her.

 

We were shattered. We want everyone to love what we did. We felt so low afterwards.

 

NOT.

 

We love it. It brings us joy. I learned a long time ago, you can't please everyone, even when you work really hard (no pun intended) to do so. You sound like sensitive (maybe too sensitive) caring folks that genuinely want to show your partners a good time. That's fucking great. You're amazing. Really.

 

It wasn't a fit. If you had fun then find another couple. And please don't become bitter or jaded. The world needs amazing prople like yourselves.

[CoupleInSC34 2]

2 minutes ago, lovefest04 said:

One way to handle it is to have sex with each other, Lots of crazy sex. Another way is to get back on that horse. Maybe do so in a less public way. Hang out on a nude beach, go to a club and just 'check it out, no expectations'. Have sex together at a club, in public but without the stress of performing for a NEW partner. Get used to it. Oh and alcohol is not helpful, pot might not be as well so if that was part of your play, cut it off or cut back.

 

We have been landscaping our front yard (not not her pussy,  you all have such dirty minds...) actually the yard. We love it. It's a bit of an expression of us, thinking of the yard as a canvas. Another person saw what we had done and just stared and shook her head. Hmmm. Never said why, but something, GOD knows what was a miss for her.

 

We were shattered. We want everyone to love what we did. We felt so low afterwards.

 

NOT.

 

We love it. It brings us joy. I learned a long time ago, you can't please everyone, even when you work really hard (no pun intended) to do so. You sound like sensitive (maybe too sensitive) caring folks that genuinely want to show your partners a good time. That's fucking great. You're amazing. Really.

 

It wasn't a fit. If you had fun then find another couple. And please don't become bitter or jaded. The world needs amazing prople like yourselves.

Thank you! That was really nice☺️Good luck with the yard, I bet it looks great!