Do you care who knows you swing?

[Newandnaughty 3]

Reading the thread about SLS changing around some things on their site has me wondering. A lot of the people seem to think, as well as my wife and I, that they’re trying to push us to more rely on the app. I’ve seen quite a few comments where people say they won’t download the app because they don’t want the SLS icon visible on their phone. This leads to my question. Aside from maybe your parents or your children, do you really give a shit who knows or assumes you’re a swinger? We have friends that know, friends that are suspicious, coworkers that know and plenty of friends, family and coworkers that have no clue. We honestly couldn’t care less who knows, or what they think of us because of it.

[padoc 1,696]

We are not particularly concerned about who knows. Our oldest daughter suspects. Both sets of parents are dead. Mrs Doc's sister can never know, a more judgmental woman has never walked the earth and yet they look very much alike (what a shame!! A fantasy that will NEVER happen)… Most of our friends are swingers, a lot of our vanilla friends either know or suspect. Due to our fabric free pool and the fact that voices carry well over the lake water that backs up to the pool, some of our neighbors can't help but know. Our only major concern is our employers. We live on the Gulf coast, a very religious area compared to the more cosmopolitan MIA/FLL. So we try to be very careful talking about our weekends to colleagues and around bosses. Most people can think what they will of us but we believe that we've really broken the code to a successful marriage and a fun life.

[shy_couple 448]

Absolutely want to stay closeted. Both of us are in leadership roles in our respective organizations. One in an organization built around religious structures me and principles.

 

Not to mention her family of Italian Catholics who are devout.

 

If people near us don’t get that we enjoy sex then they are blind or in denial but still don’t feel that it’s anyones business what we do in our bedroom, either with eachother or with other consenting adults.

[Newandnaughty 3]

biloxi, still trying to figure out if you’re nudist swungers, Napoleon or both.

[adamgunn 1,456]

We're with Shy_Couple. We also do not want our vanilla friends to know, we would lose many of them, it would be very uncomfortable.

[Newandnaughty 3]

We're with Shy_Couple. We also do not want our vanilla friends to know, we would lose many of them, it would be very uncomfortable.

 

That’s kind of exactly the point I was thinking about when I asked the question. Family, religion, employment I completely understand. However, losing friends? I don’t mess around sexually with men, actually grossed out by the thought, but I have gay friends. If people don’t want to hang out, have beers, watch a game, celebrate holidays, etc. because they don’t believe in what you do after you part ways for the evening, are they really your friends?

[T&Mtill70 139]

So afraid of being judged. My wife doesn’t even like to take a Uber/Lyft to the clubs we visit. But it’s strange that we ( her more then us) get approached about swinging just hanging out in local bar/clubs. We never take them up on it but it’s like we give off an certain vibe lol

[Numex 2,176]

It's not swinging per se that isn't to be known, it's any aspect of one's (or a couple's) sex practices generally. Even the most monogamous, sexually moral couple doesn't want it know that she bounces on him like a trampoline, or they do doggy in the living room. The normal social convention is that one discusses sex with those who you and your spouse are having sex with. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

[ViSexual 1,006]

I guess we're never too old to learn a new term. What's a Napoleon?

[adamgunn 1,456]

ViSexual. Sigh . . . In the fairly recent past there was a poster here with the handle, 'Napoleon.' He seemed to specialize in making comments to threads that many of us thought were inappropriate. Happily, he is no longer with us.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Never really cared who knew, our kids have known since high school. Many of our employees know (and no we don't play with employees). The key has always been that we also don't rub it in anyones face. Our kids now grown always said that their parents were don't ask unless you want to know because if asked their parents would tell and that might just be TMI.

[Shore2Please 535]

Yes Yes Yes. I do care. We live a somewhat conservative life. That we even decided to go to a nude beach it was only because we were in a Caribbean Island far from home with no chance of seeing anyone we know. The couple we swapped with lived a couple hundred miles from us. Complete strangers and no connection in life for anyone to connect the dots.

I don’t know what a swinger type is, I think if we met us in a normal setting I would never think we were swingers.

[Anon321 481]

We used to care. We tried to keep it a secret but my GF ended up fucking on of the guys that her brother was actually really close friends with and graduated with. So the secret didn't last very long. It doesn't really bother us anymore. I think we kept it a secret before because we found it kind of hot. It's definitely no longer a "secret" however we don't go around voluntarily sharing it with everyone. We still have friends who don't know.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

It's a secret. Two close friends of the family know, and nobody else. Our kids do not know, even the adult one. Our employers aren't likely to do anything in reaction if they did know. Our thoughts are that its information they don't need to have. It's kinda like ...why would our employers need/want to know how many times a week my wife and I have sex? It's non-pertinent information. Our sex lives are our own. Well, mostly

[Numex 2,176]

.., Napoleon is no longer with us.

