Average women

[HWick396 0]

Hey all. Long post. I’m a story-teller by nature, and I want to give the full picture. 
 

Husband and I are fairly new to the LS. It’s something I think I’ve always been interested in, and finally he was on board! It was so fun, and exciting and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love with him, or he with I. It’s a level of trust and intimacy I hadn’t expected. We started off with what fet right for us. He lives on the other side of the country, so I found him the hottest little thing and sent him a video camera for his birthday. So hot. For New Years, he set up a MMF for me with a friend of his, and that, too was amazing. I know, where is she going with this? So far, nothing about body issues here. 
 

Here is the problem. In all of this we began joining some communities online, visiting some clubs, and trying to make friends in the community. We didn’t actually KNOW any other swingers.
 

Holy hell.

 

The women are all amazingly fit, smooth, sexy, cosmetically done up and...wow. I mean, drool.

 

Me? I’m upper 30’s.  I’ve had a kid, my size 4’s have become size 10’s and my look can best be described as “you tried”. I work, have a family, go to the gym as much as I can squeeze in, and enjoy the indulgences in life in moderation. Lol I would consider myself average, and I didn’t think that was so bad pushing 40. I thought I was still doing pretty good. Like I said, this was all my idea. I didn’t doubt for a second I couldnt go out there and make friends. I could still get a drink sent across the bar from time to time. Old ma still had it. If nothing else, I enjoy talking to people and making friends. It’s never been a problem. 
 

Enter, the LS. First, joined SDC. Eh, it was ok. Some guy that looks like Santa Claus wanted to play. A bunch of single men, of course. They’re like vultures surrounding a carcass. And I’m not hating on that. I don’t know what I would do with that much of a sexual drive overload either, But no. That’s not really of interest. Anyone can go out and pick up a random one night stand with some overcrazed sex addict. Two couples spoke a few times and then disappeared once they received more photos of myself. I’m like eh, not too bad. I learned a lot more from browsing those profiles and never liked online “dating” anyway. 
 

So, I figure we will do a club. Maybe my body isn’t 20 anymore, but I can score personality points face to face, and I found THE sexiest dress that shows off these curves I love so much. The hips and booty were my favorite part of carrying these extra life pounds. I’m really feeling myself in that dress. I’m ready to go out and meet people, real couples, make friends and learn more. I don’t know why I thought the club would be like a nude beach, and everyone was going to be just like you but damn, it was worse. Lol These sexy women were all now walking and talking and floating around freely in their flawless ness having the time of their lives. I don’t mention the men because eh, most of them are average. Some unattractive, some definitely go to the gym. They’re an assortment. I’m attracted to both men and women, but let’s face it. We as women judge ourselves based on the other women. It gives you an idea of what the men are after. Still, I’m not discouraged. I’d heard how welcome and open people were in the lifestyle and I wasn’t necessarily just out to get laid. I definitely wasn’t against it. I too would like the opportunity to scale Mount Barbie and I’m thinking my ass in this dress doesn’t hurt my chances. I mean, it’s fun. The husband and I dance, and then sit down to have a glass of wine. The couple next to us is talking. She’s a teacher, I’m a teacher. There’s my chance to begin a conversation. I don’t remember exactly what I said. Something to the effect of “Me too! What do you teach?” And the husband takes a look at me, says “No thank you” and they both walked away. I’m sitting there thinking thank you to what? That was strange. We finish our glass of wine and explore the club a bit. We debated playing with each other some but neither of us were really feeling it. We left, a little disheartened but willing to try again. 
 

Next, Kasadie. Which was cool for travel. We had gone to Seattle, and actually had a few couples talk this time. Again- super hot. We made plans during the day with two different couples to meet and do normal things like hike and one couple wanted to go roller skating. Super fun! Same thing again. After seeing photos, they ghosted. So far every single interaction I’ve had online has ended in one way or another after seeing photos of me. And I’m not misrepresenting myself. You can tell from my photos I’m curvy, and not a fitness model. I don’t think there’s any indication you’re getting perfection from any of this. Lol I guess it’s just different to see the stretch marks and cellulite that come from living my fullest life in this skin suit. 
 

