Need some advice about my wife

[CuriousHus 1]

Hi all. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a few years but took a break during COVID and only recently started again. We enjoy parties and clubs together, but she also has a free pass to meet other men.

 

During COVID she also stopped using any birth control and we use condoms or pull out. Since returning to the scene she told me she'd use condoms with other men.

 

She's recently met several guys but she went bare with all of them as she prefers it. She let a few cum inside her too.

 

She's not planning on ever going back on the pill. Should I say something about the risk of her getting pregnant? Just leave her to it? Change the ground rules? I need some advice please.

 

Thanks.

[reveur 38]

In the lifestyle is the trust the most important, for a good relationship and a harmony in sexual life. To break the rules is very bad. 

No protection it means a big risk for the partner. 

Edited September 1, 2022 by reveur

[Davdia 78]

1 hour ago, CuriousHus said:

 

 

Since returning to the scene she told me she'd use condoms with other men.

 

She's recently met several guys but she went bare with all of them as she prefers it. She let a few cum inside her too.

 

 

Just curious if deception is part of your relationship or is it maybe the underlying problem?

[NWAtlSwing 461]

My advice would be to stop playing until you are on the same page. This is no OK.

 

Relationships are based on trust. She is violating that.

[CuriousHus 1]

2 hours ago, Davdia said:

Just curious if deception is part of your relationship or is it maybe the underlying problem?

It's never been an issue before as she was on the pill and I didn't mind her going bare with everyone. She's carrying on playing like she did, just completely unprotected now.

[lcmim 907]

Seems rather one sided.

 

She/you, clearly do not want more children together. That is why you have to use the condom. 

It seems she is not so inclined, about bringing a baby into your household. Even if she aborts the baby, it still has an effect on you.

 

I also would suggest pulling the plug on swinging until you get this sorted out.

If you want to take a break and she continues, then you have a very clear message and a cheat to deal with.

 

[CuriousHus 1]

16 minutes ago, lcmim said:

Seems rather one sided.

 

She/you, clearly do not want more children together. That is why you have to use the condom. 

It seems she is not so inclined, about bringing a baby into your household. Even if she aborts the baby, it still has an effect on you.

 

I also would suggest pulling the plug on swinging until you get this sorted out.

If you want to take a break and she continues, then you have a very clear message and a cheat to deal with.

 

I'm not keen on more kids which is why I use condoms. She's more open to having more. Which is possibly why she never uses a condom with other men. I'm unsure if she's risking it on purpose or just not considering the risk carefully.

[EastInWest 1,492]

1 hour ago, CuriousHus said:

I'm not keen on more kids which is why I use condoms. She's more open to having more. Which is possibly why she never uses a condom with other men. I'm unsure if she's risking it on purpose or just not considering the risk carefully.

I suspect this is a deeper issue than either of you have admitted to each other and that yes, she might be risking it on purpose.

 

This is something to untangle. Possibly in couple's counseling with a sex-positive therapist who understands the lifestyle.

[GoldCoCouple 3,894]

You two are obviously not on the same page right now. Until you are, you both need to stop. Swinging is a team sport and one of you isn't playing with the other. Either she is unhappy about you not wanting more children (and this is her way of achieving more children) or she isn't paying attention to the mutually agreed-upon rules. Either way, you both need to talk and find out what is going on here. It could be that since she is used to not playing with a condom, she isn't connecting that to her now not taking birth control...but I doubt that is the case (maybe for men, usually never for women). Good luck and let us know what happens.

[Swyngers 16]

Don’t know what state you live in but with the recent Supreme Court ruling you’ll end up having to raise another man’s child that you probably don’t want if your wife continues to be careless. You need to talk about the real life ramifications of her decisions

[CuriousHus 1]

Thanks for the replies so far. To be fair I never told her explicitly she needs to use protection. I just expected her to now she's off the pill and she also said she'd use condoms. I know she hates them and doesn't like me using them. But I was surprised when she came back full one night and admitted she always let meets go without. She met a lot last month too.

 

We've never put restrictions on each other and never had a problem until now. I suppose I either need to but my foot down as you've suggested or accept she'll get pregnant eventually. She's 28 so it's bound to happen if it hasn't already.

 

I'll think on what to do.

[MrMrsswinger 161]

I'm stunned you are accepting this. I'm stunned you are asking strangers on a forum whether you should "say something about the risk of her getting pregnant?"  Stunned.

 

Ignoring the obvious risk of getting an STD, which is a deal breaker for us, you are waiting for advice from a forum while she is risking getting pregnant. I don't know what state you live in but you could be on the hook paying to raise a child from some swinger fling!

