The crazy concept of letting other men sleep with your wife...

[itsmrcurious 24]

So we've been in this game for a while. Had a lot of fun without having a whole lot of success. We've discovered over time that Mrs. Curious feels more comfortable with just one other man for now, and I've realized that even when we've had other women in our bed, my focus has mostly been on my wife. I'm lucky - I still think she's the hottest lady in the room.

 

So after a couple of recent couple experiences, we've organized a proper night with a strapping lad with a great brain that my wife very much liked on first meeting. We're both excited to move forward with our adventure, but the pre-match has got me thinking - do I feel weird about my comfort levels inviting another man into our lives?

 

A few years ago, my wife confessed that she had submissive tendencies. It was the first time she had admitted it to anyone, mostly because it doesn't sit well with her deep feminist beliefs. How can a strong, self respecting, egalitarian woman want men to dominate her?  We've talked through it a lot and I have persuaded her to try and separate sex from normal life - that it is fantasy and has no bearing on the day to day.

 

So in a similar vein, there is a part of me that feels a bit of confusion about this one. I've thought through it a lot - it makes me feel great to see Mrs. C enjoying herself, I like the MFM dynamic, and I am hopeful that it will lead to her having more comfort allowing me to sleep with other women. She's OK with it in the moment, but she's not bi- and also struggles with imagining me with other women. Over time and via experiences, we are getting more comfortable all around.

 

But I'm not really into the cuckold or hotwife fantasies - I want to be involved and she wants me to be too - but when we watch porn, it's hard to find much MFM that doesn't include bits and pieces of both these fantasies.  At the edge of my comfort zone is this idea that we are looking for a bull (she would like to be dominated properly), but that makes me a little uncomfortable (challenges to my masculinity and all that).

 

Anyone else thought through this particular one?  Am I being too old school and indulging in a bit of and outdated and patriarchal paradigm?

[Olderhubby 1]

It wasn't something i would have ever considered seeing my wife doing especially when we first met, we met after leaving high school so we belonged to each other,

After a few years I saw some swinging porn and it got me very aroused until I become obsessed with it.

I use to whisper in her ear as she was building up to her orgasm " I wonder if it would feel sexy with a stranger inside you". At first she didn't reply but after a few months during this I heard her say "Yessss"

This was a green light to me and I knew it meant that her pussy was open to invitation so I got chatting to a man on a sight similar to this and we booked in at a local Holiday Inn Express and I watched them get together and I just sat in the chair while they were making love on the bed, at first I just sat there with a hard on and for the first time in my life I ejaculated inside my pants without even touching myself - that's how intensely sexy it was.

The most intense thing and also the most risky thing was that none of us talked about condoms and it was only as he was starting to ejaculate in her that I came again knowing that it was past the point and anything could have occurred after that.

I would like to watch her again at some point with another man.

[Numex 2,176]

4 hours ago, itsmrcurious said:

How can a strong, self respecting, egalitarian woman want men to dominate her? 

That can be easily explained: it's because it is what she wants.  Whatever it is that a woman wants, when she demands it, she is in control and the man doing it is playing the role is being dominated.

 

4 hours ago, itsmrcurious said:

But I'm not really into the cuckold or hotwife fantasies - I want to be involved and she wants me to be too - but when we watch porn, it's hard to find much MFM that doesn't include bits and pieces of both these fantasies.  At the edge of my comfort zone is this idea that we are looking for a bull (she would like to be dominated properly), but that makes me a little uncomfortable (challenges to my masculinity and all that).

Forget the porn themes, what you're doing is no challenge to your masculinity, it's your own decision.  Really, you've already answered your own question: 

4 hours ago, itsmrcurious said:

I've thought through it a lot - it makes me feel great to see Mrs. C enjoying herself

 

[EastInWest 1,508]

6 hours ago, itsmrcurious said:

A few years ago, my wife confessed that she had submissive tendencies. It was the first time she had admitted it to anyone, mostly because it doesn't sit well with her deep feminist beliefs. How can a strong, self respecting, egalitarian woman want men to dominate her?

It's not uncommon, arguably even typical, for women who are very assertive and independent in daily life to use sexual submission as a way to "take a break" and let someone else take care of them.