I understand he is on a march to Moscow. He neglected to consider that winter is coming.

[Anon321 481]

It's a secret. Two close friends of the family know, and nobody else. Our kids do not know, even the adult one. Our employers aren't likely to do anything in reaction if they did know. Our thoughts are that its information they don't need to have. It's kinda like ...why would our employers need/want to know how many times a week my wife and I have sex? It's non-pertinent information. Our sex lives are our own. Well, mostly

 

Our employers are in on it lol

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

I used to have the old SLS app on my phone and really liked it...then they killed it. Only recently did I learn that they had another app but from the reviews I have heard and the features that may/may not work like the website has kept me just using the website on my phone. As for people 'seeing' the icon...if they know what SLS is, then they are either hiding themselves or are wishing they could participate but don't feel they can. I keep my phone locked so 'seeing' it wouldn't be an issue and in the past didn't keep it on my home screen.

 

As for having others know, sometimes I WISH I could tell the world since it really is a cool thing that I know I lucky to be able to do with my SO. At the same time, some of us have 'moral clauses' in our employment contracts and/or do jobs that would be frowned upon by some (ignorant, naive, bigoted) people.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

I used to have the old SLS app on my phone and really liked it...then they killed it. Only recently did I learn that they had another app … (ignorant, naive, bigoted) people.

Well, that clears it up for me. Swingersboard members have referred to the SLS app and I was thinking, been there, done that, won't do it again. But if this app is not the old app, I might give it a try.

[PSULioness 754]

I do care and I don’t care.

I don’t want family to know.

I don’t want coworkers to know.

I don’t want neighbors to know even though I have friends stay when my husband is away. The most likely think I cheat on my husband. Oh well.

I try to keep it a secret close to where I live.

On the other hand my college friends know and I know they swing too. And that’s the fun of it, playing up at my alma mater. We Are...

[oc1234 430]

We don't advertise it but a number of people know through our association with our best friends and that doesn't bother us. I'm sure our boys have known for years and our best friends' son and daughter have also known for years. Our kids grew up with their kids and the kids were sometimes sleeping upstairs when we played. My wife and I have been nudists since 1973 and we have been open about it. My wife and I have both modeled for nude figure drawing and photography classes. I have also posted fine art nude pictures of us on fine art websites.

[Guest]

We are in total agreement of not wanting the parents or children to know, beyond that, it’s like anything else, the longer you do it, the more likely people will hear about it. We have the advantage of living in a major city and that provides a good deal of anonymity. But, we .tend to go to the same few bars on the weekend, one in particular that had live music and dance and got to know the others that frequented it. One year, we went on a nude cruise out of Florida and spent two nights at Fantasy Feast along the way. To our surprise one of the other members of that informal group of dancers, a older mature male, was also on the cruise. So, with that, we faced the fact that members of the group would know and at least a few would probably even see some photos of us nude on the ship or elsewhere. The good news I guess is that we did the necessary rationalization and decided what the heck, it doesn’t matter who knows. We also found some of the single males in that larger group to be more friendly and moved from a strangers only situation to enjoying friends more.

[findinganswers 356]

I always felt who cares who knows which isn’t the way I feel deep down inside. I don’t want family to know and never thought people I work with would know.

I was warned not to play with friends, the warning was more about screwing up our friendship. If you are fucking friends, they already know.

I am good at not being flustered at my job, then one day someone I know from the industry asked if I knew these people. I told him that the wife is my wife’s best friend. He said that our friends were swingers. I must have turned green and said getaway, no way. He called me out and said he knows for a fact I was tapping that piece of ass. I denied it and he kept pushing. He then gave me the names of others who play, and then I knew that he knew. He wouldn’t tell me how he knows all this.

I kept denying and he started all the questions. I didn’t answer any of it.

When he started asking about my wife it was then I realized I may have made a big mistake. It became uncomfortable when he kept saying how hot he thinks she is.

I shut the talk down which I should have done from the start.

I don’t work directly with him and don’t see him that often even if he knows many of the same people I know because we are in the same business

[oc1234 430]

We have never had people from work ask about our private life. Even when our pictures and names were on the front page of a small local newspaper in a story about a local naturist (nude) party we attended, no one asked me about it, although I did hear that our secretary carried around the newspaper and showed it to her friends at work. I worked for the Navy and had a security clearance.