 

As others have said, I'd pull the plug on swinging immediately. I'm willing to bet she won't agree. When she pushes back on you stopping swinging, I'd schedule some consultations with divorce attorneys and get your ducks in a row.

[lcmim 907]

In addition to perhaps paying to raise another's offspring, if he is identified he just might have rights to the child . This could even include you not being able to relocate out of the area without his permission.

[CuriousHus 1]

We've both only ever played bare up until last year when she came off birth control. We accept the std risk and get tested regularly. I know that's not for everyone...

 

We're in the UK btw, so state laws don't apply like in the US.

 

I'll speak to her tonight. I think you're correct in that she won't stop. She made it abundantly clear if we returned to the scene that it's a permanent decision. Since we have she's certainly been extremely active.

[EastInWest 1,492]

1 hour ago, CuriousHus said:

I'll think on what to do.

 

44 minutes ago, MrMrsswinger said:

As others have said, I'd pull the plug on swinging immediately. I'm willing to bet she won't agree. When she pushes back on you stopping swinging, I'd schedule some consultations with divorce attorneys and get your ducks in a row.

^^^ Your thinking has been helpfully outsourced at no cost to you.

 

Mrs. E isn't getting pregnant. Diseases or no diseases, I'm the only man on Earth who fills her with cum. It's not an argument.

 

IMO, if your concern is legitimate, there isn't a lot to think about, here. She's 28, not 18 and clueless. She knows why she's off birth control. Either she owns it and plays within the rules or you're withdrawing consent and she's just cheating.

 

The prospect of the marriage ending over this is obviously distasteful, and I understand why you're hesitant, but please fully absorb the reality that in the common law/English-speaking world, as the husband during the pregnancy, you are often presumed to be the legal father regardless of biological fact, and the right to challenge this in court may belong to the mother or the biological father, not you. You also will not likely be able to get an at-fault divorce for extramarital sex which you condoned, and I would not be surprised if this extends to contesting child support in some places, as most view support as the right of the child, not the mother.

 

What this means is that delaying may leave you with no way out if you wait until she is pregnant to make a decision (or she makes the decision for you), and that she will not only be entitled to a no-fault divorce with a generous division of assets, but full child support for a child she knows is not yours and who is raised by another man.

Some people fetishize taking cuckoldry to this level. Some people post stories like this here hoping for validation of this fetish. This is not a cuckold-specific forum and we can't fap to this. If your question is sincere, act swiftly. This could potentially become permanently life-altering with no further warning. Please at least seek professional legal advice in your jurisdiction.

Edited September 1, 2022 by EastInWest

[Davdia 78]

1 hour ago, MrMrsswinger said:

I'm stunned you are accepting this. I'm stunned you are asking strangers on a forum whether you should "say something about the risk of her getting pregnant?"  Stunned.

 

Ignoring the obvious risk of getting an STD, which is a deal breaker for us, you are waiting for advice from a forum while she is risking getting pregnant. I don't know what state you live in but you could be on the hook paying to raise a child from some swinger fling!

 

As others have said, I'd pull the plug on swinging immediately. I'm willing to bet she won't agree. When she pushes back on you stopping swinging, I'd schedule some consultations with divorce attorneys and get your ducks in a row.

Not only do I completely agree with this person, I have to ask the obvious question, are you now telling everyone that you are having sex that your partner goes completely bare with multiple people and could care less what she gets transmitted sexually.  
Personally I would pass on anyone who’s partner was that careless.

she’s making you a bad risk also

[CuriousHus 1]

Thanks again for the comments and advice.

 

I am going to speak with her tonight.

 

I did say she gets STD tested every 4 weeks so she does give it some consideration. But I've always known that she's never used condoms in her life. A few times when she was a girl and recently with me, but that's it. The risk came with our marriage. She did sit me down, tell, and warn me specifically that she was a slut before we got married. Swinging seems like a good outlet we could both agree on and be comfortable with. Before it was never a problem. But I'm obviously uncomfortable with her risking pregnancy this much!

 

I'm not looking forward to this discussion at all. She can be very stubborn. 

[lovefest04 658]

I think this situation should be used in the Urban dictionary to define a "SHIT STORM"

 

Good luck.

[njbm 2,564]

How about an IUD? Or you can get a vasectomy and if she gets pregnant, it’s very unlikely you are the father, might push her to birth control. Hope you live in a pro-choice state. 
 

As others said, you need a talk. 

Edited September 1, 2022 by njbm

[PeterJ 708]

10 hours ago, CuriousHus said:

Hi all. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a few years but took a break during COVID and only recently started again. We enjoy parties and clubs together, but she also has a free pass to meet other men.

