Newbies looking for advice

[Only4Fun85 5]

Thanks for reading. Sorry if I ramble, first post.

 

My wife and I are fairly new to the lifestyle with only five visits to two different clubs. We started out as watch/be watch, no swapping and had two experiences with two different couples with that. During a few recent discussions we talked about possibly escalating  things.

 

Recently at a club we met another couple we really liked and just went with the flow. Back at our room my wife had a full swap threesome and I joined in but only having contact with my wife. My wife enjoyed herself thoroughly and I actually enjoyed watching her. I want her to be happy and wouldn’t deny her this pleasure. I’m good with everything. So with that we agreed we would like to continue in this fashion. However, here’s the dilemma, she’s not really bi, at least that’s how she feels. She’s okay with touching everywhere and other bisexual acts. But absolutely no kissing, fingering, going down on the girl or vice versa. My wife is not a prude. She’s actually very fun. Without going into full details she definitely turned up the hot meter at this party. She told me she wants to be a “good helper” but she’s only “light  bi?”  She also definitely prefers to be with other couples than a single male.

 

So my question is, how do we identify ourselves when we meet other couples? Do we just verbalize that I don’t swap, but she does and is light bi? I can’t even find a definition on light bi???  Seems we’re an anomaly or an overly complicated case. No? 
 

Btw, this last couple reached out to us and wants to get together again. We’re making plans to do so now.  I might be worrying over nothing. 

[njbm 2,728]

As you gain experience, you will both find out what you like. The “normal” progression is watch to soft swap to full swap.  But we have a friend who would really prefer to watch his wife in action. You discuss before play, you play, you find out what everyone likes. It evolves. As a friend said “You gotta ride the pony.”

[AdamGunn2 189]

Welcome, Only4.  I'm a little confused, as you write, "[My wife wants] absolutely no kissing, fingering, going down on the girl or vice versa."  Then, in a couple of places, you say she is "light bi".  Now, to me, if you don't have any sexual contact between two people of the same sex, that's not bi at all. But perhaps I misunderstand.

 

So, what I do hear is that your wife is into the other man, and wants you in the room, but you (or she) doesn't want you to contact the other woman. You might find a couple that matches that, but it's going to be a little hard to find - most couples want contact at least between the guys and girls, soft-swap at least.

[Only4Fun85 5]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

As you gain experience, you will both find out what you like. The “normal” progression is watch to soft swap to full swap.  But we have a friend who would really prefer to watch his wife in action. You discuss before play, you play, you find out what everyone likes. It evolves. As a friend said “You gotta ride the pony.”

Thanks. I agree it’s still early in the game for us and things could evolve further.

 

Of course my wife and I already voiced these concerns together. We’re both monitoring the responses on here and find it very interesting. We’re both anticipating how other women feel about an arrangement as we described in our first post. It would be very helpful if more women chimed in. 
 

The couple we just recently played with the wife was very easy and generous. Again it was a go with the flow encounter. They were a full swap couple and knew we were not, but curious. That little bit was communicated prior. My wife took the initiative to join them. The other girl, knowing it was my wife’s first time, followed her lead.

 

We both don’t want to project a cloud of selfishness. She really likes being with a woman and a man. However she has her boundaries with the girl stuff. For her that is what keeps it sexy. As for me, as of now I’m not really interested in a full swap or even a soft swap with another woman. It’s a head scratcher, I know. We don’t judge or get offended easily. Everyone is different, we understand that. We also understand it’s not always easy to connect. Usually it’s too much or too little. We feel that that is what going to make it magical when all the stars do align. 

 

Forgot to mention another situation the same day at the same club where we met the latest couple. While in the locker room there was another couple who asked to borrow some of our sun tanning lotion. The girl was not shy about letting us know she was bi. She asked my wife to rub the lotion on her back which my wife did. Apparently the girl picked up a negative vibe. A short while later while at the conversation pool we again bumped into them. The guy was cool and seemed very interested in my wife. But the girl had a look on her face like please go away which we did. I guess you can’t always make a love connection. Gotta find your tribe. We get that too. Just saying..

[Only4Fun85 5]

47 minutes ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Welcome, Only4.  I'm a little confused, as you write, "[My wife wants] absolutely no kissing, fingering, going down on the girl or vice versa."  Then, in a couple of places, you say she is "light bi".  Now, to me, if you don't have any sexual contact between two people of the same sex, that's not bi at all. But perhaps I misunderstand.

 

So, what I do hear is that your wife is into the other man, and wants you in the room, but you (or she) doesn't want you to contact the other woman. You might find a couple that matches that, but it's going to be a little hard to find - most couples want contact at least between the guys and girls, soft-swap at least.