[Numex 2,176]

50 minutes ago, EastInWest said:

It's not uncommon, arguably even typical, for women who are very assertive and independent in daily life to use sexual submission

Such men as well. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Being in charge ALL of the time is extremely tiring. Sometimes its nice to just let someone else make the decisions and take charge of everything (after all, all she does during the day is make decisions that effects thousands of others and that IS a huge weight to carry). Ms. Gold is a strong woman that in the past ran HUGE departments, but when she is home, she defers the decision making to me. She will still make suggestions and tell me her preferences, but the final decision is always mine. It works for both of us and she isn't any 'less' because of it. Carrying a huge weight can become easier if someone helps by removing some of the load.

 

It sounds like you have an idea of what you want, but don't try to apply other terms to explain it. If you don't want to dominate her, start looking for someone who is willing to do the work. Don't use the term 'bull' and/or cuckold as neither are applicable. Find a Dom that she can trust and is willing to let you participate. Don't settle for less than what you both want...it might take some time and effort, but don't compromise or settle. What you are looking for is out there, you just need to start looking.

 

As for porn: it always seems to be changing. As soon as one thing becomes 'hot', EVERY PRODUCER seems to copy it and make a TON of the some thing until something else comes along and replaces it. Several years ago it was rough sex, then swinging, then cuckold, now incest (if I see one more video with the term 'step' in the title...uggg). It's just follow the leader, but sometime you can find what you are looking for and when you do, vote for it (i.e. buy it).

 

Quote

Am I being too old school and indulging in a bit of and outdated and patriarchal paradigm?

Absolutely not.

[itsmrcurious 24]

4 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Being in charge ALL of the time is extremely tiring. Sometimes its nice to just let someone else make the decisions and take charge of everything (after all, all she does during the day is make decisions that effects thousands of others and that IS a huge weight to carry). Ms. Gold is a strong woman that in the past ran HUGE departments, but when she is home, she defers the decision making to me. She will still make suggestions and tell me her preferences, but the final decision is always mine. It works for both of us and she isn't any 'less' because of it. Carrying a huge weight can become easier if someone helps by removing some of the load.

 

It sounds like you have an idea of what you want, but don't try to apply other terms to explain it. If you don't want to dominate her, start looking for someone who is willing to do the work. Don't use the term 'bull' and/or cuckold as neither are applicable. Find a Dom that she can trust and is willing to let you participate. Don't settle for less than what you both want...it might take some time and effort, but don't compromise or settle. What you are looking for is out there, you just need to start looking.

 

As for porn: it always seems to be changing. As soon as one thing becomes 'hot', EVERY PRODUCER seems to copy it and make a TON of the some thing until something else comes along and replaces it. Several years ago it was rough sex, then swinging, then cuckold, now incest (if I see one more video with the term 'step' in the title...uggg). It's just follow the leader, but sometime you can find what you are looking for and when you do, vote for it (i.e. buy it).

 

Absolutely not.

Thanks for the thought through and sensible post. I suppose I know all of this instinctively - The questions are just something that's popped up on my periphery in the last couple of days - the single man rather than the couple fantasy is just a slightly different dynamic.

 

We'll see how everything works out tomorrow night. Wish us luck!

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Luck and let us know how things go...

[itsmrcurious 24]

so she woke me up in the middle of last night for sex...... for the second time this week ?

 

that hasn't happened for years so potentially someone is excited

[couplers 4,143]

On 7/6/2021 at 1:09 AM, itsmrcurious said:

The crazy concept of letting other men sleep with your wife...

So why isn't it just as crazy a concept for me to let my husband sleep with other women?  Is it because a man, even a married one, having more than one female sexual partner - his wife - is considered "normal," while a married woman fucking around is breaking a taboo?  Why are there no examples (that I know of) of a woman having a haram of men, yet the sultan with his multiple wives is a cliché? 

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Since when did love = sex? Do you have to love someone in order to have sex with them? If you love someone, are you required to have sex with them? If a couple loves each other and doesn't have sex, does that mean they are fooling themselves about being in love? Now if having sex leads to having a child, that child is much better off if the parents are both committed and in love with each other, but that is a separate issue.

