Hoping To Find Mentors

[exploregon_husband 3]

Hey guys! My wife Sarah and I are brand new to swinging. We've been married for 11 years and have fantasized but are starting to have some real conversation about making it real. We are 36 and 32 and have kids. It's worth noting that it was originally my wife's idea but we're both trying to figure out if swinging is something we'd like to try. 

 

With all of that, we're hoping to find a mentor or mentors. Not necessarily to play with but just so we can ask questions and learn. It would be great to have someone that we can talk to as we explore. We're open to any advice but it would be nice to find someone with similar LS preferences or experiences. 

 

So far we're focusing on adding another guy to playtime. We're hoping to find others that we can have a friendship with as well as playing. We arent sure how we feel about single men but we realize that could make it more difficult to find. In an ideal world we'd find a couple that is ok with the husband playing separately. For right now we aren't looking for complete couple swaps but maybe in the future depending on how things go. We are also only looking to play together (my wife and I ) and arent interested in either of us going off on our own. 

 

Any guidance, experience, or friends would be awesome. Thanks guys!

[njbm 2,728]

If you go full swap, both of you get HPV vaccines and use condoms. 

[exploregon_husband 3]

46 minutes ago, njbm said:

If you go full swap, both of you get HPV vaccines and use condoms. 

That's one of the many discussions that we're having. Probably all typical stuff for newbies but we're navigating things and would love to have friends that we can learn from. Thanks!

[njbm 2,728]

If you are flipping a coin, the HPV vaccine series will work, the condoms may or may not. 

[PeterJ 826]

3 hours ago, exploregon_husband said:

So far we're focusing on adding another guy to playtime. We're hoping to find others that we can have a friendship with as well as playing. We arent sure how we feel about single men but we realize that could make it more difficult to find. In an ideal world we'd find a couple that is ok with the husband playing separately. For right now we aren't looking for complete couple swaps but maybe in the future depending on how things go. We are also only looking to play together (my wife and I ) and arent interested in either of us going off on our own. 

 

ExPlore, I have good news for you. And bad news. The good news is that if you and your wife put up a profile on SLS or one of the other swinger dating sites saying you are looking for a single-male play partner, you will be deluged with offers.
 

The bad news is that sorting the wheat from the chaff will be a Herculean task. Many of these guys will be cheaters; many will only be looking to do some sexting or they will be seeking nude photos. A lot will send you dick pics right off the bat. In short they will be rogues or idiots or both. You and your wife will likely become discouraged. 
 

But if you are patient and take a smart approach to screening prospective play partners you will find a few who are satisfactory. After all, at this point you aren’t looking for a dozen playmates, just one guy who will be a good playmate, focused on what brings pleasure to your wife and showing you the deference and respect you deserve as her husband.

 

You will get a lot of good advice from many of this board’s members on how to winnow down the massive numbers of. AndI dates who will respond to your profile. I’m in a 36-year relationship, 33 years married and 20 years ENG playing as a single. I’ve had enjoyable times with MF couples. Here are a few things that I think have made me attractive to couples as a man who plays single:

 

* I make clear to the couple that I know I am a guest in their relationship; it’s about them, not so much about me. 

 

* I let them know that I don’t expect to play on the first date. We will get to know each other first and I don’t press them at all to go further, just gently but clearly let them know I’m interested in going farther (assuming that’s the case. Which it generally is…😉)

 

* I make certain they know that while my wife won’t be playing with us, that she knows I’m playing and she’s good with it. This can happen via a preliminary phone call or Zoom where she is on long enough for me to introduce her to them and confirm that we are considering playing together. (Occasionally my wife will accompany me to an initial meet & greet and stay on as long as we aren’t going to discuss in detail who’s gonna go what to whom. She’s not interested in that level of detail.)

 

* if we get as far as a meeting (and my wife doesn’t attend) and it isn’t clear from the outset that we won’t be a match, I ask them what they like to include in a play session and what limits they have. And I share mine.

 

* If they can’t or don’t wish to host I always offer to pick up the cost of the accommodations for our tryst.

 

 

[exploregon_husband 3]

PeterJ that's really helpful actually. You're right, that's one of the main reasons that we're looking for someone that's part of a couple. To your point, confirmed to be, we're not trying to help anyone be unfaithful. It's good to know that kind of thing is actually out there.  We actually imagine possibly even having a friendship with both the husband and wife outside of playing.

 

A big uncertainty for me is what it will actually be like the first time seeing my wife with someone else. It's exciting to think about but only with the right person, that has a similar perspective to what you describe. 

 

Thanks for the words of wisdom!

[lcmim 1,008]

There are several of us here who enjoy working the process with newbies. My wife and I have  in the past and are currently talking with a couple. In our case we are paying back for help we received. Sometimes , but not always this leads to something physical. For our part that is not the goal.

 While this can be done in public as is happening here on the list or via email, off list, it eventually gets to the point that face to face is of use. To that point might I ask where you are? It might help in raising up a suitable mentor couple.

 

We are in the 53208 area code.  You can feel free to email us through this list or on SLS where we use the same login.

[cplnluv1 804]

We had several mentors right here when we were sorting out what to do. In case you don’t know there is a feature where you can private message a member you find helpful, it helped us and continues to help. Not all advice you will see fits your situation, some to me were childish and somebody else’s fantasy. There is also a search feature that takes time to figure how to get posts you may want to read. 
Alan and I have been called mentors to some of people we met. We pay it forward. Getting started is tricky so ask away. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

You've found an entire board of mentors here...take your pick and ask away. We are also here to pay it back without passing any judgements. When we first got started, we did a TON of research, but research doesn't help when it comes to trying to anticipate emotions. This is a Pandora's box where once open, you can't expect it to ever be completely closed (meaning once you start swinging, you can't undo or unsee what happened).

 

Love/trust/communication...you can never have enough of any of them. Remember to make your rules and limits and then only change them OUTSIDE of a sexual situation (don't assume anything when you are IN a sexual situation). Always proceed at the pace the slowest member is comfortable with. You may WANT to run headlong into this, but remember that there is no rush as you have the rest of your lives ahead. Always ask permission. No means NO (unless you have a safe word that is different). If one of you says no, then you both say no, no exceptions. If one of you wants to stop, then stop both stop with no repercussions or questions. That ought to get you started. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you on your journey...