[njbm 2,728]

We would rather have our naturist and lifestyle activities remain private. I don’t think most vanilla people understand these pursuits. We would not like to be the subject of animosity, derision or suspicion from vanilla friends and relatives.

[enhancer 1,542]

First of all it is really no one’s business what we choose to do with our sex life or how we choose to live in our relationship!

 

We don’t tell people we know what we do and don’t advertise it openly to everyone, but if they happen to find out so be it. We don’t really care about being judged for how we live our lives. As long as we are not hurting anyone else we will do what we want when we want, because we can. That goes for everything in our lives not just swinging. We are not ashamed of who we are and have no reason to be.

 

If someone wants to try and tell us what we are doing is morally wrong and judge us we will tell them it is none of their business, it has no effect on their life and they can go fuck themselves if it bothers them. Don’t really care who they are.

 

We don’t believe in religion, but you won’t see us telling people they are wrong if they believe in it and the restrains that’s come with it. We have zero tolerance for people that can not accept people for who they are and believe that their way is the only way and have no want to associate with them at all.

[Newandnaughty 3]

First of all it is really no one’s business what we choose to do with our sex life or how we choose to live in our relationship!

 

We don’t tell people we know what we do and don’t advertise it openly to everyone, but if they happen to find out so be it. We don’t really care about being judged for how we live our lives. As long as we are not hurting anyone else we will do what we want when we want, because we can. That goes for everything in our lives not just swinging. We are not ashamed of who we are and have no reason to be.

 

If someone wants to try and tell us what we are doing is morally wrong and judge us we will tell them it is none of their business, it has no effect on their life and they can go fuck themselves if it bothers them. Don’t really care who they are.

 

We don’t believe in religion, but you won’t see us telling people they are wrong if they believe in it and the restrains that’s come with it. We have zero tolerance for people that can not accept people for who they are and believe that their way is the only way and have no want to associate with them at all.

 

This ??????

 

Same with us for the most part. We don’t advertise, however, we’re not going out of our way to hide it. We are who we are, don’t like it then adios amigo.

[oc1234 430]

I find it very sad that the general public accepts couples where one of the spouses have secret affairs but get all bent out of shape with couplee who decide to live a non-monogamous lifestyle where no one is hurt.

[couplers 4,145]

... I don’t want neighbors to know even though I have friends stay when my husband is away. The most likely think I cheat on my husband. ..

Early on for us, when it was just my boyfriend Red, my husband David and me Petra, this took care of itself. The neighbors would glance the three of us together, then as normal life happened, hubby would go somewhere for whatever reason leaving Red and me. Or Red and I would go in the car, with David waving bye. There was nothing ever overt, but anyone nosy would get the picture.

[findinganswers 356]

Early on for us, when it was just my boyfriend Red, my husband David and me Petra, this took care of itself. The neighbors would glance the three of us together, then as normal life happened, hubby would go somewhere for whatever reason leaving Red and me. Or Red and I would go in the car, with David waving bye. There was nothing ever overt, but anyone nosy would get the picture.

 

There is nothing strange about having people sharing a place with mixed sexes. I know plenty of people who share expenses and all of it is innocent. It’s different when a third person who doesn’t live there but stays over when the husband is away b

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

I find it very sad that the general public accepts TV shows movies and video games that mow down people in a hailstorm of bullets and a shower of blood and call it entertainment, but showing a nipple or bare butt is pornographic. Society has finally gotten to where it (for the most part) accepts all kinds of pairings be it hetero, homo, bi, trans, etc... but a couple inviting another couple or single to have sex, in spite of it being one of (if not the largest) sexual fantasy out there, is still shameful and unacceptable. Its time will come, it has to...it just isn't going to be today.

[Bluespruce1 701]

We simply gave up worrying about it. We don’t openly advertise but if someone finds out, they are either involved or it’s just a coincidence. We do take to a few select friends about our nude beach experiences and a very small few that we are actual swingers. We have both seen our pictures show up in other sites that show our fave. We got smart quickly back in our AFF and SLS days nit to trust anyone and there are a few pricks live get off on taking pics at the beach. Life is too short to worry about it so as long as we continue to have great experiences, it’s going to take more than some shocked friends or family members to stop us in our tracks. We both ran out of fucks a long time go and have no more

to give.

[kittyswinger 254]

Closeted for the kids. Good thing bf lives in a nearby but different city.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

I find it very sad that the general public accepts couples where one of the spouses have secret affairs but get all bent out of shape with couplee who decide to live a non-monogamous lifestyle where no one is hurt.