 

Sex and love are not the same thing and can exist totally separate of each other. It is only people who confuse the two and make it difficult.

[njbm 2,728]

A partner told us sex is a physical response like sneezing. Does everyone make ornate rules around sneezing?

[MidwestHoneys 336]

The best thing is seeing the one you love enjoying. 
When she finishes a book that was good, she enjoyed. 
Watching a movie when she laughs, cries or reacts then she enjoyed. 
Eating a meal and saying this is delicious she enjoyed. 
She enjoys shopping, getting dressed up

She enjoys dancing and listening to music. 
She enjoys sitting at a pool drinking

She enjoys all of this and I’m happy she enjoys. 
The biggest response of enjoyment is when she is fucking and she screams with joy. She may laugh or cry at movies, dancing, eating or any other activity yet screams with joy when getting fuck or having her pussy eaten. 
Why wouldn’t I be happy if she is happy and I get to fuck all those friends of hers. 

[MidwestHoneys 336]

BTW I think I realized all this from a post I read and agreed that sex is just a natural enjoyment. 
Reading stuff on here is eye opening. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

Everyone knows that a sneeze separates the soul from the body. To prevent the devil stealing the soul the incantation “bless you” is said to release the soul from Satan’s clutches and return it to its rightful owner. It's true, look it up on the internet!

 

[itsmrcurious 24]

On 7/8/2021 at 9:04 AM, couplers said:

So why isn't it just as crazy a concept for me to let my husband sleep with other women?  Is it because a man, even a married one, having more than one female sexual partner - his wife - is considered "normal," while a married woman fucking around is breaking a taboo?  Why are there no examples (that I know of) of a woman having a haram of men, yet the sultan with his multiple wives is a cliché? 

I'm certainly not suggesting that I should be allowed to fuck around while my wife isn't. In fact, we're doing the single man thing exactly because she doesn't feel completely comfortable to see me with another woman. I suppose that previously, it's mostly been with couples which felt like something I could get behind a little more easily. But I am trying to learn compersion - doing OK with it, at least when it's about sex ?

[itsmrcurious 24]

On 7/8/2021 at 1:25 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Luck and let us know how things go...

Well, it was pretty fantastic as it goes. Mrs. C had a whale of a time and explored lots of fantasies - said mostly she was comfortable because she could treat the other guy however she wanted without having to be careful about the feelings of his partner. We think now she must definitely be switch.

 

She really let loose and it might have been the first time I have seen her completely at ease with her own (somewhat ferocious :-)) sexuality.

 

He was a gentleman and (I think) couldn't believe his luck. I came 4 times (which is a record for me by a factor of 2), once in DP (again a first), and she is still horny 2 days later. Naughty flashbacks apparently!

 

I think in an ideal world (for me at least), we would find a great couple that we could be natural with, but this was an amazing and big step towards what I hope will be a great future.........

 

Thanks for all your kind comments! Until the next time

[HerSweetness 141]

Sounds as though a good time was had by all. Congratulations! 

[adamgunn 1,456]

On 7/7/2021 at 7:04 PM, couplers said:

Why are there no examples (that I know of) of a woman having a haram of men, yet the sultan with his multiple wives is a cliché? 

You make a great point. Of course, this all comes from the male dominated societies that have flourished in the past. Along with the ability to have as many sexual partners as a man likes (as long as they aren't other men,) other practices such as abuse of women, the inability of a woman to own property or inherit or vote were all signs of such societies. And so, the stories of women who had multiple lovers didn't make it into media (which until fairly recently was all printed.)

 

We are changing. We can debate why until we're blue in the face (and many have,) but it's true. In western society, women are more able to control their lives (including sexual patterns( than they ever have. Is it perfect, is the revolution over? Of course not, and it probably won't ever be. But I think we're on the way there.

[AndrewandAnn 359]

On 7/8/2021 at 7:39 PM, njbm said:

A partner told us sex is a physical response like sneezing. Does everyone make ornate rules around sneezing?

I get your point ?

 

But, turning it serious for a moment, the largest sexual organ is the brain.

 

Sure, when I was a teenage boy, thanks to the raging hormones of puberty, I woke up every day with a dick as hard as an abacus, and there is picture of Yours Truly in the Jacking Off Hall of Fame! But, that phase was fleeting.

