How long does your sexual attraction last?

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

Is anyone else the same as me? I would be interested to know so I don't feel so alone.
For me when I feel sexual attraction to someone and then have sex with that person the first time is always out of this world amazing for me and I have not had any complaints from the other person at all, on the contrary. Then the 2nd time is also amazing, not as good as the first and then it dwindles until about the 10th/12th time and for me there is no sexual attraction to the other person anymore and hence no sexual desire to have sex with the other person anymore. Is sex still enjoyable? in terms of the feeling of sexual stimulation, yes it still feels nice, but no sexual attraction to the other person or sexual desire towards the other person anymore. I still see the other person as very good looking but not sexually anymore. If the relationship progresses as lasts months and years my love, compassion and devotion for the other person increases with time but the sexual attraction and desire to have sex with my partner has vanished after about the 12th time of having sex, even though I still do have sex with my partner as I love them and want to please them even though there's no desire or excitement for me anymore. No matter if there's loads of things done to make it exciting nothing works. Even though the relationship is stronger than ever emotionally and love wise and the other person is just as eager or often more eager to have sex with me, I am so annoyed at myself and do everything I can't to change how I feel.

[Zoe&Wash 93]

15 hours ago, NEWTOTHIS34 said:

 If the relationship progresses as lasts months and years my love, compassion and devotion for the other person increases with time but the sexual attraction and desire to have sex with my partner has vanished after about the 12th time of having sex, even though I still do have sex with my partner as I love them and want to please them even though there's no desire or excitement for me anymore. 

My 2¢ here - take it for what it's worth.  Some of the best sex we've ever had in our 28 year relationship has happened in just the last few weeks.  Yesterday after work was off the freaking charts for both of us.  There are ups and downs, and if you feel like the downs are impossible to overcome, you may with to speak to a counselor or therapist about it.  

[AndrewandAnn 359]

Honestly, this sounds like a deeper issue than simple sexual attraction.

 

In a long-term relationship, passion naturally ebbs and flows. That's normal. But, to disappear completely in such a short period of time, and this happens in ALL your relationships? This is worth investigating with a professional. The biggest sex organ is the brain.

 

 

[NoAngels 312]

We had this conversation not long ago. Background, we played separately for years, call it cheating if you want. I played around on business trips, she meets men on affairs sites. 
I continue to meet up with the same partners when traveling to a city. It could be a few times a year, less the last two years, and the excitement stays alive. 
She has quick affairs lasting no more than a month or so. She said she doesn’t want any long term relationships because it gets messy. She also said the excitement wanes over time. 

[enhancer 1,561]

Don’t know what to tell you!  Missus Enhancer and I have been together for 12 years now and I am more attracted to her everyday.  I am always anticipating the next time we are going to fuck and can’t wait until it happens.  Sometimes I find it hard to want other women, because I am so damn attracted to her. 

[PeterJ 835]

Kathy and I have known each other since we were in our early 20s and been a couple for 35 years. I enjoy (with her support) sex with other people. But I am as turned on to her as ever and in the end have more enduringly satisfying sex with her than any of the couples I play with. 

[Aphroditee 323]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you saying you desire sexual variety.  I have always sought out new sexual experiences, even when I was young.  It's also what I love most about giving my husband his hotwife scenarios.   Monogamy never appealed to me, when I met my husband I told him dating me would be hard because I would never give up being polyamorous.  I enjoy dating new people and getting to know them intimately, and once I've done that I am constantly seeking the next experience.  🙃  it makes me happy.  Now I will say I do have a couple long term relationships I continue to entertain, but its due to the relationships I've created.  

[BillyandDebbie 293]

This doesn’t answer your question, my wife found an ex of over 20 years ago online in a swingers group and we are considering meeting them. 

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

21 hours ago, Aphroditee said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with you saying you desire sexual variety.  I have always sought out new sexual experiences, even when I was young.  It's also what I love most about giving my husband his hotwife scenarios.   Monogamy never appealed to me, when I met my husband I told him dating me would be hard because I would never give up being polyamorous.  I enjoy dating new people and getting to know them intimately, and once I've done that I am constantly seeking the next experience.  🙃  it makes me happy.  Now I will say I do have a couple long term relationships I continue to entertain, but its due to the relationships I've created.  

Thanks, sounds the same as me I think, so for you after a few times of dating someone new and being intimate also a few times then you are seeking the next experience of the same thing? Thats exactly the same as me if thats the case. Would you say the correct word for this is polyamorous? This is how I am, I personally am starting to think that I do not need a therapist for this , nor does anyone who is like this, I think this is normal and human nature to be polyamorous and to seek to connect intimately with as many of our fellow human beings as we wish too who we feel attracted too. I am guessing though you still have sexual attraction to your husband to some degree though, maybe being able to be polyamorous in reality helps with your sexual attraction to your husband. For me my sexual attraction to my wife of 7 years is still there but on a scale of 10 I would say its 2, pretty low but if I see her naked I do feel some small sexual attraction, now for instance I meet someone even fully clothed who I find attactive my sexual attraction is 10/10, the same it was for my wife before we had sex the first time. 

Guess I just don't really know what the solution is, apart from the LS which potentially could solve the issue. The thought of my wife having sex with another man really turns me on and makes my sexual desire for her go pretty high up, thats the thought of it anyhow.

[bbarnsworth 2,545]

First, trying to find labels for it is a fruitless exercise What you are is what you are. I wouldn't use the term polyamorous to describe this. Maybe others would. But, does it matter? Labels feel...constraining.

