Party foul?

[Opswingcpl 18]

So we go to a party at some friends' house. They haven't been active in the lifestyle for a few years. So we were just expecting a vanilla party. We get there and there is alot of activity, which is fine. But not what we were expecting. My wife gets in the pool and is talking with some friends when one of the guys at the party, who was going from woman to woman and groping and kissing decides he's going to swim up and grab my wife's tits. I had never met the guy and he didn't know us either. I quickly stepped in and told him to keep his hands to himself. I was accused of being in a "bad mood". My question is how am I wrong here? This guy showed a total lack of respect and etiquette for both us and the lifestyle by assuming he can just do what he wants with every woman in the pool. I pulled him aside and explained it all to him, but he was still a dick the rest of the night. Anyone experience anything similar? How did you handle it?

[NC_Seniors 492]

Never experienced such a thing, but he should consider himself lucky that ALL you did was pull him aside and explain it to him!

[adamgunn 1,456]

Who accused you of being in a bad mood? If it was only the guy (and/or his partner,) ignore them.

 

If it was others, well, perhaps you should think about it. But what the guy did is just plain wrong and the hosts should have kicked him out of the party. I'd think twice about going to another one of their parties.

[machiavel55 80]

So we go to a party at some friends' house. They haven't been active in the lifestyle for a few years. So we were just expecting a vanilla party. We get there and there is alot of activity, which is fine. But not what we were expecting. My wife gets in the pool and is talking with some friends when one of the guys at the party, who was going from woman to woman and groping and kissing decides hevis going to swim up and grab my wife's tits. I had never met the guy and he didn't know us either. I quickly stepped in and told him to keep his hands to himself. I was accused of being in a "bad mood". My question is how am I wrong here? This guy showed a total lack of respect and etiquette for both us and the lifestyle by assuming he can just do what he wants with every woman in the pool. I pulled him aside and explained it all to him, but he was still a dick the rest of the night. Anyone experience anything similar? How did you handle it?

 

how did your wife react to his groping?

[padoc 1,696]

As you described, the guy swam up and groped your wife, apparently without her invitation or permission, in a situation where you expected a vanilla evening. This after he copped feels on other women. The guy was an asshole and your reaction was protective and appropriate. Good for you!

[Opswingcpl 18]

She was as shocked as I was. It was totally unexpected and not welcomed. We weren't expecting this to be a swinging event going in. Like I said before. The invitation was for just a party and the couple hosting had been out of the lifestyle for a few years. Every other party we have attended at their home has been a vanilla event. We were not opposed to the party being a swinging event but we would like to be familiar with the folks we are getting personal with. Don't just assume you can come up and grab my wife if I don't know you. There is a level of respect that I expect out of other males at swinging events. This guy was a newbie and thought every female was fair game for him.

[Fitlakecouple 450]

A guy did the same thing to a few women at the Desire pool last spring. The women and their husbands were not pleased. He and his wife were pretty much ostracized for the rest of the week. Most people felt bad for the wife. Hopefully, he learned his lesson.

[Guest]

We had a similar experience at Desires. Guys kind of cornered him and security came in. Come to find out, he wasn’t a registered guest, was staying down the coast and had just slipped in.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

More than a party foul, a party technical foul with an ejection from the game. One should ALWAYS ask permission to touch another person. He's lucky that his nose is still in one piece and he wasn't walking 'funny' for what he did.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

Agree with all the others, WAY out of line. I blame the hosts too in a way since the whole thing seems sort of out of kilter since they didn't bother to inform you what kind of party it was. It would be different if every party was a swinging party, but when every other party you've been invited to there has been vanilla, then obviously that's what you are going to expect this time too unless told otherwise, which they evidently couldn't be bothered to do. Some people are like that though, just assuming everyone will take things in stride and be ok with it no matter what. Those type of people make me nervous...

 

Our house party experience is very limited, so no similar experiences there, but Mrs. cplnuswing has had a couple of times at swing clubs where an invitation from her to a single guy to dance obviously meant she was just dying to have his finger in her pussy about 20 seconds after stepping on the dance floor. So, moral of story is venue doesn't matter when it comes to dickish behavior.

 

When it's happened, I just heard about it after the fact. She would just push his hand away and tell him no, and they've listened, so she would just pull back some to put some space between them and go ahead and finish the dance. Brilliant move there dude...let's see, you went from some big ole titties pressed up against you while a pretty woman was dancing with you and chatting you up, and that might have led to an invitation to come back and sit at our table with us, which might have led to much more than that. Instead, you got an awkward junior high dance and then got to go back to the bar to sit there with the other single males the rest of the night (at this club single males are restricted to the bar area unless invited by and accompanied by a couple to go anywhere else in the club).

[Travelcpl 20]

Definite red card. Ejection.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

Opswingcpl, you handled it a lot more calmly than some would have. Kudos to you for how you handled it. As others have noted, the guy was way, way out of line.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

"Bad mood" would have been holding his head underwater until he drowned. I'd say, he got off easy.

[M1F2KTJ 470]

So we go to a party at some friends' house. They haven't been active in the lifestyle for a few years. So we were just expecting a vanilla party. We get there and there is alot of activity, which is fine. But not what we were expecting.

 

When you realized what kind of party it was you could have left. When you stayed it gave the people there the impression you were ok with playing.

[lcmim 1,008]

When you realized what kind of party it was you could have left. When you stayed it gave the people there the impression you were ok with playing.

 

We attend hotel parties. We know what is going on and what may happen if a connection is made. We are pretty far from the "signed release" approach with new acquaintances.

Still this guy could have spent the night shivering pants less in the cold. He is lucky that you showed restraint.

I had better manners and more success than he did when I was 16.

[Thegreyarea 99]

When you realized what kind of party it was you could have left. When you stayed it gave the people there the impression you were ok with playing.

So because they stayed they surrendered consent? Giving the impression you’re ok with playing is a far cry from just ignoring a basic rule of consent.

[Opswingcpl 18]

When you realized what kind of party it was you could have left. When you stayed it gave the people there the impression you were ok with playing.

 

We were ok with playing. Being ok with playing is not the same thing as being ok with playing with everyone at the party. It is not cool to start off an acquaintance by physically groping someone without consent. Especially someone you haven't ever met.

[padoc 1,696]

Don't give it a second thought. Your reaction to ill-mannered behavior was absolutely appropriate.

[Napoleon 232]

It's was wrong on his part, you did nothing wrong.

 

 

Funny how when men touch women without their verbal consent it's wrong to everyone, but when a woman touch men without their verbal consent it's "ok", and even if he calls her out on it he's an asshole to almost everyone for bursting her bubble.

[Fla-swing99 136]

Regardless of whether you go to a vanilla party or a LS party, our feeling is just because playing is going on around us does NOT automatically give anybody the right to assume we are fair game. No man should ever assume just because you are there and/or in the middle of a situation like that, that you are a willing participant. The respectful thing would be for him to ask if you mind. Even though there is lifestyle party or lifestyle people, there is STILL lifestyle etiquette to be respected. If a man did that to me without my permission or knowledge, I can assure you he'd have my fist in his face and then my husband's teeth in his hand. Nobody has the right to assume anything and/or put their hands on you without some kind of acknowledgement or acceptance by that person. You were not wrong at all and you did the right thing by trying to explain it to him.