 

As adults, sex is almost entirely a mental and emotional thing that eventually manifests as a physical response.

 

My point being as swingers we tend to oversimplify sex. It's not like sneezing or eating a bowl of cereal. Sex involves all kinds of emotional and intellectual stimulation. This is why the lines can get very blurry from time to time.

[AndrewandAnn 359]

22 hours ago, adamgunn said:

You make a great point. Of course, this all comes from the male dominated societies that have flourished in the past. Along with the abilitie to have as many sexual partners as a man likes (as long as they aren't other men,) other practices such as abuse of women, the inability of a woman to own property or inherit or vote were all signs of such societies. And so, the stories of women who had multiple lovers didn't make it into media (which until fairly recently was all printed.)

 

We are changing. We can debate why until we're blue in the face (and many have,) but it's true. In western society, women are more able to control their lives (including sexual patterns( than they ever have. Is it perfect, is the revolution over? Of course not, and it probably won't ever be. But I think we're on the way there.

 

On 7/7/2021 at 7:04 PM, couplers said:

Why are there no examples (that I know of) of a woman having a haram of men, yet the sultan with his multiple wives is a cliché? 

Actually, history is replete with stories of powerful women being "in charge" and sexually liberated, with some even weaponizing their sexuality and using it as a means to an end. Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Elizabeth I, to name just a few.

 

Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile, is probably the most infamous. By many accounts, she was an irresistibly beautiful, shrewd, and determined woman who successfully ruled one of the most powerful empires on the planet, inheriting the throne at the tender age of eighteen. To say she was sexually liberated is a gross understatement, as her exploits are legendary.

 

The Egyptian religion, and culture, of the time considered sex and procreation to be at the very center of both life on earth and in eternity. They built entire temples devoted to sex and procreation, some of which still stand to this day. The portico of the Temple of Seti, for instance, is supported by massive stone columns carved in the shape of erect penises. King Tut was mummified with an erect penis pointing upward, to the heavens. Erect penises and images of sex can be found in hieroglyphic carvings throughout the ancient kingdom.

 

Cleopatra used her sex to guile both commoners and other powerful rulers, including Rome's Julius Caesar, with whom she bore one illegitimate son, and Mark Antony, with whom she bore three somewhat legitimate sons. Her exploits didn't stop there. She participated in incest (as was the custom of the time), killed at least three of her siblings (also somewhat common at that time), was a legitimate polyglot (she was fluent in nine different languages), was a warrior empress who sailed aboard her naval fleet in battle, and grew to believe she was the literal embodiment of the goddess Isis. Other interesting factoids: Cleopatra was actually Macedonian Greek, not Egyptian, and she was the seventh regent to use the name Cleopatra.

 

And, of course, there is Catherine the Great, whose reported sexual appetite was so... ravenous... that mere men were not sufficient to satisfy her needs and legends of her penchant for having sex with creatures beyond the two-legged kind followed her both in life and after her death. Catherine, getting her *FREAK* on!

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by AndrewandAnn

[couplers 4,143]

On 7/10/2021 at 4:13 AM, itsmrcurious said:

we're doing the single man thing exactly because she doesn't feel completely comfortable to see me with another woman... But I am trying to learn compersion

It is great that you are being sensitive to your wife's feelings.

 

My comment wasn't directed at you, just the asymmetry.

 

Thinking about it, it is interesting that men having multiple female sexual partners seems to be the historic norm, but recently the trend is to MFM threesomes, cuckolds, and hotwives.

[adamgunn 1,456]

8 hours ago, AndrewandAnn said:

 

Actually, history is replete with stories of powerful women being "in charge" and sexually liberated, with some even weaponizing their sexuality and using it as a means to an end. Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Elizabeth I, to name just a few.

 

 

Yawn.  These are exceptions. And ALL of them were living in a male dominated society, which was my point . . .

 

And now that I come to think of it, the four examples are actual proof of how women were discriminated against.

 

Cleopatra was not a puppet ruler of Egypt, her title was imposed upon her by first Julius Caesar then Marc Anthony. (And when he was about to be deposed, she took her own life rather than be subjugated.)