 

I don't know that there's anything 'wrong' with you. It's not a question of 'needing' a therapist to work through this to a different 'normal'. Rather, talking with a therapist who is well trained in sex issues can give you some significant insight to better understand yourself. I highly recommend it!

 

The thought of your wife having sex with someone else pleasing you so much isn't unusual. It's a serious turn on for me as well. If you need a label for that, it's called "compersion". I tried for years to figure out why I like seeing my wife with another man so much. I gave up trying. I just love it. That's me. Sounds like it's you too.

[Aphroditee 323]

16 hours ago, NEWTOTHIS34 said:

Thanks, sounds the same as me I think, so for you after a few times of dating someone new and being intimate also a few times then you are seeking the next experience of the same thing? Thats exactly the same as me if thats the case. Would you say the correct word for this is polyamorous? This is how I am, I personally am starting to think that I do not need a therapist for this , nor does anyone who is like this, I think this is normal and human nature to be polyamorous and to seek to connect intimately with as many of our fellow human beings as we wish too who we feel attracted too. I am guessing though you still have sexual attraction to your husband to some degree though, maybe being able to be polyamorous in reality helps with your sexual attraction to your husband. For me my sexual attraction to my wife of 7 years is still there but on a scale of 10 I would say its 2, pretty low but if I see her naked I do feel some small sexual attraction, now for instance I meet someone even fully clothed who I find attactive my sexual attraction is 10/10, the same it was for my wife before we had sex the first time. 

As I said I enjoy new partners, generally when I sleep with a new sexual partner I am not trying to cultivate any type of a relationship.  So leaving it behind after a week or so is easy.  Now having said that I also am capable of falling in love and continued sexual attraction is highly desirable cause I love them and want to please them.  This is what Polyamory is, it's being in love with multiple people, not just sleeping with them.  I adore my husband and have frequent sex with him.  I am also very much in love with a coworker that I have been having regular sex with for 3 years now.  I also have a seperate relationship with a woman that I love deeply, we have been sexual for 8 months.  She is my goddess and I would do anything for her.  I do not think you are Poly, I'd say you are simply promiscuous.  I do not think there is anything wrong with being promiscuous, I am also promiscuous.  I've had more sexual partners than anyone I directly know.  Just be happy with yourself, spice up your sex life with your wife.  Make it naughty, fuck her in a public restroom or in an alley.  Have fun.  

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

6 hours ago, Aphroditee said:

As I said I enjoy new partners, generally when I sleep with a new sexual partner I am not trying to cultivate any type of a relationship.  So leaving it behind after a week or so is easy.  Now having said that I also am capable of falling in love and continued sexual attraction is highly desirable cause I love them and want to please them.  This is what Polyamory is, it's being in love with multiple people, not just sleeping with them.  I adore my husband and have frequent sex with him.  I am also very much in love with a coworker that I have been having regular sex with for 3 years now.  I also have a seperate relationship with a woman that I love deeply, we have been sexual for 8 months.  She is my goddess and I would do anything for her.  I do not think you are Poly, I'd say you are simply promiscuous.  I do not think there is anything wrong with being promiscuous, I am also promiscuous.  I've had more sexual partners than anyone I directly know.  Just be happy with yourself, spice up your sex life with your wife.  Make it naughty, fuck her in a public restroom or in an alley.  Have fun.  

Thanks, thats very helpful and adds alot of clarity, this is something I have had or been like forever, I am now early 40s and first time I have ever spoken about it.

Yes some things the same with you there. I don't know what it is, yes it could be just that I am promiscuous. Does not sound like I am Poly, just promiscuous. 

The way it happens with me is:

a) See or meet or know someone who I am attracted to, sometimes its just a few seconds or sometimes years. 

 

b) If I then happen to have sex with that person for the first time its like fireworks go off, its like the hottest most passionaite sex ever, the other person then tends to respond to my energy and passion and it normally becomes this way for them too. Its like I have been desiring sex all my life and then suddenly it's happening, its like being lost in the desert and so so thirsty and all of a sudden you are given a cold bottle of water. 

 

c) Then after this first time the next few are similar until up to about 12 times I no longer have that sexual desire anymore, even if I fall in love with that person and develop feelings, the sexual desire for the person will be gone. Like somethings even become kind of gross to me such as cunninglingus or my foot fetish, things which I loved to do at first. Sex with my wife is still enjoyable ofcourse, the feeling of being inside etc that feeling is always pleasant but would rather not bother to be honest. She is pretty asexual anyhow and doesn't care much about sex, so guess it actually works ok. But for me I do miss enjoying sex but that for me only happens the first few times and unless we are in the LS then guess it will just be a distant memory for me. Would love to try the LS with my wife and she has said she is open to it but under very very narrow stipulations. Such as it would have to be a couple we knew personally and none that we would meet online or at a swingers club. Well that makes it pretty much impossible then as we don't know many people and as swingers are in the minority and even if we knew people who were, how to bring that subject up would be tricky. 

I keep trying to think of a way I could meet another couple who were in the LS and get to know them and then introduce my wife to them. 

Maybe seeing my wife being intimate with someone else will reignite my sexual attraction to her some how in some strange part of my brain, it for sure does when I think about it. 

 

Anyhow, feel like I am getting closer to a better understanding and also ideas of how to move forward too with you wonderful people. 

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

Maybe I am Fraysexual (ignotasexual) ?