We try out two more clubs with the same success rate of zero. We are from the Midwest, so on our last trip back home we go to a club there, and same thing. Super attractive women. Average men. One couple that wasn’t conventionally attractive. They did approach us, and we have remained friends. There was no sexual chemistry there for them, and I respect that and appreciate the honesty. 
 

I’ve managed to set a few things up for my husband, and I do like doing that. He was so uptight, and never really got to enjoy his life. He’s worked hard to build an amazing life, and it’s awesome to see him let go and “let his hair down”. To finally relax.  He’s beginning to feel guilty though because we don’t get to do anything together, and he sees what putting myself out there and getting rejected is doing to me. I’m not going to lie. I went into this curious, excited, and happy. People say “there’s got to be more to life than this” and I’d found the more. Vacations, cruises, parties, dancing, feeling alive again. This was the more. This is doing more than going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and going to bed on repeat every day. It was more than having the most exciting part of your very short vacation from all that being what you had for dinner in a new city. It was something to enjoy together. 
 

But it wasn’t that. It isn’t that. Something I was so happy for, and so excited for has absolutely shaken me to the core. It’s killed any self-esteem I might have had, and dulled the spark that was left. I’ve never cried more, or felt worse about myself in all of my time on this earth. I’ve never felt so bad about myself, or been judged so harshly. I honestly don’t know if I can or will ever get over this. I barely leave the house anymore because I don’t want my husband to have to be seen with me. I’ve been living in sweatpants and my sex drive is non-existent now. I can’t even enjoy masturbation anymore after dipping my toes into these waters.  I honestly didn’t realize I was THAT bad. I’ve lived an entire life thinking I was at the least, doable. 
 

I guess I just need to know if it’s always going to be this way. Are there average people out there, or do I not stand a chance without cosmetic surgery? I get that it’s sex, and everyone wants to have the hottest thing, but where do I go to find someone that will take one for the team, so to speak, so this isn’t ruined for him? Or to even find someone that’s willing to take the time to get to know you before writing you off because you’ve got a few cosmetic flaws? I’ll include a pic so you can give any recommendations based on what you have to work with. Just keep in mind once the clothes come off there are stretchmarks on the tummy and the legs aren’t smooth. I feel like that’s got to be a disclosed from now on. 

[lovefest04 685]

Hi Love,

 

I'm sorry your experiences have been so difficult. I think what you have described is not unusual but certainly not representative of 80% of those in the lifestyle. What are the odds that you have three bad experiences with multiple interactions? I don't know but that's the lifestyle. There is good, a lot of it, and bad.

 

There are all kinds here in the lifestyle and from what I can see, you are very 'doable'. For me it's all about personality. A big genuine smile, flirtatiousness, an all around approachable person.

 

There isn't a 'sexed up' man in America that can't look past stretch marks (hell,most of our wives have them). Oh and thank you for your understanding about us. In my late 50's and still have 'sexual overdrive'. Not so much a vulture over a carcass, more like a puppy with a new toy. Loveable, cute and brainless. Be very careful, if you actually take your jeans off, I'm likely to pee on the rug.

 

Please don't continue down the path of beating yourself up. It only leads to a very dark of unhappy place. You are sexy. You are attractive. You are you.

 

Frankly, I don't think that's the issue here. Try to focus on what else it might be. Don't just assume it's your appearance, because, again, it's not that.

 

Yes, men are average. And yet you sexy ladies keep coming back for more. Thank god!

 

[christnthms 325]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I can only speak from personal experience, but the one full body shot you posted seems above average in fitness. 

I'm almost 50, and I'll admit that in my 20s I was pretty shallow about appearances. In those intervening decades though, I've had enough experiences that I've learned that attraction is a lot more complex than just appearance. Some of the most powerful lust I've ever felt was for a woman who's outward appearance was fairly plain. Some of the best lovers I've ever had were decidedly chubby. I'm no Adonis either, and like to think I know how to turn a lady on and leave her satisfied.  