 

I find it sad too. I recall reading something about this. I don't remember the specifics, but far more people get upset with the idea of couples having an open marriage than people who are upset with the idea of someone cheating (other couples, I mean).

 

Anecdotally, I have firsthand evidence of this. An old girlfriend ("Stacy") of mine and I are very close. My wife's always known about her, and there's never been an issue nor would there be. My wife knows I would never cheat, and Stacy would never try anything and hasn't. My wife and I are not averse to emotions developing with longer term play partners, which led eventually to the discussion of possibly renewing the sexual aspect of my relationship with Stacy. My wife was very comfortable with this, so long as there was never any sort of exclusion in the sense that if I were making love with Stacy, and my wife was around, she shouldn't ever feel like she can't walk in on us if she wasn't already playing with us.

 

Now, Stacy had been seeing a man ("Jerry") for quite some time, but it was a FWB situation; they weren't really dating. There was no real relationship that I was aware of, other than just friends who happened to have sex from time to time. What I didn't know know was that Jerry was cheating on his wife to be with Stacy from time to time. I was astonished to learn this from Stacy, but didn't say anything negative; it wasn't my place to judge. She's an adult and can make her own decisions, and doesn't need my approval or disapproval. If she wanted my opinion, she'd ask for it, and she hasn't. The same day she told me this, I told her that my wife and I are non-monogamous, and that she was very comfortable with the idea of renewing a sexual relationship with her. She rejected me out of hand, and said she couldn't accept that...and was even a bit angry with my wife for allowing it. I was and remain boggled to this day. I can't wrap my head around the idea that she would be willing to have sex with Jerry, a married man playing without permission, but unwilling to have sex with me who is playing with permission. It fails any sense of logic. Ok, sure it's complicated that we had had a relationship in the past, I get that. Still.

 

Stacy and I remain very good friends, but we never talk about Jerry or talk about my wife and I being non-monogamous. New rules. C'est la vie.

[EastInWest 1,508]

Personally, we're comfortable enough in our skin at this point that if people could be trusted to behave decently, we wouldn't care. However, too many people are demented gossips or have poor boundaries, so we're not letting that fact out locally and make an effort to keep it deniable.

 

I was and remain boggled to this day. I can't wrap my head around the idea that she would be willing to have sex with Jerry, a married man playing without permission, but unwilling to have sex with me who is playing with permission. It fails any sense of logic. Ok, sure it's complicated that we had had a relationship in the past, I get that. Still.

 

The baggage about the taboo of promiscuity is complicated enough that a lot of people rationalize cheating as morally superior to honesty.

 

"We were doing something that was wrong whether or not we were honest about it, so at least we had the decency to try to cover it up."

[Numex 2,176]

... The baggage about the taboo of promiscuity is complicated enough that a lot of people rationalize cheating as morally superior to honesty. .

For women especially, the number of sex partners is somehow more of an issue than the amount of sex she's having. A woman who has had twenty different sex partners over twenty years, 17 to 37, is considered more experienced than a woman who has only one partner during the same time. And it doesn't matter if the first woman had bland sex occasionally, while the second was fucking twice a day every which way.

[jbcoke8 18]

Great line "ran out of fucks a long time ago and have no more to give". If you don't mind, I'd like to borrow that phrase in my personal interactions on certain occasions (I can think of many) for the long-term future.

[JessicaJamison 842]

Nope I do not, I'm sure there are a couple exceptions, but I've always treaded on the wild side anyone I might let down was let down a long time ago.  

[Swingermarriage 3]

We have people close to us that knows

[Bostonguitarist 24]

Nope 

[SAMnTINA 362]

We told our kids log ago when they were teens, so no we don't really care who knows but not caring does not mean not being discrete. For us it has always been ask and we will tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Not all of our kids or friends want details so as our kids use to say don't ask because they will tell and that just might be TMI.  Fast forward and all our kids are now grown with spouses of their own and kids and they and their spouse tell us we are the normal parents, who would of thought. 

[Billygoat 407]

We practice hiding in plain site.

 

Are there those who suspect or think they know?  Sure.  They do not ask.  Some know but no details or questions.  
 

The few times over the decades of activity and photos that some one asked (we did not know them directly) that would ask “Are you swingers?” We would respond with, “well we have taken a few classes but never danced in competition”.   They would look puzzled, embarrassed thinking they got it wrong or shouldn’t have asked.  Conversation would change direction.