Looking for reasons a partner wouldn't share and possible responses that might get them to consider again.

[BullOrlando1 2]

Morning, I'm looking for responses to a partner reluctant to swing. 

I realize there are some responses from a reluctant partner that can't be argued. But when having this conversation I feel it's best to be prepared and do your homework as to how they might respond. 

For example:

Maybe she's worried that if she fucks another guy YOU will want to fuck another female. 

To that your answer is right because you did me a favor by doing a MFM you own me another favor I get to fuck someone?? Think about it, this is my idea, I don't get to ask that of you.

The answer to you'd want it all the time: is we try it on vacation and if we like it only do it on vacation. That also helps with what if people get nosy, we're not doing it in our own town. No one will know. 

Hope to hear some good ones. 

Thanks 

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

If you cannot get her to talk about this openly, then neither of you are ready to move forward. MOST people have problems with swinging (or ethical non-monogamy), but some will go ahead and reluctantly try it for their partner. This is always a bad idea. If either of you don't want to do it because you aren't interested in doing it, then DON'T. If you don't have your trust and communication to the level where you can openly talk about this, then don't do it. Women are too quickly judged as a slut or cheap or whatever, so sometimes that is the reason why they may hesitate, but with trust and communication, that can be taken care of. You need to find out what her reluctance is and see if it is something that can be addressed, but it may be that she just isn't wired for swinging (like the majority of people). If this is the case, then nothing you do or say will change that you you will need to just accept it. Good luck and let us know how things progress...

[NC_Seniors 492]

Everything GoldCoCouple said. And I don’t think anyone on this board is going to provide you with “ammunition”.

[BullOrlando1 2]

Yes I understand what you are saying, and I agree, I realize that some hurdles you want to stop at and not attempt to get passed them. 

But it's not a bad thing to go into the conversation prepared with the knowledge of how to address smaller hesitations. 

[NC_Seniors 492]

8 minutes ago, BullOrlando1 said:

But it's not a bad thing to go into the conversation prepared with the knowledge of how to address smaller hesitations. 

“smaller hesitations” … is that *your* assessment of them or *hers*?

[BullOrlando1 2]

Clarification:

... how to address smaller hesitations of a willing wife that do not know how to get past some points in her own head. 

[NC_Seniors 492]

“willing wife” … Again I ask, is that *your* assessment or *hers*?

   

Just what is it that you say she’s willing to do?

   

Have you two got *any* swinging experience at all? If yes, what?

   

If no, what are you trying to get her to agree to? Two men? Two women? Couples swap? Gang bang?

 

If a couples swap, full or soft? Or maybe not a swap at all but just same bed play?

   

There are way too many unknowns here for anybody on this board to advise you. Again, read what GoldCoCouple wrote: “If you cannot get her to talk about this openly, then neither of you are ready to move forward.” Sage advice!

[BullOrlando1 2]

1 hour ago, NC_Seniors said:

 

NC,  I never said this was for me,  I was just asking a general question. Since you admittedly speak for everyone here and seem rather negative, I'll move on. 

Edited May 12, 2022 by BullOrlando1

[enhancer 1,542]

If my partner isn’t interested in something I don’t say anything to try and get them to reconsider!  I respect what they say and abide by it.  Everything we do comes from us having great communication and listening skills with each other.  If we didn’t we would not have succeeded in the things we have done together.  We would have crashed and burned like some of the other couples we have known over the years that clearly did not know how to be honest and communicate with their partner.

[NC_Seniors 492]

1 hour ago, BullOrlando1 said:

NC,  I never said this was for me,  I was just asking a general question. Since you admittedly speak for everyone here and seem rather negative, I'll move on. 

Seems like an odd “general question” to be asking if there’s not a woman involved, and I don’t think I’m the only one here who took it that you’re talking about a real person. You asked how to respond to someone who’s hesitant, and I told you there are too many unknowns about her hesitation for the people on this board to be able to answer you. I don’t consider that negative … just realistic!

[Jane1902 476]

Be it swinging or going out dancing are you actually trying to understand reluctance and respect their boundaries or pressuring them into doing what you want because you think it will be fun and they should enjoy it too?

[couplers 4,143]

I agree that pressuring a partner is not a good approach for any activity, but enticing someone to try something is fine.

 

My advice is to make it something that she wants to do.  Be 100% clear that not only are you not looking for you to play with another woman, but you also will let her start this adventure on her terms.  She can choose the man/men she wants to play with, the time, the place (hotel, at home; in your bed), you there or not, you participating or not, she telling you about it afterwards or not...  She needs to not only feel comfortable to take on this journey but eager also.  And don't criticize her choices.  She may meet a guy several times to try him out, but then decide to he's not the one for an MFM and drop him for someone else.

 

Make her pleasure your erotic goal and patience.  Take delight in every twist and turn of her desires.  Good luck and keep us updated. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by couplers

[discreetplay 218]

Seems the topic here is something along the lines of 'what canned answers can I prepare to respond to a reluctant spouse?'

 

Everyone has hesitations surrounding the unknown. It is best to have a deep discussion about them. One person's hesitation for not wanting to swing doesn't necessarily follow someone else's. Thus, having prepared responses isn't going to get you anywhere once you state them. Example, back when I was doing moot court I was assigned a side of a case I didn't believe in. My 'opponent' had strong beliefs in their side and had prepared certain points to make (and some 'zingers' to get the panel of judges on his side). Once we were in front of the panel, I let him run his prepared points. I stood silent when he ran out. It was over. Rather than being ready to discuss the case at hand he prepared specific points and blew his load within a couple minutes. He had nothing else to say other than to repeat the points he already made. I pointed this out "your honor, counsel continues to restate the same point over and over, just wasting the court's time". I then proceeded to blow holes in everything he noted and asked a dozen questions about the facts of the case, trying to understand, trying to see the issue from multiple angles, beyond his handful of prepared points. He had nothing but canned responses. He was unable to discuss the matter at hand. 

 

One needs to discuss the idea of swinging, not "argue" a point, not counter her concerns. You say "But when having this conversation I feel it's best to be prepared and do your homework as to how they might respond." This is a horrible way of having such a discussion with your spouse about anything, especially swinging. You shouldn't have prepared responses to counter her concerns. You need to listen and understand her concerns. What if she says she doesn't want to see you with another woman because she walked in on her mom with someone who wasn't her father? What "prepared" response would you have there? What if she says she doesn't want to be in a situation where there is another man in the room because of some traumatic incident when she was in college? Your preparation isn't going to do any good.

 

I'm just an outsider here, responding to your post. Just my two cents. There was a recent thread about a couple who swapped. The husband didn't handle it well and they're splitting up. Swinging isn't for everyone. And no amount of "homework" will change that.

 

 

[MrMrsswinger 184]

5 hours ago, discreetplay said:

But when having this conversation I feel it's best to be prepared and do your homework as to how they might respond.

I totally agree with discreetplay's comments. It seems this is another thread (there have been many) where the husband is seeking advice on how to convince the wife to swing. This not only is a recipe for disaster for the relationship, but also puts whatever couple(s) you become involved with in an uncomfortable situation. We've been in situations where it was obvious that the wife didn't want to participate, and was being dragged along by the husband. It was really bad. I bet every swinging couple has a story or two like that. It is sad to see, it is a waste of time for us couples who don't get out very often due to work, family, etc time constraints. Arranging time to have some couple fun and ending up with a couple where one doesn't want to be there is extremely frustrating.

 

This is the thread that discreetplay was referring to...

We tried swinging and it did not go well my husband has become withdrawn - Swingers Talk - Swingers Board