 

Thanks for responding. It is complicated. That’s why we’re here. Lol

 

Yes, her main interest is to be with the guy. But she really likes a girl present to spice things up. We’re not gonna go into full detail of the last encounter other than to say it was not boring at all and flowed very nicely. However we agree with your assumption, that particular situation does seem to have been unique. It makes sense that we should just switch gears and seek out single men. However, nothing against all the single men on here, it’s just that we crave the company of being with other couples and find them so much more fun and interesting to be around. The few times we sparked a conversation with a single guy we both found it a struggle and just weren’t feeling it. 
 

As far as me, I have my own personal reasons why I’m not comfortable to be at the same level as my wife. She is not holding me back. Nor is she pushing me to step up. I respect her enthusiasm and so far it’s been a major turn on for both of us! 

Edit: Perhaps you did misunderstand. There are some bisexual activities my wife enjoys. But they mainly revolve around pleasing the man. Imagination required I guess ; )
 

 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Only4Fun85

[enhancer 1,542]

Your wife is not a prude just, because she is not bi!  There is nothing prudish about being straight and straight people are no less sexual.  They are just not interested in the same sex.  Not everyone is bi even though many bi people seem to think that way.

 

As far as letting people know ahead of time that you will not be playing and she is not actually bi I think that would be a good thing.  We always liked knowing these kind of things before play ever starts,  because it makes a difference on if we are interested in going further or not.  My lady is totally bi and it is the only kind of play she looks for now.  She likes the full package when it comes to this and does not play with other women unless they are also wanting to be fully engaged in bi play.  Light girl on girl play feels like a waste of time for her so she doesn’t bother.

 

We found over the years there are a lot of women in couples out there that are listed as bi, but once we start talking to them we find out that is not the case at all.  It is misleading and disappointing to say the least.  Best to just be honest from the get go.

[Only4Fun85 5]

24 minutes ago, enhancer said:

Your wife is not a prude just, because she is not bi!  There is nothing prudish about being straight and straight people are no less sexual.  They are just not interested in the same sex.  Not everyone is bi even though many bi people seem to think that way.

 

As far as letting people know ahead of time that you will not be playing and she is not actually bi I think that would be a good thing.  We always liked knowing these kind of things before play ever starts,  because it makes a difference on if we are interested in going further or not.  My lady is totally bi and it is the only kind of play she looks for now.  She likes the full package when it comes to this and does not play with other women unless they are also wanting to be fully engaged in bi play.  Light girl on girl play feels like a waste of time for her so she doesn’t bother.

 

We found over the years there are a lot of women in couples out there that are listed as bi, but once we start talking to them we find out that is not the case at all.  It is misleading and disappointing to say the least.  Best to just be honest from the get go.

Thanks for replying. 
 

We’re sorry to hear about your dissatisfaction and disappointments out there. Like we’ve mentioned in one of our post, it’s definitely not easy as everyone is bringing their own version of the fantasy to the table. 
 

However, it’s actually encouraging for us to hear about what you guys are experiencing real world with the different levels of female bisexuality. My wife just mentioned she is very much into men. But she is definitely attracted to a hot woman, although not to degree of your wife. All good. It is quite interesting how everything evolves and we truly discover ourselves. 

[enhancer 1,542]

53 minutes ago, Only4Fun85 said:

Thanks for replying. 
 

We’re sorry to hear about your dissatisfaction and disappointments out there. Like we’ve mentioned in one of our post, it’s definitely not easy as everyone is bringing their own version of the fantasy to the table. 
 

However, it’s actually encouraging for us to hear about what you guys are experiencing real world with the different levels of female bisexuality. My wife just mentioned she is very much into men. But she is definitely attracted to a hot woman, although not to degree of your wife. All good. It is quite interesting how everything evolves and we truly discover ourselves. 

Yes things will evolve as you go and have more experiences!

 

For us it started out as just looking for other women to satisfy her bi side!  It didn’t take long for that to expand to full swap and many things in between.  Over the years it was just a casual thing we would do when the right opportunity came up.  Recently though after much discussions we came to the conclusion that swapping just isn’t really something that interests us a whole lot anymore and she just isn’t interested in being with other men at all.  
 

For myself I found anytime I was with another woman all I could think about was being with my woman!  I guess after all these years together my lust for her just has not dwindled at all.  Nothing feels better than fucking her to me.  I love the way she looks, feels and performs.  She is the one who fills all my fantasies.  I always enjoyed her being with other people more then myself.
 

For her it is much the same!  That and to be honest the guys we have meet in couples and as singles have been a big disappointment for the most part.  So many dudes seem to think being a self proclaimed dominant alpha male is supposed to be desirable.  It is the opposite for her.  She finds guys like that completely unattractive and a joke.  As she puts it she is used to being treated extremely well and the focus being on her pleasure not his.  Not the case in her experience with other guys for the most part.  All we have to do is search online and see a sea of cock pics to know way too many guys are absolutely clueless on what women like.

 

So ya our experience unfortunately is that guys are just not worth the trouble!  I am sure there are others out there like myself who actually enjoy, respect and love to pleasure a woman, but we just never had much luck finding them.  
 

