Help unsure of involvement with another woman

[amberh22 3]

Hi

We have been swinging for around 7months

We tried dogging which I didn't really like

We love the club scene 

 

Tried a few and have one We both love

However until now it's been more about me having more cocks, it's his excitement to see this and we like Greedy girls night etc

 

I don't find any attraction in being with another woman or seeing him with a woman 

 

This weekend we were in the orgy room and were ving sex alongside another couple

She stroked me etc and I was fine with that easier than I thought 

Another woman came along and sucked his cock

Omg I was distraught and ended the session

Not dealing with it well

 

I feel I'm being unfair to him but he says he's not bothered having sex with anyone else but I feel I'm having my cake and eating it 

 

I can cope with another man playing with him but a woman no it's killed me

 

Anyone else been like this 

 

Sorry I'm calling out for  advice

 

I want this to work out for us and we both get our fill

 

Any advice at all

[lcmim 1,008]

Your innate sense of fair play seems to be getting in the way.

[enhancer 1,542]

If you are not attracted to other women don’t do anything with them!  It is that simple.  I am not attracted to other guys and wouldn’t do anything with them to appease anyone.  As for you not wanting him to be with other women that is fine as long as he is okay with it.  Is it fair?  I don’t think it is, but I am not him so that doesn’t matter.   As for why you don’t want him to be with another woman no one can answer that for you.  I would think it is an insecurity on your part, but I am not a therapist so there is that.  Am I to understand that you are okay with him being with other guys, but not women?  That has never made any sense to me.  If a person is going to cheat or leave you for someone else and they are bi there is just as much of a chance of that happening with another guy as woman. 

[amberh22 3]

He's absolutely 100% not having women involved it's me who feels it's unfair and got upset by it Maybe it is insecurity

We want to continue swinging but have to find a way forward 

[MrMrsswinger 184]

Your selfishness is stunning. It's been all about more cocks for you but a woman gives a quick suck and you're distraught and end the activities...

 

Same advice here as a few other threads about jealousy. Stop swinging. You want whatever you desire and flip when your husband gets the same thing? This goes nowhere good.

[NC_Seniors 492]

What MrMrsswinger said …

[NC_Seniors 492]

2 hours ago, amberh22 said:

We want to continue swinging but have to find a way forward 

The way forward is for you to allow your husband to be with other women if that’s what he wants. Now if he’s content to *not* do that while you screw other men … fine, because it’s HIS decision. But your unwillingness to allow him the same freedom you want for yourself is the epitome of self-centeredness … something that doesn’t work *at all* in the Lifestyle. If you can’t give him that freedom, then you need to stop what you’re doing now!

 

[PeterJ 826]

4 hours ago, amberh22 said:

Another woman came along and sucked his cock

Omg I was distraught and ended the session

Not dealing with it well

 

I feel I'm being unfair to him but he says he's not bothered having sex with anyone else but I feel I'm having my cake and eating it ..I want this to work out for us and we both get our fill

 

Any advice at all

"Other Sports Beckon"  (Amber, you’ve said you "want this to work out for us". My opinion is that if you are unable to get comfortable with your husband having sex with other women, it doesn’t seem most varieties of swinging is not going to work out for you. Hotwifing is a possibility, assuming your husband is gratified by limiting your activities to only you having sex with others.)

[couplers 4,140]

17 hours ago, amberh22 said:

he says he's not bothered having sex with anyone else

 

17 hours ago, amberh22 said:

He's absolutely 100% not having women involved

 

12 hours ago, PeterJ said:

Hotwifing is a possibility, assuming your husband is gratified by limiting your activities to only you having sex with others.

You said it yourself twice and PeterJ confirmed it for you - For now at least, you play and your husband doesn't, since you are both good with that.  Just make sure that the circumstances are what your husband enjoys: he's there (or not), he watches (or not), he participates (or not), you don't do any acts he feels are off limits, and you give him everything he wants afterwards. 

 

And don't be surprised if you change your mindset at some later time.  

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Obviously the two of you haven't talked enough about this or he would have had a better idea what the limits were. If Mrs. and and myself were playing in a club (with or without others being involved) and a woman came in and started sucking my cock WITHOUT ASKING FIRST (and we NEVER do anything with someone else without asking permission first), I would stop her and let her know that she needs to ask permission of both me and Mrs. Gold. If we both gave permission, THEN she could continue (however by not asking in advance, even I would probably tell her no).

 

Question: Who brought up the idea of swinging? It sounds to me like you are doing this for him knowing he enjoys watching you with other guys (just a guess here). As mentioned, maybe hotwifing will be your thing. No matter what the outcome is, you need to set better limits and stick with them, keeping in mind that the limits can be changed as time goes on. Good luck and let us know how things go.

[amberh22 3]

Thank you your reply has helped

 

We are new to it

 

It originally started as he desired to see me with someone else as this excites him and I've always been honest that seeing him with another woman does not excite me 

 

However at 1 club there was touching and I was OK with that and went with flow 

This weekend when a woman sucked him off I got upset 

I agree and understand now that boundaries need to be set 

I know I sound like a self centred bitch and that's last thing  I want

 

We seem quite new to this compared to others and I love the thrill of it.

 

We adore each other so insecurity shouldn't be a issue and he says what happens at the club stays at the club

I want a future doing this 

I love the dressing up ready for it and always aim to look good as does he 

 

I was hoping someone would have some advice if they had been in similar situation 

 

[NerdsAreFun 224]

So you're into cuckolding in all but name.  If you're both into it, that's absolutely fine.  He may enjoy seeing you with another man more than he would enjoy another woman for himself.  So there's no real fairness problem to address.  Some folks are just wired that way.