 

Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off.

 

Both Catherine and Elizabeth were indeed effective rulers, but they came to power ONLY when there was a power vacuum, and the men couldn't agree on which of them was the better ruler, so they let the women in, thinking they could depose them. 

 

[AndrewandAnn 359]

18 hours ago, adamgunn said:

Yawn.  These are exceptions. And ALL of them were living in a male dominated society, which was my point . . .

 

And now that I come to think of it, the four examples are actual proof of how women were discriminated against.

 

Cleopatra was not a puppet ruler of Egypt, her title was imposed upon her by first Julius Caesar then Marc Anthony. (And when he was about to be deposed, she took her own life rather than be subjugated.)

 

Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off.

 

Both Catherine and Elizabeth were indeed effective rulers, but they came to power ONLY when there was a power vacuum, and the men couldn't agree on which of them was the better ruler, so they let the women in, thinking they could depose them. 

 

Lol, no need to get defensive, pal. Your entitled to your opinions. But, you're not entitled to rewrite history to suit your narrative.

 

Yes, of course, in the entire history of the world, for what are obvious reasons, men have largely occupied positions of power--that goes for the entirety of the planet, on every continent, and isn't limited to "western" society. We can largely thank simple biology and sexual morphism for that.

 

However, there are many examples of ancient cultures where women, not men, occupied the positions of authority and wielded the power. In ancient Europe, "the west", in both Celtic and Germanic cultures, women frequently occupied positions of both political power and high status. In fact, the fierce warrior Germanic tribe know as the Setis were a woman-dominated culture, referred to by the Romans as "the land of the women" or "quod femina domitaur". The north African Queendom of Kush, a rival to Egypt, was ruled entirely by women. And right here in the United States, the indigenous Hopi tribe is a matriarchically constructed culture.

 

My point is history has certainly produced women who rose to power and were "liberated", at least by the definitions of the times. Couplers seemed not to be aware of that fact.

 

Lastly, your understanding of Cleopatra's life needs more than a little tweaking. Cleopatra first ascended to the throne upon the death of her father, Ptolemy XII. Initially, Cleopatra was to co-rule with her younger brother, Ptolemy XIII, but she was having none of that, and out maneuvered him and had him removed. From then on, Cleopatra was embroiled in some of the most interesting and complex back-and-forth power grabs, power sharing, and militarily and cultural conflicts in recorded history. What she could not win by outright military force, she was able to "win" through her cunning and sexual guile, having bedded both Caesar and Mark Antony. Mark Antony was so smitten with her that he literally abandoned his position and family in Rome and essentially went full "native" Egyptian, for which he was widely mocked back in his home country. Bear in mind, she was barely out of puberty when she took the Egyptian throne, and these two seasoned Roman warriors and politicians were some of the most powerful figures on the planet.

 

In the end, rather than be taken back to Rome as a political prisoner, a fate her pride could not endure, she elected to commit suicide. And she convinced Mark Antony to do the same. 

 

If that isn't a powerful, liberated woman, I don't know what one is.

Edited July 12, 2021 by AndrewandAnn

[lcmim 1,009]

Hate to be a stickler but WTF?

"Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off."

 

[AndrewandAnn 359]

3 hours ago, lcmim said:

Hate to be a stickler but WTF?

"Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off."

 

Lol... I didn't even bother...

[adamgunn 1,456]

7 hours ago, lcmim said:

Hate to be a stickler but WTF?

"Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off."

 

Ooops, I momentarily got her confused with Anne Boleyn. My deepest apologies, and thank you for pointing out my error.

[Anon321 481]

On 7/6/2021 at 3:09 AM, itsmrcurious said:

So we've been in this game for a while. Had a lot of fun without having a whole lot of success. We've discovered over time that Mrs. Curious feels more comfortable with just one other man for now, and I've realized that even when we've had other women in our bed, my focus has mostly been on my wife. I'm lucky - I still think she's the hottest lady in the room.

 

So after a couple of recent couple experiences, we've organized a proper night with a strapping lad with a great brain that my wife very much liked on first meeting. We're both excited to move forward with our adventure, but the pre-match has got me thinking - do I feel weird about my comfort levels inviting another man into our lives?