 

I don't suppose a couple strangers on the internet are going to completely rebuild your self confidence. I sure hope it helps a little, though. Confidence, even when it has to be faked, can be one of the most attractive features. 

[tbone1 77]

I'm glad you have found this site.  There is a lot of info here and a bunch of honest and wonderful people.  I also am sad that you have had the experiences you mention, but don't be afraid to try again.  You are not only beautiful on the outside, but I suspect beautiful on the inside, too.  We have met some awesome folks in the lifestyle, whether or not we have played with them.  Here is the best advice I can give you.  Go to the hedonism.com website, look at the groups that are going during various weeks, and check out their websites to see what group interests you.  (age group, more nudists, more swingers, bi-girls, etc)  Once you have found a group and dates that work for you, contact them and make reservations to go to Hedo for a week.  You will meet people from all over, from all walks of life, all ages, all sizes, but so many great people.  It will be the best time of your life and you will cry when it is time to leave.  Most in the lifestyle care much more about what you are like as a person than what you look like.  One of my best nights ever in the lifestyle was with a lady who was 70 years old, and she was so nice and so excited to get fucked, which was fun and hot!  Good luck!

[Billygoat 405]

This is a very common conversation in the lifestyle.  Especially with those that are new to it

 

most everyone has a question of doubt about themselves at some point...Brest size, shape nipple size, penis size, shape, body image.....the list is endless.

 

And all who stay in the LS all discover the same thing eventually.....it doesn’t matter.  There are those who are interested and those who are not.  Like donuts and Icecream there are so many flavors, shapes and combinations.

 

commercial clubs are just that commercial businesses.  We have always participated in home parties and private groups.  
 

Do we play or have we played with everyone there....no.  And for no particular reason.

 

everyone has likes and dislikes.  
 

we learned that attending parties with expectations, anticipation.....can and often leads to disappointment.   Attending and meeting people at parties or directly is best as the social event it is intended for....and let things unfold naturally.....and do not judge or compare yourself to anyone.....is much more relaxing and often produces a surprise or two which is just lovely.

 

 

[tkntd 59]

There’s nothing at all wrong with you, friend. One problem we’ve noticed since we began getting involved in this kind of thing is there’s no lack of superficial/egotistical/narcissistic jerks involved in “the lifestyle.” Personally, I prefer real in every sense of the word. An ugly mind and soul will ruin anything, no matter how pretty it is on the outside. I’ve got no use for fake anything, and that includes lips, boobs, butts, not to mention attitudes. Take your time. It took us 3-4 years to find our first actual experience, and even then it was with good friends. Be yourself and be patient. Above all, just be yourself.

[njbm 2,728]

I have had weight problems my entire life, as has my entire nuclear family and three out of four of my grandparents. When we started in the lifestyle, I was at a heavy point and I was consigned to eating coffee cake in the living room at house parties. For my own health and longevity, not the lifestyle, I lost around 50 pounds. I did much better with breathing, moving, clothes, A1C numbers and the lifestyle. Unfortunately, attractiveness is a top issue for this hobby. 

 

However, that said,  I have played with women who are average in looks and overweight and, due to the fact that they are nice people with spirited personalities, I have enjoyed myself thoroughly. I realize while I think that I am pleasant looking, I am no Adonis. You guys need to match up with people on line that are in your perfectly desirable league and pursue them. House parties can work, too. 

 

I have been the subject of cruel rejections (my husband would do your wife, but...). Once you match up with kindred spirits, you will forget the glitterati.

[Hoseman 26]

From that picture you look hot 

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

We would be more than happy to spend some time getting to know you two better. Some people still think that beauty is only on the outside, but in reality, it is something that comes from within. Don't get discouraged, you didn't meet your husband on your first ever date...it took years of meeting people before you found 'the one'. It may take some time (and probably will) before you find 'the couple' where all four of you 'connect'. Keep going and feel free to drop by our house sometime.