[amberh22 3]

Thank you just new and lot to learn I guess

[enhancer 1,542]

2 hours ago, amberh22 said:

Thank you your reply has helped

 

We are new to it

 

It originally started as he desired to see me with someone else as this excites him and I've always been honest that seeing him with another woman does not excite me 

 

However at 1 club there was touching and I was OK with that and went with flow 

This weekend when a woman sucked him off I got upset 

I agree and understand now that boundaries need to be set 

I know I sound like a self centred bitch and that's last thing  I want

 

We seem quite new to this compared to others and I love the thrill of it.

 

We adore each other so insecurity shouldn't be a issue and he says what happens at the club stays at the club

I want a future doing this 

I love the dressing up ready for it and always aim to look good as does he 

 

I was hoping someone would have some advice if they had been in similar situation 

 

You say insecurity shouldn’t be an issue then why would you have a problem with him getting the same thing you are?

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

Amber, when my wife and I first got into swinging, she wasn't entirely comfortable with me having sex with other women. We did do some soft swapping, and that went ok, but we didn't do much of it. She just wasn't ready for it really. You're having an emotional reaction to a situation that logic says is selfish. Emotion <> logic. They don't speak the same language and they don't understand each other at all. Neither is right, neither is wrong. What is right is what works _for you_. I'll differ (with respect) to some who posted above; I don't ascribe it to being selfish.

 

After a couple of years, my wife began feeling more comfortable with the concept of me playing with other women. We ventured down that path, and we've done that, but stayed mostly with MFM or her playing solo. She's had two long term boyfriends that turned out quite well for some years. I was happy to go along with how she felt, and keep our communication 100% open. She is now comfortable with me having sex with other women. She's not turned on by it, it doesn't do anything for her, but she's comfortable with it. I, on the other hand, get very turned on by her having sex with other men whether I am there or not. I prefer being there, but it's also hot for her to come home and tell me about her evening while we have sex.

 

Getting here took time and patience. There are some here who feel an asymmetrical setup doesn't work, and is a recipe for disaster. I don't disagree with them for some couples. But, for us being asymmetrical worked out very well. We've been swingers now for 14 years. Our relationship is stronger than ever.

[njbm 2,728]

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. 

[couplers 4,140]

34 minutes ago, njbm said:

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. 

No.  There is too much evidence to the contrary.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Your limits are what they currently are...make sure that both of you understand and abide by them. They may change as time passes, or they may not but either is okay. It sounds like he is getting what he wants out of this: watching you with someone else. Just because he enjoys watching you doesn't mean that you need to enjoy watching him with another woman, and that's okay. Just keep the communication open and things should work out.

 

BTW: We agree with couplers...you never hear of somebody getting their gander cooked.

[enhancer 1,542]

Truth be told though if it was a husband playing with other women and not liking his wife playing with other men people would be all over you about it being unfair, how selfish it is and how you can do better then that. There are double standards for sure in this lifestyle.   I am sure there are lots of people out there that would have no issue at all playing with a woman that is cheating, but would not do it if it was a husband cheating.  In fact we have had tons of couples try to hit her up to play alone even though it is clear on our profiles that we only play together.  They get told to go fuck themselves and blocked.  
 

Although I honestly don’t care if I ever have sex with another woman again other then her I know I wouldn’t be to happy about double standards being in place and they are not.

[Davdia 112]

22 hours ago, enhancer said:

I know I sound like a self centred bitch and that's last thing  I want

I think there’s only one person who can change the way you feel about yourself!

Swinging often works very well for giving people and usually doesn’t end well for those who just take.

Maybe it’s not for you 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Quote

It originally started as he desired to see me with someone else as this excites him and I've always been honest that seeing him with another woman does not excite me 

It's important to note that seeing her with other men was HIS fantasy so she is allowing him to get what he originally wanted. It wasn't to swap partners so there is no double standards or inequality here.

[amberh22 3]

43 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

It's important to note that seeing her with other men was HIS fantasy so she is allowing him to get what he originally wanted. It wasn't to swap partners so there is no double standards or inequality here.

Thank you

I'm in knots about this

You seem to understand 

[Davdia 112]

2 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

It's important to note that seeing her with other men was HIS fantasy so she is allowing him to get what he originally wanted. It wasn't to swap partners so there is no double standards or inequality here.

Also important to note HE didn’t stop the other women, she did.  I don’t recall ever having someone start giving me head if I didn’t show interest?

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Thanks, we try to see all sides.

 

Quote

I feel I'm being unfair to him but he says he's not bothered having sex with anyone else but I feel I'm having my cake and eating it 

Take your feelings out of this (I know, it's hard to do, but just set them aside for a moment). Try just taking him at his word for a moment. He says he isn't bothered with you getting to play and him not playing. Can't you just accept that he's telling you the truth? Maybe, as trust and communication increases, you might feel different and not mind him playing...and he still might not be interested in doing it with anyone else, or maybe he will. It doesn't matter TODAY what might or might not happen in the future. Don't over-analyze this, just accept it and enjoy the moment. The only real question here is are YOU enjoying what you are doing or are you only doing it for him?

 

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson: Ummmm, cake!

[Numex 2,175]

On 1/31/2023 at 9:18 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

...maybe hotwifing will be your thing.

That's how we started.  Not because I liked watching my wife fucking other men, but because I sensed that she wanted more sexual variety (including with women), quantity, and I wanted her desires to be fulfilled.  I didn't mind her being with other men, and eventually she wanted me there to watch then have MFM threesomes, something she hadn't done before.  We moved on to spouse swapping later.

Edited February 6, 2023 by Numex