 

A few years ago, my wife confessed that she had submissive tendencies. It was the first time she had admitted it to anyone, mostly because it doesn't sit well with her deep feminist beliefs. How can a strong, self respecting, egalitarian woman want men to dominate her?  We've talked through it a lot and I have persuaded her to try and separate sex from normal life - that it is fantasy and has no bearing on the day to day.

 

So in a similar vein, there is a part of me that feels a bit of confusion about this one. I've thought through it a lot - it makes me feel great to see Mrs. C enjoying herself, I like the MFM dynamic, and I am hopeful that it will lead to her having more comfort allowing me to sleep with other women. She's OK with it in the moment, but she's not bi- and also struggles with imagining me with other women. Over time and via experiences, we are getting more comfortable all around.

 

But I'm not really into the cuckold or hotwife fantasies - I want to be involved and she wants me to be too - but when we watch porn, it's hard to find much MFM that doesn't include bits and pieces of both these fantasies.  At the edge of my comfort zone is this idea that we are looking for a bull (she would like to be dominated properly), but that makes me a little uncomfortable (challenges to my masculinity and all that).

 

Anyone else thought through this particular one?  Am I being too old school and indulging in a bit of and outdated and patriarchal paradigm?

My GF has an extreme submissive sexual fetish as well.  It's interesting because I don't think it's that weird that she likes to be submissive to men during sex but I do think it's weird that she doesn't like to discuss it much.  It took me awhile and several sessions watching her get dominated by other men to truly understand just how incredibly submissive she actually is.  I think it's odd that she will open up to people about swinging, put herself on display publicly, fuck in front of people, etc but she doesn't like to tell people she is submissive in bed.  It is one of those puzzling things I just don't understand.

 

As far as your mindset is concerned that is really on you to figure out.  I wouldn't put much thought into the terms cuckold or bull.  They are just words.  I also think you have to get over the idea of your masculinity being challenged by a "bull."  Plenty of guys have dominated and fucked my GF a lot harder and rougher than I ever will but I don't see it as challenging my masculinity because I don't think being sexually dominant or rough makes someone more masculine.  I notice that sometimes in the heat of the action some guys will try to fuck rougher and harder and be more dominant than the other guy fucking my GF like it's almost some kind of a pissing contest.  But at the end of it all I don't think that makes one person more masculine than the other.  It's all a mindset.

[itsmrcurious 24]

1 hour ago, Anon321 said:

My GF has an extreme submissive sexual fetish as well.  It's interesting because I don't think it's that weird that she likes to be submissive to men during sex but I do think it's weird that she doesn't like to discuss it much.  It took me awhile and several sessions watching her get dominated by other men to truly understand just how incredibly submissive she actually is.  I think it's odd that she will open up to people about swinging, put herself on display publicly, fuck in front of people, etc but she doesn't like to tell people she is submissive in bed.  It is one of those puzzling things I just don't understand.

 

As far as your mindset is concerned that is really on you to figure out.  I wouldn't put much thought into the terms cuckold or bull.  They are just words.  I also think you have to get over the idea of your masculinity being challenged by a "bull."  Plenty of guys have dominated and fucked my GF a lot harder and rougher than I ever will but I don't see it as challenging my masculinity because I don't think being sexually dominant or rough makes someone more masculine.  I notice that sometimes in the heat of the action some guys will try to fuck rougher and harder and be more dominant than the other guy fucking my GF like it's almost some kind of a pissing contest.  But at the end of it all I don't think that makes one person more masculine than the other.  It's all a mindset.

I have discovered in our recent experience that my wife is most probably switch. She says she is submissive - and that might be the case in a purely physical power dynamic - but I saw lots of evidence to suggest that she is actually a bit of a dom with someone she doesn't feel is "keeping up". I'm enjoying the journey for sure.

 

As for confusing a bull with masculinity - mostly I have no issues there - I've been facing down toxic masculinity all my life (single sex boarding school LOL). I think it was just some peripheral concerns in the lead up to taking quite a big step in our relationship. As always, Mrs. C has passed with flying colors ? 

[lcmim 1,009]

2 hours ago, adamgunn said:

Ooops, I momentarily got her confused with Anne Boleyn. My deepest apologies, and thank you for pointing out my error.