 

During COVID she also stopped using any birth control and we use condoms or pull out. Since returning to the scene she told me she'd use condoms with other men.

 

She's recently met several guys but she went bare with all of them as she prefers it. She let a few cum inside her too.

 

She's not planning on ever going back on the pill. Should I say something about the risk of her getting pregnant? Just leave her to it? Change the ground rules? I need some advice please.

 

Thanks.

It’s my fervent hope that this is an expression of fantasy and not one of fact. If it is factual, it is appalling. In every way.

[discreetplay 173]

Yikes, this is a disaster. Such a disaster that I have a hard time believing is true. 

 

I agree, swinging should stop immediately. Why would you allow the risk of another man getting her pregnant? I wouldn't trust her is she said she was going back on birth control. She obviously doesn't care whether she gets pregnant. Her saying "I'm back on the pill" wouldn't give my any comfort.

 

Is she misleading these other men by saying she is on birth control? I don't know any guys willing to go bareback unless they've had a vasectomy because of the risk the woman is lying. If your wife doesn't care about getting pregnant she may be lying to these other guys.

 

Man, oh man, what a nightmare. I believe this is a completely fictional post. I'd be stunned that a husband would be so wishy washy on something like this.  

 

 

[EastInWest 1,492]

3 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

Man, oh man, what a nightmare. I believe this is a completely fictional post. I'd be stunned that a husband would be so wishy washy on something like this.  

You'd be absolutely stunned at how much of this goes on. "Stubborn" could easily mean straight-up abusive here, we don't know.

 

Still, we went through a wave of a particular genre of "oh no, my wife's bull locked me out of the motel and inseminated her against our will, what do we do next" mental (and likely physical) masturbation posts a few years ago. It's hard to say.

[CuriousHus 1]

Update.

 

I confronted her last night and the initial part of the conversation went better than I expected to be honest. She didn't think playing bare would be an issue as she's only ever played bare. I obviously pointed out the additional risks now she's off the pill. She said she had thought about that and was tracking her cycle. During her fertile times she was either avoid meeting, only doing anal, or made sure they pulled out. She also said that she would seriously consider going back on the pill or some other birth control, and if she does fall pregnant that she'll have an abortion if I ask her to. She also apologized that she hadn't spoken to me about this and reiterated that she didn't think I had any problem with her going bare with other men.

 

Unfortunately things then took a nose dive. I asked her to only have sex with a condom as we do now. She abruptly refused saying it my choice to use them myself, other men can too if they choose, but otherwise she's always playing bare as that's what she wants. When I pointed out the risks again she again said she'd be careful and get an abortion in the worst case if I insisted. The argument then went in circles.

 

Eventually I ran out of patience I told her we were done with swinging and I didn't want her seeing other men. She flipped out saying we'd decided on an open relationship, we took a break for COVID, but being non monogamous is a permanent arrangement and I can't change my mind now. To cut a long story short the argument finished with me saying I want our relationship exclusive and her saying I can do what I want but so can she, and she'll carry on having sex with other people without my permission if need be. We both stormed off separate ways and haven't spoken today.

 

Looks like some of you were right.

[EastInWest 1,492]

57 minutes ago, CuriousHus said:

Eventually I ran out of patience I told her we were done with swinging and I didn't want her seeing other men. She flipped out saying we'd decided on an open relationship, we took a break for COVID, but being non monogamous is a permanent arrangement and I can't change my mind now. To cut a long story short the argument finished with me saying I want our relationship exclusive and her saying I can do what I want but so can she, and she'll carry on having sex with other people without my permission if need be. We both stormed off separate ways and haven't spoken today.

 

Looks like some of you were right.

 

I'm sorry. Do give it some space to play out, but also evaluate your options with a clear mind. There's a one-sided sexual power dynamic here that has gone on for a long time, and these are hard to shift under even the best of circumstances, but sometimes it does happen.

 

It's very likely that becoming monogamous is too much to ask of her, given that it was spelled out from the beginning, but condom use is a matter of basic adult responsibility and a reasonable ask. It surprises me that you asked, as it sounds like maybe you're not open to this arrangement anymore after all. It's concerning that she doesn't want to use condoms generally, but is fine with you using them.

[CuriousHus 1]

She would honestly prefer that I didn't. But I don't want to risk another child at the moment, so I do. She's never liked or used them. Even when she was young. So I'm not shocked she plays bare and never had a problem with it until now.

 

She made it very clear she won't do monogamy. She doesn't really want me to either, she said she'd prefer we both stay on the scene. But if I don't want us to then she also made it clear she'll carry on and just cheat instead. 

 

If I can't talk her round on safe sex then I guess I have three options. I fucking hate them all, excuse my language.