Moving forward we have taken a big step away from pursing other people and are quite happy to concentrate on the amazing thing we have together.  If the right situation comes along we will consider it,  but the right situation has high standards for us so likely is not much outside play for us in the future.

 

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Whenever you meet a new couple (or single for that matter) that it appears that you are going to play with, the FIRST THING that should be communicated with them (after the standard chit-chat) should be your rules and limits. It should never be assumed that the other couple has the same boundaries as you have. Letting them know what you are looking for might not be what they are looking for, and it will save you both a bunch of time knowing that you are both looking for different things. Even after sharing limits, permission should usually be asked before moving forward. Communication is always the key, so constantly be communicating. 

[Only4Fun85 5]

3 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Whenever you meet a new couple (or single for that matter) that it appears that you are going to play with, the FIRST THING that should be communicated with them (after the standard chit-chat) should be your rules and limits. It should never be assumed that the other couple has the same boundaries as you have. Letting them know what you are looking for might not be what they are looking for, and it will save you both a bunch of time knowing that you are both looking for different things. Even after sharing limits, permission should usually be asked before moving forward. Communication is always the key, so constantly be communicating. 

Thanks. So far we’ve  been pretty good at that. But since moving up to situation where my wife is now full swap with couples only and enjoys light girl to girl play and I’m not into any type of swap it seems there’s more to communicate about. We’re just trying to find the proper way to express that without causing confusion or even worse coming across selfish. 
 

After only being on this forum several hours it’s already apparent we’re not that unique or odd at all. That’s refreshing.

[luv2was 115]

11 hours ago, Only4Fun85 said:

....  So my question is, how do we identify ourselves when we meet other couples? Do we just verbalize that I don’t swap, but she does and is light bi? I can’t even find a definition on light bi???  Seems we’re an anomaly or an overly complicated case. No? ....

I am convinced that there are as many ways to do a relationship (traditional or not) as there are people engaging in them.  I would suggest not putting too much energy into how to "Label" yourselves.  (To some, that term is an abomination.)

As was stated earlier, just be clear & honest about how you like to play.  While your style may put some limits on how many connections y'all make, it is more likely that most of the ones you do make will be of higher quality, as you hone your communication techniques.

An "anomaly"?  I hardly think so.  Try to think of yourselves as what you are: Two beautiful people, deeply in love with each other, and fond of exploring intimate adventures with others.  With patience, everything else will work itself out.

Enjoy the journey!

bud
:-)

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Lets see: She's full swap, he's not. She's okay with the women touching, but nothing more than that...(unless I have that wrong) that's not that long.

[Only4Fun85 5]

On 8/3/2023 at 12:48 PM, GoldCoCouple said:

Lets see: She's full swap, he's not. She's okay with the women touching, but nothing more than that...(unless I have that wrong) that's not that long.

We’re lodged somewhere between a swinging couple and a hotwife scenario. Maybe leaning more towards hotwife. Time will tell. 

[shy_couple 448]

Mrs. Shy is very similar with her I preferences. Main caveat is sensual kissing and breast play are okay but no kissing/licking/touching of either kitty.

 

she is mostly straight but describes herself as “bi-situation Al but only from the waist up.

 We don’t always match, especially In A club setting but that’s okay.

 

 

[Only4Fun85 5]

9 hours ago, shy_couple said:

Mrs. Shy is very similar with her I preferences. Main caveat is sensual kissing and breast play are okay but no kissing/licking/touching of either kitty.

 

she is mostly straight but describes herself as “bi-situation Al but only from the waist up.

 We don’t always match, especially In A club setting but that’s okay.

 

 

Similar situation here. Except for Mrs. Only4Fun it’s no kissing above or below the breast. Definitely no oral on both kitty’s. Any form of touching, rubbing (clitoris, etc..) is okay, just no girl to girl penetration. All of this only in a threesome or moresome setting. 

[couplers 4,143]

On 8/2/2023 at 9:57 AM, enhancer said:

For us it started out as just looking for other women to satisfy her bi side!  It didn’t take long for that to expand to full swap and many things in between.

 

On 8/2/2023 at 9:57 AM, enhancer said:

I always enjoyed her being with other people more then myself.

Very interesting in that I wasn’t bi at all but wanted to see my husband with other women.  When I did, it totally brought out my Lesbian side.  Now I'm happiest with a pussy in my mouth and a dick in my cunt.

[couplers 4,143]

On 8/4/2023 at 3:11 PM, Only4Fun85 said:

a hotwife scenario. Maybe leaning more towards hotwife.

Thinking about it, we were the opposite.  After us starting with just my husband, my boyfriend and me as an item for two years, I started setting up my husband with my female friends and acquaintances for sex.

 

My husband is very attractive, but I was amazed how many women took me up on the offer.  It was a combination of women liking to sleeping with a married man, especially with the wife's permission, and all of us being young.  That's what moved our lifestyle journey along.  Is there such a thing as a "hot husband?"

Edited August 6, 2023 by couplers