It DID make me feel better about some of the things I have put out there.  

[Numex 2,176]

3 hours ago, Anon321 said:

My GF has an extreme submissive sexual fetish as well. 

My wife will sometimes plead to be submissive, but only to some women.  With men she is dominant and in control, but neutral with me.  When we've talked about it, she says it's all a game.  One she clearly loves playing. 

 

3 hours ago, Anon321 said:

I wouldn't put much thought into the terms cuckold or bull.  They are just words.

Or even beyond the words, even the acts:

 

3 hours ago, Anon321 said:

It's all a mindset.

As long as no one is getting hurt and it's all consensual, it is play.

 

2 hours ago, itsmrcurious said:

my wife is most probably switch. She says she is submissive - and that might be the case in a purely physical power dynamic - but I saw lots of evidence to suggest that she is actually a bit of a dom with someone she doesn't feel is "keeping up".

I've never heard that term before, but I know what you mean.  Daniela can be naked, on her back, her legs spread, getting pounded, but with a guy she is definitely in control, getting what she wants.  If it's not what she wants at the moment, she will change it.  Many times I've seen a guy getting ready to pump his load in her, and she'll pop him out and have him go down on her to keep things going a bit longer. 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Numex

[couplers 4,143]

On 7/12/2021 at 7:08 PM, Numex said:

Daniela can be naked, on her back, her legs spread, getting pounded, but with a guy she is definitely in control, getting what she wants.

The way I like to take control during doggy is back him up against something and be the one to control the speed, depth, frequency of the movement to exactly what I want.

[AndrewandAnn 359]

On 7/8/2021 at 11:05 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Since when did love = sex? Do you have to love someone in order to have sex with them? If you love someone, are you required to have sex with them? If a couple loves each other and doesn't have sex, does that mean they are fooling themselves about being in love? Now if having sex leads to having a child, that child is much better off if the parents are both committed and in love with each other, but that is a separate issue.

 

Sex and love are not the same thing and can exist totally separate of each other. It is only people who confuse the two and make it difficult.

Actually, you are on the right path. However, the scientific explanation is more complex:

 

When it comes to sex, the brain produces three emotional states: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. These are all related to specific chemicals (hormones) released before, during, and after sex.

 

In the last state, Attachment, two specific chemicals, oxytocin and vasopressin, are released in copious quantities. These two chemicals are what researchers often call the "love drugs". These two drugs interact with the brain in such a was as to produce feelings of emotional intimacy, bonding, and other social constructs. These two chemicals are also released, for instance, during childbirth and breast feeding.

 

So, yes, people equate "love" with sex because our brains are hardwired to do exactly that.

 

However, in open relationships, we are able to recognize and compartmentalize those Attachment feelings such that they are either ignored or minimized. But, they are undoubtedly present.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[couplers 4,143]

One extremely relevant consideration that is not mentioned in this thread and in many others is modern birth control.  Creating a child has such tremendous impact on personal lives - and for those in power, political lives - that it strongly influences behavior even as strong as our sex drive.  Yeah, from the guys' perspective historically he could always get a blowjob, cum inside her bum, or simply deny paternity (I'm looking at you TJ), but for a woman the child created is undeniable and the sexual alternatives listed are not satisfying compared to his dick in my pussy and an ejaculation.  With modern birth control, I could go out and fuck a guy that I desire anytime of the month and not worry about sex accomplishing its purpose of making a new human.

 

The rise of all those cuckold type desires is related to birth control as well.  Men get turned on by porn, especially if it is someone they "know" like a celebrity whose sex files are leaked, so watching one's own wife fucking another man is that in the extreme.  The biggest historic worry, that you would be left raising another man's child, is no longer a concern when she is using birth control.  For me, it was the other way around as well.  In the beginning when I became open to sharing hubby with friends and acquaintances, I had a firm understanding and evidence of their birth control regimen before even proposing that she get with my husband for some fun.  (One wasn't sexually active, wasn't on bc, but was very desirous of getting with hubby, so we went to PP together and she got an implant.)  Birth control made modern non-monogamy and all of its variations possible.

Edited August 3, 2021 by couplers